No Longer Slaves

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Phew. 

What interesting times we live in. 

Chaos seemingly reigns.

Every news item is an article on some big happening. North Korea, Syria and the like. Here, at home in South Africa we have some enormous obstacles to navigate. 

Obstacles of the heart.

 Of all the beautifully, painful things that are slowly emerging, among the many, this one stands out as most useful. 

Honesty.

Hard, real and vocal. 

People in South Africa of all cultures and colours are publicly beginning to share what is truly on their hearts. 

What is truly IN their hearts. 

Social media is alive with honest reflections both helpful and unhelpful. 

Some kind and others cutting. 

From deep anger through pain and frustration and of course the old friends.... guilt, shame. 

Our attitudes of the heart are being exposed. 

Including the racist heart. 

In truth, those who are the children from Apartheid, sit somewhere on the racist spetrum. 

We may not be hard core but every now and again, it's ugly head shows itself. We may never show it outwardly, but oh boy it lerks inwardly.

It is time to take a long, hard look at yourself. 

Face it, own it and deal with it. 

In Christ we can do this well, with his help. If we are in Christ we MUST do this. 

In Christ we are free and we are able to live lives that are ever changing. 

Free from the bondage of sin. Free to live for Jesus. 

This new found honesty is, I think,is a good thing. It has created a space for white South Africans to really challenge one another. 

With patient kindness but with honesty we can call one another on our racist attitudes and actions. 

Let us hold one another accountable. 

We have to face up to the reality which exists where white South Africans live on the fruits of Apartheid. We need to think through social justice and creative, sustainable ways to be a part of the solution that redresses the wrongs set up by our past.. We may not have been perpetrators but we are benifitiaries. 

The long legs of the result of apartheid live on today. 

So, if we call ourselves a Christ follower what are to do. 

Trust in Christ

Pray 

Ask for forgiveness

Repent 

Live in step with Gods word by his spirit

Live in the freedom Christ has bought for you.

Act justly. 

I think that really learning to listen to the stories of people who lived life under Apartheid and who suffer now as a result, is an excellent way to start understsnding. 

Developing empathy and kindness towards those who suffer daily is part of the good works God has planned for us to do. 

True Christ followers are actually able to get this right. Why would I say this? Well, we have been set free from bondage to self and sin and have Gods spirit within us. We CAN and MUST patiently listen to the OTHER voices. The voices of the broken and angry who have been left out in the cold. 

We are also set free to pray. And on our knees is where we need to be. Pleading before the father for his work to change our hearts and our minds.

To root out racism in our own hearts that may lurk there. 

Why do we need a mind change? 

In relation to ourselves we need to change and in relation to how we thing about others, we need to change

South Africa is a deeply divided country. Divided in any and every way possible. We do division really well. We were taught well. To change this narrative seems impossible. In Christ we can be part of the solution. We must be part of the solution. 

Seemingly insurmountable barriers to relationships exist. Colour, class, gender, culture. You name it. We have it. 

And even in the church , among Gods people, we are divided. 

Should we march or should we not?

Should we travel to Bloemfontein to join in the giant prayer meeting or should we not?

My feeling on these issues is this...

In Christ we are free. Free to march and free not to. Free to travel and free not to. However, the issue for me is HOW we march and HOW we pray and what good works that leads us to do.

The attitude of our hearts is where we need to be challenged. Talking and sharing and really listening so that we can grow in our understanding of poor people and their issues or students and their point of view. :middle class black people and their view. 

We, dare I say , white Christians have an obligation , in our freedom, to not be sloppy with our thinking. Nor to be complacent in our living out of the gospel. If Jesus loves us into death, and he did, then we must love generously, sacraficially,, a costly kind of love.. A love that counts. 

Let's begin. 

When Christians dissapoint

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I did not grow up in a church culture. We never attended church as children, unless with a friend. We had no reference to biblical life lived out. So I live each step through the phases of my life with a fresh perspective of what it looks like to be christian. 

I have read countless books on marriage and parenting and the like. 

Some have been helpful and others not.

And yet there is nothing quite like living life - really living it through the thick and the thin - that builds and grows us.

God and his word; his purposes and plan and his power at work in and through us.

The adventure we are on called life.

and yet......

This post, is essentially about being disappointed by life in general and in particular being disappointed by our fellow christian pilgrims. 

I think it is safe to say, that  if you are a fellow believer in Jesus, you will have been disappointed by a fellow Christan. Disappointment walks alongside us as we journey through life and it is no stranger in the church.

People are sinners after all and we all say things and do things that rub.

We hurt one another often unintentionally and sometimes with intent.

The question is, " What on earth do we do with the hurt and disappointment?"

We can not simply just leave it because it is likely to grow a deep and bitter root.

We can not always talk about it because it is tricky to share with Christians about other Christians without tainting their view.

We must forgive , yes, but often the person really does not seem to care at all that they have hurt. They are oblivious to the havoc they have caused in a persons life and even to a point of ship wreaking faith. 

I have seen this in action. It is really sad to see. And yet, it happens all the time.

Sometimes I wonder if God's word really penetrates or if we choose to take the bits that help us most and suit us best. 

We are called to a new life in Christ and a new community living in unity. It is so deeply disappointing when this is not reality.

A wise friend told me that all our deep disappointments we must take to the foot of the cross. 

Here is where our troubles and chaos meet perfect love.

It is here, that we find hope and power to forgive and press on.

It is here we are empowered to love, even our enemy, because we are so loved by God.

I once read a story about a man who lived a life of mental illness. He was a depressed man at a time when there was no medication available. He often felt suicidal. He often tried to kill himself. He had a friend who walk through life with him. The friend loved him and cared for him. He helped him through his mental difficulties and often saved his life. 

This story is striking because the friend never ever gave up. Though it must have been difficult and costly. The friend sacrificed a great deal for his ill friend. This kind of walking alongside our fellow strugglers is not often seen. There is so much help now days, that people grow impatient and callous with those who struggle. 

While it is true that help is at hand, Christian community can go a very long way in supporting and encouraging ; in building up and helping as a very real part of the help.

I am therefore rebuked and encouraged to press on in Jesus and with his help. To forgive much; to love boldly; to take the messiness of life to the cross and to walk with his purposes and his plan as my goal.

When christians disappoint.... and they will.... to cry out to Jesus and not become "bitterly disapointed."
And honestly , on this topic, I have begun to look less to people and more to God. While people hurt and dissapoint us, God never, ever does.

on being ..Authentic and Real

Last night I had the extraordinary and rare opportunity to share my life story with a small group of women. 3 to be exact. 

We all have a story to tell. The story is our story to tell. it is real and living in the memory of our lives. It lives on through our daily experience as we journey on to the end. 

My story, which I have shared on my blog, is complicated and full. Full of all sorts of things that any good story would have to offer. It is not dull to listen to and it is frightening to contemplate. 

It is at its heart, the story of God redeeming his daughter and of his precious and perfect kind work in her life.

And so I shared!!

This morning I woke up and thought out loud.... Heck what have I done?

I had shared with three relative strangers, my hectic life story and now what. I felt as if I in that deeply uncomfortable  place called vulnerability. 

I still feel like that. 

It is far safer to be fake !

Or is it?

I think it is where people prefer to live. Life is great and all is well is far easier to cope with than anything real and authentic. 

And so today I wrestle with these feelings. I pray in all this that Jesus walked off my life story into the lives of two really special women and that they saw him and not me and all my broken , messy past.

Jesus is my redeemer and saviour and for that I am eternally grateful. 

The what if of a life without him is to horrendous to contemplate,

Jesus works with us and in us when we are real with him . My prayer for myself is that my past with count in the present and that as HE makes something good out of the broken, he proves himself real and authentic. 

*

Words with meaning

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I love these kinds of pithy sayings. Things that make one think about life in general and the things that really matter. I particularly like the one that says .... Be kind to unkind people, they need it the most.

The bible has a great deal to say about kindness. We have just finished a series in Ruth where God's kindness towards Naomi and Ruth is displayed in his povidence for them. God says a great deal about our words and I have written about words here before.

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I love that God is so clear about the way we are to treat each other. At the moment I am doing a study in Esther with a marvelous bunch of women who I am getting to know. We are doing a Beth Moore study. One of the interesting themes that has emerged is what Beth calles " meanness" but what I have called unkindness. She explores the root of Hamans hatred and hence deep unkindness towards the Jews. We discovered that Haman and Mordecai have a history that threads all the way back to the days of King Saul. Unkindness often has a history. One of the more disturbing thoughts about unkindess is that unkindess towards me often brings out the unkindness IN me. That is why I love these words.... Be kind to unkind people, they need it most. 

If you are honest with yourself, you will know that sometimes it is very difficult to be kind, really kind, to the unkind ; the unlovley ; the mean. And yet Jesus compels us to Love even our enemy. I know that these are very big asks from our Lord but I know that with his very real and minute by minute help, we can.

The life stories of people like Corrie ten Boom  and Dietrich Bonhoffer 

reflect that in times of extreme pressure , Jesus' help is real and his motivationfor life is true.

I know so many everyday people, who just through everyday living, reveal and ehibit the love of God towards others in many , many acts of kindness. 

All are real pictures of our Great God and his ultimate kindness towards us in giving Jesus to die on the cross. May these words that seem so good become the very fibres of our being and the very heart beat of our exsistance.

The right tools for the job

I am fairly exact about using the correct tool for the right job. In our home fabric scissors are for fabric (only or you will be threatened with near death:)) ; bread boards are for bread and non stick pans only get used with soft utensils.

The thing is I write here in jest because in reality  we cut other things on the bread board too and we have scratched the non stick pan ( only the fabric scissors rule still stands) . It helps to have the right tool for a job and makes it easier to work. Doug is a keen maker of things and he is good at it. I know his work is made easier by having good, solid tools that work well and fit the job.

In the same way I need many tools in this life. I also find that  I need the tools to tell someone about who Jesus is and what he has done for us. I need to at the very least have thought through some ideas in my own mind that I could share with someone who asks me about my faith in him.

And so it is with our kids. 

The boys have some friends at school who are decided atheists and talk about this a little.  We had been praying for these kids and mainly for an opportunity for our boys to share something of what they believe too. We gathered around the computer and walked through Two Ways to Live.

two ways to live : : the choice we all face

Here is the link if yu would like to check it out. Two Ways to Live provides a great gospel explanation in a very simple and clear way. Tools for me and also for my children to have if and when they need them. 

As we gathered around and shared each page then our two youngest who always say " I dont think I am a christian" recommitted their lives to Jesus. - again. Too precious!!

TThe Season, the heavy load and the forgetful

I love this picture. Can't you just smell all that wonderful bread. Well, you might be able to but I certainly can not. I think I have a damaged sense of smell. It all began when my genes knitted me together and the allergic ones were chosen.

 It is that time of year again when so many people suffer and struggle with allergies. If you are one of those who do, you will now exactly what I mean when I use words like struggle and suffer.  People will often ask me questions like, "do you have a cold?" and I usually answer, "oh, no it is JUST allergies."  But in truth, having allergies is really, really hard and makes each day a struggle.  They seem never to give up the attack and come out in full force when you least expect it. Over the years I have learnt, in part, to manage the effects of being allergic to everything beautiful , green or blooming but if I am realistic , it is a basic managing of something that really seems not to want to be controlled. 

I find that life is a lot like being allergic. I find being a Christian even more so. I suspect, if people were truly honest about themselves and their lives, they might come to similar conclusions. You see, I find life to be one,  long, continual struggle splattered here and there with times of fun and happiness but for the main part , much of it is like being a hamster on its wheel.  Spinning around and around. I imagine that my personality has much to do with my outlook on life as does yours. I know that my personal experiences throughout life have coloured my view as have yours.  I suspect we see life very much through these lenses whoever we are and whatever our world view. I suspect that we manage to squash and squeeze or beliefs into the shape they are according to these things too. 

Gods word works differently. If you have experienced Him and his word you will understand that we are to submit our thinking, believing, ideas, experiences and personalities to him and his word. In a very real sense we exchange the false glasses that we wear with his very beautiful and real ones.....  and yet I suspect that we struggle to do even this well. Perhaps if you do and you have it all sorted then you can count yourself 'blessed".

 

Life's struggles for most are eased by the success of their circumstances and if the circumstances of life are favorable, then all seems well. In Christian circles I find a strangeness here.  I say strange because we should not look like the world in our approach to struggles but sometimes we do...

Those who have little struggle in an area , lets say  marriage, finding work, health  or with finances and even issues like forgiveness seem to have a certain faith in that area.They seem to know exactly the way to overcome the struggle themselves  despite it not being something they are struggling with.Often the advice is to trust more or to just think in the right way about your problem. The message is " Just sort it out" - after all who wants to hang out with a struggler.   The quick fix approach to life's problems. Just do it and please dont get down about that again. God has sorted it once for all times.

I have observed though, that in the scary places God takes us; in those very places he knows we need to rest in him and where we can not in and of ourselves muster up even a tiny bit of trust ; I have observed that at that point all lips fall silent. I suspect we all have that place where God might stretch his hand and act so that we who are called by name and who can not trust , will depend whole heartedly on him and when that time comes it is good to have someone along side you who walk with you and hold you up when your knees fail you. 

I have two friends who are enduring Chemotherapy this very day in fact. Both are women , both have husbands and children. When the door to the world of cancer is opened, then many, many stories of others who are struggling this call, come out. " oh yes, my friend and ...I know someone." The struggle that these two brave, lovely Christian women face is for now, foreign to me. Their fear of the unknown is not. It would be heartless and wrong of me to tell them to trust more. Have more faith. The reality is when their knees are feeble and they stumble that God will give them trust in him according to their need. They can not gather up that which they do not have. So I pray for each of them that he will be very real to them and give to each as they need. I pray that I will be a friend who remembers that I am not worthy and yet I am accepted and so can walk along next to them and offer a hand to steady their way.

One often hears this said.... The church is full of hypocrites! While this may be true I find the church rather to be full of those who have forgotten. I often forget!!  I forget that God called me while I was still against him. I wanted nothing to do with him and yet he loved me. He died for me while I was happily getting on with life my way. and so I forget and many, many people have forgotten. Perhaps they have never really understood. He has called me to a new life full of his love and blessing but in honesty it is a life I dont find very easy. and yet this truth still stands....

I can do nothing to save myself and in fact all I do adds nothing nor does it subtract from that which God has done for me in Jesus Christ.  

and so I have forgotten.........because I forget to remember so easily I very quickly slot back into working , working, working my way to please him who in fact is already pleased.  The thing is I see people all around doing the same thing. We begin to expect from others to work harder or longer or more.  Even in the area of trust. Just trust more... as if I am able to do even this on my own and as if my trust will change my circumstances. The danger is that the forgetful become the judgmental and self righteous. Jesus met these kinds of  people when he walked on earth. He had a lot to say about them and to them. 

A friend bought me a book for my birthday. It is called The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. I began to read it this weekend. He writes in the foreword who he is writing for.  Here are some...

(Christians who....)

" It is for the sorely burdened who are still shifting the heavy suitcase from one hand to the other.

It is for the poor, weak, sinful men and women  with hereditary faults and limited talents.

It is for the bent and bruised who feel that their lives are a grave dissapointment to God.

It is for smart people who know they are stupid and honest people who know they are scallywags. "

Immediately I loved this book. My friend knew I would . Honesty and humility of our real situation before God and our real acceptance by him because of Jesus,  is something of worth to be reminded of so that we can truly love  others from the heart because we are truly loved and accepted. Love them because they too are sinners , broken and bent just like us. None is worthy. Many are made worthy.

The Fun and funny side of Easter- in our home

Life in the Falconer home this Easter was full and noisy. It was coming to the end of the two week school holidays and we had had a very busy visiting time. I like to do some crafty/ arty things around Easter so that we can remind ourselves about Jesus and what he did for us each on the cross. This year I decided that it might be nice to make a gospel bracelet each. Whenever we tackle one of these projects I know that they will never quite turn out like they do in books or on other people blogs. I actually quite like this. So the gospel bracelet making project began. The best part about these projects for me is the discussion and conversations that arise .

This time was no different. We talked about each colour and James read what each meant. I came to the Born Again bit and trusting Jesus for our forgiveness of sins bit and one son said " yes I have done that s o many times". I replied, ' ah, this is about Assurance." and quick of the mark he says, " oh, no mom. It is about Insurance."

Along with some other fun ideas I gleaned off the internet we decided to make Resurrection cookies. Dad pitched in and we got going. I remember from a few years ago that the "cookies" did not go down to well with the vinegar and the nuts so I decided to make plain old meringues.
To do this I used 2 different recipes and both had different ways to cook the meringues. Well in the end we landed up with delicious 'cookies' but alas with no cave like tomb inside. What a laugh. We had a yummy eat none the less.

Repentance

As we come again to this cherished and treasure time of year, Easter, I attended our churches annual Easter Convention. Our special guest speaker this year is Frank Retief. Frank is no stranger to us at St James and we love to hear him expound God's word for us. Last night was no different. Frank spoke to us of Jesus. He reminded us that it is Jesus who has reconciled us to God in his voluntary sacrifice on the cross. Along with the message from God's word and the wonderful worship , it was a good evening.

Why then am I so down cast. Why does my heart not soar as the music soars and why does my soul not stir at the words that bring life. And I know they do. So I begin the struggle that befalls me too often again. I wrestle with myself and then this afternoon I wrestle with God. I had the fortunate opportunity of having some time while I waited for one of our sons. 45 minutes to read and pray. I had taken along one of my favourite reads by John Piper called "What Jesus demands from the World". The reason I love this book is because each chapter is short. If you have had the good fortune of reading Piper you will totally understand what I mean when I say, Short is good. He packs each sentence with so much to think about in his usual style, that the shorter the better for me.

So, there I sit and start. I started with my notes from last night and then I began to read again Piper's chapter on Repentance. Jesus came with these words from the start. He said Repent for the kingdom of God is at hand. His message was about repentance and his message was a call on each and every person alive and once again I came face to face with that call on my soul.

The thing I came to realise again today is that I am a sinner and I need God to help me and need his work in my life to change my mind , continuously about who he and who I am. The inward change of my mind and heart is indeed a miracle and I need him to do that for me. So I found myself writing and writing and praying. I found myself in The Safe Place . How beautiful this safe place is. It is a feeling and it is a colour. It is the most perfect place to be and I love to be here. It is here, in The Safe Place that I know God has spoken and he has heard me and I thank Him.

After all this was done - again- I wrote a poem about it. Ill publish that next. God bless you reader and know that the God who flung the stars into space and causes the sun to shine on you is the God who loves you and died for you. This Easter , wont you come to him.

I am a follower of Jesus Christ

This Easter I have decided to write a post about becoming christian. There are those who I have come to know over the years , those I care for very much and who have crossed my path and I have crossed theirs. From time to time I put some words on Face Book or on my blog all about being a follower of Jesus . What in the world is this Jesus stuff all about?

I have been a Christian for about 20 years now. I was not brought up in a Christian home and I did not know God. I learned bible stories at school. I began to hear and learn rumblings of the true Jesus in my teens through a good friend's mom and a teacher who taught us RE. Both these women testified in a small and certain way to a relathionship with God. This was a tantalizing thought and one that came to gnaw at me and draw me to him all at the same time. Over the next 5 years or so , as my life journeyed on through matic and college, I met several authentic Chit Followers. People who love Jesus and loved me enough to share his love with me.

And so I slowly came to see the truth for myself. The ugly truth about myself and the beautiful truth about Jesus and what he has done for me on the cross. The ugly truth about myself is that I am a sinner. I am indeed that. There is no softening of the truth of this statement. I have willfully denied God as my rightful ruler and purposefully lived my life according to my own set of moral rules and judgments. The harsh and ugly truth.

And yet the honest and kind reply of God who has spoken into this sad scenario of mine is not to condem but to love and rescue. You see Jesus died on the cross in my place. He took the punishment that was meant for me and which I deserved and he took it onto himself. I am therefore free of God's judgment on me and have been set free to live - truly live.

God adopted me into his family and given me a knew desire to love and serve him for his Glory.

all this is what has happened in my life. Once I did not believe and now I do. There has been a change. I love Jesus and he is my Lord and my saviour. This Easter time, I pray that you will consider the claims of Jesus on your life. Trust him!

The Words we Use!

I just love this picture. It speaks of so much kindness and love wrapped up in words. I am indeed a words person and my key love language is "words of encouragement". It goes without saying that words matter to most of us. The things we say can encourage or they can hurt. Words are not just words but they carry with them messages as they journey on into the life of another. This morning I was listening to a radio broadcast of Focus on the Family from the USA. The circumstances of the people telling their painful stories was in connection with infertility. I was interested as I listened that their experience of the kinds of things people said to them , though well meaning and yet deeply hurtful , could be taken and applied to most painful life circumstances. I decided to write something of the experience that thoughtful and careless words have had in my life.

The journey that God has placed me on has been exciting and varied in many ways. I may not have been the most adventurous person on the planet but I have had my fair share of life adventure. There have been the usual great moments of joy, happiness and fun as well as those that bring grief and a real scense of loss and pain. Because I am a Christian and know that Jesus is real and at work in the world and in my life, I can reason and think through the circumstances of my life, be they good or sad, with Him as my reference point. Jesus has brought very real healing and help in many areas of my life. Through the tough times and great times too, I long and strive to see his hand and work and to keep on trusting that he has a plan. I say all this because this is the framework on which I hang life. Jesus is the reason I write the things I do and in this blog, the very heart of this theme - The words we use. Jesus is interested about the words we use and the Bible has a great deal to say about our tongue.

God is so gracious and kind and his kindness and grace has flowed like a river in my life. I do not deserve his love and quite honestly at times wonder why he bothers with me. He made me and so knows what makes me tick and although it has taken me all these 42 years to come to a more fuller understanding of myself and my reactions to life and people, He knows me totally. I say that he is kind because despite all the times I have messed up with the words I have used and there are many times, he has continued to gently show me how I fail and where I need to change or think about the words I use ; the way I speak ; when to be silent and when to talk. Oh to often I have ventured where man should not and trodden on the pain and heart ache of another. For all these times I am ashamed and sorry. But God is kind and longs for us to grow in goodness and kindness . He longs for us to be His hands and feet and yes even his mouth in this broken world and so he has continued to grow me in this area. I am far from perfect and He is far from finished with me but I am excited and eager on this journey.

As I listened to this talk today and heard how some of the things we say to people who are struggling can really hurt and not heal at all, I though not only of the times I had hurt or been insensitive but also the times people have hurt me. In the very dark and deep valleys of my life I have also experienced the sharp and thoughtless words of some well meaning person. When all is said and done and the valley recedes to reveal a bright peak again , I wonder not only at what the motive was for some of the really daft things said but also at the effects. The challenge is to forgive and to grow in godliness in all these situations.

I am convinced that when someone is in pain or struggling with life, the best thing to say is often nothing. Simply being there and allowing the person feel their pain with you just being there is often the perfect use of words. I wonder if people who mean well rush in with words because they feel they need to fix the situation. Other times people want to help with Gods words and there is a time for these when they will and do bring great comfort; but being still and present with someone in pain is often ok. In fact it is more than ok, it is a comfort and real help. I really appreciated the words of those who kindly acknowledged how tough it was and how painful it must be to ...... whatever the situation.

The old saying " sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never harm me" is not true. The things we say and the way we say them carry much healing or great pain. A helpful book on the topic of words is " Words that Hurt and Words that Heal" by Carole Mayhall. In it she uses biblical ideas to explore themes. it is a great and easy read and I have found it very helpful as God is transforming my words so that they can be a fountain of life and not a sledgehammer on the pain and brokenness and deep struggles of others.

I am so aware of my words and so aware of my failings in this area. May God continue to work - heal and curb ; use and shape me for his glory even in this area of my words ; words ; words!!

I am His

Excellence......... Achievement.............winning...........The Best............on top...........Highest score.......

These words and many more, just like these, are words I have been wrestling with and thinking about. What does it mean to be excellent at something. How can I rate myself and should I even bother? Does it matter? What if I am mediocre after all and nothing I do is every really excellent or the very, best of all?

The internet is literally full of ideas on excellence and achievement. We seem to live in at a time in history, when what matters most is -How well we do , How much we achieve and the measure of our achievements seems to be stuff. In other words the amount of things we accumulate, especially expensive things like houses full of lavish furniture and fancy cars and great schools etc, seems to be the outward mark of success.

Here are some quotes I found on excellence.....

" The noblest search is the search for excellence". L.B. Johnson

or

" Strive for perfection in everything. Take the best that exists and make it better. If it does not exist, create it. Accept nothing nearly right or good enough" - Henry Royce

I think these two quotes capture the heart of the striving of modern western mankind and we, because of where and when we live , are sucked into the vortex of excellence and striving and achieving that which is excellent. We are driven to be the very best and we aim to stand up above all other human beings so that we can be seen and recognised as the best.

While I think it is good to work hard and to use the gifts we have been given and do our very personal best, I am left wondering if the "striving for perfection in everything" is at a great cost. I am left to wonder at whether this message of making that which exist even better and always doing more and achieving more is indeed a worthy goal at all.

I wonder what God thinks of all this?

From my own personal experience, my own striving for perfection have generally come up empty handed in some way or another.It is incredibly difficult to maintain some level of perfect performance. It is quite frankly exhausting. So while I think it is good to do my best and use the gifts God has given me to do the best I can in any given situation , it seems and is tough.

Striving and working well towards a goal is indeed a good thing and in itself the accomplishment of a goal is a good thing too. Yet I find my myself pondering how all this striving for achievement is somehow not linked to our deep desire to be recognised and seen somehow as significant. Perhaps we desire so much to be admired or seen as excellent at something or another because deep down we long to " leave our mark" in this world. We long for our life to have meaning and so we make meaning in a way and that meaning is all wrapped up in achievement and perfection and doing well in this life.

"The secret of joy is contained in one word- excellence" - P.S.Buck

This quote says a great deal about where the heart finds joy but the big question flowing from this kind of idea is this; What if all I do is not excellent. What if all I do is simply "good enough" or just "OK" even mediocre? What does that say about my joy or my happiness or my value in this world.

The shifting standard of the worlds ideas on excellence and perfection and beauty and all the grand ideas are very difficult for most people to reach. In some areas we may succeed and in some areas few succeed. These are the hero's of the day paraded for us in Television and in magazines and newspapers. I think " good for them" and well done for and excellent performance. But most of us will not achieve these kinds of goals in life. I also wonder what personal or family sacrifices they had to make and at what cost did all the fame come at.

God has some very radical things to say about perfection. In stark contrast to the world and its standard of what is excellent, God has some very thought provoking things to say.

"You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." Matthew 5.48

Well, that lifted the standard and shifted the bar somewhat? So I am no longer to look to the worlds stand of perfection but God my Father who is perfect in every way must be my measure.

This is a great place to start. So I am to stop comparing myself to what the world around me says is the measure of excellence and I am to be perfect like God. Wow!! This is talking about moral purity and perfection and not our ward achievements but I think the two are linked in a way. I say this because the inner character of a person; who he or she really is morally will flow out in how he or she operates in life and sets about achieving and working out his/ her life. In other words the way we live our life is linked to the understanding we have about how we work as moral beings.
This verse also tells me what is important to God. God is interested in my character and my moral status . He is interested in what I think and how I speak and how I treat others . He is interested in what I do with my time, money, gifts and all that I am. He wants me to shift the standard of life from the world and lift it way way up. All the way up to HIM.

And so I find that the things that the world we live finds important and essential to what would be a great and excellent life are not how God measures. God values the things in my life in a very different way.

" Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own." Philippians 3:1

I just love this verse. It speaks about working hard - pressing on - never giving up - keeping on. The life of the Christian is all about pressing on. We are to leave what is behind us in the past and we are to persevere in this life. We are to work hard at keeping on the right pathway, that is God's way of living life which is found in the bible. The motivation is plain to see in this quote. Why do we press on? Well because Jesus has made us his own. How amazing. The God of the universe has made us the creature his own. We belong to him and so have enormous value and significance. We are his. If we rest in this valuable position we no longer need to look for our significance from others. We can stand in this precious position of value and love and a real belonging and we can shine for God. His opinion matters not man.

"But godliness with contentment is great gain" 1 Timothy 6:6

So to end end off I would like to focus on one of the key christian truths which help us to live well for God in this world. Thinking about and working towards practicing being satisfied , not only in our heads but in our hearts too is a key. If we ask God to give us this gift we will be living a life full of greatness and peace. Peace with him and peace about the gifts and achievements we may have or may indeed not have. We will be free to live a truly full life; full of passion and love for God and others in which we live with deep satisfaction with that which we have in every area of life.

There is so much more to be said about all this but I will stop here for now. In chatting to a special friend about all these issues we both decided that we would encourage each other that to remember that our value and significance is found in God - in Jesus Christ. So when our works look mediocre in this world and fall way short of the outward achievement standards set bu the world we live in, we remind ourselves to percervere in the way of life that God has placed his stamp of approval on. He loves us and approves of us if we are his. So rest if you are weary dear brother or sister in the Lord and take heart.

A struggle with Assurance

'For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

I have found these words in scripture to be of enormous encouragement over these last few days. For a while now I have been struggling with what I call Spiritual Depression. I have found myself through my circumstances and struggles , disconnected from the living God. The scriptures have become dry and dusty; mere words without comfort or challenge. I could no longer hear the voice of God as I read his word or sat in church. I felt depressed and without hope. My emotions completely underwhelmed me and all I know of our Great God simply slipped away. However hard I tried I just could not feel him , see him or hear his voice. I felt totally alone and very, very miserable.

However, when God is real and involved in a life he never ever lets them go. He is faithful and kind and living and at the right time he gently drew me back again. I had shared with my husband who was so encouraging prayed for me regularly ; I shared with my prayer friends who were equally loving and reassuring and I had shared with a friend my state. While they prayed and talked and reminded me of the truth that is and I seemed to sink deeper into despair , God was at work.

One day last week I had some time to read while waiting for children. I read Psalm 100 - God reminded me that I am to shout for joy and worship God with gladness because he is God and I am his child. The psalm goes on to say that we may enter his gates with thanksgiving and praise. It was with these very words that I was reminded that I am forgiven and that I may enter his presence . I may go into The Living God's very presence because of Jesus and I may be thankful. Wow! I was struck again of the simple truth of who God is and what he has done for me. I was restored and forgiven and he has removed my sin. I was back in the fold.

Then God in his grace gave me two reminders. Firstly he reminded me of who I am and how much he loves me through some good friends who share their lives with us and then through his word on Sunday which was from Romans 8:37. We were reminded with the beautiful truth that nothing , absolutely nothing will or can separate us from God's love that is found in Jesus.

And so once again I can stand and sing with my heart and my head -" you have promised you will lead us to your throne. We
here we will worship you and you alone". and "For one day we will stand before you Lord. Our all together beautiful reward. And we will give you glory, give you honour . King above all Kings. You deserve our everything. we will lift our voices with your praises. Jesus you are our King." tree 63 King.

I am so grateful that my being and staying faithful to God does not depend on my ability to love Jesus or serve him or obey him but rather is placed in his hands and so I know with certainty that I will stand before him one day. What a joy and comfort that is. I am so grateful for Christian friends who faithfully help us as we help them when we stumble and fall. We serve a mighty and most wonderful God and I can not wait to meet him face to face one day.

"being me"

I have been doing some thinking this weekend about what it means to be a person. A living , breathing, human being. Furthermore, what does it mean to be a woman. After all, that is what I am. A humans being, woman. What is that all about? What is it to be fully human and fully woman. I guess my thinking has been sparked by the horrendous news of woman and children being trafficked from countries like Nigeria to The Ivory Coast. These kinds of news stories always, always leave me feeling cold and lifeless. I find them so sad. What is the value of life? What is the value of human life? what on earth does that look like? Well, I know for sure it is not bound up in the buying and selling of human beings. But what is it. Do I.... Do you .... have value and what does that look like
????

In the past, I would have struggles to find good and lasting reasons that had much depth. But now that I am a Christian I find I have enormous and lasting value as a person. This is the value that God has given me because I was his design; his idea from the start and included in this is a good and lasting plan for my life. In Christ I find my value.

John 15:16
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last.

I have been chosen; chosen by the living God to be his. I belong to him and in him I have immense and great value. So when I stumble and the voice of the world we live draws me in; seducing me with false ideas of what it means to have value as a person. When the outer facade of the body is called upon to be the most valuable possession I have; when the fear of having failed yet again to measure up in this increasingly women dominated, women achieving world - when this fear presents itself to me and I deem myself a failure who has nothing to give; I am reminded by God's living word that I have value in him and through him and because of him. All praise be to God.

The craziness and loveliness of my children and our Great God!!!

Yesterday was a busy day. Wednesday's just are like that for us. Rush here and fetch there ; encourage as a swimming lesson is in progress as the nights bible study group swirls around in my thinking.

Finally we rush in and arrive at the dinner table, in drips and drabs I might add, both literally and figuratively.

That is when the most awesome conversation about God and his great salvation work occurs. Just like that and quite out of the blue.

My precious Tom shared is anxiety about being saved. "Yes but will I get to heaven mom?" I reassure him as best I can and we talk about asking God to forgive him because of what Jesus has done at the cross. " Have you done this Tom?" I ask, fully knowing that he has. He replies, " about 7 times mom". Then it is done my sweet boy. It is done. We chat some more and then I casually ask around the table. First comes Samuel. "Have you asked God to forgive you Sam?" ..............
In true Samuel style he ponders this question a while and then says, " I think...mmm but maybe not." " Well then why don't you now." So Sam asks God to forgive him and then so does Jethro as the munch down their pasta.

I love they way God works and is so very kind and practical and surprising. I love that he helps the smallest child and the oldest person understand his great truth. I love that he is so mighty and powerful and yet so at work in our lives.

Yesterday a book I had been searching for arrived. For a very long time, prompted by my 10 year old theological questions, I have felt we needed a tool to help answer some of these. A book aimed at children about theology would be good. I asked around and looked but came up with ... well not much. Then a friend recommended a book. I am reading it with James and Thomas together. Last night we read chapter one called God's word and God's own life as God. It was fantastic. The ideas we explore were that we can only know God because he has revealed himself to us. Theology for kids. Thank you Lord!!

The book is called 'Big Triths for Young Hearts' by Bruce A. Ware. Highly recommended.