A birthday celebration of a different kind

 This weekend we celebrated James 13th birthday. It was definitely not the usual kind of celebration.  We did not sing happy birthday and we did not play games. We gathered together so that the men in our special group of Christian families  could encourage James with some wisdom for life and we prayed for him.

Doug and I decided upon this idea around when James was born. Back then we read a great deal about children and one great book was Steven Biddulph - Raising Boys. He pointed out that many cultures have a marking of the shift from boyhood to manhood with a certain and sure mark and so we decided , way back then to give this idea some thought . The time between then and now has flown so quickly and so arrive at the dawn James adolescent years.

The families and their children all gathered and after a time we settled together, under the tree and we began. It was a rich and special time when these men after God's heart, shared wisdom and biblical truths and life challenges with James. Then we had a time where we could all pray for him.

The key things that stood out for Dougie and I were firstly the real community that God gives in his family. we are a group of different people with diverse cultural and family backgrounds. Here we were, all gathered in Jesus name to bless James. The rich love that these families shared with us and James in the things said, encouraged and offered was really a testimony to God at work in us all. It was beautiful and a real privaledge for Dougie and I to be a part of so much care and love.

Secondly the picture that was created by the men that spoke  drew for us a big picture of Gods wonderful work and the experience we have when we are called and live for him. One man spoke of God's word and the importance of that; another of keeping on in the faith and the support of others, of friends ; another spoke about the wisdom God gives in the world with words and ideas and yet keeping focused on living for him ; another spoke of relathionship with Jesus; and Hid daddy spoke of his character. What a rich and full, all inclusive picture these words of wisdom and truth created.

Thirdly we were encouraged by the common purpose we all had. Jesus! and from him flows all meaning , true freedom, real hope and purpose.

And so we contine to live out the gospel and pray for our James as he begins this next phase of his life. May God protect him and guide him and indeed be his all in all. 

Having a friend means being a friend

I am in the beginning stages of reading a few books on adolescence. I have found these, thus far , to be most helpful. In the one, Paul Tripp talks about being made to live in community. I just loved this chapter as it really resonates with the joy of being in community with Christians that I have experienced and enjoyed over the 20 something years that I have been a Christ follower. However, it would be untrue to say that being a part of christian community and fellowship does not come without its ups and downs and indeed its heart ache. I have come to realise too, as I have grown in Christian maturity and as I have grown in age ans through life experience, that who we are and how we respond to other people come from several sources.  Paul Tripp describes  , in his book " Age of Opportunity", that although God has made us and calls us to community and sets us the wonderful job or loving and serving others in community, that our sinful nature wars against us and actually rejects the idea of community. Rather we sit comfortably with the notion that we are the ones to be served. Then we bring our past experiences and childhood brokenness and disappointments to these relationships . Often unresolved issues around trust and honour and being vulnerable cause us not to love others as we aught. Then we bring expectations with us to these relationships and in so doing we set ourselves up for more disappointments.

God brings a shift in the idea of how relationships should work inside and outside the church. He calls us to put our self serving attitude , desires and motives to the side and he calls us to love others in the same way we would care for and look after ourselves. In other words other people should matter to us because people matter to God.

For various reasons I have struggled with some friendships over the years and I know I am being honest here. I have experienced great kindness and love from people when we lived in another country and were the outsider and I have experienced clicks , exclusive and unkind friendships. I believe that all people struggle with friendships on one level or another . I also know that God is involved in the messy business of relathionship including friendships. Because I am in a privileged position of enjoying good Christian Counsel on a regular basis and because I have chosen to go towards my brokenness and allow God to be the healer and builder  - the one who is changing me and helping me. I get the opportunity to discuss and work on my relationships in a very practical way with good sound advice. I know that we might need professional help so we can have Jesus healing. Jesus might need to heal so we can effectively love others from a place of wholeness and not from a place of brokenness.  I have come across many a person who lives in denial. "I am ok " they might say. " the things I endured have not really broken me". But I know that that can not be true. Out of deep brokenness we can not effectively love others. All we can do is "love" out of brokeness and this is bound to be messy and ugly.  Brave and courageous is the one who venturous out and gets help professional help. Brave and Courageous!!

 One of the things I have experienced is that it is far more precious to give than to wait and expect. What do I mean by this. Well, I sometimes find myself feeling sad because I am hoping that a good friend might initiate a date or invite me for tea or invite us as a family. I could find myself spiraling into a self-pitying frame of mind and begin to dislike and even withdraw from this particular friend. And Yet, if in that moment I choose to do things Gods way and with little or no expectations FOR myself, I ask the person out , well then all manner of blessings get poured out onto me. I get to be the one who is loving and in return God honours this and I am loved and built up by loving another. Our selfish desires may entice us and we may think we really need to be loved and cared for by others and in part we do but really, really there is great blessing and love to be had in loving others.

Of course we need to find a core of few good and trustworthy friends who can walk this life with us; loving us enough to say the hard things and loving us enough to rejoice in the good times and the triumphs. I am blessed to have a core few friends who are such gorgeous women. Good, godly counsel has helped me grow so I could identify this safe group of people. God generously and purposefully gave me to them and them to me. These sorts of friendship are based on mutual trust and honour and honesty.

A word on relationships that simply are not.  There will always be a handful of people who are takers. They are happy for you to always ask them around and to make all the effort in the relathionship. I think a good question to ask is how valuable a friendship is it to you. If it is than it is worth talking to the person about it but if not then I suggest you let the relathionship go. However, always holding a hand out loosely so that should the person need love, you might be willing to offer it. Always be willing to love.

Jesus is our ultimate and personal friend and if we accept his love he gave for us and too us by dying on the cross, then we can be in permanent and forever relathionship with The Living God. The most precious and beautiful relathionship of all and from it we are able to love those around us. The nice and not so nice. We are able to take our eyes off of our needs and truly, care about those whom God has placed in our paths. He is the giver of the gift of true friendship where people deeply care about each other.

Just a word about times of crisis. Life is full of struggles and suffering.  At these times the one in crisis is the one who really often can not give anything to anyone. It is God,s soothing balm to those in need when we gather as his hands and feet and minister to those in need. May I encourage you , dear reader, to really give to those in need. It might be a word of kindness or an act of kindness; a prayer of care or a welcome touch. People in crisis might not need you to fix things for them but rather to be a listening ear. Being a good listener is a real gift and can be a blessing to someone who desperately needs you. These little things hold enormous meaning for those who are struggling. Holding out Jesus to someone and reminding them of whose they are might seem like nothing to you but for the person who receives them, they could be the living water that their sad or sick souls longs for.

Never give up!! Love others because that is what God has made you for and called you too. He will honour your choosing to love others and not waiting to be loved in stead.



 

From Boy to Man.

 Tomorrow Morning James will be celebrating his 13th birthday. We are thrilled to be arriving at this particular stage in his life.

 As He journeys from boyhood towards manhood, through these years we call adolescence, we are excited to be sharing this with such a kind and caring boy.

 We are in the process of choosing a high school for him and it is all a little overwhelming and strange.  Passing children sipping cappuccinos at the local coffee shop is a far cry from the safe , predictable surrounds of primary school.  And yet I feel thrilled by the prospect of walking this walk with this fine young lad!!

 Happy Birthday dear first born son. May God bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you and may he give you his peace!!

Will you be my true and forever Valentine?

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Yes, it is that time again. Valentines day. I have one horrid memory and one glorious one I would like to share.

At our high school we had a system where students could buy red or white carnations for each other, at valentines day. If I am totally honest I was one of those who longed for someone to secretly admire me and buy me a carnation. As friends we bought each other one and my brother used to buy me one to. I am sure I received one or two red ones but I just remember the scary anticipation of seeing if I would be considered. Now I get that this , in part is because of my history around being loved etc but I would bet that many people feel a little like I did.

My other Valentines day memory is one that happened 13 years ago, today at around 6 o'clock.  While eating a valentines day dinner, at home with Doug, my waters broke and it was indeed time to give birth to our first child, a son. Little did I know that this glorious child would only be born on the 16th , but at that time, all the joy and hope and anticipation had come to this one point. Child Birth. 

I know many who say that Valentines day is all money making and that it is. But I like to swing another angle on it. In our home we like to celebrate love. Always !! and this is a day we focus on it. The love I am talking about is not necessarily romantic love although it is between Dougie and I but it is also the love I feel for my boys and the love God has lavished on us in his son Jesus. I always make something special and this year I used the remainder of the salt Dough from Tuesday's Kids@The Studio and made red hearts. They are not quite ready and thats ok. :) I bought the boys a heart chocolate for the lunches and have something in store for Dougie:)

I think I like to emphasis , for us, on this day, the love and hope we have in Jesus and really like to remind each other of what life is all about. Yes, it is hard to always act in a loving way towards fellow man and all the reality of life in this fallen world holds true for us too. But I just like to celebrate and take what the world has to offer and claim it back for ourselves in Jesus!!

Happy Valentines day. Know that you are loved by your creator and he showed you this by dying for you, in your place, on that cross. Trust him for his love and care for you. This is the true and only real forever valentine.

A World of Bodies at The Body World

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I was in the fortunate and unusual space with time to kill and some cash to spend... all on myself.  I have been wanting to visit the Body World exhibition currently on in Cape Town SA and so I seized the moment.  There were no queues and it was really not busy at all. 

I was not to sure about seeing the dead who were once living , in real life. The exhibition was very well put together. The information was all very interesting and informative and I learnt an enormous amount.  The disease in the body and the healthy life style thrust to the whole thing was very challenging. 

Highlights for me where the entire nervous system separated out and laid flat for careful study; the stages of gestation of a fetus; the beautiful network of capillaries which literally encapsulate the body; the clever and obviously real display of bodies in action; the interesting display showing famous artists and their eye denigration - what they saw as they painted as apposed to what was really being painted; the beautiful cross sections of the body which were in themselves works of art; the sizing of the organs and the influence of things like alcohol and smoking on them.

I loved the emphasis on life in the midst of death and of the hope of living healthily.

Most of all the whole exhibition, from the beginning to the end, points to the one who thought up, designed, created and sustains the human body. I left feeling that I had learnt something about the world we live. All glory to Jesus the maker and sustainer of life and indeed the giver of spiritual life to all who trust in him.

Wow!!

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.

139 O Lord, you have searched me and known me!

2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from afar.

3 You search out my path and my lying down

and are acquainted with all my ways.

4 Even before a word is on my tongue,

behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

5 You them me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

it is high; I cannot attain it.

7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?

Or where shall I flee from your presence?

8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

9 If I take the wings of the morning

and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

10 even there your hand shall lead me,

and your right hand shall hold me.

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,

and the light about me be night,”

12 even the darkness is not dark to you;

the night is bright as the day,

for darkness is as light with you.

13 For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

18 if I would count them, they are more than the sand.

I awake, and I am still with you.

19 Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!

O omen of blood, depart from me!

20 They speak against you with malicious intent;

your enemies take your name in vain.

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?

And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?

22 I hate them with complete hatred;

I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart!

Try me and know my thoughts!

24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting!