on being a fragile white ( South African )

During the December holidays, I read this book. White Fragility by Robin Diangelo. It was a good read though a tough read because it hit the spot. It is supposed to. The title is one that might put many off reading it but I suspect the title is spot on. I say this because of the experience I have with white people and their fragile selves. Time and time again, when called out on something that is offensive, no matter how softly you tread , that fragile self rises up . Don't get me wrong. I am talking to myself here too and as in her book, Diangelo speaks to her own experience of this fragility too. The thing is, we all have it, no matter how far along the journey of anti racism  you might be. We all have it. I suspect it just is because, as Diangelo explains in the book , we have linked racism with a moral failing or deficit. If we can just move away from this , we then are free to really explore and express our need for growth in areas. Of course these areas are all different for  each of us. By stepping away from the moral deficit feeling which just causes guilt we can begin to do the really good- tough work of reprogramming our thinking. It is painful at times but so liberating. It is also, I suggest, a very necessary work for us as white South Africans , to do so that we can be a healthy part of building unity in all aspects of our lives. At work, school, university , church . I have many friends who stress the idea of hearing other peoples stories and this is a beautiful place to start practicing non white fragility. We can just listen and hold the pain that so many South Africans carry because of our past without thinking we are being blamed. It is not actually about us!

Listening and holding ..... is part of a step towards healing and unity.

Another part or place we can practice non white fragility or rather working with our white fragility is when we engage online. So often , when reading comments on a news feed  the ugly and unhelpful white fragility raises its head. In discussions around the historical narratives of this country including apartheid and colonization ; in posts around white privilege and on issues of  culture , it is an ever present reality. The very sad thing is it blocks  change and learning or growing. It is a great barrier to the real building of real  unity which we so desperately need.  When we can hear something about ourselves , as white people , that is tough to hear and not get all uppity but rather let the information work its way into a new perspective, then we are working with our white fragility in a healthy way. 

This is a honestly a book that ALL white people should read.  It will change your life as a white South African in a really good way!!