I have decided to write some posts on being a mother of sons. Doug and I , together have 4 sons. The oldest has just begun his High School part of his education at a very good school in Cape Town, South Africa. It is a co-ed school which in itself is unusual in these parts. Being a mother of sons is a very interesting journey in parenting. I simply love it. My brain is wired for science and boy stuff. I am really not a pink kind of a person. I fit quite comfortably into the mom of males role. I realise I am not the first to tread these waters and nor will I be the last. It is a gloriously fun, noisy , smell and sporty time. Being a woman and a girl at heart, there are some things about boys that are strange, different, other and unique to maleness. This journey is also one of enormous learning. One of the big key areas of learning for me, is in the area of male sexuality and in particular teenage sexuality.
I am finding the teen years both exciting and scary. The leap from being an integral part in our sons life to gradually and rightly so and in the right way, letting go so that he can taste good independence is in itself an adventure and journey.
A pathway I think we all least expect to travel down with our teen is down the sordid pathway of pornography.
The modern reality is given a cell phone and Internet connected world our sons live in, the reality of pornography is a button away.
In his book "Captured by a Better Vision", Tim Chester begins his book with this statement...
"Today there is an epidemic of pornography."
Words that chill and stop the heart of this mom of boys.
The reality and truth of this statement is of course true. No matter what your stance on the rights or wrongs of porn, you would have to concede that there has been a dramatic rise and use of it by both men and women in this modern world.
As a parent of sons I have had to make the sad peace with the reality that my darling sons WILL be exposed to pornography. This is totally heart breaking.
Doug and I being who we are, have and do already talk about all this and more with the boys (in an age appropriate and timely manner). The topic and reality of pornography is not foreign to them. Can I urge you, if you have a teen son and you are not talking talking talking sex and the reality of all that the Internet and cell phone world offers or should I say bombards us with, then please start. it is never to late to burst the bubble.
Our sons need a safe person and a safe place to share their struggles. It can be anyone who will listen and not condemn. I pray that God will raise up men who would come alongside our teens and help them. I am grateful for those who already do.
As this glorious high school year began and is in top gear I know of young grade 8 boy / men who are having to bat off this stuff. It is on offer.
Pornography is strongly addictive.
It influences and warps sexual desire.
It breaks the brain.
It sells a wrong idea of what God intended sex to be.
It is visual and so meets men in just the right way - the way their brains are wired.
It is in our homes.
It is secret.
Our children are at the for front of a war. A war that they are ill equipped to fight, A war that they are loosing. A war that will break them and scar them for life. A war that purposefully targets them, A war that is for free.
It is also our war.
I call on you as a mom of a son- as a woman - have a heart of compassion for your son and this ticking time bomb and do something.
Talk to him and find someone he can talk to.
Read - there are some good and helpful books like the one I mentioned by Tim Chester and there is more and more research . Focus on the Family has run 2 great talks on this topic.
This space is actually Dad Space but as Doug and I talk about it he encourages me to also talk and share and ask.
I often ask this question, " How is it going with the screen and all that junk?"
I take heart in Jesus because he is the only real and true hope any of us actually have in this broken and warring world. I entrust each of my darling sons to him and ask that we do our best for him. I pray for protection and honesty and thank God for excellent youth leaders who talk the talk and walk the walk.
Lord have mercy!!!
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