Civil War is not Very relaxing!

I write this post with a very heavy and fearful heart. I know I must face the truth and turn and face our great God in whom I trust, and yet my heart is quickening as I write these words.

What in the world is causing all this turmoil?

Well, I know I am not alone in my angst and fear and who knows what other emotion. I know that countless fellow South Africans sit in my seat and share my thoughts and fears. even if they have not voiced them aloud.

I have written of my childhood and my views and activism in the days preceding post Apartheid . My activist heart still beats strongly within myself and yet I find myself stumbling and faltering.

This weekend , a dear friend invited me to Stellenberg and to the open garden on show. It was a beautiful day and the gardens were absolutely, uniquely spectacular and thoughtful. We wallked and talked and walked some more. We covered many deep subjects and amongst them was the state of play in South Africa.

She works in the NGO sector and had recently been in a Restitution workshop.  And so we talked.......

The conclusions we drew from her workshop ( which saw the likes of Thuli Madonsela and the like) went as follows...

1. What happened when we had free and fair elections in 1997 was indeed a travesty for the future of our country. We had peace THEN but the cost was and is being felt now because in reality NO ONe paid for their crimes against black South Africa . More than that we ALL sat back inder the rainbow nation sky and did..... well nothing. 

#Problem- reconciliation takes hard work

2. People in South Africa are angry and the #feesmustfall protests are an indication of this anger. This will not go away and we need to sit up and take note.

3. What can we do , as white South Africans , who benefited from the system of Apartheid, to show, give or do restitution?

4. I am viewed as a Settler - when will I become a native?

As I listen to the ramblings of the politicians of the day, I begin to despair all the more. What can be done by those who have power and or financial will, to show and act in a way that helps and builds into the lives of South Africans - broken by our past and present reality.

I came home feeling afraid and low.

Today, Jet and I watched CNN student news and we watched the state of Syria. The visuals show a city destroyed by a 5 year civil war. The images are amongst the mot disturbing I have seen.  Not because they were gross or bloody but because they showed the city, broken and desolate. We watched a BBC history of Syria and tried to get to grips with the pain and struggle of our fellow human beings.

Civil War is not very relaxing!

This was a poster Doug had in the days of Apartheid. Indeed it is not!

Do we approach a similar future?

I dare to ask?

I asked my friend what the workshop proposed. Go and tell white people that they need to stop being in active and they need to realise that they have to give back.

This was her answer. 

And so... I write and say, we who were the privileged need to wake up and do what is right.

And then I stop and turn to my beautiful and great God and ask for his help in time of need. His wisdom and grace to face an uncertain future. Where the likes of Julius Malema fuel a fire that is already alight.

I pray for our beloved country. I am viewed as a settler but I am part of the soil. This is my home yet it is a place where I am a foreigner. That is ok. I have a hope and a home in eternity. My real home and this is the great reminder that I need to apply as a salve to my wounded, weeping soul.

Cry the beloved Country indeed!