A Day in The Life- Part 7 - Help me I am distracted

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 I just love this photograph of this child above. It totally captures the kind of ADHD distractivness that we have in our family. It is the 'in my head' kind of distraction that is so easy to miss. Often ADHD child are bored and distract others. But with the 'in the head' kind of distraction , the child distracts himself, all on his own. Our one son is particularly this kind of distraction.

Super- parenting for ADD by Edward M.Hallowell and Peter Jensen has many great chapters in it but the one that stuck in my head the most was the one with the title , Developing Empathy - what it is like to be a kid with ADD.

What a great description of what happens in a child's brain and in their thinking when he or she gets distracted. I read this chapter to my husband and he said, " Yes, that is exactly what happens in my brain."

I guess we ALL get distracted. What is the difference between ADHD distraction and the run of the mil kind. Well, I would explain it like this. Firstly I get distracted very seldom. I can concentrate on all things , even ones that are not particularly interesting to me or grabbing. I get distracted if I am really tired. Listening to a sermon on a Sunday is always a great measure of my tiredness. I know if my mind drifts off, then I am exhausted. The ADHD brain gets distracted in a different way. Despite an interesting talk or subject, the brain can wander off. It will follow a path that leads off into some distant place and the child can not easily catch the thoughts and bring them back to the place of focus , on their own.  I seldom  get distracted. The ADHD child seldom focused and is always distracted a great deal during the day.

Our little one described his brain wandering off this very week. He described how a loud shout brought him back into the real world. This kind of , ' in the brain distraction' goes largely un-noticed by parents and teachers because it does not affect anyone else. The child seems to be OK. He might be a slow worker in the beginning but as the years progress and the school work load and demands become more, then this child's distraction becomes obvious. 

The other kind of distraction is the one all the ADHD jokes are about. The one where the person is busy on one line of thought and suddenly ...... SQUIRREL.

Both our ADHD children have this kind of distraction too but particularly the one boy. This is the more obvious ADHD distraction and the one we have lots of fun with in our home. Whenever anyone gets distracted in this way we all yell.... SQUIRREL.

Being distracted at times of learning means that a child on the ADHD spectrum may be missing lots and lots of vital learning information. Learning is like building a house. If parts of the foundation and then parts of the wall are missing , well then the house will not be strong and secure. In the same way, a child who has missed vital learning 'stuff' because of distraction, will not have a firm learning platform to build on. I know this to be true for our little boy. He has strong areas of learning and very weak areas. It looks , on the outside, like an inconsistent child. A school report or assessment may have strong areas and others may be really weak. These children need help. Hopefully from within the home and in the learning environment and even from professionals. We are in the process of  drawing in all the important strings so that the playing field can be leveled for him and so that he can be available for learning. 

On of the worst things to say to an ADHD child is , ' try and focus more." What a funny thing to ask of them. It is as if their will is weak and if they just try a bit harder, well then they can focus. It is not like that at all. I do lots of acknowledging of the difficulty in paying attention. I do truly know how difficult it is for them pay attention all of the time. I hope that it helps them to know that I 'get it'. I try never to say..... Just try harder to focus.  Trying harder is not something that will sort out being distracted. The ADHD brain works in a different way and so it is a function of the brain that creates the environment where so much , continuous distraction is the norm. 

Imagine for a moment what that must be like. Your day is spent hoping you get all the work done and catch all the instructions and do not get into trouble. Your day at home is probably a little more relaxed but still you need to get stuff done. Your brain just will not co-operate. Just writing this has given me a little more empathy for my distracted boys. :)

All of this makes perfect sense to my cognitive brain but in my mom heart I feel incredibly overwhelmed. I hope that all the strategies we implement help our children to learn effectively and help them to reach their goals and potential in this life. When I feel panic stricken I remind myself that we have a God who is at work. Jesus not only saves us but he renews and changes us and is a very real help in times of trial and struggle. This for me and for our boys. We pray a great deal about the things that are our 'burdens'. I leave each son to describe for himself his burden and trial and it is fascinating to see what they ask help from Jesus for. Thanks be to God for his love that even in these things, he loves us each and has a plan and purpose for each of us.