How can we love you when your pain is in the way?

For Sammy

I remember the day I came to visit you

For the very first time

I came

Into the room, I came

Free and accepted.

You lay on the bed

So small and all curled up

So in need of care and protection

Your mom sat along side you

So pleased

So proud

Another little girl had been born

Not just any girl

Not just any

You see, it was Sammy

Our Sammy.

So beautiful and whole

So perfectly formed

I looked through my pain

Of loss and sadness of what might have been

Through it all

And I saw you

As we watched you grow and bloom

You seemed adorned with a real sense of purpose

Of  being.

How can the head express what the heart feels?

With you came that something special

To know you is to love you

To spend time with you is to laugh out loud

Yes and to cry too

I see you

I see you

Now you seem to be a shadow of yourself

Loneliness has smothered you

Snuffed out your life

Pain cries out

So loud, yet none can hear

It crushes and curls inside like a viper waiting to strike

It rules and thrashes again and again

The cuts are deep and you feel no more

I know what it is

I see the pain and hear it scream

So here we are

Playing the waiting game

What are we waiting for?

While we wait know this one thing

I am here waiting with you

My prayers cover you like a warm cloak

Jesus is waiting too

Remember those things I painted

And told you

He is not waiting for you to clean up your act

Get it right

Be healed

Oh no child, sister

He is waiting for you to

Just as you are

And then he will

Pick you up off the floor

Wash you pure as snow

And slowly and very gentle

Because that is just how he is,

Piece you back together

For he knows how you fit

He made you after all

Sammy, my precious Sammy

Know you were once so loved

And still are

All the more