The Dilemma of a Middle aged Woman

I am not a particularly good writer but I write the things placed upon my heart. It is a way for me to bring clarity and my hope is always that something of what I write might be an encouragement to others. From some of the letters I have received, I know this to be, in part true.

This evening my heart and mind are burdened with much. I have been tossing around in my head the ideas related work.

There is so much to so on this topic and so many angles to take when considering it.

Much of the deciding with regards to the type of work has already been decided for me in that I studied to be a teacher all those years ago. I have dreams and professions I think I would be good at and perhaps should have entered, with hind sight and wisdom and with the knowledge of self that years bring. But the thoughts that bash about my brain are of a slightly different nature. They relate to and spring from the opportunities offered us as women primarily as our children get older and are no longer dependent on us in that total way a baby is. Questions arise around work brought on by financial pressure and cultural pressure too.  Perhaps , too, we find our very own desire for self fulfillment and financial freedom a compelling draw towards returning to some kind of work.

I have observed and have experienced first hand the reality that as one enters into some kind of work that inevitably the work grows arms and legs and will grasp from you something that belongs to another. The boundry that needs to be drawn for each of us according to our own personal circumstances and energy and gifts and family needs is sometime s not all that easy to draw . It lands up drawing itself in a way that is quite often not reasonable and helpful. It sucks up energy that  our family might need and requires of us more and more. It delights and thrills and adds so much in one way and yet subtracts in many others. And so I am left with a head full of all sorts of questions and not that many answers.

As  a Christian woman, I understand that I am free. Set free by Jesus and his death on the cross. Set free to truly live for him and his cause. My life is his. So, I guess that asking him for wisdom on this matter is the course to plot. And so I pray and ask and think and talk. What is the best thing for my husband, for my children and for us as a family. What is it that God requires of me , a Christan woman? A friend commented  that some work to enjoy a style of living while others absolutely have to work; they have no choice. I disagree in part. I think it is so difficult to draw that life style line. What is it that is not necessary for a healthy modern life style and who can decide for all families what that should look like.

So, my mind turns round and round in circles. Asking and answering, but not really finding any peace at all. God tells us not to be anxious about anything but in all things present our requests to him and his peace will Guard our hearts.  And so I pray........