The Cool Factor- on holding dissapointments with our children

This week we had two of our sons face a disappointment. I guess the depth of each will be revealed in hindsight.

Disappointment #0ne

Thomas is extremely active and to say he loves his hockey is but a massive understatement. He is in a good team at school and he joined up to play club hockey, along with James, this year. This is no small thing. These teens are playing with grown men who are stronger and so the level of play is huge in all sorts of ways.

Over the years, Thomas has played many sports. He has played tennis and squash and hockey and basketball. He is good at them all. He loves some more than others. 

It was the squash , we think, that began the pain under his kneecap. And so a visit to a specialist revealed information and he had to rest and stop some sport. This seemed to help and so we press on, with his beloved hockey on track.

This year, half way through the season he experiences enormous pain under both knees. This time we find a local doc who has an interest in sports injuries and bam . we have it in a nut shell.

This doc was really great at explaining the situation TO Thomas and so we left knowing that he has to cut 50% of his jumping, running sport. This message to an active ADHD boy of 14 feels like a death sentence.

And so we begin the journey of helping him hold is disappointment.

It is with pain that a parent looks on as a child reconciles news and then sits down in it.

My awesome , wise doctor told we that we grieve the losses with our children, and she is right.

Disapointment #two

James is in grade 10 and is a great young man. He is responsible and kind and has owned his faith very firmly and publicly. He is one of the least demanding people I know and is very easily satisfied. He does not ask much but gives a great deal. 

He plays sport and though he loves hockey more he also enjoys water polo. Water polo in SA schools is much like rugby in its cool value and acceptance factor. It gives kids that something that sport does for them. Hero status and The Cool Factor. One can not be touched by this if you play THE sport. For both Doug and I the Cool Factor is BLAH to say the least and we would not hang their with or for our sons.

However it is real and it is.

James has played in the first team this year and he is a solid play. 

There are 11 of them. The second tour is on the horizon and James gets the cut. All 10 are going and " sorry James you are not". No coach explanation, in fact   not    a    word, actually FROM the coach and the teacher involved who has the Cool Factor Naturally. These two young men have come up  really uncool for us.

One would really expect teachers and coaches to practise and grow in EQ especially when working with teens. Thimpact of these experiences can be huge and have devastating consequences. 101 teen work!  I have to say my own personal disappointment at HOW these two have dealt with this is huge and both Doug and I are equally very, unimpressed.

So in one week we get to HOLD another deep disappointment. A really sad one. One that will pass but none the less, that is.

And so we do...

head on and straight up.

I talk and ask and talk some more. Doug talks and ask and we PRAY!! I share our story with a mother who just HAPPENED to be at our house and she tells me that this is not the first time and that the young man last year had the same experience . I hear his name -- Hugo..... and resolve to share with James.

James says these profound words. 

"Mom, of all the people who said something , Hugo came to me and said the most meaningful......."

 " James I know how you feel. It took a while but I am so over Water Polo."
The realness and deep sharing from this young man was admirable. I know that Jamse was touched and pray he will be brave enough to do the same next year.

When we hold our child's disappointments, in Christ , we never hold them alone. God holds them and is working them out for his glory and for our childs  good.

That a grade 11 teen found James and shared pain and experience with him was huge and it was God holding James in that teenage place where adults dare not tread.
Sharing vulnerabilirty is enormous for teens and especially for boys.
I do not know you Hugo but I think you rock young man!

We will get through these and many more disappointments together, with Jesus in the mess.

Thank you Lord!!