The Words we Use!

I just love this picture. It speaks of so much kindness and love wrapped up in words. I am indeed a words person and my key love language is "words of encouragement". It goes without saying that words matter to most of us. The things we say can encourage or they can hurt. Words are not just words but they carry with them messages as they journey on into the life of another. This morning I was listening to a radio broadcast of Focus on the Family from the USA. The circumstances of the people telling their painful stories was in connection with infertility. I was interested as I listened that their experience of the kinds of things people said to them , though well meaning and yet deeply hurtful , could be taken and applied to most painful life circumstances. I decided to write something of the experience that thoughtful and careless words have had in my life.

The journey that God has placed me on has been exciting and varied in many ways. I may not have been the most adventurous person on the planet but I have had my fair share of life adventure. There have been the usual great moments of joy, happiness and fun as well as those that bring grief and a real scense of loss and pain. Because I am a Christian and know that Jesus is real and at work in the world and in my life, I can reason and think through the circumstances of my life, be they good or sad, with Him as my reference point. Jesus has brought very real healing and help in many areas of my life. Through the tough times and great times too, I long and strive to see his hand and work and to keep on trusting that he has a plan. I say all this because this is the framework on which I hang life. Jesus is the reason I write the things I do and in this blog, the very heart of this theme - The words we use. Jesus is interested about the words we use and the Bible has a great deal to say about our tongue.

God is so gracious and kind and his kindness and grace has flowed like a river in my life. I do not deserve his love and quite honestly at times wonder why he bothers with me. He made me and so knows what makes me tick and although it has taken me all these 42 years to come to a more fuller understanding of myself and my reactions to life and people, He knows me totally. I say that he is kind because despite all the times I have messed up with the words I have used and there are many times, he has continued to gently show me how I fail and where I need to change or think about the words I use ; the way I speak ; when to be silent and when to talk. Oh to often I have ventured where man should not and trodden on the pain and heart ache of another. For all these times I am ashamed and sorry. But God is kind and longs for us to grow in goodness and kindness . He longs for us to be His hands and feet and yes even his mouth in this broken world and so he has continued to grow me in this area. I am far from perfect and He is far from finished with me but I am excited and eager on this journey.

As I listened to this talk today and heard how some of the things we say to people who are struggling can really hurt and not heal at all, I though not only of the times I had hurt or been insensitive but also the times people have hurt me. In the very dark and deep valleys of my life I have also experienced the sharp and thoughtless words of some well meaning person. When all is said and done and the valley recedes to reveal a bright peak again , I wonder not only at what the motive was for some of the really daft things said but also at the effects. The challenge is to forgive and to grow in godliness in all these situations.

I am convinced that when someone is in pain or struggling with life, the best thing to say is often nothing. Simply being there and allowing the person feel their pain with you just being there is often the perfect use of words. I wonder if people who mean well rush in with words because they feel they need to fix the situation. Other times people want to help with Gods words and there is a time for these when they will and do bring great comfort; but being still and present with someone in pain is often ok. In fact it is more than ok, it is a comfort and real help. I really appreciated the words of those who kindly acknowledged how tough it was and how painful it must be to ...... whatever the situation.

The old saying " sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never harm me" is not true. The things we say and the way we say them carry much healing or great pain. A helpful book on the topic of words is " Words that Hurt and Words that Heal" by Carole Mayhall. In it she uses biblical ideas to explore themes. it is a great and easy read and I have found it very helpful as God is transforming my words so that they can be a fountain of life and not a sledgehammer on the pain and brokenness and deep struggles of others.

I am so aware of my words and so aware of my failings in this area. May God continue to work - heal and curb ; use and shape me for his glory even in this area of my words ; words ; words!!