God brings a shift in the idea of how relationships should work inside and outside the church. He calls us to put our self serving attitude , desires and motives to the side and he calls us to love others in the same way we would care for and look after ourselves. In other words other people should matter to us because people matter to God.
For various reasons I have struggled with some friendships over the years and I know I am being honest here. I have experienced great kindness and love from people when we lived in another country and were the outsider and I have experienced clicks , exclusive and unkind friendships. I believe that all people struggle with friendships on one level or another . I also know that God is involved in the messy business of relathionship including friendships. Because I am in a privileged position of enjoying good Christian Counsel on a regular basis and because I have chosen to go towards my brokenness and allow God to be the healer and builder - the one who is changing me and helping me. I get the opportunity to discuss and work on my relationships in a very practical way with good sound advice. I know that we might need professional help so we can have Jesus healing. Jesus might need to heal so we can effectively love others from a place of wholeness and not from a place of brokenness. I have come across many a person who lives in denial. "I am ok " they might say. " the things I endured have not really broken me". But I know that that can not be true. Out of deep brokenness we can not effectively love others. All we can do is "love" out of brokeness and this is bound to be messy and ugly. Brave and courageous is the one who venturous out and gets help professional help. Brave and Courageous!!
One of the things I have experienced is that it is far more precious to give than to wait and expect. What do I mean by this. Well, I sometimes find myself feeling sad because I am hoping that a good friend might initiate a date or invite me for tea or invite us as a family. I could find myself spiraling into a self-pitying frame of mind and begin to dislike and even withdraw from this particular friend. And Yet, if in that moment I choose to do things Gods way and with little or no expectations FOR myself, I ask the person out , well then all manner of blessings get poured out onto me. I get to be the one who is loving and in return God honours this and I am loved and built up by loving another. Our selfish desires may entice us and we may think we really need to be loved and cared for by others and in part we do but really, really there is great blessing and love to be had in loving others.
Of course we need to find a core of few good and trustworthy friends who can walk this life with us; loving us enough to say the hard things and loving us enough to rejoice in the good times and the triumphs. I am blessed to have a core few friends who are such gorgeous women. Good, godly counsel has helped me grow so I could identify this safe group of people. God generously and purposefully gave me to them and them to me. These sorts of friendship are based on mutual trust and honour and honesty.
A word on relationships that simply are not. There will always be a handful of people who are takers. They are happy for you to always ask them around and to make all the effort in the relathionship. I think a good question to ask is how valuable a friendship is it to you. If it is than it is worth talking to the person about it but if not then I suggest you let the relathionship go. However, always holding a hand out loosely so that should the person need love, you might be willing to offer it. Always be willing to love.
Jesus is our ultimate and personal friend and if we accept his love he gave for us and too us by dying on the cross, then we can be in permanent and forever relathionship with The Living God. The most precious and beautiful relathionship of all and from it we are able to love those around us. The nice and not so nice. We are able to take our eyes off of our needs and truly, care about those whom God has placed in our paths. He is the giver of the gift of true friendship where people deeply care about each other.
Just a word about times of crisis. Life is full of struggles and suffering. At these times the one in crisis is the one who really often can not give anything to anyone. It is God,s soothing balm to those in need when we gather as his hands and feet and minister to those in need. May I encourage you , dear reader, to really give to those in need. It might be a word of kindness or an act of kindness; a prayer of care or a welcome touch. People in crisis might not need you to fix things for them but rather to be a listening ear. Being a good listener is a real gift and can be a blessing to someone who desperately needs you. These little things hold enormous meaning for those who are struggling. Holding out Jesus to someone and reminding them of whose they are might seem like nothing to you but for the person who receives them, they could be the living water that their sad or sick souls longs for.
Never give up!! Love others because that is what God has made you for and called you too. He will honour your choosing to love others and not waiting to be loved in stead.
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