The fun we have - holidays in Cape Town - 2014

It is holiday time again!

I love to spend time with my boys doing things we never get to do. We plan some things that do not cost a great deal and try and spend some time with each other and with some friends too.

This morning we spent time with Georgi and Sven at Rondevlei. It is a nature reserve in the Western Cape. It included the vlei or wetlands in the local area. We saw chameleons, 2 mongoose, 2 tortoises, pelicans and many other birds, hippo tracks but no hippo, a said snake but we could not see it, beautiful flowers and spiders, and insects. 

It is an outing well worth it. It costs R12 for adults and R6 for children.

This is our Thomas. 

Thomas loves to move and be active. He is a great sportsman. His fab fav sport right now is squash. He is driven and dedicated to learning all there is to learn and put it into action.

This holiday he is enjoying a three day hocky clinic and squash lessons. 

The Science centre was one of the places we visited.

 The things of science and wonder. We had a fun time with some good friends.

 Spending time with family is an unusual treat for us as we live a great distance from nearly all of them except for the lovley Jones family. Worcester here we come!!

 The evolution of man!!

 Nutella for breakfast!!

The beautiful Cape!!

#Oscar#truefreedom#forgiveness

for  Oscar

You do not know me, but I know you

I know you as the man who won a little hope for us who call ourselves South African

I know you as the runner...

the BladeRunner.

The one who despite his real life disability

fought back at life 

and won.

I heard this week a story of life 

as you lived it.

as a child and then a teen

and now all grown up

with real decisions and real life choices

with the consequences of small moments with big decisions

On a day I spoke with a teen

fresh with new ideas on age old things.

she shared of her admiration

and her strong conviction for you.

"you see"... she added almost as if I should have known this,

" every teen has done their oral on Oscar Pistorious."

You were a hero..an idol of sorts.

You held a place in our hearts and minds

 that none is suposed to hold.

It is the place reserved for a king you see

When you or I place ourselves, any-one, another

in that place

on a throne not fit for just anyone

we create an idol

and every idol will fail us

it lies you see

and whispers sweet nothings as we are lulled to sleep

under the illusion that even you could

deliver us something

I think in part we are to blame

you rose up and we held you there

and now you crash and fall

the idol has awokended the giant within

and we are hungry for blood

your blood

because after all someone must pay

Now, today, again as you raise your head

and fight for your life

I got to thinking and so to writing.

You see, you do not know me, yet I see you

I see a man in pain and sorrow

and I, a familiar fellow traveller

on the road of loss and grief

heard
I saw!

Do you grieve for the loss of the woman you killed

or is it the potential loss of all you have created

that false ivory tower that wealth builds..
is it this life you grieve

and yet I see your

pain

sadness

sorrow

and grief

and for a while I allowed myself the luxury of seeing you

and I felt pity 

and so I pray

You fight for your freedom but you will remain in bondage no matter what the outcome

Real freedom does not come from a judges gavel

It is to be found at the foot of quite another kind of wood.

Here you will find real freedom

 that comes from really confronting the darkness within

and instead of fleeing from yourself 

and blaming the life that was

 the crime that is

 the fear the rules

 take  a long and real look at your very dark and broken self

and take it all

to the foot of the one who created your very soul.

The only person who can set you free

is the one who hung on the tree.

It is here that you will find real freedom

despite the outcome of this trial.

you may walk free or be confined by bars

but neither will bring real ,

soul freedom

if your sorrow leads you

to repentance

repentance

 leads you to salvation

and with this real salvation you will be set free.

But

with the sorrow that this world offers

if you press into it

you will only find death and decay

regret and forever sadness.

so I urge you
 turn from your act of madness

honestly and courageously

turn to him

the One

He

 will really save you from yourself
and from quite another judgement
the real judge of all

He is able to 

 give you life and freedom 

in abundance.

He will set you free indeed!

Thoughts on : When our child is faced with dissapointment.

This world , with its focus on success and triumph, will offer its share of dissapointments. Our children are not immune from this. As with most of the difficulties of being a good enough parent, I find the hard, painful dissapointments of some of the trickiest and personally painful. 

This new week at school began with tears and dissapointment. 

Holidays were over and school is back on. 

The reality of this is no small thing for any ADHD child.

One of our sons has a strong competative aspect to his nature. This is a good thing for him for various reasons. But it also means that he sets his aim very, very high and sometimes he does not reach this target.

Dissapointment is a constant friend when sometimes striving fails.

I am learning to hold his dissapointment with tenderness and care. I am learning to help him feel it and grieve it and thats ok. Today, again, I found myself on my spiritual knees before the Father asking for  the right words..... for wisdom. 

Today again I found myself being able to offer those real words of life. I held them out to our precious son and watched as he listened and drank. 

I talked about the reality of dissapointments that this life has in store for him. I reminded him that God has a plan for him and that plan is good and perfect. That sometimes God allows these dissapointments so that we can hold the things of this world lightly and we can cling to HIM with all we have. 

Jesus is our treasure above all things.

It is painful for me to see his wounded soul and knwoing that there is absolutely nothing I can do to prevent or stop the pain. 

And yet the pain and heartache is ALL in the safe and loving careful planning and care of God.

But I can share Jesus and I can pray.

and these two things are not nothing. They are everything.

So today again , like when he was a little boy, I picked him up and held him near and whispered words of love and comfort from my heart to his. Once again , I shared my faith and my saviour and once again I entrust him to the God who will never dissapoint. 

Ever!

Reduce - reuse- recycle?

http://sites.psu.edu/cee5096/wp-content/uploads/sites/1035/2013/02/recycle.jpg

Global warming.

Climate Change.

Recycling.

Saving the planet.

Saving the environment.

extinction.

endangered.

These are some of the words that our children are exposed to on a regular basis. In South Africa we often have news stories which revolve around the demise of the Rhino. 

Any nature programme worth its salt will have a slot on how the environment is in danger.

I often wonder at the impact that these messages of doom and gloom have on our children. Do they feel empowered to "do something" or do they feel it is all just pointless. Perhaps is seems too far into the future for it to feel real. 

We often chat in our home about the probable rise in the sea level and what that would mean for people living right next to the sea side. 

From the Christian world-view stand point, we understand that we, man, woman and children, are placed in a custodian position over the earth. We represent God on earth and are to keep order over nature,  We understand from scripture that we have indeed messed up. 

This is not the popular world-view which has a more yin and yang idea with man and nature in balance.

The truth still stands. Man is responsible and capable of changing the way things are in relation to the environment.

I see it as a must. We must try and do what we can to contribute in a good way.

We must do something.

This weekend we had a frank discussion around recycling. 

We recycle as a family but I was saddened that my boys did not really see the value in recycling. 

What is the purpose? 

We separate the plastic, paper and tin things and take them off to our local dump. The stuff is stinky and messy. 

I have written about our local dump and how great the recycling section is. 

There are people to help unload and sort out the recycling that is brought there. 

As if in answer to this I stumbled across an excellent article in a local magazine. This article juxtaposed the act of recycling and exactly what it achieves in the South African context.

As I read it I recognised Gods Grace again.

We learned together that by collecting bread tags  we can help make a wheelchair. Many recycled plastic bottles are used to make useful things. 

By recycling  water bottles we reduce the land fill space.

We read about the jobs created for people in the recycling industry. Last year alone R422 million was injected into the local economy through the sale of recycled goods.

The recycling industry is a growing industry. It is proving to be working well and solving some of the problems of the environment.

We are avid readers of the magazine Popular Mechanics. We love to read about the fantastic ideas people have in tackling the issues around the planet.

It is encouraging and a great reminder that man has the ability and will to do the right thing. Man is able to change the way we live now and create a brand new, sustainable way of living.

For us, at home, we press on with our tiny recycling commitment knowing now that it does make a difference.

We know that in all things God is at work and so trust him and do what is right.

Reduce - reuse - recycle! 

In praise of every mom behind an ADHD son ( or daughter)

A friend of mine lent me a book called, "Raising Boys with ADHD." by James Forgan and Mary Richey

It begins with these words....

We know that behind every successful boy with ADHD , is a tired mom. I had to laugh out loud because this is indeed true.

Emotionally tired, physically tired, tired of worrying and thinking of new ways to help, support and guide their busy, talkative, distracted, emotional son. and yet ever hopeful and never, ever giving up!!

Yesterday I met up with a bunch of women for coffee. We shared something of our present struggles around parenting sons who are ADHD. As I reflected upon their individual stories I again came to realise that I simply admire these women. Women who in the midst of real struggles , press on and never give up with and for their son. 

This short blog post is written to salute these women and many more like them. I want to encourage you to keep on going. Thanks for you encouragement and example. Thanks for ideas and for listening.

I used to have a support group for ADHD mothers and these fine ladies have encouraged me to start it up again. A safe space to challenge, listen and encourage one another as we parent our ADHD sons.

to eat and what to eat.... that is the question!

I love good , yummy, wholesome food. 

Whole wheat and veggies are an easy choice for this pallet. Friends and I were talking yesterday about kids and food and I decided to write some thoughts around food issues and being a parent. 

All through my teens the fat war waged in my life and on my body. I tried this diet and that fad. Weight struggles are sadly not a thing in my past. I would love to say that I have bee set free from the bondage of eating issues and the obvious body image stuff. The truth is it is all a continual struggle for me and I am sure that , in this regard, I speak the language of many a western woman.

One of my pledges to my children was that I would not put onto them the issues that I myself face. have 4 boys definitely helps and I am sure that mothers of girls have trickier terrain to cover. I was chatting to a mom of a daughter and she was talking to me about the healthy weight role models at school and , honestly, I have never every thought about this.  But, having said that, I think that one can very easily place a focus on food for our children , that really need not be there at all. I have purposely not tried to make food an issue. 

But it is..... 

Growing up in the 70's and 80's in South Africa , for me , was a time in our family where we did not have money for luxuries. The idea of finishing ALL your food on the plate meant that one never really learnt to listen to that voice that told us when we were actually full. 

I have been a none red meat eater since I was 18 years old. I went through times when I ate no fish or chicken either.My aim and ideal when beginning this part of my life, as a mother, responsible for the health of  our children, has been interesting and as always pushed me right to the point where I have had to let go of most of my ideals around food. 

I still hold firmly the aim to try and not put my issues onto my kids and so I am very careful of what I say about food. I talk about that is not healthy for you rather than that is fattening, as an example. 

I really have always encouraged my boys to enjoy the food they like best.

Each of our sons is a unique eater with unique likes and dislikes. Each has a totally different body shape and type. There is not one mould but 4 unique individuals in ever way including food.

Our first son has been a good eater. He loved food as a baby and has continued to enjoy a hearty meal. As a lean teen his head is often in the fridge. He is always hungry. :)

All this is totally normal and good. 

He eats lots of one kind of  fruit and has a generally good balanced diet.  He could probably tweek it here or there. He is growing, has energy and is learning well.

Our third son is a hearty eater. He looooves his food and enjoys interesting food stuffs like avos and gerkins. He will try new things once. I like this!! He is the one who will have a second helping and has a colourful plate of food out of choice.

Son 2 and son 3 however were the children who shifted my ideal ideals around food. These two precious boys of ours have challenged me on the food front.

As a baby, our second son, although breast feed, repeatedly lost weight, Even once on solids, his weight continued to be a concern. A nutritionist helped with good things to put on weight and so we pressed on. 

Honestly our 4th sons early feeding years are a bit of a blurr. He is by far the most tricky eater of all the four. 

These two children of ours are both ADHD. Food has been and issue for them in that they both have a very limited pallet. Sensory issues and textures of food was an issue in the early days when food fun began but honestly food has remained a very tricky part of parenting with them. Both boys are tall and thin. Both take medication for ADHD treatment with enormous success.

The thing is I know what children SHOULD eat to be healthy and grow and I have that as an ideal for my children too, but the reality is, it just does not work this way. 

What that means is that , for these two boys, I make food that they like; that is fairly healthy; filling and that they will eat. 

Trying this and trying that costs money and is expensive and often wasteful. I work with what works for them and us as a family.

I often find the advice given by experts unhelpful and really lacking in true understanding of the real issues people face with kids who have eating issues. 

I have stopped  listening and reading about children and food. Latest diets and fads just irritate me because they offer really no solution or help for a child who really eats hardly anything. 

I think there is a lot of guilt attached to parenting in general and food issues fall prey to this too. I think parents who have children who are not picky eaters have no clue what it like to worry about a child who doesn't eat well. Many children have real food issues and these parents struggle and worry. The issues are not because the parent began the diet off badly and so created a food issue. No, these food issues are often part and parcel of who the child is. 

And so the artful parent has to dig deep to be creative so that this little person can also grow and thrive. learn and have energy.

Being a parent is an adventure indeed.

Life indeed does matter

Life Matters is one of the many organisations who work with children in our South African Schools. I have recently been privileged to join them with one of their schools in our local area. The setting is a primary school in a part of Cape Town. People who live here are just like you and just like me. But their lives are quite different. Turning off the main road I take the most direct route. Remnants of the days of Apartheid are evident in the response of the residence to this white woman driving up this street. Everyone notices.

Life continues as normal it is just a very different normal from the one I am used to. 

For one, the church and school windows are all covered with thick, heavy grates. The entrance to the school via the foyer, is locked with a security gate. Access is limited although it is very busy. 

The school has few plants and little or now green, lush grass. 

The homes that surround the school are neat and tidy . A little shop operating from one and a crèche from another.  

residence take care of the little they have.

The school itself is nice enough. It is need but it gets by.

The classrooms are small and the children and many. The classes are full of busy, chattering children. 

And so it begins. The journey of stepping out one comfort zone and becoming comfortable in another. The reminder that I live amongst the privileged and to be thankful. We have so much. More than we need. We all know this but stepping out and stepping up to the call to love has reminded me practically of this reality. 

Lets take books for example. The children in the programme can borrow a book to take home. Many homes have no books. In our home we have more books than I care to count. 

I gathered some from the many and shared them with LM the next week. What happened then just blew my mind. 

These two little boys I am getting to share time with, threw themselves upon these books and in sheer delight began to glean. 

"What does this say?" and "this" and "Here"

More and more... like a sponge just soaking up the water. 

They drank and drank and drank.

I leave that little school each week, thankful for the time I spent with these children. I leave heavy hearted and yet full. I leave with prayers spilling out. 

The need is great.

The harvest is plenty.

The workers are few.

Lord have mercy!!