Rethreading

 

Igshaan Adams  is a contemporary South African 'thread' or weaving artist . They create instillation's and sculptures that are beautiful and meaningful.  

Thread was one the growing mediums of art in 2024. As we move towards a more machine learning future and whatever that looks like and feels like, the very essence of what makes us human is pushing back. 

Igshaan's work is often ordered and easy to engage with but sometimes it reflects the whirlwind and storm of our past and of our present. 

His work is quietly beautiful and I find myself sitting in front of it in meditation. The beads and threads carrying the eye through and under. 

Igshaan's whirlwind wire works reflect something of the process of thinking and rethinking. 

They bring a strange peace as if to say, "it is ok"

The process of unlearning and sitting in the discomfort of that space is painful and unsettling. 

Relearning and re ordering of old habits and ways of thinking takes time. This is especially true when thinking again about theology when the foundations of this old theology have been engrained, intentionally.  

This journey is  profoundly personal because  faith is, by nature,  deeply personal.  Faith informs everything.Well,it should do. It frames they way we show up in the world. It helps us to see what is important and who matters. It focuses our time, energy, love, money, joy and relationships. Re thinking how all these fit together and function is truly extremely difficult, to say the least. 

It has been lonely too. There is loss. There is a lot to loose when walking away from a community and especially a way of thinking about God and the world. Partly because , one of the key tenants of this theology is one needs to opt in, fit in, be in or you are out. Literally. OUT.  What one perceived as friendships and relationships were really something else. An illusion. A mist.  If you are reading this and thinking, "that can not be, surely there is more to this story?"  My friend, I can share countless stories of this exact same working out of faith communities. This very weekend friends told us of their church getting hold of them after they had not been to church for 4 years. Wow! 

I digress. 

The truth is, there are obviously aspects of being in this church space that we miss. I miss those very special people who we sat near each week and had some arbitrary chat about football of something. When a church communities way of being is framed around one aspect of theological importance, which is God's word, the Bible, and when the way or framing the bible ( theology) is being unpicked and unpacked, then this is the very part I do not miss. The faith community we were from arrogantly thought of itself as " handling God's word well" or the subtext was being the very best at understanding and delivering Gods word. So it is strange to not miss the 'teaching'. But I do not. 

  

 The journey of unpacking has been lonely at times.  Partly because God graciously allows each of us to journey in different ways to refind God.  Nearly all of the people I love dearly have, in some or other form, journeyed along these tracks , in one or another form. And so we continue to meet and talk and think and read. What a joy. I have a very dear friend who is studying theology in quite a different context and boy do we chew the fat. Another dear friend and I wrestle and laugh and are angry together over some of the oppressive things we believed and tried to live out, though painful and damaging. For theology does not simply remain in active. It works itself out in peoples lives and is either life giving or deeply harmful. Working through the damage and harm is and continues to be the most difficult thing for me personally. Layers upon layer. My dear sweet friends, I love you each one as you have walked and continue to walk  in love and honesty with me. I am also grateful for those few friends from my old faith space, who continue in there and have not written us off as " lost" or no longer christian. 

 I have also  met new people with fresh ideas and deep faith in Jesus. These dear ones have challenged so much of my thinking and fed so much more too. And then there are those who have written books and are active online who help those of us who are relearning to feel and know we are NOT alone.  The struggles are not the same but are often similar. The sadness at years seemingly ' wasted'  and  the losses  we have had to face as well as the fraught shame with which we view some of the old ideas we though were truth. 

And it is ok. 

It is ok to look at the bible with fresh eyes and see those things we have not seen before. 

It is ok to unlearn and rethink and to renavigate. It is all ok. 

A dear friend and the another  reminded me  that is is good to grow and change. And it is indeed. 

More and more I get to spend time with older people. Honestly, I am not really an old person , person but I am learning to be . 

My adult art class includes three delightful women in their 70's. What amazing people who share their stories and present struggles openly. We have wept together and are learning some new art theories, together. We talk and laugh. One of the things I so admire about these women, is their ability and desire to learn. 

Much like many artists I admire , including the amazing Georgia O Keeffe, who continued to paint into her very old age and when her eye sight grew dim, she took up pottery. 

Mindset and helping the every increasing aging body to stay " well oiled" is part of the story of growing old. What I want to commit to myself is to keep on listening, reading, learning and unlearning and learning again. 

Threads connect

 

In the wake of George Floyd's murder and #yousilenceweamplify in our Cape Town former model C and private schools, a group of us embarked on this deep dive into racism in our context and how to be people who fight against it both within ourselves and systemically too. 

The popular word for this is antiracist. 

We called ourselves The Meeting Room. 

For the last 5 years , we have been meeting together to talk, share, read, visit and be a community of women who love Jesus and love justice. 

For the first 2 years or so , we read Sharlene Swartz's , Another Country. This book was pivotal in setting the context of South Africa today within the history of our country too.  My friend Hayley and I facilitated this group and for these few years we ran monthly workshops linked to themes that the book sparked. We visited museums and restaurant's as well as invited guest speakers to run workshops too. This was designed to be a safe and precious brave space and has landed up being a community f women who encourage one another to keep going.  

There are many things I love about this group. One of them is their commitment to the process. This was NO small thing. We had some very difficult unlearnings to have and then we need ed to build a new way of seeing . In the beginning this was incredibly delicate and painful. I am in awe of these women. They kept showing up and kept  reading. They sat through the difficult truths and realisations. They kept on coming back. And slowly, change happened. We all grew in the understanding of our racist thinking and we all continued to unpick and unpack. It was rich and beautiful and reflected something of the work that could have been in many church spaces. We did it. I am super proud of this work and of these wonderful women. They are each a true hero. 

The space has changed and grown and we continue to meet and are reading some new books together. Conversations keep us going and challenged and include, often times the wider white supremacist framing world wide.  Looking back at some of the ideas we all held and how we have changed our minds n so many of these, I am really left feeling deeply privileged at this journey together. 

The difficult parts and times included some of the push back we received from christians. Go figure? If you spend any time with black people both in and out the church and listen with openness you will quickly see that this antiracist work is essential. It is fundamental. It is necessary. Claiming unity that does not exist and diversity that is full of token representation while whiteness lives on is blind, dishonest and dangerous. Rainbowism and "Christian unity" are cut from the same cloth. These are hopeful ideals for a future. I long for these too but they are simply NOT the present reality. They just are not. 

The Meeting Room recorded two or three seasons of a podcast by the same name. Check these out for some honest reflections in the post apartheid SA context. 

 

Threads expose themselves

 I have debated with myself if whether writing this post, is of any use. It is of use to me. 

It serves as a record lest I or those who come after me, forget. 

This post holds the countless stories exposed , although the details and truth of them must remain silent. Why? Because I hold my humanity as something sacred and refuse to become that which I abhor. It would be easy for me to explain the details. After all hardly anyone reads this blog. That is also ok. This is written down as a record. 

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” —Philippians 2:3

This is an interesting verse. It is one that I have seen in reverse action ,again and again as leaders from many different denominations jostled and continue to jostle and plot so that selfish ambition rules. 

Do these very same leaders who 'teach' Gods word not believe it themselves? 

We seem to see that they do not. 

• Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord (Psalm 40:4–5)
• 
  

Here is another verse to ponder.  Those who trust God are blessed . They are in a state of good. Is this simply a verse for the masses of is it one that leaders are to hold to, also? 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.[ - Proverbs 3

And here is another. 

Read for yourselves. The bible is full of these sorts of ideas. The bottom line is that a christian is to trust God through life's ups and downs and disappointments and joys because he has our everything in his control.  This is the broad brush stroke.  Is this a "teaching" for all christians or only for those who sit "under" the teaching? 

Sadly, this has not been the reality for many, many, many those who teach others the bible in many different denominational situations. Across the board. 

I can already hear the retort. People are sinners. People make mistakes. 

Stop. Just stop. This excuse for gross acts of ambition and in one case, the complete scuppering of a church process that was sanctioned because the person did not like the outcome and choice of leader - namely, it was not them. No. These are not mistakes. These are not just "sins" like we are all sinners so these acts fall under some kind of blanket , it is ok. 

This excuse for actions that damage processes and undermine people are not mistakes. They are wrong and people should be held to account. 

I continue to ask the question , " Do those who "teach" the bible actually believe it too?"

This question hangs in the air. 

2020 was an exposer. It exposed a great deal both within and out of church spaces. Many left churches because of the exposing. Some churches began some sort of transformations action , again and then shut it all down. These actions were all exposed . Seen by those who had a longing for real transformation in white church spaces. Many left because of this exposing. Young and old. White and black. Some have found new homes with new spaces to heal while others have not. Yes, they continue to follow Jesus but have simply grown a deep and justifiable distaste for organise church spaces. As have I. 

When we see we can not unsee. That which is exposed and revealed can no longer be covered. 

The stories within so many different denominations of churches in SA that ripple out and continue to ripple though they settle, is disturbing. t The transformation and more honest conversations and spaces created for people of colour to begin to share the story of what it is like , in reality, to be, live , work in white spaces gave a small glimmer of hope which has subsequently died. Whiteness exposed very soon covered over itself again to maintain the status Quo. Have there been changes? Yes, of course. Have these changes dismantled the system ? No. 

People of colour and Black people have continued to hope and have that hope crushed . The devastating nature of this truth is heavy.  South Africa's roots are racist and white supremacist. We all acknowledge that, surely. Is it so difficult to imagine that we, white people , continue to have these ideas in our thinking and that we need to acknowledge these and dig them out?  Is it? 

I rememebr one white person being so horrified that I had suggested that they could possibly be racist? Duh? What a very sad place to be.Of curse "WE " are racist. It was and continues to be the water we swim in. It is evil and wrong but we need to acknowledge that  it. 

* 

Yes, we belong to a small church community. Yes we love one another and there is so much to say about this new little space and how we try and mitigate the mess that churches created in many of the lives represented. But, I will not give myself to that or any space as in the past again. The great exposing in 2020 also revealed, along with my deep dive into theology ( explained in a previous post) that even church and the way we design this place IS theological. There are different ways of understanding what church is and how it functions well. The "suck the life out of you" way is no longer compelling. 

This is a deeper and bigger discussion which I am not aiming to do here. These posts are not to persuade the reader of the correctness of the theological way. That, dear reader, was the way of the old  theology and leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. This is simply a tiny record of something of the journey I have been on. It does not cover anything of all that happened, or all I read and listened to over these 7 years but it is simply a taste. It serves to reflect, to share, to answer myself in my own blog and to offer , for myself something of a journey of change, of growth, or dismantling and a walk towards restoring something that was , for me, unhealthy towards something really whole. 

Family threads

 I wrote a great deal, over the years , about our family. Of course I did. Who would not have. The long pause has created a space where they have each been suspended in time , as they were when I stopped writing. I want to write a little about what each is up to at present and also what their journey to this point was. 

These are broad brushstrokes of a mother  and from a mothers perspective and are in now way the full story. That story belongs to them.  

James is 25 years old and is finishing up his masters in engineering at UCT. This is his marvelous girl friend Toni.  They are super sweet together and really bring out the best in one another. 

Sam, below is finishing off his degree at Film school - AFDA. He is flourishing and blooming in all things film and sound. A world of this art is opening up to us all.  

Thomas and Jethro below. Tom is 24 and Jet is 19. Thomas is finishing off his honours year at Michaelis school of fine art at UCT. He no longer lives at home and we love that he is flying but miss him deeply. 

Jethro is at UCT in his first your of computer business studies. He completed his high school at the marvelous and wonderful Cedar House and Jet has an extraordinary group of wonderful friends. We are all richer for having them in our lives. 

Thomas has a marvelous girl friend , Nina and we adore her too. This is a photo , taken with all those whom we love and are dear to us. We are missing a few of course. Christmas gift 2024 - family cooking class. 

Tom, Doug, Jet, Eden, Pete, Sophie, Sam, James, Toni and at the front, Nina. 

The path that these young people are on is rich and diverse and full. My mom heart is truly delighted by each on and they joy that is unfolding as they live. 

Threadbare

 

The Genocide in Gaza continues. We are the witnesses to this horror. Today in Cape Town , is yet another march. It calls for the end of this awful , awful killing of men, women, children, babies and the aged. Entire family's have been killed.  And as we plan and set aside this time , again, Benjamin Netanyahu speaks with his lying tongue, at the UN.  The threads are laid bare. The foundations of hope and collective working that is the UN are threadbare.  Israel should be expelled and this man should be arrested. There is an international arrest warrant for his arrest, after all. 

This is a frightening moment in time. International law is being pushed to its limit as the country of Israel defies it again and again and indeed again. What does this mean for citizens of the world who rely on this same law for protection. What does it mean when we are these people? 

Doug and I have been attending these marches from before October 7th 2023. The Apartheid state of Israel has been killing Palestinians from before October 7th. The marches were small and , in the Cape Town context, largely muslim people. We were really often the only white people who showed up. This has changed. Today we will be joining a great deal of South Africans in Cape Town from all spaces and all colours. This genocide has drawn people in to this story and opened the eyes of the blind. South African Christians for a Free Palestine will be there too. 

Israel survives only because of the USA.  Let that sink in. Trump, the president of the US at this time can stop all this. Right now. Trump's latest boast is that he will not allow the annexation of the West Bank. This is laughable because  Israel IS annexing the West Bank and has been for years. But, he actually CAN stop it and sto all these horrors. 

Trump could really change this present story in Gaza and the West Bank , today. This truth weighs very heavily on me as I write it down. What kind of people do not use their power to bring about peace? This very same Trump who swayed and spoke and enjoyed the MAGA/christian memorial of Charlie Kirk a few days ago. Don't misunderstand me. This is not a TRUMP issue except for the fact that he is in power now. The democrats were just as wicked with regard to Gaza and the Palestinians and The West Bank. 

Today we march because it is what we can do now. We continue to listen and watch and pray for the Global Samud Flotilla as they journey towards peril with hope. 

This is quite a time to be alive. 

Threads drawn taught

 

 Samud means steadfast or perseverance. It mens staying firm on the path. This flotilla is made up of more that 50 shipswith citizens from 44 coutries, including our very own South Africa. 

https://freedomflotilla.org/ here is a link to the Freedom Flotilla website for more information. 

https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/9/1/the-global-sumud-flotilla-to-gaza-everything-you-need-to-know-2

All you need to know about the Freedom Flotilla is found in the link above.  

Yesterday I listened to a small panel discussion which included some citizens from the Samud Flotilla and Francesca Albanese, the UN special Repertoire to Palestine. It was honest and reflected the many similar discussions I have attend myself be it around transformation or discussions where people are trying to strategies as they speak truth to power. There were 2 take aways. These activists are just ordinary people. Taking such a dangerous, and it is extremely dangerous , journey is not anything they thought they would every do. Their purpose is single mindedly to highlight the desperate situation of the trapped, staved and continuously murdered, Palestinians in Gaza AND to deliver some humanitarian aid. Baby formula is one of the these much needed items. Israel doe not allow and has not allowed baby formula in to Gaza . Lactating mothers, who themselves have no food, can not produce milk to feed their little ones. This is by design. 

The second thing that struck me was their peace. Yes, they are afraid yet determined. But their peace is not simply for themselves, they are literally sailing in peace. They are not armed. They are simply sailing with much needed help. 

This is not the first Flotilla and if you read above you will see the response of Israel has been direct and illegal in all of these  previous attempts. We have seen the last 2 flotilla crew being arrested and taken off their boats into Israel . 

This time , Israel has upped their game of brutality. Firstly, their propaganda machine has kicked into action and labelled the Flotilla as, wait for it, Hamas funded.  With that out of the way they are" free' to act without any restrictions from world leaders and while breaking all international maritime law. And they have begun.  

When people speak truth and act in alignment with this truth , the powerful come out to destroy. I am no Tucker Carlson fan but I did find it interesting that he said this very thing at Charlie Kirks very public and clearly Christian Nationalist memorial. When Jesus spoke truth to power, the powerful killed him. Again and again we see this pattern throughout history. 

These ordinary , organised, brave citizens of earth are sailing towards an uncertain but certain evil response. They sail on with steadfast perseverance. 

When threads are frayed

 

What of Palestine? What of the unfolding Genocide of the Palestinians in Gaza 2025, by Israel? What of the complicit , silent church? Where do I place myself as I look to follow Jesus into the chaos of death and carnage. Everything the wholistic gospel demands is destroyed in this 41km-12km space. While people are trapped and starved, Jesus says, " when you fed the least of these, you fed me." 

"It is complicated", many say. " You do not know the history." and " I know someone who lives there and they told me...." People said all these very same things of Apartheid South Africa as crimes were being carried out on the humanity of black South Africans. 

Broadly the evangelical church remains silent. Perhaps a prayer is offered for peace but little else. South African Christians for a Free Palestine has been birthed. Better late than never. We argue, discuss and read. We think and plan and protest. We pray and act.Act and pray. We laugh and weep together as we stand together and call for an end to this genocide. 

We wait. 

The story of the church and its understanding or stance on Israel and the Palestinians has definite theological roots. Depending on how the bible narrative of Israel in the bible  and the land of today's Israel is viewed will depend on where you land and who you defend or support. 

For me, I came to this story of Christ as an activist first and upon finding few that were fellow activists, I navigated this world from a different place. A place that calls injustice injustice . A place where my faith has collided in welcome. It is simple. Oppressing people is wrong. It is unjust and , in this case illegal. Yes, I have read and talked and read and listened to the history of the story of the founding of Israel as a nation state. All of this was and remains wrong. And here we are. people being slaughtered as I write and Israel and its compatriots freely joining in. History will judge you harshly. 

Free Palestine!

Threads pulled forward

https://youtu.be/5EDKRGkgLsI 

There are these moments in time that are dials or hinges. History turns on that point. June 16th 1976  and the Soweto Youth Uprising was one such turning point. Before that was the Sharpville Massacre of 1960. 

As I have shared in the other posts on this topic, George Floyd's murder was another dial. It was also a great exposer of where people in South Africa stood on the discussion of institutional racism and what they were prepared to do about it. The shooting of Charlie Kirk, the 31 year old conservative Christian politician has proven to be another dial. One that exposes a great deal of what people think about all sorts of things from what free speech is ; what being a christian is; what " mistakes" people are willing to overlook for the bigger project;  what church in service of empire looks like; what people think racism is and much more. In the South African context the white church is divided . Those who believe Kirk was a saint, a legend, a hero, a leader and martyr and those who think he is a person who sowed hate and division and who was white supremacist's in the outworking of his faith and therefore racist's. 

We land here again. What is racism? How does it work out in reality in the lives of individuals and systems? How do we fight it? what is equality? How do we live out our lives as citizens of this world as we call ourselves Christ Followers ? These are huge questions . They are questions that have deep meaning and impact on the lives of those who are recipients of racism, whether we acknowledge racism as something or not. 

South African Christianity has proved yet again , to be firmly linked and rooted in the original colonised version of itself . The roots are rotten . It matters not what black people say out loud or to one another about their experiences, white supremacist thinking fights to maintain the status quo. It finds those black voices who are willing to support the very same status quo, sadly and holds those up as proof that racism is dead and unity in the church is reality. It is not. 

Christian Nationalism, as argued by Chris Hedges in the video above, is unfolding itself to the climax in the context of the USA. We, in South Africa have seen this playbook before. Apartheid was rooted in the same said Christian Nationalism. Church in service of empire. The roots were not pulled out and remained to bloom again. 

Where is Jesus in all this? 

I suspect he is busy on the margins where the powerful seldom glance. 

Threads laid bare

 

When the roots are rotten, the whole tree suffers.

History and Christianity can not be unlinked in the present by simply ignoring or glossing over the past. 

The roots of a movement inform the position and formation of the movement in the present and in the case of the church in the South African context, this is certainly true. 

The story of the church in South Africa is rich and wide. Most South Africans would claim christianity as their faith although we are a pluralistic country where ALL religions have equal rights under the law. The formation of colonial South Africa under the directorship of first the Portuguese ( briefly) and then The Dutch and British Colonizers was strongly and purposefully linked to Christianity. The Isiphambano walk in Cape Town telling the story f the history of the church is awful and wonderful at the same time. 

Apartheid was interlaced and interconnected with Christianity as the reason for this evil regime and the outworking of the crimes against humanity .  Christian Nationalism. 

The church in South Africa, as much as having this oppressive version of itself embedded, unfolding alongside and in opposition to the oppressive version was the liberating gospel and activism of the awakened church. The Archbishop Desmond Tutu and his life work as a Christ follower, stands as an example of and reflection of Jesus in South Africa. 

Anthony Balcomb's work From Apartheid to dispensation: evangelicals and the democratization of South Africa looks at 5 responses of evangelical church's in SA, both during Apartheid and then in 1994. 

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/233602616_From_Apartheid_to_the_New_Dispensation_Evangelicals_and_the_Democratization_of_South_Africa1

When roots are rotten AND when roots as rotten are not acknowledged , owned and dug up, nothing new and fresh or really deeply "rooted" in anything vastly different can grow. 

Locating ourselves in the story of the history of South Africa is key to walking forward with justice and humility and affording dignity to all people. This locating takes hard work and time and is in essence a life undoing and unlearning of all that was ground into us as South Africans in the context we find ourselves in.  Plastering bible verses and platitudes in the hope that these form some kind of reality was and continues to bare little fruit at all. 

And so, after 22 years of " belonging" to a church in Cape Town South Africa, and after writing an honest reason reflecting all that I have written about , Doug and I left our church . We had one thing to guide our new church decision - we wanted to be at a church where the leadership was wholly and authentically black lead. Why did we make tis decision? What happens in white lead churches in the SA context, is that black leaders are brought on to staff. The leadership "looks" or seems as if it is diverse and reflective of the South African population. However , in reality, these churches reamil white lead and white fed. True transformation must mean that black voices are absolutely heard and equal in leadership. Many congregations may look incredibly diverse but the leadership is the key. It is very much a problem reflected in any organisation in South Africa, including schools, tertiary institutions and business. This is such a huge topic and I have really only brushed at it here. 

We began that place within a student church linked to UCT and it is a beautiful, fun and young space. We were the oldest people there. Lol. 

For various reasons we are no long at this church largely , as I began with, theologically ( we had yet to define this as a stumbling block ) and so we are at present in a small church called Ubhuko  Bakhe. 

There continues to be much to unpack of  theological unearthing of the old and the relaying of the new. This is painful and very difficult as you might imagine.  However, it is more painful to be in a church space where every Sunday is a struggle with the message. 

The Very Good Gospel keeps blooming and redirecting what Jesus hopes for us as his followers in this preset context of Cape Town in South Africa 2025. With our fellow sojourners, we struggle on. This path is full of the richness that comes from building bridges and having very honest conversations. It allows for  the many threads of unanswered questions to dangle and be. It is less certain but more full. It engages with people who think differently faith with with deep respect and creates spaces and places that are open and for the flourishing of all people NOW.  

Truthfully, in this holistic Gospel I have found many of my nagging questions answered and more than that built onto. In other words, to live a life of deep purpose and meaning NOW for others and less self focused. This is the shaping of Jesus. This gospel in not only the individual , me and my God gospel but if is bigger and broader and holds within it  the reality of systems and communities. It is not liberation theologist thinking, where those folks landed up believe that everything God does to fix the world happens now. But rather it holds the space that lands somewhere in-between the two notions of saved now for heaven and all is healed now. The gospel is shalom and flourishing and abundance not only for me and my little world but for everyone. 

I am grateful for the theology of those who seek to grapple with what it really means to be a citizen of earth AND a christian. My faith has a thickness  now and diggs into a depth I did not think possible. 

" Shalom is what the kingdom of God smells like. It is what the kingdom looks like and what jesus requires of the kingdoms citizens. It is when everyone has enough. it is when families are healed. It is when shame is renounced and inner freedom is laid hold of. It is when human dignity, bestowed by the image of God in ALL humanity is cultivated , protected and served in families, faith communities and schools and throughout public policy. Shalom is when the capacity to lead is recognised in every human being and and when nations jon together to protect the environement. " - The Very Good Gospel. Lisa Sharon Harper. 

" At it's heart the biblical concept of shalom is about God's vision for the emphatic goodness of all relationships. " 

Walter Bruggemann - " The vision of wholeness, which is the supreme will of the biblical God, is the undergrowth of a covenant of shalom in which people are bound not only to God but to one another in caring, sharing, rejoicing in community with none to make them afraid" 

This vision is not simply and only spiritual but encapsulates ALL of life for all people. 

https://www.ssu.ca/goodonwoodpodcast/episode/edde3bcf/desmond-tutu-laughing-in-the-face-of-empire-w-rev-rene-august-and-rev-edwin-arrison

When you pull on a thread

 

When you pull on a thread, everything comes undone. 

For a year, during lockdown, I was privileged to be studying in a group looking at what the bible has to say about Justice. Isiphambano no longer exists, another victim of Covid financial struggles, which is very sad. 

During that year, I met wonderful people who were asking similar questions of our faith journeys and we grappled together . There was so much reading and writing  to be done and we began with locating ourselves in the faith story of our country. 

One of the readings we had was from Sharlene Swartz book, "Another Country"

This part of the story intersects with a whole other part of what was unfolding for a group of friends who were in a weekly bible study group, and had been for several years. 

Another piece of this story unfolds. 

George Floyds death sparked a world of conversation about racism in the South African context. 

At schools, work places and reluctantly, in church spaces too. I our little weekly group something was about to unfold. 

In this group of predominately white women, were few people of colour. In a whatsap relating to #yousilenceweamplify in the school space, someone asked a question about how Black people and POC feel in white spaces. This questing was directed at THIS bible study group space and was met, not surprisingly , by silence.  And so began a rich , challenging and painful journey. 

My dear friend Hayley and I created a group called The Meeting Room and we , bravely or stupidly, along with the brave women who opted to join this very difficult conversation in a brave and safe space, embarked on a community journey which continues, though in a smaller form. to this day. 

We met monthly and we read Sharlene Swartz's book together. 

I will be forever grateful for these brave women and this wonderful , easy to read book that helped us all unpack and unfold and unpick the wrong way we thought and rebuild a more deep and authentic way of engaging with our context of South Africa and Cape Town  as followers of Christ. 

Many threads were pulled and unraveled or exposed the inherent threading but new, stronger and more colourful threads were found and continue to be woven. 

More threads unravel

 I have embarked on this epic work of trying to record my story of the unraveling of aspects of my faith journey and it is a really huge work to tackle. A story as many threads and many parts to it. These pieces all slot together in what some call synchronicity and others providence. The story of the unraveling did not begin in Covid or lockdown or with George Floyd's murder or even the reigniting of the conversation of racism in our own country and city . It had, for me begun at the very beginning of my faith journey in these particular theological waters, I just did not know it yet. 

The way we approach and understand the bible as Christ followers, is all about theology. Theology is the way we understand and the study of God and beliefs as found in the bible or " the word of God". Theology is not restricted to Christianity, but for the purposes of this story, I am using it in the realm of Christianity. 

The particular Christian place and space a person belongs to, will be informed by theology and the practice and understanding of how and why Christians use the bible to inform life is all part of particular way of understanding and reading the bible. I can not tackle this topic in any depth nor do I want to except to tell my story. 

The way we read and understand the bible; the parts we leave out and emphasize will be influenced or rather undergirded by theology. The church space that my faith as a follow f Christ was formed and molded in, was  of a theological practice that holds that the way the bible is read, interpreted and understand in life IS the only way that the bible is to be read and understood and practiced. There is no other way. I believed this too. 

As I write this next sentence, I know that those who read this AND who continue in this way of thinking about the bible, will judge me to be " no longer in Christ" and the like. Just pause for a moment and re read this sentence. Yho. It holds a lot. 

I assure you that whatever you may think, I continue to be safe in the arms of Jesus. 

However, I no longer hold to this way of thinking about the bible. My theology has shifted. And that is ok. 

When one comes to a certain and certain way of looking at  the bible, for those who do not know, what happens is that a list of popularly held or authorized teachers of the same kind of theology are encouraged. Depending on the narrowness of the particular theology,  there will be some on the edge of this "list" that are a little "dodgy".  What is not shared is that there is a whole world of people, writers, preachers and the like, who love Jesus and who hold really different ways of understanding the bible. 

This realization was solidified in Covid. The time we had in lockdown, meant for me, a shrinking of my art classes and an opening up of a space where for the entire year I spent time exploring and reading different people. The space created and directed by Isiphambano and their years course Jesus and Justice , was indeed that space. It was marvelous, rich, challenging and life changing. The many, many questions I had on Justice and Jesus and many more were opened and discussed with other Christ followers who were also asking these questions.  This course changed everything. I met Rene Padilla and Ecuadorian theologian ; The Black Theology of James Coen ; The revolutionary idea that the bible had anything to say about poverty, history and how we are to engage as citizens NOW was profound and beautifully liberating. We looked everything from many angles and read many different ideas on , as an example Missiology 9 The study of religious missions, methods and purpose) . Can you see how vast this course was and how earth shatteringly wonderful. 

I remember feeling deeply let down. What we believe  is so central to our being. It shapes everything. I came to the realisation , that the theological world of my faith formation was not the whole story. That was huge. 

The bottom of my world had been pulled out. 

Who or what would hold? 

 

As Threads unravel

 A story can be told from many perspectives. I will begin this one in Covid but in reality it began at the beginning. Threads is the theme of my blog and there are many threads that are pulled together as there are many that are torn apart.  Lock down was a very strange time. In many ways, for us as a family, it was a welcome time of us being a family. A time of rest but also stress. Doug went into Covid without a job and all the leads and hopes shriveled up because of, well, Covid. For, me, Lockdown afforded some time to read and think. 

 I need to rewind a little here.  On the 25th May, George Floyd was killed by a police officer in the state of Minnesota. This murder had a ripple effect on the world and South Africa, for obvious reasons was included in the reach. In the city of Cape Town we had our very own #yousilenceweamplify evolve as a direct result of the murder of George Floyd. Race and racism was back in focus and people were talking, sharing, arguing as well as asking questions. It felt like a window of opportunity had opened. Many people stepped through it and good came from that. 

Public spaces including schools and workspaces were discussing racism in their contexts. In some of the traditionally white run churches the topic of racism in churches was also put on the agenda. Public talks were shared, stories told and books were read. This seemed all good. And, some of it really was. But, what this moment in time very viscerally revealed , was the real and powerful desire and ability for those in powerful positions to shut down these discussions , at any point. To claim, " We have had the conversation and therefore to maintain the status quo. This is exactly what happened in my church space.  

The why and the what and who really do not matter. The truth is, that the church desperately needed and continues to need to have this very difficult and honest conversation with itself. Tragically , this is not a priority for many churches. It just is not. 

Both Doug and I have shared too many conversations and seen too many ways that the result of the lack of tackling this head on, has played out. I am not going to write about these here as they are the stories that belong to others, but they are just too many and continue to this day. 

Racism is evil. It has real life implications on and for people and it is destructive by nature. Christians who are big on the concept of sin, here this.  Racism is a sin.  More than that, the church, for all its good, continues to be racist. Because it fails to show up and dig into what this looks like in 2025 South Africa, Christians continue to be racist too. Does this sound offensive?  Well, let me be as bold as to say, this is part of the problem. 

South Africa's roots are slavery, colonization and Apartheid.  Deeply racist and white supremacist. This is sadly our collective  heritage and the truth is that 1994 democracy could not , like the flick of a switch, dig up these roots. It just could not and did not. Christians understand that , the mind is the place of renewal and therefore change. If the mind of racist thinking has not been dug up and " renewed" then change has not happened. 

Therefore, those white people , with eyes to see, have seen this play out again and again. To our shame. 

Did we speak out? The answer to this is yes. There is not much more to say here. We tried in a multiple ways and times. I feel myself growing really weary and deeply sad, as I write this down. My bones feel weighed down. My heart is broken. Not for me. But for my fellow human. The person who day after day has to live in the water that just does not see or understand the hurt we, white people perpetuate. 

I will leave it here for now. 

  

Threads Unravel

 "There is a lovely road that runs from Ixopo into the hills. These hills are grass covered and rolling, and they are lovely beyond any singing of it. " Alan Paton. Cry the Beloved Country

In Standard 8 , Grade 10 today, our English class read Cry the Beloved Country. It was 1985 in Johannesburg, South Africa. We were in the death throws of Apartheid, although we did not know it. This beautiful book formed part of my own journey of awakening , of becoming conscious or what we now call " woke" and ,let me be very clear IS a reality. I still have my copy of this book , covered in plastic and inscribed with the date 1986. It was a gift from my dearest friend , Katie. 

 

I begin this post with this little piece above because my deep love for my country South Africa and my realization, as a child and then teenager, that something was terribly wrong, bore within me the activist that I am today in my 50's. 

When I came to faith in Jesus,  I knew nothing about being a Christian but I did know that something was very wrong in this land. The faith "home" I landed in held a lot of things. But what it did NOT hold was any firm understanding or action on this one, terrible and fundamentally important life issue. 

Something was terribly, terribly wrong in this country.

I concluded that, Christians did not care about justice and about what was happening in South Africa in the 1980 and 1990. Yes, they would pray but largely , except for a few precious people, who I still know and love, there was a real lack of understanding, care and action. In fact, it solidified it. There were often glimmers of hope or realizations but these never amounted to any real change. more about this in another post.  

Somehow , I reconciled this as what being a "Christian" was. 

The next 20 odd years in that same murky water , did very little to change this notion. 

It is very difficult to for me to write about my faith and the unraveling of it without speaking about the experience of Christianity that I had. It is impossible. I will, however ,  aim to do this without naming any church or specific denomination or people. 

'The scriptures are not silent on structural and systemic sin. The bible overflows with Gods responses to poverty, oppression and governance. " Lisa Sharon Harper. The Very Good Gospel

Little did I know that God has a great deal to say to Christians about injustice in the world. More than that, he invites us to act. These posts are the story of how the begin of my faith journey above and my now faith journey found one another. 

 

 

Threads

I have not written on this blog for a very long time. 

When I think about all the many changes in our lives and what to say, I guess I have been avoiding trying to tackle any of this here. 

I am working through a delightful book, "The Artists Way" , A spiritual path to higher creativity by Julia Cameron. It is an old book, at least 30 years old, but it really holds a great deal within its pages. as I draw to the end, I feel creatively more confused that certain and that is a really good thing for now. 

This morning I read her words in the final chapter that really jarred. 

" Our truest dream for ourselves is always God's will for us," highlighting the connection between aligning our inner desires and divine purpose to foster creativity and faith. The chapter, "Recovering a Sense of Faith," emphasizes that the creative process is one of surrender, not control, and requires trusting that our deepest aspirations originate from a divine source.  

Why was this jarring?

It flies in the face of everything I was taught about myself and who God is. 

Thinking about this and how see myself  spurred me on this morning to  tackle this blog. 

I  spent some time renaming it. I like it. It reflects more realistically where we are. 

This is more honest and is one of the things that has shifted for me.

How do we reflect more realistically , Gods love of us, if we create these unreachable

 facades of what is?

Our children are grown up and no long the little boys in these pictures. 

We are  all and each on a journey. Walking on the path before us. 

These paths have brought such delight and surprise. 

 For some who read this , this will mean I have "lost" my faith in Jesus. To the contrary, I am discovering who he really is. 

It has no small thing to find yourself rethinking many of the foundational  faith ideas

and it is easy to toss out than to rebuild. This is particularly so when coming from the a strongly "certain" based, fear creating faith with very narrow parameters. 

I continue to wrestle with many of the old ideas that were drilled into us. 

I will share why I believed these ideas so deeply and readily too. 

I will hopefully get to share some of these with  you , readers, over the next while. 

For the many who have experienced much of what I will write about in the coming pages, you are not alone. Sadly, but not surprisingly. some have no faith in Jesus anymore.  To those I continue to journey with, you are beautiful and true. 

I am so grateful for the many Christ followers, who have encourage me . There are countless. Many may not even know who they are but I acknowledge you . 

Let me begin.