What does it feel like to have ADHD

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If you were to ask me to describe what it is like to be married to someone with ADHD, I can do that. 

If you ask me what it is like to have children with ADHD, well, I can do that too.

I can describe the fun things like the continuous chatter and questioning that comes from the moment that the day begins. I can describe the extremely loud singing and loud thumping that pours from the room as the day begins. I can tell you about the great excitement and spontaneity that accompanies so many fun times. I would share with you the stuck in the moment times; the chaos; the frustration at life and the 100 of times I have heard " I am bored" when there is so much to choose to do.

There are times when distraction rules and other times when impulsively is the boss and still others when hyperactivity is the" main man".

But, what I want to share today was something that just broke my mothers heart.

You see, yesterday I asked my 11 year old son this question.

I asked him ," what does it feel like to be ADHD?"

He began to cry and as the tears rolled down his face he told me about his day. He had been so bored at school ( and for those who know being bored for ADHD people is like torture). He explained that because he was bored be began to plan and think about his Afrikaans oral and making a Wolf mask ( which was what he was doing now). He had loved to plan it and was looking forward to making it but now as he actually made it the frustration of the task was just to much and he hated it all.

I could feel the struggle. I could literally feel it as he stood next to me and cried. 

My heart broke.

And yet, this morning he got up with a bounce in his step. Yesterday was behind him and today stretched ahead. He has learnt to have hooks that he can hook good experiences onto. Mainly these have to do with being active and moving. I am so grateful that he loves sport and is good at it. 

I know that if I ask him the same question today . " what does it feel like to be ADHD?", he will say something else. 

Being a mom with an ADHD family is both exhilarating and extremely stressful. I know I am not supposed to say this but I do. I also know that God does not make mistakes and that his grace is sufficient. So today with a very heavy heart and physically exhausted, I once again stretch out my hand and place it into Jesus' hand. 

And press on......

Bulgaria Here I come!!

 In the last week of school, we had the privilege of hosting two boys form KZN , Felixton College in our home. It was a good experience and a great time. The College was in Cape Town playing hockey against many school sides. Sweet Valley Primary school was one of them.

 The truth is, all this hockey and all this art is a welcome distraction from Friday. On Friday our first born son will board a plane to travel to Bulgaria . He is going to be well looked after and he will, no doubt have an absolute ball. As a mother, I will not lie  and at this point , I am beginning feel those mom feelings.

 You know the ones I mean? The ones that ask all those questions. Will James be ok, Will he eat , will he remember to........ Will he get lost?

 I am confident in the preparations thus far and in the excellent planning from Elkanna House. We are so thrilled to have partnered with this school in this endeavour.  James is excited!!

 These photos are from the Media team hike at the weekend . The Sweet Valley Media Team hiked up Table Mountain. Great fun!!

So, as Friday dawns, I pray and thank God for his provision for James to travel to Bulgaria. I pray for his safety and all the children who are to travel. I ask our great God to be kind and generous with these travellers. Thanks you Lord for their maths thinking and for your goodness to each  child in affording them this opportunity.

The Deep Hope of Madiba Magic

I remember the very first time I saw Nelson Mandela. It was shortly after he was released on February 11 , 1990. We had been to see a movie in the Rose bank Shopping Centre in Johannesburg. The mall was pretty quiet. As we walked out , in he walked , surrounded by a body Guard or two. One might actually have missed seeing him. We greeted him from the short distance although I longed and latter wished I had rushed and greeted him personally. The thing that struck me most was that he was very tall. he walked with a gentle but authoritative manner. He held respect in his hand but held it humbly.

I latter saw in from a great distance, on the day he was inaugurated as our first democratically elected president. Doug and I journeyed to Pretoria to experience the exuberance and excitement first hand, along with many, many other South Africans. It was a glorious and emotional time for us all.

Now, I fast forward to the year 2013. Hour beloved country has been through so, so much and more. As I look back to those days of heady liberation from the tyranny of Apartheid and now, look forward to our future, I know it was all worth it. Yes, we have enormous obstacles to smooth running government. Yes we have problems that loom so big that it feels as if would suffocate. But in the words of The Lorax by Seuss, UNLESS..... unless we cling to that which is true and good and unless we look to those who fought for liberation and all they stood for in that fight.... unless we ourselves take up courage and get involved on a practicle level. Unless we pray and ask God to have mercy on us. UNLESS.

Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela had enormous courage and stood up for what was good in a time where that action might and did cost a great deal. Spending 27 years in prison was no trivial thing. I pray that many in our Government will have that sort of courage. The kind that does the unfashionable thing; the dangerous thing; the right thing despite popular views.

As our beloved Madiba lies dying in a Pretoria hospital, we, the nation, who loves him, waits. Each morning I turn on the news and wait...... is it today. I feel sad already for his impending loss. He symbolises so much for us as a country with a young and fragile democracy. He is our symbol.

and so we all wait.......

I wonder though if this lifting up of this great man. This man who could forgive in the face of real hardness and hardship and struggle. I wonder if we, the people of this beloved country of mine, long for someone else. There is a space in our hearts and we long for a perfect, kind, loving, sincere, all knowing, truthful and loyal man or woman. We long for such a person. The truth is that even Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela is not perfect. There will be things he did that we would not agree with ; things he thought that were wrong. But I know someone who is perfect in every way. Who is totally trustworthy and real.

Jesus!!

I wonder if when we love and lift up people up high to a place of almost worship, I wonder if we are simply and rightly longing for the Lord Jesus Christ.

Yet, as I wonder these things and think these thoughts, I continue to pray a good and right pray for Madiba

Lord Jesus, will you in your mercy, be gracious tho Nelson Mandela as he lies so ill. Please would you call out to him and save him because no matter how great he is and has been to us, he needs you to save him. Have mercy oh Lord. Thank you for his life and love given for us as a country. Thanks you for your mercy to us through him in giving him as our first Democratic president. Thanks you Jesus. Bless us as we travel further without him with us. I pray in your name. Amen

Words with meaning

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I love these kinds of pithy sayings. Things that make one think about life in general and the things that really matter. I particularly like the one that says .... Be kind to unkind people, they need it the most.

The bible has a great deal to say about kindness. We have just finished a series in Ruth where God's kindness towards Naomi and Ruth is displayed in his povidence for them. God says a great deal about our words and I have written about words here before.

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I love that God is so clear about the way we are to treat each other. At the moment I am doing a study in Esther with a marvelous bunch of women who I am getting to know. We are doing a Beth Moore study. One of the interesting themes that has emerged is what Beth calles " meanness" but what I have called unkindness. She explores the root of Hamans hatred and hence deep unkindness towards the Jews. We discovered that Haman and Mordecai have a history that threads all the way back to the days of King Saul. Unkindness often has a history. One of the more disturbing thoughts about unkindess is that unkindess towards me often brings out the unkindness IN me. That is why I love these words.... Be kind to unkind people, they need it most. 

If you are honest with yourself, you will know that sometimes it is very difficult to be kind, really kind, to the unkind ; the unlovley ; the mean. And yet Jesus compels us to Love even our enemy. I know that these are very big asks from our Lord but I know that with his very real and minute by minute help, we can.

The life stories of people like Corrie ten Boom  and Dietrich Bonhoffer 

reflect that in times of extreme pressure , Jesus' help is real and his motivationfor life is true.

I know so many everyday people, who just through everyday living, reveal and ehibit the love of God towards others in many , many acts of kindness. 

All are real pictures of our Great God and his ultimate kindness towards us in giving Jesus to die on the cross. May these words that seem so good become the very fibres of our being and the very heart beat of our exsistance.

The Hidden Hand of God

The book we are studying at our church, St James Kennelworth, is the book of Ruth. In my own bible women's bible study we are doing the book of Esther and in my other one we are studying Galatians. In 2 of these books the theme : God is at work despite the circumstances of life - The Hidden Hand of God at work is a strong thread. I am so excited to be thinking through and praying around this extraordinary theme. God is at work in the story of Ruth and in Esther despite it seeming to be quite the opposite. The Providence of God is so clear and his kindness revealed in the lives of Naomi and Ruth is beautiful.
As we venture on in these 2 books in particular, I am waiting expectantly as God sets this theme firmly in my heart and in my thinking.

Romans 28:28. In all things - the good things and the bad things that happen in this life - God ( the great God of the universe - living and powerful - kind and loving - judge and merciful - faithful and true ) this same God is at work. We might not see him working but he is at work. He is at work in the lives of those people he has called to himself in Jesus Christ. He is working with a purpose in mind.... So that he is glorified and seen to be who he truly is in our lives AND he is at work for our good.

This verse always strangely comforts me. I know that God might not change the circumstances of my life but I am sure that he is working. And when God works things happen.

So, take heart and know that the hidden hand of God is working in your life , oh Christian. he is kind and he provides. You need only rest in his providence as you go about life doing the things you do.

Out on The Town

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Last night a few friends and I visited The Eastern Food Bazaar in Cape Town City. It is just down the drag from the majestic City Hall and on the right. This dinner destination was high up on my list of ‘must visits’ and so I was thrilled that this was the choice of our food destination.

We arrived after 6.30 and met one of the women who was already there. The way the Bazaar works is there are at least 5 different choices of food type. One chooses the meal for the evening and then all visitors order and pay at a central till after which you return with till slip in hand to collect the meal.

This is both a take away spot and a sit down meal. The delicious food on offer ranged from stuffed Shwama with Falafel and Humus  through to Chinese food and then on to Tandoori type meals and finally resting , for me and indeed most of us, at the Indian Curry spot.

Each spot has a small selection of food and incredibly reasonable prices . It was a gastronomical delight. I chose a Chicken Tikka Misala which came with piles of rice and some other, non – descript green, hottish stuff and also we bought naan and Roti.  All this and a water came it at a meager R40. I was thrilled!!

We all took our meals and went upstairs to a very Easternly decorated spot to relax and enjoy.

Our fellow customers where from all walks of Cape Town life. Many foreign Africans joined the queues in search of cheap, hot, good food. As typically Eastern, Indian  music blared from the make shift speakers and people mingled back and forth  deciding and ordering. It was a noisey hub bub and new and exciting experience for Cape Town. We definitely felt as if we had stepped out for the night, into a different part of the world.

Cape Town City centre is a strange beast in the dark. The beautiful buildings are difficult to see clearly and yet bits of them spring out in the shifting light. The streets are full of trolley people and business people pushing there wares down the road, on the way to safety after a long day of selling. The poor and the homeless come out too. They are more forceful and far braver than in the suburbs. I guess , to survive, you just have to be. No one would care anyway. They demand food and step up really close so as to be ‘ in your face’ with ‘ pathetic talk, often drunken and slurred. These are the nights and times of Friday in Cape Town City.

After a filling meal we decided to set out for coffee. We landed up at a spot called Roxies . A blast from the past. We were seated up the most narrow stairs I have ever been on and we have been some places. One of our friends is blind and she was totally amazing. Through the throng of people at the food bazaar and navigating the streets and pavements and then finally up and down these scary stairs. She was totally calm and trusting and awesome. We all settled on something Kalua or something yummy. It was fun. The bathroom at this spot was something to behold. The restaurant was situated in an old and beautiful house. It had wooden floorboards and a whole bathroom with bath still in tact. The room had been decorated 20 years ago. It was home to half mannequins filled with tattoo and crazy , wild hair. It was home to the legs of the other mannequin  . half floating in mid air, surrounded by fake flowers. The walls were covered with old news paper and comic strips and old theatre adds of days gone by. Some was beautiful while other parts were simply tired and sad. It was strange to wee with all these fake folk staring. It felt like a death scene from a modern movie.

We traveled home after a wonderful and fun evening together. A great bunch of fun and funky friends. What a blessing!!!

ADHD and all that Jazz

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For many the words ADHD are enough to raise an eye brow. It is as if the mere having ADHD is a moral decicsion or somehow about will power. People have said things like," oh I don't believe in ADHD" or my personal favourite , " teachers just put kids on Ritalin to control them".  as if teachers had some way of getting kids diagnosed and prescribing Ritalin.

I have found the opposite. I find teachers at our school very cautious in ascribing attention issues to ADHD and if I might say so, not really very well up to date with the why and whats of ADHD. 

I have written about having ADHD in our family before. We are not a stranger to it. This week another son was diagnosed with attention issues and not reaching his potential. We knew this from the start.... and yet, when the diagnoses comes from another - a professional person, well there is a heaviness, a weightiness that comes with it. 

And so I begin to read again about helping children to focus and pay attention. About food and sleep and studying well. About memory recall and boredom busters. With a sad heart I face up to the fact that  ADHD has its limitations. Don't get me wrong, I love tmany, many things about the way the person with ADHD thinks and operates. The way they see the world is fresh and fun and often from acompletely different angle. it is the very real struggles that tthese children have that makes my sad - daunted. 

And yet.... I know two things.

1. God has created these boys of ours with his love and care a
purpose. He has purposed their lives and thought about each one. They are fearfully and wonderfully made.

2. God is at work. He is at work in his world and in our lives to fashion us and form us into the likeness of his wondeful son, Jesus. God is at work in our boys and in us as we parent and guide and help them.

And so we press on the the goal. With the joys and struggles of parenting in general and parenting kids with special needs, we continue to pray and trust Jesus for wisdom and guidance and strength.

ADHD  - link
 http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/5821.html