Teenagers are for real.

You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Deutoronomy 11:19

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Of our 4 sons, two of them are teenagers, one more fully than the other, if you know what I mean.

The teen years have been surprising for me. I am enjoying so much of the interactions, laughter and just the way they' see life',; Their point of view is often insightful and profound. They cut to the chase on issues and see things as they are. There is a side to these years that we all dread and anticipate , hoping beyond all hope that these things will not come our way. You know what I am talking about. It is the reason we go to all those teen talks on sex, drugs and alcohol. The ones that talk about the stats on prison and teens and all the horrors that await us as parents of teens. The talks that leave us shaky and afraid.  The ones that point out all the errors we are definitely making and so we land up feeling  at a loss in our parenting. Of course not all those talks are like that and some have been more than helpful and I am grateful for those. 

The thing is we actually do know our kids and we are able to speak into their lives in relationship. We do have permission , as parents, to take that space as ours and to really work in it. Teaching teens truths about manners and good attitudes is essential but equally so is us sharing our thoughts on morality. The world is all about morality. it shouts it in almost every movie, advert, magazine and newspaper. The voices are loud and clear. Somehow we, as parents, have been duped into thinking we have no voice. I disagree. Claim that space back. These are your children and you have a right to speak.... so speak up loud and clearly!!! They really long for you to.

No matter how much we up skill ourselves on the hows and whats of the teenagers wold, it comes at us with a rush. The one thing that I think Gavin Keller said was that the hormones of the teenager change everything. What you previously experienced as your child is somehow over ruled by these dangerously things called hormones. I think this is spot on.

I write this understanding these truths about the teens body and yet at the same time feeling desperately sad. The thing is, no matter how many talks we attend, we do actually know what it is like to be a teen, because we have been one ourselves. We know the angst and pain; the uncertainty and craziness of that time in life. We are able to speak into our teens lives with hindsight and with wisdom because we know.

The pitfalls are real. The world presses in on the teenager, pushing and jostling him and wooing him; enticing him. There are little - big things like the swearing and the attitude but then there are the bigger things like the giving away of yourself and the taking of another in kissing, fondling and sex. These are separate and alongside the alcohol, lying and drug experimentation. Perhaps that is what it is, all one big experiment. The sad truth is that this experiment has consequences.  Personal brokenness and sadness are born in the teen  years and live on into adult life itself. Many a Christian fights the demons of the teen past. 

In observation , our teens do something that I think we can all identify with. They choose to live what I would call, a dual life. There is the home life- the one reserved for family and church etc and then there is the other life- the one that is for friends and school. These two lives are in opposition  with one another. They are not united and whole but separate and disjointed. The question is who is the real you? Further more , if you profess the name of Jesus, how much more do you need to be real and authentic in ALL areas of your life, because your witness is nullified if your walk is not the same as your talk. Why would teens come to Christ if you are living a dual life. There is no reason. :(

And so where does that leave me? The parent who loves Jesus and who's greatest desire for each of my sons is to follow Jesus and live for him. I am fully aware of the costly call this has on a teens life. It is obvious that they will be different from the rest and yet my prayer is still that he would choose that path because it is the path that leads to life. 

The teen pull to fun and experimentation is a journey that leads to death . Gods call is also on our teens lives and he asks for their hearts in obedience and worship of him. I think of the family who have just buried their son Greg at 20. A remarkable young man. His life was a testimony to God at work in the youth. He is, he really is at work and I pray for our sons and indeed for their friends that if they profess the name of Christ that they would live that out, no matter the cost. 

This brings me back to Deuteronomy 11:19. We are to teach our children Gods word so that they can know him and live for him in a world that really has no interest in Jesus. 

I am so grateful for our youth leaders... Paul and Leonard.. Leighton and the team of young men and women who serve Jesus and love our teens. Thank you. It is tough out there but you are the trail blazers who show them that there is another way.... Jesus way.

Lord I pray for the teens of our world. I pray for a working of your mighty hand in saving them . I pray for those who profess your name that they would live for you in the home and in the school. Father that they would not opt for dual living but that they would be young men and women of integrity. Lord help them because it is tough out there. They need to know you care  for and love them deeply. Please show them how much. Help us as parents to speak up and love our children, no matter the cost. 

In the mighty name of Jesus

Amen!

April fools is no fool at all:)

 April 1 - our 20th wedding anniversary.

I write these words with tears and deep emotion brewing and threatening to over flow.It is, for me, a time to think back over these passed 20 years and ponder time and life.

"We live in the shadow lands." C S Lewis

The speed at which life takes on its form is astounding to say the least.
It is really with wonder and deep gratitude that I look back.

These are four instant people- precious people who come to mind. 

The times of great beauty and fun come to mind.

Doug and I have travelled and lived in some great spots. Those experiences are rich and full.

Love!

What can I say about love.

It is a feeling

it is real and yet elusive.

I know it and yet sometimes it knows me not!

This I know....

That having been tested,

I love Doug

and that is a love that is deep and wide and God breathed

because we have reason NOT to love and so that makes our love all the more precious.

I have so enjoyed the many animals and music that has been a real part of this family and our journey. James and his clarinet and Sam and his voice and sax. A real richness you both add to this home.

 Thanks for the fun!!
and not so fun!!

There is honestly, never a dull moment!!

 Thanks for all the beautiful artwork Jethro and Thomas!!

I write this post just before Easter. I have been a Christian... a Christ follower since my early 20's. It is been an adventure full and real. These thorns remind me of the crown of thorns Jesus had pressed to his head, just before his was crucified. Our whole marriage and family revolves around this truth. Jesus died for our sin. 

This journey has been rich in family time. I sorted through my photos on line which was a difficult task and so enjoyed all the family photos. Precious times with preciuos people.

We love you!!

This journey has been one rich with good friends whom we love dearly!!

This reminds me of the hand of God. He is at work in and through us despite our weakness and failings of which we have  many. Yet, his grace is so enormous. Like that waterfall flowing continuously and always. If I stand under it, it saturates.

These past 20 years have been about crazy -normal. An unexpected journey!!

God holds us and keeps us and we work out our salvation with him.

Our marriage is about us and it is about family.  It is about Jesus and his idea of marriage. We have really been on a journey that most would not expect and yet God is real and has held us together so that we could learn and grow to love deeply, really and totally. I am so grateful for Doug. I know that he is a wonderful man. I am really blessed to be his wife .We are blessed to raise 4 sons to maturity,  trusting in Jesus and his work in theor lives.

Is my child ADHD? - LADD Module 2 - Parenting ADHD children

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 This week I completed Module 2 in the LADD  on line Parenting Course. Check it out here for yourself.

http://www.training.livingaddventure.com/

I am a mother to 4 growing, darling sons. The oldest is 15 and the youngest 9. Two of our children are ADHD and my husband is also ADHD, Much like many other ADHD families, our adventure with ADHD is a journey that is " to be continued". Part of this journey is that I am privileged to be taking this online PARENTING Course. 

Honestly, I find parenting a mixture of great joys and deep lows. Parenting ADHD children is extremely .... well, extreme. Sometimes it seems easy, flowing, on a path of sorts and then wham.... ADHD steps in and says, "Hello, remember me?"This is , in my experience, a daily visitor in our home. Being ADHD is not a part time thing. It is an all the time experience.

ADHD children can not be parented according to what is " normal" and works for most children. Something other has to happen.

Knowledge and information are my firm friends when it comes to my ADHD family. Understanding the 'whats' and 'why's help me to really come at the situation ; the extreme behaviour with grace and kindness and forgiveness ( either asking it or offering it) BECAUSE I get it. I can parent  well, proactively, with specific  knowledge on what ADHD is for my children..

I am so enjoying this course with LADD. It is informative and helpful as well as very clearly explained. The online notes are helpful and leave spaces for writing done additional information. 

I am so enjoying it and actually can not wait to listen to the next module.  

I do not what to give you all the details from the course because that would defeat the purpose:), however, I will try and share some of the parts that really filled in some gaps for me and really left me thirsty for more. 

Dave Pughe-Parry sets about the hot topic of DIAGNOSES.

I found his approach to be well thought through and very much in line with the severity that such a diagnoses carries with it. 

The bottom line here is get the job done well and by  ONLY a professional.

ADHD is no joke. It is unfortunately one of these issues that causes much chatter and opinion sharing in the public domain. Dare I say it, as I have before, by those who do not really understand or fail to up skill themselves. Sadly some of these people are in the classroom with our very real ADHD children.  Some are in our families. All this makes navigating life with an ADHD child or spouse lonely, scary and confusing. I encourage you to shut your ears to the ignorant and focus on up skilling yourself with good information.

This is a course that would help!

I love the way Dave really continues to drive home the point that each ADHD child is unique and that their ADHD is in fact complex and unique to them. This really explains why so many ADHD children and adults experience their ADHD world quite differently from one another. Of course there are the diagnostic certainties but the impairments work out differently for each person. 

ADHD children are wonderfully unique!!! 

This is a great reminder.

I love that about this course. It is honest about the real struggles that we as parents live with when we have an ADHD child. This is strangely affirming. The course is extremely informative and helpful in explaining the types of ADHD and the diagnostic tools used in diagnosing ADHD. The advice is sound and helpful.

 There were some points that jumped out for me and have been enormously helpful even in this past week.

Dave touches on the  idea that the ADHD child's impairment s should be the focus of treatment. This is a new idea for me and so I am eager to learn more and do some thinking on it. 

There are 5 impairments that ADHD children/adults might have

READING  was the first impairment Dave flagged up. 

I have to say I was taken aback.  All of my sons are great readers and love reading. My ADHD boys have really enjoyed reading as a way to escape and make life more interesting when bordem rules:) So my initial response was , no,  this does not fit....... But , Dave goes on to explain that some ADHD children either struggle to learn to read while others who love reading and devour books are actually speed reading and in so doing......... missing out chunks of the information. 

This was a light bulb moment for me. In tutoring children I have quite a few ADHD children who come for some support. This one point has helped me instantly  with understanding why some of them, though good readers  and able to do the work requires, often miss the question in a test.

ACTIVATION was another impairment. Here Dave explains this  excellently. This has to do with the struggle to get going on a particular task. 

FOCUS was another are that was excellently explained. This is about struggling to focus on one thing and all the variations of this as in hyperfocus.

MEMORY was another area that impairs the ADHD person. There seems to be such a weird thing with ADHD and memory. Short term working memory is the impairment for many ADHD people. and yet he/she seems to be able to remember something , in great detail, that happened a long while ago.

EMOTIONAL was another impairment that ADHD people experience.  I think if you have an ADHD child, you will be able to definitely concur with emotional  being an impairment for an  child.

I would encourage anyone who has an ADHD child to consider this Parenting course. I have gone back and listened to this module again and it is extremely helpful. It has clarified further some of the details of what ADHD is and how it plays out specifically for our children who are ADHD.

Thanks LADD. You are broadening our adventure . 

LADD - The ADHD adventure

ADHD and adventure seem like strange ideas to hold together. 

These two ideas are indeed friends.

I am a mother of two ADHD children and two who are not. 4 Boys.... 4 sons...

My husband is ADHD.

I live the ADHD adventure!!!

More than that, my kids live that ADVENTURE every day of their little lives.

This past week I chatted to a mother of a son who is beginning the journey with ADHD. She met with her child's teacher to discuss some of the issues.

"I do not believe in ADHD" - was what she was met with.

In the very same week I completed Module 1 of.....Living Adventure - ADHD training....

http://www.training.livingaddventure.com/

I wished with all my heart that this teacher could gain the insight and help that this model offers.  

The module begins at the very beginning.

What is ADHD? 

David Pughe-Parry leads the listener through a very helpful list of what it is not according to the common myths. I found this helpful and reassuring. Those of us who have ADHD children or spouses have ALL had to deal with the sceptic... the ignorant and the myth believer. 

The thing that stood out for me the most was the deeply comforting reminder that ADHD is complex and it is difficult being ADHD and parenting a child who is ADHD. 

Just this week I met a mom who is new to all things ADHD. Each time I speak to her she just cries. I was reminded that it is tough. All children are unique BUT ADHD children are what I like to call... uniquer than unique!!

Thanks to the recording of the ADHD brain experience, I really learnt something more. This little recording opened up a really great discussion with our 9 year old ADHD son. I asked him if he experienced distraction like this. He laughed out loud. He told me that he hears his teachers voice in words and reads them in his brain. Sometimes he has to re read them. WOW!!!

This evening we chatted about this around the table. My husband affirmed his " word reading brain" and so did our 13 year old. All three of these darling ADHD people hear people in words and read those words. My golly!!!

How can I parent differently if my son is distracted in this way and only hears some of what I say. I need to be patient with him and full of grace. I need to make sure he has heard me. I have to change my expectations of him and not hold his behaviour up to the same measure as that of a non- ADHD child. He is necessarily being disobedient.

It was a real reminder that the ADHD brain experiences imput in another way. Distraction is real. Grace must match this reality.

The picture slide of what ADHD is was extremely helpful too. I have heard this explained before but the diagram helped make it mine. Thank you. 

Helpful stuff from this model.

The Adventure continues.

Thank you LADD

And so it Begins

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The year is 2015, but you already know this.

 It is another beginning to another year. A year packed full of hopes and dreams; expectations and some fears and borrowed sadness's from time gone by.

It is another year for being a mom to the 4 most awesome sons God has given us to parent. It is another year packed full of good things. Gods plans are set out, and are to be perfected by him in the days that lie ahead and carefully planned for us all and for each of us. And so, why does the beginning of this year overwhelm me? Why is it so darn difficult. I guess the reality is we do have 4 sons and each of them have busy lives and I have a busy, full life too. New teachers, new scheduels, new work, new friends, new challenges.

Our youngest ADHD son really does not transition well. In some ways I feel his pain. The change from the wonderful relaxing holiday time over the summer break into the busy, sensory overloaded life of school , work and play; is difficult for me too.:)

Each new year holds within it the what ifs.....

It holds with in it hope of change ; of more of somethings and less of others. The hope and hint of new while drawing the old and familiar into the new year with it. 2014 is indeed hot on the heals of the new , crisp 2015.

And so I lay my hopes and expectations; my dreams and fears; my longings and sadness down at the cross. Praying Phil 4. 

Lord please give me your peace.

Lord please strengthen me for the road that lies ahead. The tasks are many and I need your help.

Father thank you for this new year. Help me to trust you deeply, whole hearted, with longing and expectation of what you are going to do in and through us; in and through the mundane and the extraordinary. 

Bless this family I pray Lord Jesus!!!

T

Loss, Grace and Forgiveness

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I love Tim Keller's bible teaching. He marries the truth of the bible and the practical outworking of it with care and marvelous help for the christian.

I have been listening to his talk on community.

Here are some great themes from the book of James.

Here is the rub. We are called to live our lives as though it is given for others. There is a choose here...

My life lived for me or my life lived for you. 100 x a day we are faced with this simple choice.  We are given countless opportunities to dies to ourselves and in so doing love others. It can be with our time; with our privilege , with absolutely anything that God gives us in our day. The choice is there. 

I can lay down my life again and again and again or I can live my life for myself.

Both of these reap a reward.

Keller explains that death to self builds community. It  does so because someone is blessed and is thankful. In saying those words... Thank You... we are expressing our gratitude and indebtedness to one another. Community is built on the bonds of thank you, 

Beautiful stuff.

 Challenging stuff.

There is obligation in community.

The big boulder we all have to navigate is the reality we all share and have looping within us.

Pride!!

That nasty word that makes my skin crawl. Place it in the centre of the room and take a stroll around it and here is what we find. At some level we all are proud and it is our pride that breaks community.

Keller has a simple check list for pride that I found helpful.

Proud People

* Being dogmatic about every point of belief 

* Loves to confront people to much or to little

* Proud people  are arrogant and self assured

Humble people

* Humble people confront when it is necessary

* Humble people are happy with life as it is

* Humble people are slow to speak of other peoples faults and if they do , do so with respect and always to heal

* Stick with people through tough times no matter what

* Do not like confronting people

*Do not complain about life 

Wow! these are challenging indeed. 

 -The first will be last the last first....

-Humble yourself and you will be lifted up..

-Lay down your life for others and God you will give it back.

-True power is giving it away and serving others.

It is all in the Brick!!

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We were invited by our family to share in the Lego Art Exhibition at the V&A Waterfront. I must admit that I had decided we  would not go to this exhibition, simply because the previous exhibition that the same group brought out to SA, was really not worth the high cost. But, off we went. I had absolutely no expectations and I had not even told the kids we were going.

James was away on Church Crossword camp and so it was just the 5 of us. 

It was a very pleasantly surprising exhibition. Firstly, it is called an art exhibition and so the works by the one artist are displayed much like an art gallery. Each has a little interesting blurb about the item made. 

The exhibition is a good length and id divided into sections. The last section reflects the feelings and thoughts of the artist, Nathan Sawaya, and so for me was my favourite part. This top photo was taken from that part and it is about loss. The artist built it after hearing a story from a mother who had lost a child. I have been thinking a great deal about loss . perhaps it is that time of year when one reflects on the year past. I silently called this piece.. For Harry ( an d all who mourn!)

The exhibition had two dvd sections to it and both of these where short and shallow enough for young children to grasp something of 'art' and being creative. I loved the overall message which was that building and being creative with Lego or anything goes on and on and on into life. 

I also found Nathans pursuit of his dream really compelling. 

The sayings that were written around the exhibition were rather cheesey and some we disagreed with BUT then they did get us talking!!

The boys enjoyed it and had their best exhibits. The dinosaur was a firm fav and the one above was Thomas best too. It had feeling and expressed emotion. 

I liked the section where the artist had made replicas , out of Lego, of a variety of famous artists paintings and sculptures. Working in the art word, I know that this was no small thing. It was fun and got us talking. 

Well done Nathan Sawaya.