Threads expose themselves

 I have debated with myself if whether writing this post, is of any use. It is of use to me. 

It serves as a record lest I or those who come after me, forget. 

This post holds the countless stories exposed , although the details and truth of them must remain silent. Why? Because I hold my humanity as something sacred and refuse to become that which I abhor. It would be easy for me to explain the details. After all hardly anyone reads this blog. That is also ok. This is written down as a record. 

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” —Philippians 2:3

This is an interesting verse. It is one that I have seen in reverse action ,again and again as leaders from many different denominations jostled and continue to jostle and plot so that selfish ambition rules. 

Do these very same leaders who 'teach' Gods word not believe it themselves? 

We seem to see that they do not. 

• Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord (Psalm 40:4–5)
• 
  

Here is another verse to ponder.  Those who trust God are blessed . They are in a state of good. Is this simply a verse for the masses of is it one that leaders are to hold to, also? 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.[ - Proverbs 3

And here is another. 

Read for yourselves. The bible is full of these sorts of ideas. The bottom line is that a christian is to trust God through life's ups and downs and disappointments and joys because he has our everything in his control.  This is the broad brush stroke.  Is this a "teaching" for all christians or only for those who sit "under" the teaching? 

Sadly, this has not been the reality for many, many, many those who teach others the bible in many different denominational situations. Across the board. 

I can already hear the retort. People are sinners. People make mistakes. 

Stop. Just stop. This excuse for gross acts of ambition and in one case, the complete scuppering of a church process that was sanctioned because the person did not like the outcome and choice of leader - namely, it was not them. No. These are not mistakes. These are not just "sins" like we are all sinners so these acts fall under some kind of blanket , it is ok. 

This excuse for actions that damage processes and undermine people are not mistakes. They are wrong and people should be held to account. 

I continue to ask the question , " Do those who "teach" the bible actually believe it too?"

This question hangs in the air. 

2020 was an exposer. It exposed a great deal both within and out of church spaces. Many left churches because of the exposing. Some churches began some sort of transformations action , again and then shut it all down. These actions were all exposed . Seen by those who had a longing for real transformation in white church spaces. Many left because of this exposing. Young and old. White and black. Some have found new homes with new spaces to heal while others have not. Yes, they continue to follow Jesus but have simply grown a deep and justifiable distaste for organise church spaces. As have I. 

When we see we can not unsee. That which is exposed and revealed can no longer be covered. 

The stories within so many different denominations of churches in SA that ripple out and continue to ripple though they settle, is disturbing. t The transformation and more honest conversations and spaces created for people of colour to begin to share the story of what it is like , in reality, to be, live , work in white spaces gave a small glimmer of hope which has subsequently died. Whiteness exposed very soon covered over itself again to maintain the status Quo. Have there been changes? Yes, of course. Have these changes dismantled the system ? No. 

People of colour and Black people have continued to hope and have that hope crushed . The devastating nature of this truth is heavy.  South Africa's roots are racist and white supremacist. We all acknowledge that, surely. Is it so difficult to imagine that we, white people , continue to have these ideas in our thinking and that we need to acknowledge these and dig them out?  Is it? 

I rememebr one white person being so horrified that I had suggested that they could possibly be racist? Duh? What a very sad place to be.Of curse "WE " are racist. It was and continues to be the water we swim in. It is evil and wrong but we need to acknowledge that  it. 

* 

Yes, we belong to a small church community. Yes we love one another and there is so much to say about this new little space and how we try and mitigate the mess that churches created in many of the lives represented. But, I will not give myself to that or any space as in the past again. The great exposing in 2020 also revealed, along with my deep dive into theology ( explained in a previous post) that even church and the way we design this place IS theological. There are different ways of understanding what church is and how it functions well. The "suck the life out of you" way is no longer compelling. 

This is a deeper and bigger discussion which I am not aiming to do here. These posts are not to persuade the reader of the correctness of the theological way. That, dear reader, was the way of the old  theology and leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. This is simply a tiny record of something of the journey I have been on. It does not cover anything of all that happened, or all I read and listened to over these 7 years but it is simply a taste. It serves to reflect, to share, to answer myself in my own blog and to offer , for myself something of a journey of change, of growth, or dismantling and a walk towards restoring something that was , for me, unhealthy towards something really whole.