Despite ADHD conquering his world

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Our son Thomas is 13 years old. He is grade 7 which is the last year of primary school in the South African school system. Next year, he will join our oldest son at one of the top high schools in the Western Cape. We are thrilled at all this.

Let me tell you something about Thomas.

He is an energetic, fun, sport loving, highly inquisitive, bright and challenging child. 

He is one of the hardest working children I have met, and I have worked with many children , tutoring them in Maths and Afrikaans, in addition to having my own four children. I dont just say this because he is my son. I say this because it is true. over weekends and into the night he will set his mind to a task. He will say not to a beloved hockey fun gathering so he can complete a science poster. 

Thomas!

Thomas is off to Hong Kong this Thursday, as part of a team of 4 children. They are taking part in an international Maths competition.

Thomas is a highly gifted child. We have known this since he could speak. God has given him a fabulous brain which works well and is fun to share in. May god grant Thomas the grace to use it for Gods glory!

Thomas has achieved exception in Hockey and squash , art and in academics. He is an exceptional child with a fast Wit and great sense of humour.

Lazy is not part of his vocab!

Thomas is ADHD. 

He is impulsive in body,  speech, actions , emotions and thought. He is exceptionally fast thinker and talker!

To win an argument is tricky. To get a word in is almost impossible.

He is a joy and a challenge to parent.

He is supper bright and a great kid,

We love him with all our heart!

Thomas has achieved exceptional things, considering ADHD. 

He has to work harder, overcome more, contain his wondering thoughts, navigate daily boredom, study three times as hard as another child - conquering his working memory struggle and he keeps on track with his impulsive brain in tow!

For those who do not know ADHD or live with it, these words will seem, well ho hum, but for those who get it; have it; love it and live it, you will understand that against the odds, this child has really done exceptionally well.

He deserves the praise- double time!!

It has not been easy - not the work content - but the work load; not the understanding but the remembering and holding the mundane and boring ( for him) so he can use it again. 

Thomas Adam Falconer , you have surprised us all and conquored much. Well done darling boy. We are grateful for his school where opportunities have been offered for children like Thomas to grab and go. 

 May god continue to be merciful as you journey on into high school. God is glorified in you as you live for him!

Go Team Hong Kong South Africa.

The profound working of Ritalin

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Ritalin, The one word that causes such confusion and such disagreement. People have incredibly strong opinions about Ritalin. Ritalin is in fact the brand name for the drug metholphenidat. 

We are an ADHD family and we use Ritalin.

I have written a great deal about ADHD including the use of medication so this is not all I think nor is it all we have journeyed through together. 

This weekend we had one of those experiences that further underlined our very positive experience of the use of medication for helping ADHD.

Two of our 4 children have been diagnosed ADHD. Both take different dose of Ritalin LA. 

The LA Ritalin 10 is fairly new in SA and for some or other reason is out of supply at the moment. I switched our little guy to the short acting tab while we wait. Short acting Ritalin lasts for about 4 hours and so we need to give another dose at lunchtime. We have been forgetting:(. 

I had totally forgotten how angry; frustrated; blow-up, irrational and uncooperative this little chap was off Ritalin. Wow oh wow. We have been reminded.  He has not experienced those deep and overwhelming emotions for a very long time. These out of control one that are often part and parcel of ADHD.

And so we are again so grateful for the positive and helpful effects that medication has had for us and for this son. 

Our second part of the Ritalin affirmation came with our older son. He is 12 and at the moment has to prepare for an oral. His topic required research. He had been working on it for a long while and then asked me to read his work. 

The quality of his work was both way below his normal functioning and really , really short. It did not flow well and his ideas were all scattered. 

He told me he had written it off meds.

Take two was on meds and unfortunately we did not keep the first draft, but it is really interesting how these two written pieces were from the same child. It was honestly hard to believe.

For children who need help with meds, these meds are truly a life changer!

How to help an ADHD kid as seen through the eyes of an ADHD kid:)

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Last night while sitting chatting to my husband and our second son, Thomas, we began to have one of those fabulous conversations. You know the kind of conversation I mean. Those that are both fun and profound.

Both Thomas and Doug are ADHD and so this conversation was both full and brief. For those of you who are ADHD or who love those who are, will totally understand what I mean by this. Brief and full!!

Thomas began by saying he though that someone should make an ADHD school. I began to write down the few ideas that he thought would make a school great for ADHD kids.

Here they are.....

1. Posters on the wall that change every day. This would keep the classroom interesting all the time.

2. rooms that changed regularly. Not in the way that made people confused but that just made life at school more interesting. :)

3. during the lesson --- cut to the chase---- get to the point.

at this point Doug joined in and there was a lot of yes and oh   that would be great and that is so awful when the teacher .....

I just loved this. A sharing of the ADHD journey with dad and kid amongst the laughter and fun and will, some very valid points in my opinion.

the list goes on....

4. The teacher should never, ever repeat himself or herself - ever - ever....

5.ha.. a buzzer on the desk that indicated when the child has 'got'  point so the teacher could swiftly move on...

6. speed things up a bit... not so much so that too much homework is given:)

At this point Doug shared his love for watching you tube DVD because I can speed it up and listen to it double time.

Then we were done!!

In praise of every mom behind an ADHD son ( or daughter)

A friend of mine lent me a book called, "Raising Boys with ADHD." by James Forgan and Mary Richey

It begins with these words....

We know that behind every successful boy with ADHD , is a tired mom. I had to laugh out loud because this is indeed true.

Emotionally tired, physically tired, tired of worrying and thinking of new ways to help, support and guide their busy, talkative, distracted, emotional son. and yet ever hopeful and never, ever giving up!!

Yesterday I met up with a bunch of women for coffee. We shared something of our present struggles around parenting sons who are ADHD. As I reflected upon their individual stories I again came to realise that I simply admire these women. Women who in the midst of real struggles , press on and never give up with and for their son. 

This short blog post is written to salute these women and many more like them. I want to encourage you to keep on going. Thanks for you encouragement and example. Thanks for ideas and for listening.

I used to have a support group for ADHD mothers and these fine ladies have encouraged me to start it up again. A safe space to challenge, listen and encourage one another as we parent our ADHD sons.

Understanding ADHD at our school - a first.

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This week we had the great opportunity to come together at our local primary school and listen to a specialist in ADHD. I was part of a team of people who put the talk together . it was a special evening on many levels. The topic drew a large group of parents , teachers and other professionals. It was indeed a very good evening. Our guest speaker spoke from a scientific , research base and from her own personal experience of helping treat children on the spectrum of ADHD. 

Her talk was informative and helpful. it focused on what ADHD is. She shared information on the importance of being diagnosed properly and with care. 

She gave some of her perspective on our beloved country and ADHD. The experiences we do not share with her. Those of the children from broken and poorer communities.

She reminded us that children get distracted for many reasons.

This notion that ADHD is mainly about distraction is argued against by Dr. Russel Barkley in the link below. Yes, ADHD children are distracted but it is NOT a disorder of distraction. Therefore many children who are distracted are NOT ADHD. ADHD is a disorder of the impulses!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCAGc-rkIfo

She talked about medication.

She was clear, concise and we were left in no doubt the ADHD is real.

The thing I loved about her talk was the confidence it gave me as a parent. We went through the same vigorous assessments with our specialist and other professionals who know what ADHD is. We too, have traveled down the path of check lists and double check lists, of long and careful family history; of going where our own ADHD childhood pain lives. 

The take home message for me was one of confidence. 

We have a careful and thorough diagnosis of our 2 children.

They are ADHD.

ADHD is something that is real and is to be taken seriously.

If we have gone down the road of specialist care and help with our child. We, as most parents I speak to , have not just popped of to someone who DOES NOT know what ADHD is and DOES NOT do a real and proper diagnoses. We are not just asking for medication so that our children can sit still. The diagnoses of a child with ADHD is serious stuff. it is taken seriously by parents and specialists in this field.

Please then lets ALL take it seriously.

For parents and family, friends and teachers who work with with our children-

the message is clear

- we have had a specialist diagnose and treat our child

Please take the diagnoses seriously and work with us as we treat, help, support and grow these children into adults who can function well in society.

There is more to treating ADHD than simply popping a pill.

 

The offer of 'healing' ADHD in Parents name!!

Today I write a post that has both angered and saddened me- deeply!!

I am all for reading interesting ideas and help on ADHD and will look at lots of stuff around this topic. Today I was sent a name of an American woman who offers the most amazing thing for our ADHD children. 

 This is an offer not to be missed or taken lightly!

I am all for seeing the 'blessing' in the ADHD brain. This little picture above is an example of what I mean. Today's visit to this site was, for me, a really painful experience. It was one that actually shocked me and has opend the door to all the 'amazing' offers to us, as parents of ADHD children.

Do not get me wrong. I am a Christian and I know the power of God to be real and active. ONLY he can heal and has the right and authority over illness, disability, struggles and even death. 

I know in whom I trust to have to power to do the healing. 

God does his work as he wills. He heals who he chooses. 

We ask and he acts - in his forever and always love towards his people.

I get very upset when anyone offers healing ---- certain and sure.

So, this woman's offer is quite amazing. She offers me, a mother of ADHD children, the ability  and power to take charge of my child's brain. She offers me the power to heal his ADHD brain. 

This is the most mind blowing offer ever, excuse the pun.

' It is time for parents to take charge and claim the power to heal their children', are the exact words on her home page.

At this point I really , really become very angry.

This is a false offer of hope for parents who are desperate. It is not only a false offer of hope but a cruel one too.

Please hear me. She might very well have a programme that helps with children and their behaviour. But her offer is for healing. 

 Worse still, is the burden it places on any parent who reads her offer and then refuses it. 

I guess this is what the expert in ADHD and brain development and understanding call the junk information on this topic. To be avoided at all costs. 

I would love my child to struggle less in this life. We work extremely hard at trying all sorts of things to help our children at their point of need. But never... not ever, could I or would I hold the claim that I could heal my child. 

That is the work of God and God alone. I , thankfully am not him!! 

So, beware of the offers available. Take them at your own peril! 

ADHD - Special indeed!!

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I am privaledged to be counted among those who bear the name Jesus.

From time to time, I write about ADHD and my faith. 

I can not separate these in my thinking and indeed in my being, because my faith is an integral part of who I am and who our family is. Trusting Jesus and his death on the cross - living for him and under his loving rule, is the only thing that makes sense.

My faith in him, is the umbrella , the banner, the very essence of why I am alive and gives me the perfect, clear and wonderful direction and purpose to this life.

Being an ADHD family is not without its struggles. I have written about these on many occasions. 

The way the neurological system of an ADHD child and indeed and adult works is fundamentally different from that of another child. it is A Typical. As we travel on this journey as parents and as a family we continue to hold onto these truths.

God is real and kind

He is all loving and has not, for one second, stopped loving us

He made each one of our children and has a purpose and plan for there lives

We can trust him with each son

He has totally forgiven us at the cross AND

we are therefore able to forgive each other as we struggle

We are able to forgive the public and there harsh, misunderstaning towards ADHD

We are free to live lives pleasing to him

He is at work in and through us for our good and his glory

We are not ever alone

and then....

God has chosen the foolish things of this world to shame the wise-

He has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the strong.... Jesus was weak and poor and without human status. He died a cruel and shameful death of a criminal. The God who called the universe into being, hanged on a cruel cross, beaten and in a mess. 

He died for each man, woman and child who has ever lived and who ever will.

If they will come to him, he will forgve them.

He has done it all for us.

He knows what it is to be weak, poor, humbled and rejected. 

Jesus walked this life and totally understands our pain and struggles. We can come to him with anything.

And we do...

The special needs of an ADHD child are important to God.

He can take this child, these children and in him, he can use them for his glory, despite their very real and sometimes forever struggles.

Today, I was reminded of this and I was encouraged

With Jesus the ADHD child is special indeed!!!

 

 

ADHD - Local is Lekker- Join us as we bring awareness to living with ADHD.

ADHD in Adults - What is it?

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyDliT0GZpE

Russel Barkley explains ADHD excellently. 

Check this out!!!

The Adult ADHD person has greater impulivity with emotions ; time managament is a struggle; impulsive decision making .... listen to this and you will learn why this is.

ADHD - You are your child's frontal lobe!

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ADHD is a neurological disorder of the frontal lobe. ADHD children struggle with functioning on many levels and across all areas. ADHD is NOT a lack of KNOWLEDGE or SKILL. They do not need to learn How To but they need help with taking what they know and functioning well with it. 

Time is an issue for ADHD children.

There are many great ideas to help kids work within  a certain time frame. I have found setting timers work well. Stop watches work well. Dr Barkley suggested a cool thing.... taking a large amount of work like 20 maths problems, and dividing them up into shorter, manageable groups or bits. This is, in his words, so as not to TORTURE the ATTENTION SPAN. Don't you just love this idea. An ADHD child already struggles with paying attention especially to dull and repetitive things like list of words or loads of maths problems. So , by breaking it into small chunks, they can have a brain rest in between and a reward in between. Lots and lots of praise!!

His big idea which is brilliant is called Time off the clock. Here, instead of giving and ADHD more time in a test etc, they get the exact same amount of time as everyone else BUT by using a stop watch, they get to take frequent BRAIN rests along the way. These are short and quick and they are held by stopping the watch. When the child works on the test again, the time runs. This whole process takes longer but the child gets the same time as all the others. BRILLIANT!!!!

So, the great news is that there are excellent ideas and studies being conducted that are going to revolutionise the way ADHD kids get to write tests etc. The difficult news for us, as parents, is that we really need to be our child's frontal lobe. We need to create and environment for him, that will aid and help him where he struggles on his own. 

Realistic, age appropriate and child appropriate expectations work. 

Medication works.

frequent, consequences and rewards work to keep the child motivated and plugged in and NOT necessarily cause behaviour to become internalised. -This bit of news is difficult to hear ( for me that is) but I guess it is part of the owning of the ADHD. 

Our kids are growing, changing and learning and their brains are growing, changing and learning. 

We are either going to be part of the solution or part of the problem. 

I choose to be a frontal lobe for my children - whenever theirs fails them:)

ADHD - a talk ALL parents of ADHD kids should listen to.

I have been listening to this talk over the last 2 weeks. I recommend it to you if you are an ADHD family. It is LONG but well worth it. I have learnt a great deal of new and helpful ideas .

 Essential Parenting Youtube talk for ADHD parents. A must.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCAGc-rkIfo

How to get an ADHD child to do what you ask them to do -- 2 hot tips.

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There are not many things in life that I would love to have but just can not  - and that is ok. As a Chrisitan , I know God is at work in me helping me to be content and that contenetment with godliness is great gain. One thing I would love to give our family is this opportunity.

In the USA Dr Barkley runs an ADHD clinic for families. Oh how I would LOVE to take our family off there and get some help.

If you have an ADHD family, you will totally understand this.

But, having said this, he has given some excellent and helpful talks via the Internet and so we have some help at hand.

This post is about getting the ADHD child to act.... to do... to follow instructions.

I write about this because following through with an action is very difficult for ADHD children and they often, more often than not, will 'fail' in this area. 

Here are some hot tips from Barkley that he shares with the families who visit his clinic. 

Turn off the telly or any other noisy object when giving an instruction.

Take the child gently by the arm - touch them in some way. 

Get them to look you in the eye

give short instructions

expect follow through

and praise!!!!!

Touch and talk. 

This is his advice and to be totally honest with you we have been trying this with our children this week and it has really worked.

It requires the adult to engage totally in the child's world and to step back out of the thing that captivates us most.

We have usually relied on the 'verbal sprinkling' kind of parenting . You give the instruction, out loud, and expect the child to get on the job. This has failed terribly with our ADHD, especially our one son, who is totally not motivated by his own goal or actually my goal. He is stuck in the moment , enjoying his game and actually seems totally not to hear me. But, now, if I touch and talk, then we shift things for both of us. 

Radical change. 

He HEARS me and know what I expect and then can act. 

ADHD children are NOT stupid. They have loads of knowledge. They just have struggle effectively executing it. A silly example is... I know how to brush my teeth. I do not need you to show me how to do it,. I do not brush my teeth NOT because I do not know HOW but I lack the ability to follow through with the action.

We, the adults, need to change the ENVIRONMENT to help the ADHD child work and succeed. This was revolutionary to me. I supose I have been doing this already.... We have as a family. But now, it just seems to make more sence. Changing the environment to help the child experience success is a win win way of opperating. 

He talks a great deal about increasing the frequency of consequences. Not as a punishment or as a means to change behaviour ( this is unlikely in ADHD children) but as a way to get them to behave appropriately and to do what needs to be done. 

The ADHD child does not have a strong internal motivation system. Time and goal setting does not motivate them. An interesting project will probably motive them. If these do not, then we, the parents need to set EXTERNAL motivations like rewards or something that helps the child keep going.

This makes total sense to me but is very difficult to set up and get going.It requires a lot of energy, thought and creative ideas. It requires God's grace!!

I hope that these ideas help someone. I know that they really shifted some ways of parenting and expectations for me as a mom of ADHD children.

The adventure continues.

Feeling good - ADHD , The emotional rollercoaster.

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 If you are an ADHD family you will know that emotions and managing emotions is something ADHD children really struggle with. 

Up until the 1970's the emotional impulsively was a core feature in understanding ADHD and in diagnosing it. The difficulty that children with ADHD have in controlling anger, frustration, sadness and the quick and obvious outward display of these emotions , is very much, I think, part of ADHD. The child fails to regulate his emotions and struggles to self-calm. 

The 0 to 100 in a split second is what we call it in our home. 

The ADHD child struggles terribly with frustration and impatients. 

I have several, daily examples of this with our boys. This aspect of ADHD is both difficult to parent and extremely painful for me as a mom. I see before me a child who is so deeply saddened by something and who can not cope with that feeling. 

Similarly, when he feels frustrated and or angered he will respond and this response will be irrational and impulsive. 

Ritalin and other meds have and do help to calm the emotions and bring the inner chaos and neurological inability to self-control into some order.

It is this aspect of ADHD that causes children to struggle with friendships. Dr Russel Barkley speaks about this in his talks to parents with children who are ADHD. It is well worth a listen. 

I agree with him that other children lack patience and perseverance with children who are emotionally volatile. This is heart breaking for parents. Our ADHD children often have no friends or their friends lack the insight and ability to help them in the struggle. Understandably. 

Last weekend we had some fun with emotional stuff and our kids. 

I made a sensory bottle filled with glitter and beautiful stuff to look at for our ADHD boy who struggles terribly with impulsive anger and frustration. This was to be a calming bottle. We talked about his struggle together. I gave the bottle to him and he loved it. All the while the others whispered... I think glass was not a good idea mom. Round 2 will be made of plastic. 

:)

 

 

ADHD time blindness

 

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I have written a post on time and ADHD. 

This is some more on the important issue of Time and ADHD.

 Taken from a talk by Dr Russel Barkley.

ADHD kids and adults have what is called a kind of Time Blindness.

This means that an ADHD child lives in the now... in the moment. 

His brain has not got the hindsight voice that works backwards and whispers all that is learnt from experience. This voice is very weak in and ADHD child. He also lacks the future reference that a goal orientated brain would have. His forward planning brain also functions poorly. This means that the time for an ADHD person is NOW.

He is blind to time. Time has no meaning and he operates without any or very little reference to time.

This means that the ADHD child is often living life from one crisis to another in relation to planning and work. The ADHD child has an inability to organise his thinking for the future. He is unable to organise himself around a future intention or goal. 

This is profound!!

Once we realised this was the cause for my husband, many things changed for us. We began to operate in a totally different way with each other and in our marriage.

Firstly, my expectations changed. 

Secondly , my planning changed to include reminding him about the future dates and plans that I know know he has little or no organisational functioning towards.

EVER.

People often say to me, "oh that is just a man thing,my husband does that too."

I use the word ever because this time blindness is not an occasional thing. it is a forever and alwasy thing. ADHD children opperate like this all the time and so do ADHD adults. 

They struggle to plan forward. 

This Time Blindness has a profound effect on our ADHD children. They live in the moment. There is little if no thought for the future planning in any way in the day. 

So, if I have to remeber to take a book home at the end of the day for my afternoon study time. What are the chances of him planning to take it ahead of time and remebering to take it.

 Time managment for ADHD children has to happen  EXTERNALLY. 

This is new thinking for me and I am really still trying to get my head totally around it.

In part I have been doing this for my boys but I guess hoping that they will internalise the time thing for themselves. In part, this is better for the older son. I have had a good routine runing for him, since he began school and I reason that that routine was keeping time for him, externally. 

 I guess this means that the child might not learn to manage time internally , for himself, perhaps every. He will need to manipulate the environment to help with managing time. This is what we are going to try in our family going forward. Instead of trying and failing to get the ADHD child to fit into the time based way of thinking that most kids can handle, we need something new and something that works for our ADHD children.

Dr Russel Barkley suggests lots of timers , post-it notes, remeinders on phones, colourful notes and lists . Anything and everything needs to be tried and experiemented with, so that something that works can be found. 

The ADHD time blind child needs external visual reminders so that he can be alerted to time and so he can function well.

Here goes experiment number one.....

:)

Dear ADHD Parents.

I am a parent of 2 ADHD children and I am married to a wonderful man, husband and father, who is ADHD.  We have been thinking a great deal about ADHD in our home of late. Part of this has sprung up from the very real struggles ADHD children have as they navigate life and our inability to parent these difficulties with successful outcomes AND a permanent change in behaviour.

If you are a parent of an ADHD child you will know what I mean by this. 

There are some behaviours that just do not seem to change. 

The child does not seem to be internalising these for himself and needs us, the adult, to remind and remind and remind and sometimes do it for them. 

These can be things like...

1. making a bed

2. brushing teeth

3. writing down all the homework

4. remembering books from school

5. remembering to pack a bag

6. what day is it?

7.where are my shoes... again?

8. I should not do this 'thing' that got me into trouble last time... but here I go again

Do these sound familiar to you?

This is ADHD.

In our more up to date search for information and ideas and help I came across two excellent talks that I have spoken about. 

Both Doug and I have learnt an enormous amount from listening to these talks. 

Here is what the speaker, Dr Russel Barkley, encouraged all parent with ADHD children to do.

Here they are...

1. get a good, evaluation of your child by and EXPERT in ADHD.

Linked to this is becoming an experimenting parent. In other words try stuff. Some stuff works for some kids and some does not. I know this is true in our home. Our one son is motivated by competitionand so he is driven to win. The other is not and so we struggle on to find something that motivates him to endure and persisit in activities that are boring and not interesting foe him.

2.become an expert on ADHD yourself.

read, research and read again. The Internet is FULL of information on ADHD and in fact when he googles ADHD he came up with 14 million sites. Clearly we can not read them all and to be honest I would not want to read many of them. BUT there are good sites  with sound , up to date information on ADHD. They will have a common thread running through them and not offer all kinds of wonderful JUNK that will not help us or our children one little bit.

3. Medicate. Medication is the one effective solution to all ADHD children that works so far.

The main reason for this is that we can not always be there with our child to help him navigate the difficulties he will experience in life. Medication does for his brain what it can not do for itself. Much like a diabetic and insulin!

4. Suck it Up. This was Dr Russel Barkley's advice to us. OWN our child's ADHD. It is real. It exists and we need to face it and accept it.

ADHD is not all of who our child is. He is a beautiful and unique person with gifts and talents that have nothing to do with ADHD. His is a boy who is ADHD. ADHD is part of who he is.

I found this very, very real and helpful. 

I hope you do to.

XX

Whats new about ADHD ?

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 The New ADHD

It is ADHD Awareness month- October.

I have been doing a great deal of writing, reading, thinking and praying around ADHD. I have listened to 2 excellent talks from the USA, on ADHD. Both these were totally mind blowing , clear and helpful. The one made me really, really sad.

We are desperately trying to live as an ADHD family with a good and healthy mindset around ADHD.  I guess this talk was totally realistic  in explaining the up to date research on the brain and so it really lacked empathy for those of us who have children who are ADHD and who are perhaps ADHD ourselves.

Be that as it may, one can not negate the information because of the WAY the person gave the message.

The key thing I am hearing around up to date ADHD information is this…

ADHD is called the wrong thing.

I suspect that over the next 5 years it will become clear what we should have called it and it will change in name.

Living with the experience of ADHD I totally agree with this thinking. ADHD is far to limiting and as this Dr argued in the talk, it therefore does not express or explain the real and serious issues around an ADHD person.

 This means that people do not take these children seriously!!!

They do not take the diagnosis seriously. It also means that some children are diagnosed ADHD who are not.

Last night , as I listened carefully to his explanation on brain activity and what we see in behaviour from an ADHD child and adult, I was comforted and deeply saddened that our family is indeed and ADHD family.

There is absolutely no doubt in our minds.

Do you know that the first medical documentation of ADHD was in 1798.

It has been around forever and is NOT a modern construct. What has happened is that ADHD one of the key brain research areas and so more and more information is coming to light.

If you have ADHD in your family, you really should listen to these two talks. They are long but you will do yourself an enormous favour by listening to them.

I will post the links here.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCAGc-rkIfo

I just end this post with a prayer for all of us who deal with this issue.

Loving Heavenly Father

I come before you this morning

Knowing and trusting in you.

Lord you made each one of these precious children

And adults.

Lord you totally understand the way their brains work.

Lord you love us.

Please would you pour grace onto and into our lives as we think and live with each other.

Give us wisdom beyond human measure

Give us grace and forgiveness.

Help those who are struggling with ADHD and all its complexities.

Lord give grace and insight to teachers, parents, and all who work with these children.

Help them to develop and grow well so that they can live well as adults.

Would you be at work, revealing yourself to them

Show each their need for your forgiveness and real help.

AMEN.

ADHD - a heart response

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Like most if not all parents we want the best for our kids. As a Christian mom, I know that God wants the absolute best for our sons. He made them and knows them. He totally understands what makes each of them tick and he especially understands their ADHD.
The way God works out the best he has plained for our sons, often does not look like we think it should.( I have written a great deal about suffering and pain and God at work so will not go into this here. )

We trust him.
We know that in ALL things he is at work for our good and his glory.
Romans8:28

ADHD is the new normal for us as a family. We are learning and growing in understanding of what it all means and in how to help our boys manage themselves. This is for ALL our sons. However, the old way of operating just does not always work. I have written a great deal about this in other posts. 

One of the most heartbreaking of the ADHD struggle for our sons and for us is ODD.

Oppositional defiance. I wrote about what this is a little. 

I realised I left my heart out of it. The reason being ODD is such a heart breaking and difficult part of ADHD to parent. As a Christan I understand and experience MY own sinfulness and rebellion AND my children and their own sinful hearts and rebellion. However, ODD is something other. When we experience it we can see that it is a brain sticking thing. The brain is literally stuck in the NO answer to life. The challenge and refusal to try something, wear something, go somewhere, sit somewhere is CONSTANT and UNPREDICTABLE.

It is so frustrating and sad when the 'yes' solution for the child is so obvious and just a switch of 'something' away. I know that he just needs to ..... see the positive response which will be the better and easier one for him and quite frankly , us all. Yet,  his brain is simply stuck. AARG.

You can see ODD arrive and you can see it leave.Iit is like a switch in the brain. Afterwards it is sometimes as if the whole thing did not happen. The child is remorseful and sad sometimes. WE can reason with him and he "sees" . But in the moment he is simply just STUCK!

As I said yesterday research has shown that medication helps this trait associated with ADHD and for us it has totally done that. But the reality ODD still exists. 

I have cautiously, almost with one eye begun to read some of the help and suggestions and research around ODD. Some the routes people with ODD take in life are honestly quite frightening. The message is ...

ODD needs to be parented well and thoughtfully so that the child learns to manage himself and make good life choices. The idea that comes to mind is the cutting off of the wrong and dead on a plant and the training of the good and right. I know this is true for ALL our sons but  with our ADHD boys the way we do this looks different. It is different.

There is professional help with ODD.

Meds help and finding a workable way to parent is a necessity. 

We found going head to head with our son was futile and simply escalated into what looked like world war 3. All literature concludes that this approach is just not workable. 

Dr Green in Understanding ADHD has some hot tips for parenting ODD. 

His key advice to parenting ADHD and disciple are 

1. do not go head to head - taking a step back from confrontation

2. living by routine

3. rewarding the good. 

I love the idea of positive discipline and have experienced how and that it works well. The difficult thing is we seem to be wired as parents to notice the wrong all the time and we need to re -wire ourselves to notice and 'reward' the positive. 

ODD is a tricky aspect of ADHD. It is manageable with meds and with good parenting. These are awesome kids who have a brain that backfires on them. We are called to help  ( including train and discipline) and support them SO THAT they can learn and flourish.

One of the problems FOR modern parent is exhaustion. Having an ADHD family is doubly exhausting. Not just physically but emotionally and mentally.

Taking care of myself is essential. Something I am learning to do with God's grace.

Then I be a good mom to my kids.

ADHD - the most common associated trait is......

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Oppositional Defiance Disorder or ODD is the most common co morbid associated with ADHD. 

ODD is not caused by ADHD but is just more likely to be present when ADHD exists. 

According to  Dr Green from his book Understanding ADHD, between 40%-60% of ADHD children are oppositional. The typical ADHD lacks the necessary impulse control. The impulsive behaviour means that they are unthinking. The typical ODD behaviour is characterised by a great deal of 'NO" and stubborn, challenging, refusing kind of behaviour. In our experience, our boys exhibit ODD especially when ' stuck in the moment'. At these times we try not to use reason and debate. Time for discussion WILL come afterwards, when the child is unstuck and remorseful. 

ODD is very difficult to parent. It is tricky beyond tricky. We have really had to learn new ways of parenting and have turned to professionals for help, advice and support. Studies show that the use of medication definitely helps ODD and in our sons this has totally been the case. Meds have brought a calming to him. With the control of impulses the ODD behaviour does not spiral so much. 

People can be really judgemental when it comes to ODD and tend to blame bad parenting and bad children. There is definitely more at play than this simplistic approach. I always remind MYSELF that we are dealing with a neurological condition. 

Upskillng through reading GOOD literature on this topic has been really informative and helpful. 

Read, read and read again. Get help. It IS available. 

ADHD - Families under preasure

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ADHD is a family affair. If a child is diagnosed ADHD then there is a parent who is also ADHD, diagnosed or not. ADHD is a genetic neurological brain functioning that is atypical. 

Our family is an ADHD family. We have 4 boys and two of them are ADHD. My husband is ADHD. We are learning as much as we can about being ADHD so that we can function well as a family. 

This means we have a tricky job to do as parents. Not only do we need to figure out a new normal as husband and wife but we also have to walk the road of helping ALL our children learn, develop and grow into healthy adults who can MANAGE themselves and flourish.

I am so grateful we are Christians.

We have Jesus at work in and through us.

We have his real and active word, The Bible that guides and helps us.

It hems us in. 

He hems us in.

We have real wisdom.

We are able to understand this broken and sinful world in context and therefore live with freedom.

We have forgiveness for and from one another.

In this context we live.The new normal , for us , as a family defiantly DOES NOT look like any other.

We are and have had to figure out a new way of operating. 

An example of this is dinner around a table. 

This is the ideal for me but I have come to realise that 2 bouncy, wriggly children are not able to sit at a table FOR A LONG TIME. 

The may squirm and wriggle and hang off the chair. That is ok for us. We accept a new normal. We are often together chatting and eating but not often very still. 

So, we spend time together sharing and eating which is important for us as a family but it looks totally chaotic and shambolic to others. It is us!!

I have changed my expectations. 

The new normal.

The other example I have spoken about before is going out to restaurants or friends. Any outing where there is likely to be stress, over stimulation and lots of people or noise. We have come around to making sure our ADHD family members are medicated. We then talk a good deal about what we expect. We watch for warning signs of possible melt downs and react quickly to manage them. We do not just leave our kids to sort it out because experience has taught us that someone will get hurt. We hang out with people who love us and get our kids. They are part of the solution.

We leave, if we can, if things get hairy.

There are some things that have really helped our children to calm. A bath for the one and some quite , alone space for the other. 

Being an ADHD family is tiring. I think I especially hold that exhaustion. In chatting to other parents who have similar families, I think that the one spouse does seem to carry the weight of the thinking and planning and organising in the family - more than the other. This is ok. It is , for us, the new normal. It is helpful to acknowledge the exhausting moments ; to find a safe friend to share with ( no moan to) and to have some time carved out for replenishment of energy and strength. 

Alone time is good for me.

Painting is my happy space.

Spending time with God  is for me , a soul replenishment. He sets my mind on greater things and restores my sense of purpose. 

Always!

ADHD families are under a great deal of pressure. 

A diagnoses of any kind is always a surprise and the implications of ADHD are life changing. 

There are enormous decisions to be made . There is the constant 'work' involved in helping the child to manage himself well. There is so much to read and listen too which is both exciting and overwhelming. The is the stress and worry of all that COULD go wrong. There are the attitudes of the general public, teachers and other family members to negotiate. Remaining positive and upbeat all the time is nearly impossible.

Finding a support group was a life saver for me. Chatting to other moms is a great support and outlet. We share ideas and encourage one another. 

Information and reading of good literature can be enormously helpful.

Being patient and gentle on oneself is a must.

Keep on trying and never give up on your child. 

I know that our sons really need out support and help. All of them do. This will count for nearly all they need to fly. 

The key thing I remember. Jesus made us all. He knitted us together and knows everything there is to know about how we work. He is a real help in walking this walk and we depend totally on him. 

There are no mistakes. Our children are unique individuals. The new normal is no surprise to him, though it might be to us. 

Life with Jesus is a challenging adventure. 

ADHD - Is your ADHD teen using Dagga ?

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I am writing about Marijuana and ADHD . 

This link keeps coming up as a thread for ADHD teens and young adults. We have met a few adults who are ADHD and use this drug every day. 

 I have read a report written to Psychiatrists in South Africa. The findings in THAT report linked ADHD use of alchol and Marijuana or Dope or Dagga ( many more names).

I have listened to a talk at a support group where the same ideas from studies was expressed by an expert on child neurons and medication. 

 I heard it again on the talk by Dr. William Dobson . 

A question was asked about ADHD and addiction. Are ADHD people more prone to addiction.

The answer we do not like or want to hear as parents, is

Yes!

This make sense though. If  life is so tricky and a constant struggle to focus and maintain behaviour that is socially acceptable - things that run quite opposite the the way the ADHD brain functions, well then life can be really difficult.

Self- medication relieves the pain of the broken self-image that many ADHD children experience because the adults around them do not understand ADHD and therefore are little or no support. 

Drugs and alcohol help to deaden the pain of boredom.

Marijuana seems to be the drug of choice that helps ADHD impulse behaviour.

These are the findings. Teenagers and young adults and in fact adults who are ADHD who ARE NOT using ADHD Medication like Ritalin and Conserta etc, are found to use dope instead. The reason is that dope does what Ritalin and other meds do for the ADHD brain. It slows down hyper restlessness that most if not all ADHD people experience. In a real way, the use of Dope is a way to self- medicate. Of teens who do not use medication to help manage ADHD impulses , 60% will use Dagga to do this. When meds are involved the stas come down to the same as all other people who are not ADHD. My husband used Dope prolifically in his young adult life and he was an undiagnosed ADHD person. Dobson tells his parents of ADHD teens that either he medicates them of someone at a party will.

I hear his warning.
I write this post in particular with a hope that someone who is doubting medication as a real help for ADHD might reconsider.
I have experienced 2 loved ones using Dope as a life choice and experienced its destruction.
It is not a choice!