to eat and what to eat.... that is the question!

I love good , yummy, wholesome food. 

Whole wheat and veggies are an easy choice for this pallet. Friends and I were talking yesterday about kids and food and I decided to write some thoughts around food issues and being a parent. 

All through my teens the fat war waged in my life and on my body. I tried this diet and that fad. Weight struggles are sadly not a thing in my past. I would love to say that I have bee set free from the bondage of eating issues and the obvious body image stuff. The truth is it is all a continual struggle for me and I am sure that , in this regard, I speak the language of many a western woman.

One of my pledges to my children was that I would not put onto them the issues that I myself face. have 4 boys definitely helps and I am sure that mothers of girls have trickier terrain to cover. I was chatting to a mom of a daughter and she was talking to me about the healthy weight role models at school and , honestly, I have never every thought about this.  But, having said that, I think that one can very easily place a focus on food for our children , that really need not be there at all. I have purposely not tried to make food an issue. 

But it is..... 

Growing up in the 70's and 80's in South Africa , for me , was a time in our family where we did not have money for luxuries. The idea of finishing ALL your food on the plate meant that one never really learnt to listen to that voice that told us when we were actually full. 

I have been a none red meat eater since I was 18 years old. I went through times when I ate no fish or chicken either.My aim and ideal when beginning this part of my life, as a mother, responsible for the health of  our children, has been interesting and as always pushed me right to the point where I have had to let go of most of my ideals around food. 

I still hold firmly the aim to try and not put my issues onto my kids and so I am very careful of what I say about food. I talk about that is not healthy for you rather than that is fattening, as an example. 

I really have always encouraged my boys to enjoy the food they like best.

Each of our sons is a unique eater with unique likes and dislikes. Each has a totally different body shape and type. There is not one mould but 4 unique individuals in ever way including food.

Our first son has been a good eater. He loved food as a baby and has continued to enjoy a hearty meal. As a lean teen his head is often in the fridge. He is always hungry. :)

All this is totally normal and good. 

He eats lots of one kind of  fruit and has a generally good balanced diet.  He could probably tweek it here or there. He is growing, has energy and is learning well.

Our third son is a hearty eater. He looooves his food and enjoys interesting food stuffs like avos and gerkins. He will try new things once. I like this!! He is the one who will have a second helping and has a colourful plate of food out of choice.

Son 2 and son 3 however were the children who shifted my ideal ideals around food. These two precious boys of ours have challenged me on the food front.

As a baby, our second son, although breast feed, repeatedly lost weight, Even once on solids, his weight continued to be a concern. A nutritionist helped with good things to put on weight and so we pressed on. 

Honestly our 4th sons early feeding years are a bit of a blurr. He is by far the most tricky eater of all the four. 

These two children of ours are both ADHD. Food has been and issue for them in that they both have a very limited pallet. Sensory issues and textures of food was an issue in the early days when food fun began but honestly food has remained a very tricky part of parenting with them. Both boys are tall and thin. Both take medication for ADHD treatment with enormous success.

The thing is I know what children SHOULD eat to be healthy and grow and I have that as an ideal for my children too, but the reality is, it just does not work this way. 

What that means is that , for these two boys, I make food that they like; that is fairly healthy; filling and that they will eat. 

Trying this and trying that costs money and is expensive and often wasteful. I work with what works for them and us as a family.

I often find the advice given by experts unhelpful and really lacking in true understanding of the real issues people face with kids who have eating issues. 

I have stopped  listening and reading about children and food. Latest diets and fads just irritate me because they offer really no solution or help for a child who really eats hardly anything. 

I think there is a lot of guilt attached to parenting in general and food issues fall prey to this too. I think parents who have children who are not picky eaters have no clue what it like to worry about a child who doesn't eat well. Many children have real food issues and these parents struggle and worry. The issues are not because the parent began the diet off badly and so created a food issue. No, these food issues are often part and parcel of who the child is. 

And so the artful parent has to dig deep to be creative so that this little person can also grow and thrive. learn and have energy.

Being a parent is an adventure indeed.