Rethreading

 

Igshaan Adams  is a contemporary South African 'thread' or weaving artist . They create instillation's and sculptures that are beautiful and meaningful.  

Thread was one the growing mediums of art in 2024. As we move towards a more machine learning future and whatever that looks like and feels like, the very essence of what makes us human is pushing back. 

Igshaan's work is often ordered and easy to engage with but sometimes it reflects the whirlwind and storm of our past and of our present. 

His work is quietly beautiful and I find myself sitting in front of it in meditation. The beads and threads carrying the eye through and under. 

Igshaan's whirlwind wire works reflect something of the process of thinking and rethinking. 

They bring a strange peace as if to say, "it is ok"

The process of unlearning and sitting in the discomfort of that space is painful and unsettling. 

Relearning and re ordering of old habits and ways of thinking takes time. This is especially true when thinking again about theology when the foundations of this old theology have been engrained, intentionally.  

This journey is  profoundly personal because  faith is, by nature,  deeply personal.  Faith informs everything.Well,it should do. It frames they way we show up in the world. It helps us to see what is important and who matters. It focuses our time, energy, love, money, joy and relationships. Re thinking how all these fit together and function is truly extremely difficult, to say the least. 

It has been lonely too. There is loss. There is a lot to loose when walking away from a community and especially a way of thinking about God and the world. Partly because , one of the key tenants of this theology is one needs to opt in, fit in, be in or you are out. Literally. OUT.  What one perceived as friendships and relationships were really something else. An illusion. A mist.  If you are reading this and thinking, "that can not be, surely there is more to this story?"  My friend, I can share countless stories of this exact same working out of faith communities. This very weekend friends told us of their church getting hold of them after they had not been to church for 4 years. Wow! 

I digress. 

The truth is, there are obviously aspects of being in this church space that we miss. I miss those very special people who we sat near each week and had some arbitrary chat about football of something. When a church communities way of being is framed around one aspect of theological importance, which is God's word, the Bible, and when the way or framing the bible ( theology) is being unpicked and unpacked, then this is the very part I do not miss. The faith community we were from arrogantly thought of itself as " handling God's word well" or the subtext was being the very best at understanding and delivering Gods word. So it is strange to not miss the 'teaching'. But I do not. 

  

 The journey of unpacking has been lonely at times.  Partly because God graciously allows each of us to journey in different ways to refind God.  Nearly all of the people I love dearly have, in some or other form, journeyed along these tracks , in one or another form. And so we continue to meet and talk and think and read. What a joy. I have a very dear friend who is studying theology in quite a different context and boy do we chew the fat. Another dear friend and I wrestle and laugh and are angry together over some of the oppressive things we believed and tried to live out, though painful and damaging. For theology does not simply remain in active. It works itself out in peoples lives and is either life giving or deeply harmful. Working through the damage and harm is and continues to be the most difficult thing for me personally. Layers upon layer. My dear sweet friends, I love you each one as you have walked and continue to walk  in love and honesty with me. I am also grateful for those few friends from my old faith space, who continue in there and have not written us off as " lost" or no longer christian. 

 I have also  met new people with fresh ideas and deep faith in Jesus. These dear ones have challenged so much of my thinking and fed so much more too. And then there are those who have written books and are active online who help those of us who are relearning to feel and know we are NOT alone.  The struggles are not the same but are often similar. The sadness at years seemingly ' wasted'  and  the losses  we have had to face as well as the fraught shame with which we view some of the old ideas we though were truth. 

And it is ok. 

It is ok to look at the bible with fresh eyes and see those things we have not seen before. 

It is ok to unlearn and rethink and to renavigate. It is all ok. 

A dear friend and the another  reminded me  that is is good to grow and change. And it is indeed. 

More and more I get to spend time with older people. Honestly, I am not really an old person , person but I am learning to be . 

My adult art class includes three delightful women in their 70's. What amazing people who share their stories and present struggles openly. We have wept together and are learning some new art theories, together. We talk and laugh. One of the things I so admire about these women, is their ability and desire to learn. 

Much like many artists I admire , including the amazing Georgia O Keeffe, who continued to paint into her very old age and when her eye sight grew dim, she took up pottery. 

Mindset and helping the every increasing aging body to stay " well oiled" is part of the story of growing old. What I want to commit to myself is to keep on listening, reading, learning and unlearning and learning again. 

Threads connect

 

In the wake of George Floyd's murder and #yousilenceweamplify in our Cape Town former model C and private schools, a group of us embarked on this deep dive into racism in our context and how to be people who fight against it both within ourselves and systemically too. 

The popular word for this is antiracist. 

We called ourselves The Meeting Room. 

For the last 5 years , we have been meeting together to talk, share, read, visit and be a community of women who love Jesus and love justice. 

For the first 2 years or so , we read Sharlene Swartz's , Another Country. This book was pivotal in setting the context of South Africa today within the history of our country too.  My friend Hayley and I facilitated this group and for these few years we ran monthly workshops linked to themes that the book sparked. We visited museums and restaurant's as well as invited guest speakers to run workshops too. This was designed to be a safe and precious brave space and has landed up being a community f women who encourage one another to keep going.  

There are many things I love about this group. One of them is their commitment to the process. This was NO small thing. We had some very difficult unlearnings to have and then we need ed to build a new way of seeing . In the beginning this was incredibly delicate and painful. I am in awe of these women. They kept showing up and kept  reading. They sat through the difficult truths and realisations. They kept on coming back. And slowly, change happened. We all grew in the understanding of our racist thinking and we all continued to unpick and unpack. It was rich and beautiful and reflected something of the work that could have been in many church spaces. We did it. I am super proud of this work and of these wonderful women. They are each a true hero. 

The space has changed and grown and we continue to meet and are reading some new books together. Conversations keep us going and challenged and include, often times the wider white supremacist framing world wide.  Looking back at some of the ideas we all held and how we have changed our minds n so many of these, I am really left feeling deeply privileged at this journey together. 

The difficult parts and times included some of the push back we received from christians. Go figure? If you spend any time with black people both in and out the church and listen with openness you will quickly see that this antiracist work is essential. It is fundamental. It is necessary. Claiming unity that does not exist and diversity that is full of token representation while whiteness lives on is blind, dishonest and dangerous. Rainbowism and "Christian unity" are cut from the same cloth. These are hopeful ideals for a future. I long for these too but they are simply NOT the present reality. They just are not. 

The Meeting Room recorded two or three seasons of a podcast by the same name. Check these out for some honest reflections in the post apartheid SA context. 

 

Threads expose themselves

 I have debated with myself if whether writing this post, is of any use. It is of use to me. 

It serves as a record lest I or those who come after me, forget. 

This post holds the countless stories exposed , although the details and truth of them must remain silent. Why? Because I hold my humanity as something sacred and refuse to become that which I abhor. It would be easy for me to explain the details. After all hardly anyone reads this blog. That is also ok. This is written down as a record. 

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” —Philippians 2:3

This is an interesting verse. It is one that I have seen in reverse action ,again and again as leaders from many different denominations jostled and continue to jostle and plot so that selfish ambition rules. 

Do these very same leaders who 'teach' Gods word not believe it themselves? 

We seem to see that they do not. 

• Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord (Psalm 40:4–5)
• 
  

Here is another verse to ponder.  Those who trust God are blessed . They are in a state of good. Is this simply a verse for the masses of is it one that leaders are to hold to, also? 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.[ - Proverbs 3

And here is another. 

Read for yourselves. The bible is full of these sorts of ideas. The bottom line is that a christian is to trust God through life's ups and downs and disappointments and joys because he has our everything in his control.  This is the broad brush stroke.  Is this a "teaching" for all christians or only for those who sit "under" the teaching? 

Sadly, this has not been the reality for many, many, many those who teach others the bible in many different denominational situations. Across the board. 

I can already hear the retort. People are sinners. People make mistakes. 

Stop. Just stop. This excuse for gross acts of ambition and in one case, the complete scuppering of a church process that was sanctioned because the person did not like the outcome and choice of leader - namely, it was not them. No. These are not mistakes. These are not just "sins" like we are all sinners so these acts fall under some kind of blanket , it is ok. 

This excuse for actions that damage processes and undermine people are not mistakes. They are wrong and people should be held to account. 

I continue to ask the question , " Do those who "teach" the bible actually believe it too?"

This question hangs in the air. 

2020 was an exposer. It exposed a great deal both within and out of church spaces. Many left churches because of the exposing. Some churches began some sort of transformations action , again and then shut it all down. These actions were all exposed . Seen by those who had a longing for real transformation in white church spaces. Many left because of this exposing. Young and old. White and black. Some have found new homes with new spaces to heal while others have not. Yes, they continue to follow Jesus but have simply grown a deep and justifiable distaste for organise church spaces. As have I. 

When we see we can not unsee. That which is exposed and revealed can no longer be covered. 

The stories within so many different denominations of churches in SA that ripple out and continue to ripple though they settle, is disturbing. t The transformation and more honest conversations and spaces created for people of colour to begin to share the story of what it is like , in reality, to be, live , work in white spaces gave a small glimmer of hope which has subsequently died. Whiteness exposed very soon covered over itself again to maintain the status Quo. Have there been changes? Yes, of course. Have these changes dismantled the system ? No. 

People of colour and Black people have continued to hope and have that hope crushed . The devastating nature of this truth is heavy.  South Africa's roots are racist and white supremacist. We all acknowledge that, surely. Is it so difficult to imagine that we, white people , continue to have these ideas in our thinking and that we need to acknowledge these and dig them out?  Is it? 

I rememebr one white person being so horrified that I had suggested that they could possibly be racist? Duh? What a very sad place to be.Of curse "WE " are racist. It was and continues to be the water we swim in. It is evil and wrong but we need to acknowledge that  it. 

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Yes, we belong to a small church community. Yes we love one another and there is so much to say about this new little space and how we try and mitigate the mess that churches created in many of the lives represented. But, I will not give myself to that or any space as in the past again. The great exposing in 2020 also revealed, along with my deep dive into theology ( explained in a previous post) that even church and the way we design this place IS theological. There are different ways of understanding what church is and how it functions well. The "suck the life out of you" way is no longer compelling. 

This is a deeper and bigger discussion which I am not aiming to do here. These posts are not to persuade the reader of the correctness of the theological way. That, dear reader, was the way of the old  theology and leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. This is simply a tiny record of something of the journey I have been on. It does not cover anything of all that happened, or all I read and listened to over these 7 years but it is simply a taste. It serves to reflect, to share, to answer myself in my own blog and to offer , for myself something of a journey of change, of growth, or dismantling and a walk towards restoring something that was , for me, unhealthy towards something really whole. 

Family threads

 I wrote a great deal, over the years , about our family. Of course I did. Who would not have. The long pause has created a space where they have each been suspended in time , as they were when I stopped writing. I want to write a little about what each is up to at present and also what their journey to this point was. 

These are broad brushstrokes of a mother  and from a mothers perspective and are in now way the full story. That story belongs to them.  

James is 25 years old and is finishing up his masters in engineering at UCT. This is his marvelous girl friend Toni.  They are super sweet together and really bring out the best in one another. 

Sam, below is finishing off his degree at Film school - AFDA. He is flourishing and blooming in all things film and sound. A world of this art is opening up to us all.  

Thomas and Jethro below. Tom is 24 and Jet is 19. Thomas is finishing off his honours year at Michaelis school of fine art at UCT. He no longer lives at home and we love that he is flying but miss him deeply. 

Jethro is at UCT in his first your of computer business studies. He completed his high school at the marvelous and wonderful Cedar House and Jet has an extraordinary group of wonderful friends. We are all richer for having them in our lives. 

Thomas has a marvelous girl friend , Nina and we adore her too. This is a photo , taken with all those whom we love and are dear to us. We are missing a few of course. Christmas gift 2024 - family cooking class. 

Tom, Doug, Jet, Eden, Pete, Sophie, Sam, James, Toni and at the front, Nina. 

The path that these young people are on is rich and diverse and full. My mom heart is truly delighted by each on and they joy that is unfolding as they live. 

Threadbare

 

The Genocide in Gaza continues. We are the witnesses to this horror. Today in Cape Town , is yet another march. It calls for the end of this awful , awful killing of men, women, children, babies and the aged. Entire family's have been killed.  And as we plan and set aside this time , again, Benjamin Netanyahu speaks with his lying tongue, at the UN.  The threads are laid bare. The foundations of hope and collective working that is the UN are threadbare.  Israel should be expelled and this man should be arrested. There is an international arrest warrant for his arrest, after all. 

This is a frightening moment in time. International law is being pushed to its limit as the country of Israel defies it again and again and indeed again. What does this mean for citizens of the world who rely on this same law for protection. What does it mean when we are these people? 

Doug and I have been attending these marches from before October 7th 2023. The Apartheid state of Israel has been killing Palestinians from before October 7th. The marches were small and , in the Cape Town context, largely muslim people. We were really often the only white people who showed up. This has changed. Today we will be joining a great deal of South Africans in Cape Town from all spaces and all colours. This genocide has drawn people in to this story and opened the eyes of the blind. South African Christians for a Free Palestine will be there too. 

Israel survives only because of the USA.  Let that sink in. Trump, the president of the US at this time can stop all this. Right now. Trump's latest boast is that he will not allow the annexation of the West Bank. This is laughable because  Israel IS annexing the West Bank and has been for years. But, he actually CAN stop it and sto all these horrors. 

Trump could really change this present story in Gaza and the West Bank , today. This truth weighs very heavily on me as I write it down. What kind of people do not use their power to bring about peace? This very same Trump who swayed and spoke and enjoyed the MAGA/christian memorial of Charlie Kirk a few days ago. Don't misunderstand me. This is not a TRUMP issue except for the fact that he is in power now. The democrats were just as wicked with regard to Gaza and the Palestinians and The West Bank. 

Today we march because it is what we can do now. We continue to listen and watch and pray for the Global Samud Flotilla as they journey towards peril with hope. 

This is quite a time to be alive. 

Threads drawn taught

 

 Samud means steadfast or perseverance. It mens staying firm on the path. This flotilla is made up of more that 50 shipswith citizens from 44 coutries, including our very own South Africa. 

https://freedomflotilla.org/ here is a link to the Freedom Flotilla website for more information. 

https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/9/1/the-global-sumud-flotilla-to-gaza-everything-you-need-to-know-2

All you need to know about the Freedom Flotilla is found in the link above.  

Yesterday I listened to a small panel discussion which included some citizens from the Samud Flotilla and Francesca Albanese, the UN special Repertoire to Palestine. It was honest and reflected the many similar discussions I have attend myself be it around transformation or discussions where people are trying to strategies as they speak truth to power. There were 2 take aways. These activists are just ordinary people. Taking such a dangerous, and it is extremely dangerous , journey is not anything they thought they would every do. Their purpose is single mindedly to highlight the desperate situation of the trapped, staved and continuously murdered, Palestinians in Gaza AND to deliver some humanitarian aid. Baby formula is one of the these much needed items. Israel doe not allow and has not allowed baby formula in to Gaza . Lactating mothers, who themselves have no food, can not produce milk to feed their little ones. This is by design. 

The second thing that struck me was their peace. Yes, they are afraid yet determined. But their peace is not simply for themselves, they are literally sailing in peace. They are not armed. They are simply sailing with much needed help. 

This is not the first Flotilla and if you read above you will see the response of Israel has been direct and illegal in all of these  previous attempts. We have seen the last 2 flotilla crew being arrested and taken off their boats into Israel . 

This time , Israel has upped their game of brutality. Firstly, their propaganda machine has kicked into action and labelled the Flotilla as, wait for it, Hamas funded.  With that out of the way they are" free' to act without any restrictions from world leaders and while breaking all international maritime law. And they have begun.  

When people speak truth and act in alignment with this truth , the powerful come out to destroy. I am no Tucker Carlson fan but I did find it interesting that he said this very thing at Charlie Kirks very public and clearly Christian Nationalist memorial. When Jesus spoke truth to power, the powerful killed him. Again and again we see this pattern throughout history. 

These ordinary , organised, brave citizens of earth are sailing towards an uncertain but certain evil response. They sail on with steadfast perseverance. 

When threads are frayed

 

What of Palestine? What of the unfolding Genocide of the Palestinians in Gaza 2025, by Israel? What of the complicit , silent church? Where do I place myself as I look to follow Jesus into the chaos of death and carnage. Everything the wholistic gospel demands is destroyed in this 41km-12km space. While people are trapped and starved, Jesus says, " when you fed the least of these, you fed me." 

"It is complicated", many say. " You do not know the history." and " I know someone who lives there and they told me...." People said all these very same things of Apartheid South Africa as crimes were being carried out on the humanity of black South Africans. 

Broadly the evangelical church remains silent. Perhaps a prayer is offered for peace but little else. South African Christians for a Free Palestine has been birthed. Better late than never. We argue, discuss and read. We think and plan and protest. We pray and act.Act and pray. We laugh and weep together as we stand together and call for an end to this genocide. 

We wait. 

The story of the church and its understanding or stance on Israel and the Palestinians has definite theological roots. Depending on how the bible narrative of Israel in the bible  and the land of today's Israel is viewed will depend on where you land and who you defend or support. 

For me, I came to this story of Christ as an activist first and upon finding few that were fellow activists, I navigated this world from a different place. A place that calls injustice injustice . A place where my faith has collided in welcome. It is simple. Oppressing people is wrong. It is unjust and , in this case illegal. Yes, I have read and talked and read and listened to the history of the story of the founding of Israel as a nation state. All of this was and remains wrong. And here we are. people being slaughtered as I write and Israel and its compatriots freely joining in. History will judge you harshly. 

Free Palestine!