Threads pulled forward

https://youtu.be/5EDKRGkgLsI 

There are these moments in time that are dials or hinges. History turns on that point. June 16th 1976  and the Soweto Youth Uprising was one such turning point. Before that was the Sharpville Massacre of 1960. 

As I have shared in the other posts on this topic, George Floyd's murder was another dial. It was also a great exposer of where people in South Africa stood on the discussion of institutional racism and what they were prepared to do about it. The shooting of Charlie Kirk, the 31 year old conservative Christian politician has proven to be another dial. One that exposes a great deal of what people think about all sorts of things from what free speech is ; what being a christian is; what " mistakes" people are willing to overlook for the bigger project;  what church in service of empire looks like; what people think racism is and much more. In the South African context the white church is divided . Those who believe Kirk was a saint, a legend, a hero, a leader and martyr and those who think he is a person who sowed hate and division and who was white supremacist's in the outworking of his faith and therefore racist's. 

We land here again. What is racism? How does it work out in reality in the lives of individuals and systems? How do we fight it? what is equality? How do we live out our lives as citizens of this world as we call ourselves Christ Followers ? These are huge questions . They are questions that have deep meaning and impact on the lives of those who are recipients of racism, whether we acknowledge racism as something or not. 

South African Christianity has proved yet again , to be firmly linked and rooted in the original colonised version of itself . The roots are rotten . It matters not what black people say out loud or to one another about their experiences, white supremacist thinking fights to maintain the status quo. It finds those black voices who are willing to support the very same status quo, sadly and holds those up as proof that racism is dead and unity in the church is reality. It is not. 

Christian Nationalism, as argued by Chris Hedges in the video above, is unfolding itself to the climax in the context of the USA. We, in South Africa have seen this playbook before. Apartheid was rooted in the same said Christian Nationalism. Church in service of empire. The roots were not pulled out and remained to bloom again. 

Where is Jesus in all this? 

I suspect he is busy on the margins where the powerful seldom glance. 

Threads laid bare

 

When the roots are rotten, the whole tree suffers.

History and Christianity can not be unlinked in the present by simply ignoring or glossing over the past. 

The roots of a movement inform the position and formation of the movement in the present and in the case of the church in the South African context, this is certainly true. 

The story of the church in South Africa is rich and wide. Most South Africans would claim christianity as their faith although we are a pluralistic country where ALL religions have equal rights under the law. The formation of colonial South Africa under the directorship of first the Portuguese ( briefly) and then The Dutch and British Colonizers was strongly and purposefully linked to Christianity. The Isiphambano walk in Cape Town telling the story f the history of the church is awful and wonderful at the same time. 

Apartheid was interlaced and interconnected with Christianity as the reason for this evil regime and the outworking of the crimes against humanity .  Christian Nationalism. 

The church in South Africa, as much as having this oppressive version of itself embedded, unfolding alongside and in opposition to the oppressive version was the liberating gospel and activism of the awakened church. The Archbishop Desmond Tutu and his life work as a Christ follower, stands as an example of and reflection of Jesus in South Africa. 

Anthony Balcomb's work From Apartheid to dispensation: evangelicals and the democratization of South Africa looks at 5 responses of evangelical church's in SA, both during Apartheid and then in 1994. 

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/233602616_From_Apartheid_to_the_New_Dispensation_Evangelicals_and_the_Democratization_of_South_Africa1

When roots are rotten AND when roots as rotten are not acknowledged , owned and dug up, nothing new and fresh or really deeply "rooted" in anything vastly different can grow. 

Locating ourselves in the story of the history of South Africa is key to walking forward with justice and humility and affording dignity to all people. This locating takes hard work and time and is in essence a life undoing and unlearning of all that was ground into us as South Africans in the context we find ourselves in.  Plastering bible verses and platitudes in the hope that these form some kind of reality was and continues to bare little fruit at all. 

And so, after 22 years of " belonging" to a church in Cape Town South Africa, and after writing an honest reason reflecting all that I have written about , Doug and I left our church . We had one thing to guide our new church decision - we wanted to be at a church where the leadership was wholly and authentically black lead. Why did we make tis decision? What happens in white lead churches in the SA context, is that black leaders are brought on to staff. The leadership "looks" or seems as if it is diverse and reflective of the South African population. However , in reality, these churches reamil white lead and white fed. True transformation must mean that black voices are absolutely heard and equal in leadership. Many congregations may look incredibly diverse but the leadership is the key. It is very much a problem reflected in any organisation in South Africa, including schools, tertiary institutions and business. This is such a huge topic and I have really only brushed at it here. 

We began that place within a student church linked to UCT and it is a beautiful, fun and young space. We were the oldest people there. Lol. 

For various reasons we are no long at this church largely , as I began with, theologically ( we had yet to define this as a stumbling block ) and so we are at present in a small church called Ubhuko  Bakhe. 

There continues to be much to unpack of  theological unearthing of the old and the relaying of the new. This is painful and very difficult as you might imagine.  However, it is more painful to be in a church space where every Sunday is a struggle with the message. 

The Very Good Gospel keeps blooming and redirecting what Jesus hopes for us as his followers in this preset context of Cape Town in South Africa 2025. With our fellow sojourners, we struggle on. This path is full of the richness that comes from building bridges and having very honest conversations. It allows for  the many threads of unanswered questions to dangle and be. It is less certain but more full. It engages with people who think differently faith with with deep respect and creates spaces and places that are open and for the flourishing of all people NOW.  

Truthfully, in this holistic Gospel I have found many of my nagging questions answered and more than that built onto. In other words, to live a life of deep purpose and meaning NOW for others and less self focused. This is the shaping of Jesus. This gospel in not only the individual , me and my God gospel but if is bigger and broader and holds within it  the reality of systems and communities. It is not liberation theologist thinking, where those folks landed up believe that everything God does to fix the world happens now. But rather it holds the space that lands somewhere in-between the two notions of saved now for heaven and all is healed now. The gospel is shalom and flourishing and abundance not only for me and my little world but for everyone. 

I am grateful for the theology of those who seek to grapple with what it really means to be a citizen of earth AND a christian. My faith has a thickness  now and diggs into a depth I did not think possible. 

" Shalom is what the kingdom of God smells like. It is what the kingdom looks like and what jesus requires of the kingdoms citizens. It is when everyone has enough. it is when families are healed. It is when shame is renounced and inner freedom is laid hold of. It is when human dignity, bestowed by the image of God in ALL humanity is cultivated , protected and served in families, faith communities and schools and throughout public policy. Shalom is when the capacity to lead is recognised in every human being and and when nations jon together to protect the environement. " - The Very Good Gospel. Lisa Sharon Harper. 

" At it's heart the biblical concept of shalom is about God's vision for the emphatic goodness of all relationships. " 

Walter Bruggemann - " The vision of wholeness, which is the supreme will of the biblical God, is the undergrowth of a covenant of shalom in which people are bound not only to God but to one another in caring, sharing, rejoicing in community with none to make them afraid" 

This vision is not simply and only spiritual but encapsulates ALL of life for all people. 

https://www.ssu.ca/goodonwoodpodcast/episode/edde3bcf/desmond-tutu-laughing-in-the-face-of-empire-w-rev-rene-august-and-rev-edwin-arrison

When you pull on a thread

 

When you pull on a thread, everything comes undone. 

For a year, during lockdown, I was privileged to be studying in a group looking at what the bible has to say about Justice. Isiphambano no longer exists, another victim of Covid financial struggles, which is very sad. 

During that year, I met wonderful people who were asking similar questions of our faith journeys and we grappled together . There was so much reading and writing  to be done and we began with locating ourselves in the faith story of our country. 

One of the readings we had was from Sharlene Swartz book, "Another Country"

This part of the story intersects with a whole other part of what was unfolding for a group of friends who were in a weekly bible study group, and had been for several years. 

Another piece of this story unfolds. 

George Floyds death sparked a world of conversation about racism in the South African context. 

At schools, work places and reluctantly, in church spaces too. I our little weekly group something was about to unfold. 

In this group of predominately white women, were few people of colour. In a whatsap relating to #yousilenceweamplify in the school space, someone asked a question about how Black people and POC feel in white spaces. This questing was directed at THIS bible study group space and was met, not surprisingly , by silence.  And so began a rich , challenging and painful journey. 

My dear friend Hayley and I created a group called The Meeting Room and we , bravely or stupidly, along with the brave women who opted to join this very difficult conversation in a brave and safe space, embarked on a community journey which continues, though in a smaller form. to this day. 

We met monthly and we read Sharlene Swartz's book together. 

I will be forever grateful for these brave women and this wonderful , easy to read book that helped us all unpack and unfold and unpick the wrong way we thought and rebuild a more deep and authentic way of engaging with our context of South Africa and Cape Town  as followers of Christ. 

Many threads were pulled and unraveled or exposed the inherent threading but new, stronger and more colourful threads were found and continue to be woven. 

More threads unravel

 I have embarked on this epic work of trying to record my story of the unraveling of aspects of my faith journey and it is a really huge work to tackle. A story as many threads and many parts to it. These pieces all slot together in what some call synchronicity and others providence. The story of the unraveling did not begin in Covid or lockdown or with George Floyd's murder or even the reigniting of the conversation of racism in our own country and city . It had, for me begun at the very beginning of my faith journey in these particular theological waters, I just did not know it yet. 

The way we approach and understand the bible as Christ followers, is all about theology. Theology is the way we understand and the study of God and beliefs as found in the bible or " the word of God". Theology is not restricted to Christianity, but for the purposes of this story, I am using it in the realm of Christianity. 

The particular Christian place and space a person belongs to, will be informed by theology and the practice and understanding of how and why Christians use the bible to inform life is all part of particular way of understanding and reading the bible. I can not tackle this topic in any depth nor do I want to except to tell my story. 

The way we read and understand the bible; the parts we leave out and emphasize will be influenced or rather undergirded by theology. The church space that my faith as a follow f Christ was formed and molded in, was  of a theological practice that holds that the way the bible is read, interpreted and understand in life IS the only way that the bible is to be read and understood and practiced. There is no other way. I believed this too. 

As I write this next sentence, I know that those who read this AND who continue in this way of thinking about the bible, will judge me to be " no longer in Christ" and the like. Just pause for a moment and re read this sentence. Yho. It holds a lot. 

I assure you that whatever you may think, I continue to be safe in the arms of Jesus. 

However, I no longer hold to this way of thinking about the bible. My theology has shifted. And that is ok. 

When one comes to a certain and certain way of looking at  the bible, for those who do not know, what happens is that a list of popularly held or authorized teachers of the same kind of theology are encouraged. Depending on the narrowness of the particular theology,  there will be some on the edge of this "list" that are a little "dodgy".  What is not shared is that there is a whole world of people, writers, preachers and the like, who love Jesus and who hold really different ways of understanding the bible. 

This realization was solidified in Covid. The time we had in lockdown, meant for me, a shrinking of my art classes and an opening up of a space where for the entire year I spent time exploring and reading different people. The space created and directed by Isiphambano and their years course Jesus and Justice , was indeed that space. It was marvelous, rich, challenging and life changing. The many, many questions I had on Justice and Jesus and many more were opened and discussed with other Christ followers who were also asking these questions.  This course changed everything. I met Rene Padilla and Ecuadorian theologian ; The Black Theology of James Coen ; The revolutionary idea that the bible had anything to say about poverty, history and how we are to engage as citizens NOW was profound and beautifully liberating. We looked everything from many angles and read many different ideas on , as an example Missiology 9 The study of religious missions, methods and purpose) . Can you see how vast this course was and how earth shatteringly wonderful. 

I remember feeling deeply let down. What we believe  is so central to our being. It shapes everything. I came to the realisation , that the theological world of my faith formation was not the whole story. That was huge. 

The bottom of my world had been pulled out. 

Who or what would hold? 

 

As Threads unravel

 A story can be told from many perspectives. I will begin this one in Covid but in reality it began at the beginning. Threads is the theme of my blog and there are many threads that are pulled together as there are many that are torn apart.  Lock down was a very strange time. In many ways, for us as a family, it was a welcome time of us being a family. A time of rest but also stress. Doug went into Covid without a job and all the leads and hopes shriveled up because of, well, Covid. For, me, Lockdown afforded some time to read and think. 

 I need to rewind a little here.  On the 25th May, George Floyd was killed by a police officer in the state of Minnesota. This murder had a ripple effect on the world and South Africa, for obvious reasons was included in the reach. In the city of Cape Town we had our very own #yousilenceweamplify evolve as a direct result of the murder of George Floyd. Race and racism was back in focus and people were talking, sharing, arguing as well as asking questions. It felt like a window of opportunity had opened. Many people stepped through it and good came from that. 

Public spaces including schools and workspaces were discussing racism in their contexts. In some of the traditionally white run churches the topic of racism in churches was also put on the agenda. Public talks were shared, stories told and books were read. This seemed all good. And, some of it really was. But, what this moment in time very viscerally revealed , was the real and powerful desire and ability for those in powerful positions to shut down these discussions , at any point. To claim, " We have had the conversation and therefore to maintain the status quo. This is exactly what happened in my church space.  

The why and the what and who really do not matter. The truth is, that the church desperately needed and continues to need to have this very difficult and honest conversation with itself. Tragically , this is not a priority for many churches. It just is not. 

Both Doug and I have shared too many conversations and seen too many ways that the result of the lack of tackling this head on, has played out. I am not going to write about these here as they are the stories that belong to others, but they are just too many and continue to this day. 

Racism is evil. It has real life implications on and for people and it is destructive by nature. Christians who are big on the concept of sin, here this.  Racism is a sin.  More than that, the church, for all its good, continues to be racist. Because it fails to show up and dig into what this looks like in 2025 South Africa, Christians continue to be racist too. Does this sound offensive?  Well, let me be as bold as to say, this is part of the problem. 

South Africa's roots are slavery, colonization and Apartheid.  Deeply racist and white supremacist. This is sadly our collective  heritage and the truth is that 1994 democracy could not , like the flick of a switch, dig up these roots. It just could not and did not. Christians understand that , the mind is the place of renewal and therefore change. If the mind of racist thinking has not been dug up and " renewed" then change has not happened. 

Therefore, those white people , with eyes to see, have seen this play out again and again. To our shame. 

Did we speak out? The answer to this is yes. There is not much more to say here. We tried in a multiple ways and times. I feel myself growing really weary and deeply sad, as I write this down. My bones feel weighed down. My heart is broken. Not for me. But for my fellow human. The person who day after day has to live in the water that just does not see or understand the hurt we, white people perpetuate. 

I will leave it here for now. 

  

Threads Unravel

 "There is a lovely road that runs from Ixopo into the hills. These hills are grass covered and rolling, and they are lovely beyond any singing of it. " Alan Paton. Cry the Beloved Country

In Standard 8 , Grade 10 today, our English class read Cry the Beloved Country. It was 1985 in Johannesburg, South Africa. We were in the death throws of Apartheid, although we did not know it. This beautiful book formed part of my own journey of awakening , of becoming conscious or what we now call " woke" and ,let me be very clear IS a reality. I still have my copy of this book , covered in plastic and inscribed with the date 1986. It was a gift from my dearest friend , Katie. 

 

I begin this post with this little piece above because my deep love for my country South Africa and my realization, as a child and then teenager, that something was terribly wrong, bore within me the activist that I am today in my 50's. 

When I came to faith in Jesus,  I knew nothing about being a Christian but I did know that something was very wrong in this land. The faith "home" I landed in held a lot of things. But what it did NOT hold was any firm understanding or action on this one, terrible and fundamentally important life issue. 

Something was terribly, terribly wrong in this country.

I concluded that, Christians did not care about justice and about what was happening in South Africa in the 1980 and 1990. Yes, they would pray but largely , except for a few precious people, who I still know and love, there was a real lack of understanding, care and action. In fact, it solidified it. There were often glimmers of hope or realizations but these never amounted to any real change. more about this in another post.  

Somehow , I reconciled this as what being a "Christian" was. 

The next 20 odd years in that same murky water , did very little to change this notion. 

It is very difficult to for me to write about my faith and the unraveling of it without speaking about the experience of Christianity that I had. It is impossible. I will, however ,  aim to do this without naming any church or specific denomination or people. 

'The scriptures are not silent on structural and systemic sin. The bible overflows with Gods responses to poverty, oppression and governance. " Lisa Sharon Harper. The Very Good Gospel

Little did I know that God has a great deal to say to Christians about injustice in the world. More than that, he invites us to act. These posts are the story of how the begin of my faith journey above and my now faith journey found one another. 

 

 

Threads

I have not written on this blog for a very long time. 

When I think about all the many changes in our lives and what to say, I guess I have been avoiding trying to tackle any of this here. 

I am working through a delightful book, "The Artists Way" , A spiritual path to higher creativity by Julia Cameron. It is an old book, at least 30 years old, but it really holds a great deal within its pages. as I draw to the end, I feel creatively more confused that certain and that is a really good thing for now. 

This morning I read her words in the final chapter that really jarred. 

" Our truest dream for ourselves is always God's will for us," highlighting the connection between aligning our inner desires and divine purpose to foster creativity and faith. The chapter, "Recovering a Sense of Faith," emphasizes that the creative process is one of surrender, not control, and requires trusting that our deepest aspirations originate from a divine source.  

Why was this jarring?

It flies in the face of everything I was taught about myself and who God is. 

Thinking about this and how see myself  spurred me on this morning to  tackle this blog. 

I  spent some time renaming it. I like it. It reflects more realistically where we are. 

This is more honest and is one of the things that has shifted for me.

How do we reflect more realistically , Gods love of us, if we create these unreachable

 facades of what is?

Our children are grown up and no long the little boys in these pictures. 

We are  all and each on a journey. Walking on the path before us. 

These paths have brought such delight and surprise. 

 For some who read this , this will mean I have "lost" my faith in Jesus. To the contrary, I am discovering who he really is. 

It has no small thing to find yourself rethinking many of the foundational  faith ideas

and it is easy to toss out than to rebuild. This is particularly so when coming from the a strongly "certain" based, fear creating faith with very narrow parameters. 

I continue to wrestle with many of the old ideas that were drilled into us. 

I will share why I believed these ideas so deeply and readily too. 

I will hopefully get to share some of these with  you , readers, over the next while. 

For the many who have experienced much of what I will write about in the coming pages, you are not alone. Sadly, but not surprisingly. some have no faith in Jesus anymore.  To those I continue to journey with, you are beautiful and true. 

I am so grateful for the many Christ followers, who have encourage me . There are countless. Many may not even know who they are but I acknowledge you . 

Let me begin.