#arementrash?

This week  has seen the escalating response to yet another child rape and murder  in the Western Cape. Courtney Pieters, only 3 years old, died at the hands of her rapist. 

Her little body was discovered in a shallow grave. 

Just prior to these events, #menaretrash hit the world of # 's. 

I have read some of the debate on social media and I have chosen to stay away from this very personal issue. I experienced #menaretrash at a very young age.

But, here I am, writing something about it.

Firstly do I think this # is valid?

Well, I have waxed and waned on this one and have landed  up with this position. Though it is harsh and seems to leave no space for those good men, I think it is not speaking to those men, but really collectively highlighting the terrible scourge of deep sexism , violence and violation of men generally towards women ,generally.

If it helps to draw people in and gets them thinking, well then it is helpful.

So, as I have said already , we have 4 sons. #we are encouraging/teaching them not to be trash.

We are having some really good conversations around this topical subject. Helping them think through what is acceptable, funny or just not on means we need to talk. 

Starting point 1

My sons have a father who lives at home with us and who is honestly and in his humanity showing our sons what a good man looks like. Not a perfect man but a good man. 

This one thing that our sons have puts them in the minority of situations for most boys in our country and indeed the world. Having an active, available father counts.

Starting point 2

Honesty means for us that we speak and act with our hands open in the honesty about what men struggle with. It is pointless telling our sons to just not think about girls in a sexual way without giving them reasons and or tools to help them when they do and how to deal with the shame of it.

Treating women as objects is wrong but Jesus helps us to see that thinking about women as objects is where it all starts.

Women are of equal value before the Lord and we should be treated as having equal value with each other.

Are men trash?

In South Africa, I experience sexism  almost every time I drive a car on the South African roads. Men drivers bully women drivers.

In South Africa we women have to endure male students holding up notices that say, "Show us your tits"

We are oggled and visually explored by strangers wherever we go. We are spoken about by men in demeaning ways. 

Young women can no longer go out and not be concerned that their drinks might be spiked.

It all starts young and it is evident in all parts of society. 

The list goes on.

In South Africa, women who live in places like Soweto, Khayelitsha, Guguletu, Lavendar hill, Capricorn Park, Hanover Park ets, etc: These women step out into the danger of rape every day as they go to and from work. Indeed, their very homes lack the security to keep people out and so they live in vulnerability all the time.

What about safety on taxi's?

When our domestic worker gave birth to a beautiful little baby girl, my heart cried out NO! 

How will she be safe as she grows up ?

Children are equally and all the more vulnerable. Many children have no safe place to play at home or near their homes.

How we address this scourge as South Africans is to voice it to start with and #menaretrash is offensive enough that it has brought light to this issue.

There after........ It is up to men and women to act. And acting they are. Today sees a march against violence for men to take part in ,in Joburg.

How we beat this and change generations of behaviour towards women?I Just do not know. Perhaps by starting one boy at a time. 

Encouraging teens to think through what their values are in relation to women is a great place to start. Putting a band aid merely on behaviour is not going to work .It is a heart issue.

Helping men to think through the role of pornography and its effects on the attitudes towards women must be encouraged.

I am pretty sure men can help think of their own healthy and helpful  responses to these very deep and pervasive issues in  our country. 

#goodmenriseup  is a call to all men who have a conscience to stand up and stand firm FOR women.

Thank you to those men who are honest and open and are really not trash. 

You know who you are!