A Day in the Life- Part 8 - Mom, where are my shoes?

I just love the way my ADHD children do not seem to mind living in a chaotic mess. Our one son in particular, really has a bomb blast next to his bed. His favourite books and drawings; his comic strips ; an old piece of useful string ; the current project ; his bible, lamb and cuo of water ; his psp and the like are ALL piled up on top of each other or strewn across the desk. His clothes are lying on the floor and his wet towel over the chair. His stuff is littered all over the room. Our boys share rooms and his belongings are spread, literally all over the room. I know that kids are not inherantly tidy neccessarily but there is a chaos and disorder arounding belongings that follow ADHD kids. The best part is that they do not seem to mind the chaos and let alone the mess. But realistically this messy state can not really exist well withing a family , especially ours with so many people. The big problem is, chaos and mess mean that things get lost. Where is my .......? or I have lost my .....? have you seen my ......?

I am an ordered person and have places in the home for things. Generally we all know where to find string or scissors or towels etc. I also have several systems and have tried different ways of helping the children organise themselves. I have a good friend who is an organiser and she has also given some top tips for sorting out the boys rooms and helping them organise better. The problem is, if the ADHD child does not see the mess, he sees no need to tidy. He often forgets to put things in 'the place' and just absentmindedly plonks something down . Later , when he needs that thing, well the rest is history. We all do this kind of thing but the ADHD child does it all the time. Children who are on the spectrum often loose belongings repeatedly. They leave them all over the place, simply because they forget that they took it off and then put it down. They were not organised in their thinking to gather afterwards. The ADHD child often only remembers that he has forgotten something when he next needs to use it.

Being organised for most ADHD children does not come naturally. It cause chaos in the home and chaos in their lives. They need help and support continously to keep on top of mess and to organise their belongings. And this is actually ok. I really am a firm believer in support and helping kids where their weaknesses are. yes, do not do it for them all the time but I think there is wisdom reqired when we handle these struggles with our kids.

The other day I was walking my son into school. He had an awful lot to carry. I leaned over and said,' can I help you carry a bag?" Now, he had packed his stuff, gethered it all put it in the car etc al on his own. He was practicing being responsible. Offering to carry something is not, not teaching him to be responsible. Rather, I see it as being all human. In life, as an adult, if my bag is heavy or I have too much, someone might offer me a hand. I think that this is what we who are the adults in these precious ADHD kids lives must do. Lend a hand when the burden is just too heavy.