http://www.beniceorleavethanks.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/dilbert-ignorance.jpg
Today I write a post with that I realise might offend some. I have decided to write it though, not to be purposefully offensive at all. I am a parent of 2 children who are ADHD. I am married to someone who is ADHD and I am surrounded by friends who have children on the spectrum and or are themselves ADHD.
When my husband was diagnosed about 7 years ago now, he was an adult who have gone through his entire childhood as an underachieving child without a single soul realising the he was floundering because he was struggling. Don't get me wrong, he is a supper bright man and was a gifted kid and thankfully that is what allowed him to pass, year after year. I have met countless adults who are on the ADHD spectrum who tell a very, very similar tale.
Now days we know so much more about the brain and what goes in it. We understand ADHD far better than we ever did before. Great strides have been made in Nero science and children and adults on the spectrum can benefit greatly from it.
When I was young , in my 20's and naive, I thought that ADHD was over rated and medication over prescribed. I truly believed that ADHD was in part a myth and that children need to spend more time with their parents, especially their dads. In other words I believed that ADHD was cause by nurture. The nature nurture debate !
God has indeed got a very funny sense of humour though because here I sit, years later with ADHD right inside my family. The very beautiful children I birthed and adore with my heart, are indeed the very children who are ADHD.
Parents who have ADHD children have to deal with people who were like me all the time. Those who are ignorant of the real ADHD; those who have done little research or reading; those who have spent little or no time with a child on the spectrum ; those who know little and yet say a great deal. I can not tell you how many times people have aired their opinions around ADHD and stepped where they really know very little. I have had to bite my tongue many times ( and if you know me that is indeed the work of the spirit within me) and really have had to pray.
For some of us these ignorant and skeptical people are even in our families. Those that write on this topic often say things like this. People think ADHD is a belief system and so some say things like this. "I do not believe in ADHD," and others think that is an act of the will so say things like this , " just try harder to sit still or to focus." Others think that these children just need a darn good hiding because after all they are just *&#@@$%%^!! Naughty." and then of course there are those who always come back to the " bad parenting' argument. I have heard it all and much more. Lets not even mention medication and folk get all frothy in the mouth and bulgy at the eyes and tell you why you should not be putting your child on Medication.
In these moments I smile sweetly but scream inwardly. The thing I would really love to tell the ignorant is this.
I love my child with all my heart.
I know my child.
I see his highs and lows, his victories and his very sad failings
I see his pain and his exhaustion as he holds it all together...for a time.
I know he needs to rest his brain at times.
I can see the fun in thinking out of the box. I experience his joy at being free to fly inside his head.
As his mother I have cried and worried; I have screamed and shouted ; I have sighed and prayed for patience that lasts and lasts.
I have read and read and read on this issue.
and then I have read some more..
We have asked for help,
from those who specialise in ADHD. they are kind and know our struggle and our pain and they ask the right kinds of questions - they give the right kind of advice.
I am eternally grateful for these people.
this whole process is very, very expensive and not to be taken lightly financially.
Making all the necessary decisions around ADHD takes enormous courage and wisdom all of which we feel we have gained.
We have prayed and thought and prayed and read and have never made this decision without feeling it's true weight.
Please do not judge me
unless you have walked a mile in my shoes.
Perhaps you should try and read a little and try and understand the pain of a parent who has a child who is ADHD. It is no walk in the park. They struggle every day and we are called to parent boldly , courageously and with wisdom. Perhaps next time you find yourself in the situation where you could give your opinion on ADHD, perhaps next time you could rather ask how to pray for the person .
Perhaps you could listen rather than judge because unless you have a child or a spouse who is ADHD , you actually do not really know!
No comments:
Post a Comment