Digging beneath each thread

 Imagine if your life, beliefs and existence was reduced to headlines and comments. Imagine if something huge had happened to you, possibly the greatest action ever AND a world first and you were boxed by headlines and comments. 

This is , of course , something that happens on a daily bases to those who reach the headlines at all. But it is worth a little thought and a pause when we consider the newly appointed Archbishop of Canterbury, the first women to take on this position, ever.  The year is 2025.  In the early 1900 , women in Britain fought for the rights of women to be able to  vote. Interesting is it not that the public actions of the Suffragette movement, created awareness significantly enough that this essential right was won. Women were allowed to be elected as members to parliament in 1928.  This Archbishop of Canterbury will be the first women to do this again , as Archbishop, in 2025. 

As I scanned the headlines and comments sections of the stories or statements given about Sarah Mullally, appointment, it struck me how each one framed her appointment . 

" Sarah Mullally becomes first women Archbishop of Canterbury amid ongoing Anglican disputes over same sex marriage"   

" Nigerian Anglican communion opposes leftward drift ....."

" First female Archbishop criticized for being pro-abortion..."

'Historic Archbishop appointment divides Anglicans"

" Conservatives church group condemns the choice...."

" Women named as first Archbishop..."

"First women archbishop .... can't preside over communion of hundreds of churches" 

" Appointment of New Archbishop continues the tragic slide into irrelevances" 

Scathing in general and very painful to digest. I find the framing and wording issued by many who object and reject her appointment deeply problematic. These views clearly do not reflect my own as a follower of Jesus and nor, do I believe , they reflect the heart and purpose of God and the church. 

" Patriarchal interpretations of the bible fail to start at the beginning. " Lisa Sharon Harper , The Very Good Gospel . Do I think this is purposeful? If I am honest, yes. 

Beth Alison Barr's book is a beautiful unpacking of this story. I am not going to write about this book here but except to say, read it. And not with the mind to critic it but to learn from it. 

 The most infuriating thing is that the excluding and demeaning of women to the notion of equality in roles h seeks to exclude half  humanity represented  in the church. Women are thought of as different and other in this  patriarchal view of the bible. Just look at the framing of the headlines and a brief scanning of the articles in question.  

But who exactly is   this new archbishop? 

Who exactly is Sarah Mullally? This for me is the question. What does she think, breath , desire and work for ? 

Lets hear from her should we? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVKmd4xulDc

The history of the Church Of England with regard to women is very interesting and is upacked helpfully in this quick video below. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uE5BdB7hJ08

I listened to a conservative reform view of this appointment which I am not sharing here.It was very revealing.  woman in this important church leadership position was extremely revealing. The minister came across as caring less about the new archbishop being a woman and  more about her views on gender # Queerness  and, of course, the old nemesis ,  abortion.  I think he was not entirely honest here because it is precisely because a woman has been appointed to this position that they fear what follows on. For, a conservative reform woman would never put her hand up for such a "role" she understands here place.  Interestingly , this is what 2 ministers in the SA context have said out loud. Here is the paraphrase of both. - We can't ordain women. It is a slippery slope and the next thing we will be allowing "gays" in.  I will pause here for a moment for the reader to digest this. 

The church claims NOT to be a political beast but when we scratch a little of the surface or when a women is selected for such a powerful position we forget all the "for such a time as this" stuff and see how truly political the church is. We also see the very essence of reform theology exposed. 

The notion that God has spoken and does speak and will speak into the future - in exactly the same way for all people over all the world at all times in the same way makes no sense at all. This is about theology which I have explored I previous post on Threads. But it is also about emphasis. Where do I, as a Christ follower who reads the bible in a very small and systematic way put my focus? 

For some reformers it is on Gods wrath and judgement with a shake of his love and for others it lands more heavily on the love of God. Even this subtle emphasis will influence how faith works out in life. 

Of course I am giving a small taste of a much  larger conversation but it is THE  conversation for the a part of the  church in 2025. Notice what is missing from this conversation? Issues of  justice and injustice; how the powerful rule; what  poverty looks like in 2025 including - homelessness, the aged , food security and sovereignty  and all this without stepping towards the important issues of   racial inequality, racism, restitution and land. What of climate change and climate migration? What about systems that are failing us or corrupting .   What about GBV. These important issues and they  are no where to be seen. These issues are absent from the churches agenda despite the obvious nature of these playing out in the world. The "simply" or simplified  gospel will work no matter the issue is the thinking. Simply tell people about Jesus and their need for him and changed lives will solve all issues.  Unless, of course,  it is gender and queerness or ,  abortion AND both of THESE issues begin and end with the ordination of ..... women. The slippery slope.  The ridiculousness all of this is glaringly evident even as a write these words down. 

 It would seem that there are 2 completely different churches and two completely different purposes or understanding of the church. One that is eating itself from within over cultural issues like to queer people have a place in Gods kingdom on earth, as queer people and should women be given equality, true equality under it's roof .  It is easy to see how the reform church people loved and followed  the figure of Charlie Kirk. He represented their narrow selective culture "war" issues. The things that have been chosen as the church's foundational gospel issues, for now AND on which they can easily "discern" and mold  who is a "real' christian and who is not. 

I still my anger and cynicism of church as an institution with the reminder that God loves people. That he does.  Christian people may not show to people but that does not change the truth that God does love people. The outcast and marginalised . Those who are powerless. I do believe that Sarah Mullally is placed " for such a time as this"  

Gender threads

It is with deep sorrow and yet not surprise that I read the following message from this denomination in SA

South Africa, after a friend sent it my way. Why am I sharing this or even feel the need to comment on such a statement? This is indeed the question. I think it is in part because for years and years , I too sat "under" this diabolical and oppressive way of viewing life with Jesus and feel so angry and sad for all the thousands and thousands of people who somehow think that this way of seeing  gifted women leaders is the way God wanted people to live out life on this earth. The church, in this framing , is not a place for women to fully flourish and be who God has made them to be. What we find is that these gifted women find homes in leadership outside the church where they can fully flourish and live authentically. How sad is this. How sad too is it that men , in these spaces, continue to surrender to the patriarchal way which IS the world and which they claim to be so radical in. There is nothing radical about elevating men over women and calling in freedom in Christ. There is nothing liberating to find here. It is as the world is. This framing of "roles' of men and women as something that is equal never made any sense to me because it just was not true. Rather it is a place where men flourish and " rule" and women just don't. 

There is a very strange idea in these spaces, that somehow gifted, free and liberated women would look at this version of the church and see Jesus and more than that, want to join. Why would they? 

Dame Sarah Mullally will no doubt need and covet prayer and yet not the kind that these Christians offer. I am thrilled that a women has been appointed as  of Archbishop Canterbury. She can do no more harm than the last few men, who knowing about the abuse of boys that was happening in Southern Africa and then Cape Town , SA, did nothing. I wonder if this denom had anything public on this website to say about that story ? I know that she is more than able to honour Jesus, uphold his word and proclaim the gospel for none of that is dependant on gender. Duh? "

 We continue to pray for the Church of England and the wider Anglican Communion that Christ would be honoured, His Word upheld, and His gospel proclaimed to every nation." 

Deep and sorrowful indeed. 

"With deep sorrow and concern, we have noted the appointment of the Bishop of London, Dame Sarah Mullally, as the Archbishop of Canterbury on 3 October 2025.

While this development does not directly affect the Reformed Evangelical Anglican Church of South Africa (REACH-SA), we recognise its importance within the wider
Anglican Communion. REACH SA holds a different theological conviction regarding the role of women in the presbyterate, shaped by our understanding of Scripture and long-standing Evangelical heritage. Nevertheless, we acknowledge the weight of this appointment and its symbolic significance for many within the Communion.

We are mindful that the Archbishop of Canterbury serves as a spiritual leader and shepherd of what is often called the “Mother Church.” Therefore, it is natural that
such developments evoke reflection and concern among those who hold to our faiths historic, biblical convictions.

The Anglican Communion continues to wrestle with questions surrounding faith, order, abuse, and human sexuality, and we pray that ongoing dialogue across provinces will be marked by grace, truth, and a renewed commitment to the authority of God’s Word.

We continue to pray for the Church of England and the wider Anglican Communion that Christ would be honoured, His Word upheld, and His gospel proclaimed to every nation."

https://reachsa.org.za/recent-updates/

Threads and dates

Yesterday was the 7th October 2025. 

It is my mothers 84th birthday. 

It is the birthday of The Arch.

It is 2 years since the carnage began on Gaza by Israel. 

We joined a beautiful group of people on the beach. 

Families with children and babies. 

Muslims and Christ followers and atheists and everyone in between. 

Old and young alike. 

Flags and song joined us. 

Sprang from us. 

We joined to mark this day . 

We shared our pain and rage.

We clung to one another as we wept and screamed and then hugged. 

The two Muslim aunties and I held each other close and long. 

Not a word was spoken.

None were necessary.  

October the 7th may fade one day but we will never, ever forget what Israel has done to the Palestinian people. Never. 

Local threads connected to the land

Jafta's flower farm is a flower farm in the valley of the expensive and beautiful Constantia valley. The Jafta family grow flowers for the public to purchase. Carnations are the flower of old and the farm continues to produce these and other flowers too. 

The Meeting Room did a deep dive into the history of forced removals in the Constantia Valley. During Apartheid, nearly 4million people were forcibly removed of their land in South Africa. Part of this terrible story of our past is the forced removals that happened in Cape Town. 

District 6 is the lense through which we can look at Forced removals but in honesty, people lost homes from Simonstown all the way through to Sea Point. The Jafta family were one of these families. 

 When the group areas act became law, People were sporadically and arbitrarily given notice of eviction. The place they were sent to , with names like 'Lavender Hill' - not a stalk of Lavender in sight or Ocean View with the same problem, were miles away from family, work and schools. Communities were dismantled and people who knew and loved one another were sent to different places, without knowing where their family members were. 

History, memory, community and flourishing spaces were destroyed. Literally. The Apartheid regime bulldozed the houses of people to the ground. Raising the memory of places was their speciality. Very much like Gaza and the West Bank 2025.  

This week we went on a little walk with Charles Jafta who shared something of this painful history with us. Charles's childhood memories connected him to the trees, the river , the very land itself. He shared about how the first figs are too sour for jam and make excellent konfeit. he knew who planted the banana tree outside the old cottage along the stream.  He spoke of the pain of his families displacement and deep loss but always they remained connected to the land. 

This was a morning shared with unlikely people as it was made up of one of my art classes who love flowers. Charles talked of the different flowers grown on the river bed, because that is precisely what it is. He shared the story of the farmer next door who has tried growing escargot and mushrooms to no avail. I had to laugh.  

Land restitution remains an ongoing issue in South Africa post Apartheid. For Charles and his family, he feels that this ship has sailed right on past without any hope.  Jafta Flower Farm is part of the bigger story of flower sellers in Cape Town. 

Please check out the story of flower sellers in Cape Town which can be found below. . 

https://youtu.be/ho9uOhVeREQ?si=yjtF4DEAUUaZU7Ei

When threads stretch across the ocean

South African evangelicals are influenced by and linked to evangelical movements around the world but especially in The UK, Australia and the USA. 

These movements are linked. Books from these shores are sold in Christian book shops. Sermons are listened to. Bible studies are enjoyed. For years, I belonged to a bible study where we "did" Beth Moore studies all the way from USA. Her work books and DVD available in our local Christian book shops. 

Movements like "focus on the Family" are followed and books written by American white people are devoured on marriage and hw to be a christian Parent. 

In 2020 - that year - This powerful and exposing book came out.  

When Kirsten du Mez Book, "Jesus and John Wayne", of course I read it. I could not put it down. It is a painful and exposing read. 

 In writing these posts about undoing my faith theological thinking, I remembered that I also needed to see, for myself, the dangerous place  and influence this movement had on my home country, South Africa. 

There is a lot to say on this but, primarily I would encourage anyone interested to read this book above and then watch this documentary linked below. How Evangelicals influence the US foreign policy in the Middle East. 

I was given these yesterday and have devoured them. They are truly frightening. 

https://youtu.be/IhT7oyDlBIk?si=KRbDqkfMSg1W_aZY

https://youtu.be/_iQhbcOgfqw?si=bwNKUYPZ5g_Ae0ju 

Now Evangelical Christians in SA would say, well we dont believe THIS, Caren. Well, don't you? You defend Israel with your silence and speak prayers for Charlie Kirk who is a character involved in this evangelical project. You argue a case for him and for Trump as Christian  and even f you suspect he is slightly distasteful , you continue to hold that "he is God's man" .You support and argue for the all the ideas and voting points that the right stand for and you stand against all the same points. You argue, publicly for the right to bare arms despite not even living in the USA. Your fruit is linked to this movements understanding of the bible. Though you may be loosely tethered, the SA evangelicals church is tethered none the less. This is a hard truth to face. It is even more difficult for the church in SA to unhook itself from all this horror. 

Some are attempting this. It is tough and brave. It is happening but, sadly, not enough.

We are watching, in real time, the United States Of America become a theocracy. Freedoms are being eroded from the precious right to speak up against those who are in power which is the true reason we have this freedom and the right to read what one would like to read.  The right to live in freedom under the law is a precious and fought for right and under a theocracy these rights are simply taken away. Like in any theocracy no matter the religion that informs it, people will like in fear. Honestly, they should. 

For those who aplaude the Charlie Kirks of this world, for steering young people towards this way of understanding how Jesus shows up in this world. Shame on you. Jesus said, when he was dying, " forgive them ... for they do not know what they are doing." Indeed. we are here again. 

We wove new threads

https://open.spotify.com/show/191SG1iIRUpFKy3PFzlRdZ?si=bbca512261dd43e9

After 2020, my friend Hayley and I began a podcast. We called it The Meeting Room after the group of women who were meeting each month to discuss racism in the SA context. The aim of the podcast was to have conversations that count especially in the post Apartheid SA context. 

 Sadly, we have struggled to maintain these podcasts of late but there are some really good interviews for you to dive into. 

 

The Arch

Archbishop Desmond Tutu was born in 1931 in Klerksdorp , South Africa and he died on the 26th December 2021. We went to visit his body as it lay in the simple pine box in St Georges Cathedral which held so many of the stories of his life. 

https://desmondtutuhealthfoundation.org.za/

If you visit Cape Town , South Africa, I whole heartedly encourage you to visit the Desmond Tutu Foundation exhibition of the life of Tutu and the intersection of his life with the struggle against Apartheid. 

I have visited this space many times. One of these was as our outing with The Meeting Room. This space is beautifully put together and walks the visitor through the life of this remarkable man. 

His love for his wife Leah is evident and tangible and it must have been extremely taxing on their relationship as it was  on many of the struggle veterans who persevered through terrible times. Many marriages did not make it.  

As ....one more draconian law followed another , this part of the church spoke out boldly....

This last visit I went with my friend who is studying theology. It was a deep thrill visiting with her because we could talk about the thread of theology that has been shared throughout the exhibition and how this clearly influenced The Arch's life and pathway. 

This exhibition highlights the role that the Anglican church played during and after the struggle in South Africa and that Desmond Tutu never gave up speaking truth to power. His book on Joy that is written with the Dali lama is one of the most beautiful books I have read. 

I recall that when I first became a follower of Jesus, the very often and general speak was that The Archbishop was not a "real " christian.  As if we get to decide who is and is not and what is real and what is not. I remember thinking, "These people do not know who this beautiful man  is." And, I was right. From this exhibition and books written about this The Arch , which is what those who loved him called him,  could not more clearly exhibit a life of someone who walked in deep relationship with God. 

 When The Arch died, the country mourned his passing and we deeply miss his prophetic voice.  We joined the long queue of mourners who wanted to pay their respects and deep gratitude for this man whose life was well lived. Sadly, the same  narrative was raised about this amazing  man whose very life shone like that of one who knows God deeply. This speak did not surprise me but saddened me greatly.  It showed how little people had shifted in understanding the struggle and more than that the role of the church. For too many, politics and Christ do not mix. What they fail to grasp is that the gospel is deeply political. 

If only..... If only these very same people who shout so loudly with such certainty  would come down from their pedestal and sit at the feet of this man to listen and learn, then perhaps they would see something other than the simple narrow gospel they cling to. The Arch had a tangible and deep love for God and his faith in Jesus and his love of people remained steadfast throughout his life.  This man who chaired the TRC and held those terrible stories in his heart. This man who wept for the pain of his fellow mankind and who saw that white people needed healing too. Come and taste what God has done through the life of this humble servant. That would be my invitation . 

St Georges Cathedral is one of the sacred spaces I love to visit. Every Wednesday  fellow activists hold a vigil outside in solidarity with Palestine. The trees and the building behind us remind me of the road walked by many who love Jesus and who act out of that love for their fellow mankind. 

I am grateful for these fellow sojourners. 

As Threads tighten

 

In the following posts, I am going to share some of the giants of our faith and those who have and continue to shape how we as followers of Christ are invited into the work of liberation and justice for all people. Little did I know the profound depth of this work that was and continues to happen in South Africa and indeed the world. Adam Russel Taylors article below, of which I have copied some of it and provided a link to all of it, fills in gaps AND speaks of some of the links between the USA and SA of which I have spoken in previous posts. 

The legacy of this movement of God in South Africa is held in the icon of Desmond Tutu and I will write a post on his life and the beautiful foundation which anyone who comes to SA really should visit. However tis movement was bigger than one person and Tutu himself would assert that too.  When I became a Christ follower, I entered into the church as an activist. It was the tail end of the viscous Apartheid regime. Yes, we were in the death throws but all powerful regimes in  the throw of death behave  most cruelly and viscously . South Africa was no different. 

When I entered the church space, I looked around for fellow activists and found very few. This one dear friend is still my fellow sojourner. I love her dearly. I concluded that activism was outside of the church. This church was silent on injustice. I have learnt that these were the silent church's. They continue to remain silent, speaking out a prayer for Charlie Kirk- I kid you not- while saying absolutely nothing on the genocide of thousands of Palestinians. The but is, there were many who were not silent and are not even today. They raise the prophetic voice and call out an new prophetic imagination - the notion of which Walter Bruggerman was the creator of. 

Be inspired fellow sojourner. This is deeply exciting. 

The Kairos moment is now. 

We Aren’t the First Christians To Face a Kairos Moment

By Adam Russell Taylor

"I first learned about the theological concept of kairos while studying abroad in Cape Town, South Africa in 1996. South African faith leaders taught me that, as compared to chronos, or time as we know it and traditionally experience it, kairos moments are precipitated by times in which our current reality becomes so pernicious and fraudulent that God can create a moment of opportunity for propitious action and transformation. "

The word Kairos is a greek word and it means the right or critical time. 

"We are not the first nation or the first Christians to face a kairos moment. In July 1985, South Africa was in an even deeper crisis. The apartheid government had declared a state of emergency and dramatically escalated mass detentions, repression, and state violence while cracking down on the media. Despite growing international opposition, the apartheid state was doubling down on its repression. Many church leaders in South Africa, especially in the Dutch Reformed Church, misused and weaponized the Bible to justify the apartheid system of racial separation and oppression. Meanwhile, many other Christians remained silent and complacent in the face of increasing repression, staying on the sidelines of the anti-apartheid struggle. "

What was the response of the church in SA? 

A group of South African church leaders......

"In response, a group of South African church leaders, theologians, and Christian activists gathered to pen the Kairos Document, an open-ended document of faith-inspired resistance to apartheid. Its authors critiqued “state theology,” which they defined as Christianity that justifies “the status quo with its racism, capitalism, and totalitarianism” and “blesses injustice, canonizes the will of the powerful and reduces the poor to passivity, obedience, and apathy.” They also critiqued factions of the church who accepted the argument that the South African government’s repression was justified to maintain law and order, as well as those within the church who pleaded for racial reconciliation without first attending to injustice."

That was then. What of the now? We have several Kairos moments right now. 

"I recently joined an intergenerational group of South African and global Christian leaders in Cape Town to mark the 40th anniversary of the Kairos Document and the inflection moment it created for Christians in South Africa and beyond to make a clearer choice between upholding the oppressive status quo or more actively and courageously working to end the system of apartheid. In the four decades since, this groundbreaking document also inspired similar documents from Christians in Central America, Europe, India, Kenya, Malawi, Palestine, and Zimbabwe who called their fellow Christians to take decisive action. While listening to the reflections from South African Christian leaders, I was deeply moved by just how many parallels there are between what they faced under apartheid in 1985 and what we in the U.S. face today amid growing authoritarianism."

Though the two nations and the struggles we face are not identical, I see echoes of South Africa as the MAGA movement and Trump administration stoke fears around crime, immigration, and public safety as a pretense to undermine the rule of law, consolidate power, seek vengeance on their perceived enemies, and squash dissent. The Kairos Document critiqued a government that “will not allow anyone to question what it has chosen to define as ‘law and order’” and demonized its opponents as “communists.” In a similar vein, the Trump administration regularly delegitimizes its opponents as “the radical Left” or “the lunatic Left.”

"And much like the authors of the Kairos Document, many of us today grapple with the unwillingness of American Christians to condemn the false gospel of Christian nationalism. This ideology fuels the MAGA movement with heretical ideas about American exceptionalism, white supremacy, patriarchy, and xenophobia, often alleging that the “true” or “real” Christians are those who must protect their faith by imposing their ideology on others."

"The biblical prophets knew something about what it means to identify and speak out in such moments. Prophets like Amos, the herdsman and sycamore-fig pruner, saw the oppression of the poorest members of society while the wealthy classes prospered. He witnessed people’s greed, their complacency, reliance on military might, social injustices, immorality, and shallow piety. And he spoke truth to power, condemning the injustice of the status quo while proclaiming a more righteous and hopeful alternative. He warned that “the prudent keep silent in such times, for the times are evil (5:13),” yet he was anything but prudent. He made it crystal clear that God demanded a radical change in the status quo:

Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the Lord God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is. Hate evil, love good; maintain justice in the courts. [...] Away with the noise of your songs! I will not listen to the music of your harps. But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream! (5:14-15, 23-24).

"In our present moment, we need to model the prophetic witness of Amos in response to God’s kairos. Yet a new statement won’t be sufficient on its own. Putting prophetic ideas on paper gives language to what our hearts already know but may not have words for; statements can persuade those who have not yet thought deeply about these matters to reflect and repent. But statements have the most power when they motivate faithful and courageous action in those who truly hear and internalize them.

The South African Kairos Document ends with an emphasis on the “need to transform church activities” to bolster the struggle against apartheid.

"As important as political engagement will be in the next few years, we can’t expect politicians or political parties to save us. Instead, we must dig deeper in our faith, putting our ultimate trust in a God who, as our Lord and Liberator, can make all things new. Reversing our slide into authoritarianism will require faith-inspired courage to engage in greater nonviolent resistance, replacing the unjust status quo with the Beloved Community and its promise of an inclusive multiracial democracy that truly fulfills the promise of liberty and justice for all."

https://sojo.net/articles/opinion/we-arent-first-christians-face-kairos-moment?fbclid=IwY2xjawNNjX5leHRuA2FlbQIxMQBicmlkETFBWUtwQ0ZoZTZwdGFzUkdnAR6xYdBeB49

 

Rethreading

 

Igshaan Adams  is a contemporary South African 'thread' or weaving artist . They create instillation's and sculptures that are beautiful and meaningful.  

Thread was one the growing mediums of art in 2024. As we move towards a more machine learning future and whatever that looks like and feels like, the very essence of what makes us human is pushing back. 

Igshaan's work is often ordered and easy to engage with but sometimes it reflects the whirlwind and storm of our past and of our present. 

His work is quietly beautiful and I find myself sitting in front of it in meditation. The beads and threads carrying the eye through and under. 

Igshaan's whirlwind wire works reflect something of the process of thinking and rethinking. 

They bring a strange peace as if to say, "it is ok"

The process of unlearning and sitting in the discomfort of that space is painful and unsettling. 

Relearning and re ordering of old habits and ways of thinking takes time. This is especially true when thinking again about theology when the foundations of this old theology have been engrained, intentionally.  

This journey is  profoundly personal because  faith is, by nature,  deeply personal.  Faith informs everything.Well,it should do. It frames they way we show up in the world. It helps us to see what is important and who matters. It focuses our time, energy, love, money, joy and relationships. Re thinking how all these fit together and function is truly extremely difficult, to say the least. 

It has been lonely too. There is loss. There is a lot to loose when walking away from a community and especially a way of thinking about God and the world. Partly because , one of the key tenants of this theology is one needs to opt in, fit in, be in or you are out. Literally. OUT.  What one perceived as friendships and relationships were really something else. An illusion. A mist.  If you are reading this and thinking, "that can not be, surely there is more to this story?"  My friend, I can share countless stories of this exact same working out of faith communities. This very weekend friends told us of their church getting hold of them after they had not been to church for 4 years. Wow! 

I digress. 

The truth is, there are obviously aspects of being in this church space that we miss. I miss those very special people who we sat near each week and had some arbitrary chat about football of something. When a church communities way of being is framed around one aspect of theological importance, which is God's word, the Bible, and when the way or framing the bible ( theology) is being unpicked and unpacked, then this is the very part I do not miss. The faith community we were from arrogantly thought of itself as " handling God's word well" or the subtext was being the very best at understanding and delivering Gods word. So it is strange to not miss the 'teaching'. But I do not. 

  

 The journey of unpacking has been lonely at times.  Partly because God graciously allows each of us to journey in different ways to refind God.  Nearly all of the people I love dearly have, in some or other form, journeyed along these tracks , in one or another form. And so we continue to meet and talk and think and read. What a joy. I have a very dear friend who is studying theology in quite a different context and boy do we chew the fat. Another dear friend and I wrestle and laugh and are angry together over some of the oppressive things we believed and tried to live out, though painful and damaging. For theology does not simply remain in active. It works itself out in peoples lives and is either life giving or deeply harmful. Working through the damage and harm is and continues to be the most difficult thing for me personally. Layers upon layer. My dear sweet friends, I love you each one as you have walked and continue to walk  in love and honesty with me. I am also grateful for those few friends from my old faith space, who continue in there and have not written us off as " lost" or no longer christian. 

 I have also  met new people with fresh ideas and deep faith in Jesus. These dear ones have challenged so much of my thinking and fed so much more too. And then there are those who have written books and are active online who help those of us who are relearning to feel and know we are NOT alone.  The struggles are not the same but are often similar. The sadness at years seemingly ' wasted'  and  the losses  we have had to face as well as the fraught shame with which we view some of the old ideas we though were truth. 

And it is ok. 

It is ok to look at the bible with fresh eyes and see those things we have not seen before. 

It is ok to unlearn and rethink and to renavigate. It is all ok. 

A dear friend and the another  reminded me  that is is good to grow and change. And it is indeed. 

More and more I get to spend time with older people. Honestly, I am not really an old person , person but I am learning to be . 

My adult art class includes three delightful women in their 70's. What amazing people who share their stories and present struggles openly. We have wept together and are learning some new art theories, together. We talk and laugh. One of the things I so admire about these women, is their ability and desire to learn. 

Much like many artists I admire , including the amazing Georgia O Keeffe, who continued to paint into her very old age and when her eye sight grew dim, she took up pottery. 

Mindset and helping the every increasing aging body to stay " well oiled" is part of the story of growing old. What I want to commit to myself is to keep on listening, reading, learning and unlearning and learning again. 

Threads connect

 

In the wake of George Floyd's murder and #yousilenceweamplify in our Cape Town former model C and private schools, a group of us embarked on this deep dive into racism in our context and how to be people who fight against it both within ourselves and systemically too. 

The popular word for this is antiracist. 

We called ourselves The Meeting Room. 

For the last 5 years , we have been meeting together to talk, share, read, visit and be a community of women who love Jesus and love justice. 

For the first 2 years or so , we read Sharlene Swartz's , Another Country. This book was pivotal in setting the context of South Africa today within the history of our country too.  My friend Hayley and I facilitated this group and for these few years we ran monthly workshops linked to themes that the book sparked. We visited museums and restaurant's as well as invited guest speakers to run workshops too. This was designed to be a safe and precious brave space and has landed up being a community f women who encourage one another to keep going.  

There are many things I love about this group. One of them is their commitment to the process. This was NO small thing. We had some very difficult unlearnings to have and then we need ed to build a new way of seeing . In the beginning this was incredibly delicate and painful. I am in awe of these women. They kept showing up and kept  reading. They sat through the difficult truths and realisations. They kept on coming back. And slowly, change happened. We all grew in the understanding of our racist thinking and we all continued to unpick and unpack. It was rich and beautiful and reflected something of the work that could have been in many church spaces. We did it. I am super proud of this work and of these wonderful women. They are each a true hero. 

The space has changed and grown and we continue to meet and are reading some new books together. Conversations keep us going and challenged and include, often times the wider white supremacist framing world wide.  Looking back at some of the ideas we all held and how we have changed our minds n so many of these, I am really left feeling deeply privileged at this journey together. 

The difficult parts and times included some of the push back we received from christians. Go figure? If you spend any time with black people both in and out the church and listen with openness you will quickly see that this antiracist work is essential. It is fundamental. It is necessary. Claiming unity that does not exist and diversity that is full of token representation while whiteness lives on is blind, dishonest and dangerous. Rainbowism and "Christian unity" are cut from the same cloth. These are hopeful ideals for a future. I long for these too but they are simply NOT the present reality. They just are not. 

The Meeting Room recorded two or three seasons of a podcast by the same name. Check these out for some honest reflections in the post apartheid SA context. 

 

Threads expose themselves

 I have debated with myself if whether writing this post, is of any use. It is of use to me. 

It serves as a record lest I or those who come after me, forget. 

This post holds the countless stories exposed , although the details and truth of them must remain silent. Why? Because I hold my humanity as something sacred and refuse to become that which I abhor. It would be easy for me to explain the details. After all hardly anyone reads this blog. That is also ok. This is written down as a record. 

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” —Philippians 2:3

This is an interesting verse. It is one that I have seen in reverse action ,again and again as leaders from many different denominations jostled and continue to jostle and plot so that selfish ambition rules. 

Do these very same leaders who 'teach' Gods word not believe it themselves? 

We seem to see that they do not. 

• Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord (Psalm 40:4–5)
• 
  

Here is another verse to ponder.  Those who trust God are blessed . They are in a state of good. Is this simply a verse for the masses of is it one that leaders are to hold to, also? 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.[ - Proverbs 3

And here is another. 

Read for yourselves. The bible is full of these sorts of ideas. The bottom line is that a christian is to trust God through life's ups and downs and disappointments and joys because he has our everything in his control.  This is the broad brush stroke.  Is this a "teaching" for all christians or only for those who sit "under" the teaching? 

Sadly, this has not been the reality for many, many, many those who teach others the bible in many different denominational situations. Across the board. 

I can already hear the retort. People are sinners. People make mistakes. 

Stop. Just stop. This excuse for gross acts of ambition and in one case, the complete scuppering of a church process that was sanctioned because the person did not like the outcome and choice of leader - namely, it was not them. No. These are not mistakes. These are not just "sins" like we are all sinners so these acts fall under some kind of blanket , it is ok. 

This excuse for actions that damage processes and undermine people are not mistakes. They are wrong and people should be held to account. 

I continue to ask the question , " Do those who "teach" the bible actually believe it too?"

This question hangs in the air. 

2020 was an exposer. It exposed a great deal both within and out of church spaces. Many left churches because of the exposing. Some churches began some sort of transformations action , again and then shut it all down. These actions were all exposed . Seen by those who had a longing for real transformation in white church spaces. Many left because of this exposing. Young and old. White and black. Some have found new homes with new spaces to heal while others have not. Yes, they continue to follow Jesus but have simply grown a deep and justifiable distaste for organise church spaces. As have I. 

When we see we can not unsee. That which is exposed and revealed can no longer be covered. 

The stories within so many different denominations of churches in SA that ripple out and continue to ripple though they settle, is disturbing. t The transformation and more honest conversations and spaces created for people of colour to begin to share the story of what it is like , in reality, to be, live , work in white spaces gave a small glimmer of hope which has subsequently died. Whiteness exposed very soon covered over itself again to maintain the status Quo. Have there been changes? Yes, of course. Have these changes dismantled the system ? No. 

People of colour and Black people have continued to hope and have that hope crushed . The devastating nature of this truth is heavy.  South Africa's roots are racist and white supremacist. We all acknowledge that, surely. Is it so difficult to imagine that we, white people , continue to have these ideas in our thinking and that we need to acknowledge these and dig them out?  Is it? 

I rememebr one white person being so horrified that I had suggested that they could possibly be racist? Duh? What a very sad place to be.Of curse "WE " are racist. It was and continues to be the water we swim in. It is evil and wrong but we need to acknowledge that  it. 

* 

Yes, we belong to a small church community. Yes we love one another and there is so much to say about this new little space and how we try and mitigate the mess that churches created in many of the lives represented. But, I will not give myself to that or any space as in the past again. The great exposing in 2020 also revealed, along with my deep dive into theology ( explained in a previous post) that even church and the way we design this place IS theological. There are different ways of understanding what church is and how it functions well. The "suck the life out of you" way is no longer compelling. 

This is a deeper and bigger discussion which I am not aiming to do here. These posts are not to persuade the reader of the correctness of the theological way. That, dear reader, was the way of the old  theology and leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. This is simply a tiny record of something of the journey I have been on. It does not cover anything of all that happened, or all I read and listened to over these 7 years but it is simply a taste. It serves to reflect, to share, to answer myself in my own blog and to offer , for myself something of a journey of change, of growth, or dismantling and a walk towards restoring something that was , for me, unhealthy towards something really whole. 

Family threads

 I wrote a great deal, over the years , about our family. Of course I did. Who would not have. The long pause has created a space where they have each been suspended in time , as they were when I stopped writing. I want to write a little about what each is up to at present and also what their journey to this point was. 

These are broad brushstrokes of a mother  and from a mothers perspective and are in now way the full story. That story belongs to them.  

James is 25 years old and is finishing up his masters in engineering at UCT. This is his marvelous girl friend Toni.  They are super sweet together and really bring out the best in one another. 

Sam, below is finishing off his degree at Film school - AFDA. He is flourishing and blooming in all things film and sound. A world of this art is opening up to us all.  

Thomas and Jethro below. Tom is 24 and Jet is 19. Thomas is finishing off his honours year at Michaelis school of fine art at UCT. He no longer lives at home and we love that he is flying but miss him deeply. 

Jethro is at UCT in his first your of computer business studies. He completed his high school at the marvelous and wonderful Cedar House and Jet has an extraordinary group of wonderful friends. We are all richer for having them in our lives. 

Thomas has a marvelous girl friend , Nina and we adore her too. This is a photo , taken with all those whom we love and are dear to us. We are missing a few of course. Christmas gift 2024 - family cooking class. 

Tom, Doug, Jet, Eden, Pete, Sophie, Sam, James, Toni and at the front, Nina. 

The path that these young people are on is rich and diverse and full. My mom heart is truly delighted by each on and they joy that is unfolding as they live. 

Threadbare

 

The Genocide in Gaza continues. We are the witnesses to this horror. Today in Cape Town , is yet another march. It calls for the end of this awful , awful killing of men, women, children, babies and the aged. Entire family's have been killed.  And as we plan and set aside this time , again, Benjamin Netanyahu speaks with his lying tongue, at the UN.  The threads are laid bare. The foundations of hope and collective working that is the UN are threadbare.  Israel should be expelled and this man should be arrested. There is an international arrest warrant for his arrest, after all. 

This is a frightening moment in time. International law is being pushed to its limit as the country of Israel defies it again and again and indeed again. What does this mean for citizens of the world who rely on this same law for protection. What does it mean when we are these people? 

Doug and I have been attending these marches from before October 7th 2023. The Apartheid state of Israel has been killing Palestinians from before October 7th. The marches were small and , in the Cape Town context, largely muslim people. We were really often the only white people who showed up. This has changed. Today we will be joining a great deal of South Africans in Cape Town from all spaces and all colours. This genocide has drawn people in to this story and opened the eyes of the blind. South African Christians for a Free Palestine will be there too. 

Israel survives only because of the USA.  Let that sink in. Trump, the president of the US at this time can stop all this. Right now. Trump's latest boast is that he will not allow the annexation of the West Bank. This is laughable because  Israel IS annexing the West Bank and has been for years. But, he actually CAN stop it and sto all these horrors. 

Trump could really change this present story in Gaza and the West Bank , today. This truth weighs very heavily on me as I write it down. What kind of people do not use their power to bring about peace? This very same Trump who swayed and spoke and enjoyed the MAGA/christian memorial of Charlie Kirk a few days ago. Don't misunderstand me. This is not a TRUMP issue except for the fact that he is in power now. The democrats were just as wicked with regard to Gaza and the Palestinians and The West Bank. 

Today we march because it is what we can do now. We continue to listen and watch and pray for the Global Samud Flotilla as they journey towards peril with hope. 

This is quite a time to be alive.