'It's a Pirates life for me"

This Christmas has been especially wonderful because we spent time with so many people who we love and miss. There were several highlights . This post is about one. We left Cape Town and joined some of our family in Natal at Sheffield. They have a wonderful beach house there and regularly share their space and time with us. it is glorious and restful. A real hide away from the world spot.

 This year my dad, the boys granddad, decided to make a movie. The Sheffield home was to be a daily training camp for Pirates and each day there we some things the boys had to do.

 It was very special. My dad really went to town. He made wanted posters and real Pirate food with Lynette's great maggot' noodle' idea. This was a meal to be eaten by hands and shared with some rum:)

 The beach fire was fab. The boys helepd make the fire and then received their pirate outfits including swords and earings. What a laugh. Jethro and Sam got fully into it even threatening the dog with its life.

 All the while Grandpa Marsh was filming. He planned to put a movie together with music and all. On the second last night we gathered to watch it. An absolute delight and a gem to have for keeps. Thanks Dad. your a great grandad and the boys will cherish this memory for ever.

 I just love this one. A pirate lies dying on the sand.

 I am mean and crusty.

 Last but not least the Pirates gathered on the beach to find a bottle with a map inside. They set off to find the buried treasure.

 Got it!!

This was the best Pirate fun ever and each child, no matter their age, had fun and will remember this holiday forever.

The journey to 13

Our boys all celebrate their birthdays starting on the 1st December , which happens to be World Aids Day, and then on into January and 2 in Feb. Chiff Chaff and it is all over. Next year , however, we celebrate with James and he turns 13.

Doug and I have been thinking a great deal how we would like to celebrate this birthday with James. We feel that turning 13 is a very precious birthday and it is a time that we would like to use as a point in his life where he can look back and remember something of the beginning point of the journey into adolescence and ultimately manhood.

We have some idea about how we would like to mark this birthday our as especially significant for him and also for us.

As part of this process we have asked others who have gone before us about their ideas . Their have been some great ideas which we would perhaps want to use and tweek to suit our situation. One man we spoke to had a whole year full of boy/man things he was busy executing with his son. He shared some of his fabulous and adventurous ideas with us and as he spoke we both began to feel , well, really less as parents because we had not and can not even begin to fill up the year with such marvelous things for our special boy.

So my mind begins to swim with questions and run free with anxiety. Are we doing enough to mark this boys coming of age. We dont have the resources or the support that this man has and we have 4 boys all vying for Doug's attention while he has one. Our situation and circumstances are quite different.  As I reflect calmly on what was shared and how to respond, I have settled on this.....

God has given us all we need  including all we need to raise each of our boys with a sure knowledge of Jesus. God is at work in James and God wants a relathionship with him through Jesus. The greatest gift we can give this young man is a safe and loving home - a place where he can grow , share, try and fail, explore ideas and take ownership of his faith for himself. 

The second thing I settled on was this. A walk with Dad where good things are shared together is just as rich in blessing and significance than all the things money can buy. A game of squash  or help with a school project where ideas are shared carried much weight in preciousness as an expensive trip to somewhere. 

As we begin to set in motion some precious planned times with Doug and James and as we begin to plan for James his passing from one stage into another , we do so with joy and gladness for Jesus has given us all we already need to do this well.

and so the matter is settled.....

Were having a sleep over!

Our boys all love having a sleep over.

It is enormously exciting when we say the "yes" word. 

As I write this I am listening to the loud , fun imaginary play game escaping the lounge. 

Aaah, yes, the lounge is the place we generally have our sleepovers. We have extra mattress that have been so pulled and pushed and carried. They are Futon mattresses and we had them when the boys needed a first bed. They were pricey at the time and came with a long list of 'how to care for your Futon'. These have long since been forgotten and abandoned.

All our boys really really love having a sleepover.

Having said that , being individuals, they each like them in a slight different way. One might like to sleep out ; another in ; one might like to have two friends and have a sleepover that lasts a life time. 

So, we make a giant sleeping den in the lounge and they snuggle down to sleep.

as if......

Their is usually so much excitement and energy that sleep goes off to find some other more responsive children.

I am a mom who generally operates on slightly too little sleep and so I love an early night. I really dont like kids up all night bouncing around and being crazy and so our sleep overs generally dont afford this. :)

I think the best part of the sleepover for them is the waking up- right next to a friend - and then the fun begins.

The thing I love about hosting a sleepover is the great conversations that come from these opportunities. Around meals and while playing a game or just hanging out. It is a great time to really connect with the newer generations and "see" how they tick. It is great fun.

The difficulty around sleepovers is , dare I say it, who to allow and who not to. People often ask me this question and there are very real and obvious fears around allowing our child to go sleep over at someone else house.

We have generally only allowed our boys to sleep over with friends who are good, close family friends. This is the rule, for us, especially for the little ones. - (6 and 8) . The really problem of being asked by people we dont know has only really cropped up as the boys have grown older. It can be tricky saying no. We have had to say no because we dont know people well. I think for our boys, who we talk things through a great deal with, this affords us another chance to chat about all the length and breath issues in life. ( not all at once)

:)

Any advice I would give is to say  - go for the sleep over AND stick to your guns as far as saying no when no is appropriate.

They are great fun and although they are hard work some great relationship building is being done on all fronts. 

Sleepovers are well worth it.If you have not yet, join the fun.

 *

(A Plea - Being safe - I have to say a word about safety. To do this I will tell you of a conversation I had with someone once. It was a mother and it was about sleepovers. This mom, had never even considered that a sleepover  may be something that could put her child in danger and so consequently allowed her child to sleep over anywhere. It surprised  me that she had not thought through even one possibility- I can think of many which do not even include the worst case scenario. In my shock I did drop in a few seeds for her to ponder and I trully hope she did. Just because people live  near you, work next to you and go to the same schools as your kids - just because they "look" the same does not mean they are the same as you . People hold very different beliefs and ideas about what keeping kids safe looks like.

An example is .... do the host parents go our while your child is sleeping over leaving the kids with a babysitter ? Are you ok with this? Thinking through the things we would allow with our kids is one way to help set the bar for sleepovers with others. I always inform the parents of the child sleeping over if we are going to be taking them out to a movie or another persons house for dinner etc - asking permission)

The Big 6

Someone asked me how we manage with such a large family. This is a question I often get in a variety of different ways. It is one that is interesting to answer. I say this because we are a big family and a growing one and we get on with the business of doing just that. When someone asks me though, I pause and reflect.....

The thing is , it is what it is. We have four , growing , boys who are gifted and talented and have needs and desires in this life. We, their parents have wishes and desires; cares and concerns for them too. All this just is.

We make it work! This means that sometimes only one can have new school shoes or only one can have piano lessons. It means that we cant do all the things on offer that would be fun.  It means that they dont have their own rooms and we all share a bathroom. it means a lot of things. We dont take regular holidays and when the school hols roll around , we generally stay home. This does not seem a pretty picture in a world obsessed with leisure, pleasure and treasure. It is a struggle I constantly fight against. and yet.... this morning when the boys woke up and crawled into each others beds to read and chat ; as they sat at and on the kitchen table playing UNO and planning their latest MineCraft moves and as they sit continuing with last nights Monoploly game ; I am reminded of the rich childhood these boys have. They have each other to jostle with and bounce off of - literally. They have a richness that many children do not have. I have four beautiful boys with whom I share my life with. we chat and laugh and cry and shout together. It is busy and noisy and exhausting but it is much more that that. We are very, very blessed indeed to be a part of growing these four , beautiful boys up and showing them who The Lord Jesus really is in all his glory and richness. What fun, what an adventure and what a privilege.

Part 8 - The Story of my Life

What follows in these tales from My life is a story I need to write. [[A story of life and drama that I long to write down. Not only for myself, but also as a reminder of things gone by. It is a story of forming and shaping and intrigue . But primarily it is a story about hope. If you choose to tread these pages with me, do so with reverence and kindness because one does not write these things lightly. If you are one who has the need to flirt a little with being nosy then perhaps you should pass by this story. For it is true and full. It needs not your judgment nor your advice. But if you want to read on, then read it as a novel should be read. For it is but just one story among many.

 The center was crumbling

I began my first job at a school in Bedford View. I was living in Parkhurst and was happy. I was teaching the four year old group at a private school. It was a nice enough school. These were the years just before the fall of Apartheid in our country. Our school was full of children whose parents were ANC exiles or rich black business people who were not able to send their children to government schools…. Yet.  The taxis would arrive in the morning full of sleepy little children who had traveled all the way across town from Soweto. They were a great bunch of kids.

These were very dangerous times in South Africa. The government had unleashed their last attempt to crush ‘The Blacks” as they tried to cling what remained of white rule. While teaching at this school Chris Hani was murdered. I thought our country would burn that day. The children at school replayed the funeral in the sandpit. They buried each other over and over, taking turns and singing freedom songs. Hamba Kahle Chris Hani.

I met my very first black friend while teaching at that school. Her name was Thembeka and she was lovely. We struck up a friendship immediately. She was beautiful and knew a thing or two about life and working at the school. She used to say to me “I hate whites” and I would turn to her and we would laugh.

I also met Princess at this school. She was a beautiful woman who had two children. She lived in Alexander Township which is situated right in the middle of wealthy suburbia. She was like the sunshine in that school. On a day I began to notice that Princess’ sun shone no more. Something was wrong. Something indeed was very, very wrong. I begged her to tell me. Her pain and sadness was clear to us and very worrying.

What had transpired was this. One cold and dark evening, as she made her way home under a bridge near her home, Princess had encountered a bunch of young thugs. They had raped her. She was pregnant by this rape.

I had tried to take her “the purple Doctor’” who could help with “this sort of thing” but she was too far pregnant. The little boy was stillborn and nothing more was every said about it. Princess showed me the death certificate without a word.

The youths who had raped her still hung about her neighbourhood. Her husband had abandoned her.

 At the same time.....

These were glorious days for me because I was in love. For real. In my last year of studying I had been introduced to a lovely man. His name was Doug.  Everything about Doug was special and good. He had a keen mind and was on the same political wave length as I was except he put his money where his mouth was. He was part of the beginnings of the first ANC branch in his local , rich, white are of Sandton. In those early beginnings , just after the ANC had been unbanned and Nelson Mandela had walked free, times were so full. Full of hope and expectation. South Africa our beloved country had so much to look forward to. There was to be a new beginning.  Little did I know that I was to experience a new beginning too.

My happy Place

What is your happy place?

Paint!

I am totally happy and having the best time every when I hold a paintbrush full of paint .

It does not really matter what I am painting.

It might be a door or a wall or a painting, no matter what it is,  It is my happy place.

I have another happy place too.

This is my unexpected God happy place.

This is where God, the creator of life,

author of my life and designer

of all things,

paints unexpected and beautiful things on my canvas.

It might be a chance meeting of an old friend who I had prayed for many years to meet up with.

It might me that opportunity to love someone who is not really very lovable.

It might be that chance to reconcile with someone who was thought to be totally lost to reconciliation.:)

It might be that abilty and opportunity to forgive and go on forgiving.

It can be a word ; a verse ; a smile , unexpected gift.

In all of these  I feel God fill up my happy place with his continual, never ending ; ever increasing love and kindness.

 What a happy place it is.

There are more happy places in my life but for now these two will do.

Mandela Day

 Lets all give back a little

 The 18th July is Mandela Day. it is a day when people all around the world are encouraged to give 67 minutes of their day to doing something for someone else. See the officail website for lots of ideas and more information.

Mandela Day

My brain is buzzing with trying ti think of what we can do in our local area and how we can get other children and families who would like t, to join us. I think I have one that might work. Lets get cracking....

Can I invite you to give back too!!

Skotness, dinner and celebration

It is my birthday. I am turning 43. it is an age I am both strangely comfortable with and yet at war with. It is odd how both these things can come to live along side each other. I have grown into my forties. It was indeed a life changing experience in many ways turning 40 and it was for me, a time of inner turmoil and reflection. I guess as these past three years have swept me up along with them, being "in my forties" has come to have a settled familiarity. We have become strange  friends.

Last night some good friends of ours took us out for dinner. It was one of the best meals I have ever eaten out and I thoroughly enjoyed ever part of it. I am no food snob but at times I really am surprised at what restaurants serve up and then charge for. But last night was different. The restaurant in this case is Catrina's in Steenberg Estate.   I am sure if you have visited it you will know what I mean by the special experience we had there. I won't bore you with the details of the food we ate but except to say each of us had something different and each of us had a gastronomically colourful experience. I know that the company and conversation went much of the way in making the evening an almost perfect experience.  God is generous and kind and blesses us in so many ways.

It was late and we were all happy and full. We get up to leave and wam I am shocked into reality. As I turn to the side I take in the art work hanging from the wall. A Am I seeing things? I ask the watron casually, " Is that a Cecil Skotnes? and original? ". As I ask her I know the answer. I have loved his work and in fact grew up loving one of his art works. We had some old great , life friends who knew him and so Jeniffer had a long, slender cat he had done on her wall. I grew up enjoying the cat all my childhood. The when I studied art at school and then in college we covered him in depth. I grew to love his strange human figures and earthy colours. So here, at the end of the perfect evening I am blessed to enjoy an original. " there is another over here"., she says.. I go to it and feel it with my eyes and then with my hands. A gastronomically delight to my eyes.. I leave full of good food ; filled up and encouraged by God's good gift of generosity and love ; filled up with good conversation and God centered debate  and filled up with gratitude because God blesses us end delights us and surprises us with small and seemingly insignificant detail. Once again I see Jesus standing there, invisible to the eye and yet so very clearly shouting in his gentle way. " I know your heart and want to remind you that I am here and I love you!"