Let the games begin

Our winter, mid -year break is finally here. We decided to celebrate with some calamari and chips for dinner and a movie from the DVD shop. We ate our fish and chatted about the day that was and the time to come. Holidays together are a time to celebrate and enjoy each others company ; they are a time to some things new. 

Our family all live up country in Johannesburg and we see them seldom. We are not really in the position to go on expensive holidays at the moment and so these home holiday times really need to be special. They need to count.

And so our holidays began with a celebration of a good friends birthday. Piles of kids dashing about and some great wholesome, home-made soup and we were set for the rest of today. As I have mentioned in a previous post on this holiday, we have a theme for ourselves. Some might find this odd but I have some very good reasons for deciding to be purposeful about this time together not least of all that I really want this time to count for something in our boys lives. We began today by making a cardboard baobab type tree. I think it is great. We have written our prayers for these holidays onto heart shaped card and these are now hanging from the funny old tree. The great thing was hearing the kinds of things the boys each longed for. Things like no fighting and being kind and praying more. I was so encouraged by their desires to grow in knowledge and love of God and others. What a joy. I often think the things I talk  to them about; those Jesus things, well they seem to vanish in somewhere and then what? At times like these I am greatly encouraged that God is at work in shaping these boys and in tweeking their hearts and minds despite my efforts.

I am so blessed to be able to take a break from wriggle and the other things I do and spend this time with our boys. May God add his blessing to our time together.

Building Forts and other fab things

I have been so inspired by others. A friend pointed me to a blog about boys and I found this wonderful idea. Fort Friday. On Fridays they build all sorts of different kids of forts using all sorts of things in different parts of the home. Now we have had a fair share of forts. The lounge cushions have been doubling as fort walls for ever but what this blog inspired me to do is to shift this a bit and make it a regular feature indoors and out. So off my mind roars. This holiday now not only has a theme but it now has a big project. I have been wanting and longing to transform our garden into a lads fab spot with long ropes and tall swings and danger and so now we begin.  We will try to collectively build a fort. Ill keep you posted :)

Check out this site for some fun ideas. 

http://fortheboys.squarespace.com/home/tag/fort-friday#

The tree of life

 

The holidays are here!!

In 2 days time it will be our June/ July winter school holidays.

 I am starting to get excited about having the boys home.  I find myself making notes about things we might get up to. we have started to have those fun conversations around - what we might like to do.

Waking up late and spending time together is one of my best things in the world. 

My mind is bustling with all sorts of ideas . 

this evening I stumbled upon a theme for the holiday. It is actually one that I am very excited about.

if you are about to throw up at this point ( as I know one or two of my friends might be doing, I appologise)

Yes I have a holiday theme:)

. Growth and growing is such a fundamental part of a child's life. In essence their physical growth and development is all about change.   One of our boys is about to enter the teenage years and so physical change is very much on the agenda as are all sorts of conversations about other changes that may take place. Growing in our understanding , love and knowledge of God is a great theme in the bible too. God is interested in us growing closer to him. He wants us to grow in goodness and change in ways that please him. Thus, the growing theme reaches its roots down really deep where God is at work and it grows its branches out wide across all of life. I have some fun ideas up my sleeve and really hope and pray that with God's help this theme can become a very real part of our collective, family thinking . My hope and prayer is that Jesus will be at work in each of these boys as we discover and learn this holiday. Here's to climbing many trees and building many fun things and here's to discovering what God has up his holiday sleeve ;)

For you.

 I heard the news. It came like a blow

so unexpected

such a shock.

a jolt.

and then the pain and sadess of what I heard made sence.

He is dead.

so, today I baked and went to you

a mother and father in deep pain

what can be said?

how can I help you hold your loss

your pain

your boy is gone.

I cried with you

we cry with you

know that we care , deeply

and are here to help you

be with you, if that is what you need

Jesus is here too.

he holds all things together

he loves and cares for you

and as you weep he collects your tears

gathers them up and holds them near

his arms hold you.

one day it might all make sense

but until that day

remember the Lord

rememeber that He is at work

in your loss and grief

he is there

at work

for you

in you.

But for now

grieve

it is a deep and searing loss

Who am I really ?

Today, again I slipped and fell
and tumbled down, down, down , deep into the abyse
where darkness hides all that is and all that might be.
I search and search and all that comes to naught.
It is hollow loneliness that engulfs and smothers me.
It winds itself so tightly around and around again
and laughs out loud as it pulls and chokes until  nothing is left.
And so I begin the slow and painful climb once more.
I claw and drag and push upwards
longing for a breath , hoping for a hand to pull me from the other side.
But none is there.
The journey is slow and treacherous
 full of doubt and clouded a mist.
The bottom of the pit seems so, so far from all that is light and life and fun.
I am tired, so very very tired. My limbs ache with heaviness
they pull me on, drag me up and up and up towards the light
It is a cold and lonely journey.
I hear myself calling.
I hear myself reply.
The day is long and the perilous pathway is littered with familiarity
anger, sadness and fear lurk and threaten
Their strength and grip are solid and firm
their desire to rule is real and safe
I picked myself up and dusted me knees
I knew again that what I am and what I was are two different people

How can we love you when your pain is in the way?

For Sammy

I remember the day I came to visit you

For the very first time

I came

Into the room, I came

Free and accepted.

You lay on the bed

So small and all curled up

So in need of care and protection

Your mom sat along side you

So pleased

So proud

Another little girl had been born

Not just any girl

Not just any

You see, it was Sammy

Our Sammy.

So beautiful and whole

So perfectly formed

I looked through my pain

Of loss and sadness of what might have been

Through it all

And I saw you

As we watched you grow and bloom

You seemed adorned with a real sense of purpose

Of  being.

How can the head express what the heart feels?

With you came that something special

To know you is to love you

To spend time with you is to laugh out loud

Yes and to cry too

I see you

I see you

Now you seem to be a shadow of yourself

Loneliness has smothered you

Snuffed out your life

Pain cries out

So loud, yet none can hear

It crushes and curls inside like a viper waiting to strike

It rules and thrashes again and again

The cuts are deep and you feel no more

I know what it is

I see the pain and hear it scream

So here we are

Playing the waiting game

What are we waiting for?

While we wait know this one thing

I am here waiting with you

My prayers cover you like a warm cloak

Jesus is waiting too

Remember those things I painted

And told you

He is not waiting for you to clean up your act

Get it right

Be healed

Oh no child, sister

He is waiting for you to

Just as you are

And then he will

Pick you up off the floor

Wash you pure as snow

And slowly and very gentle

Because that is just how he is,

Piece you back together

For he knows how you fit

He made you after all

Sammy, my precious Sammy

Know you were once so loved

And still are

All the more

Divorce Matters

My parents divorced when I was in my early 20's but of course that was the end. The beginning began many years before that and all of this had a profound impact on my life.

I was listening to Focus on the Family this morning and once again they had a very helpful discussion and around step parents. As I listened I became aware again of the deep impact that divorce has on children.  Yes the parents are torn apart and that in itself is riddled with strife and pain but sometimes in this process the very real need and loss for the children gets ignored. 

I found myself weeping and then wondering where the heck did that come from? Those who know me and love me know that I am a deeply feeling person. Yes I am one of those who feel things very deeply and I have been raked over the coals for being this way. "You just respond to everything emotionally" someone once said to me and there may be some truth in that but one thing about me is that I will always think things through , eventually. :) I am able to have very real compassion for others in need. Not all bad hey?

Children in divorce matter. They feel the ripping of their parents relathionship too. The effects of the breaking  is perhaps life long. I have a great friend who comes from a family who ended in divorce. We often talk about the effects on us today and how we see things in our own marriages through the glasses of broken parental relationships. We are able to encourage one another to think right and act right because our marriages different. We are different. :) 

Thank you Lord on all accounts.

The untold, unresolved and very deep sense of loss that children experience and carry through life is real. it exists.  I say this because I think society has begun to view divorce as just another option. It is a choice after all you deserve to be happy. The children from these families  seem to be glanced over now days in the one of many choices adults make. In the turmoil and chaos of deciding who gets what and where to live and who gets the kids and when, their feelings and their experiences can get left out.

This is a plea. Look again and please take note. The little person at your side is in pain too. I know that had my parents been able and had the tools to acknowledge my pain, It would have helped me realise that they actually saw my pain too. That they cared!!

Our church and many others run a  helpful course called Divorce care and Divorce care for kids. 

Check out the web site for more information

Do your kids a favour.

www.dc4k.org