The Selfishness of Self

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We live at a time in the history of the world where the "self " is what life is about. Self -fulfilment ; self- worth; self -actualisation ; making sure that the self is whole and happy seems to be a core value for most of us.

No where more illustrated in the  obsession with taking the perfect "selfie."

(Not that it is wrong to take a selfie)

Tim Kelller has written a fantastic little book called " the Freedom of Self-forgetfulness. He penned the ideas but actually God is the origional author and designer of the idea.

It is  a deeply challenging read, if you call yourself a Christian.

The key idea here is that man is so occupied with looking after the ego - the self . How do we do this?

well, through Pride and Boasting!

Mmm, doesnt that just hit the nail on the head?

The thing that is so tricky here as I navigate my own heart before the Lord is not just that I have a selfish and sinful ego but that I have children who have selfish- sinful egos. The obsession with taking care of our ego is not just limited to our own self but if we are parents, we are either helping our kids to recognise that pride and boasting or we are fanning it into fame.

That our children are proud and will easily boast or compare and compete is real and all to obviously prevelant in the world. There are so many oportunities to shine offered to modern kids.

What to do about it and how to mannage it is quite another.

I asked a bunch of kids I teach art to to write me some of the things they are grateful for. 

The list was slow in comming and short. Had I asked them to list all the things they are good at or want to get, I wonder what that list would have looked like?

I think we have been duped! I think we have subtly bought the lie that if our kids have lots of good ego boosts in their worlds through sport, academics art and drama etc, then they will be happy. We say out loud, " Oh no we know that this is not true" BUT we act in a way that we believe it is. I see it again and again. I see it in my own heart and in the heart of those around me. 

Social meda is full of parents boasting and prideful posts of the fantastic things their kids do. And they really are fantastic. 

That is not the point.

I wonder how we are helping our children grasp that Jesus has a whole other agenda for their hearts. His call his BIG and true and it will cost. 

I hope that others who read this might wrestle side by side with me in this very treaturous water of fostering pride and boasting versus other centeredness and humility.

After all it is the Lord who gave each and every beautiful talent to our children!!

Comming Home!

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He is comming home. We have finally taken the decision to bring him home at the end of the term, not the end of the year. Yipeeee!

He is so thrilled and so am I. 

Life is not exactly straight pathed , now is it?

I am totally not ready - but he is.

I am not settled on anything for certain for our learning journey - he is ok with that.

He is ready!

Thats what counts.

*

Faith enough to stand

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We are covering a series on some of the faithful hero's from Gods word.

Daniel!

A man taken from his home as young teen and lead into captivity where he and his friends remained for the remainder of their lives. Young teenagers offered everything and more that a foreign, godless society had to offer, for Babylon was the center of it all. 

Four young men chosen to sit at the Kings table and share in his delights.

The thing is they already had a king. Their king was and is the king of the universe and so they chose not to submit themselves to the rule of the earthly king but to him who is true and faithful. 

Daniel , a young teenager and his friends, chose to stand for God . First in the small test of food and then later, in the more profound choice of life.

Our teens are not really in a different place. The choices they have to make stand. They have to choose for the king and ruler of this world or they have to choose to stand for God. In the small decisions with their mouths and speech and in the bigger ones of what to do with their feet and hands.

And in the big one which is speaking out about him no matter the cost!

Small choices lead to bigger ones.

Honouring God in the small ones means that he strengthens them in Character and they are able and willing to stand in the bigger ones.

If Daniel could do it  in a hostile world and Gods word proves that both God and Daniel were faithful, then I know modern teens can do it too!!

The Cool Factor- on holding dissapointments with our children

This week we had two of our sons face a disappointment. I guess the depth of each will be revealed in hindsight.

Disappointment #0ne

Thomas is extremely active and to say he loves his hockey is but a massive understatement. He is in a good team at school and he joined up to play club hockey, along with James, this year. This is no small thing. These teens are playing with grown men who are stronger and so the level of play is huge in all sorts of ways.

Over the years, Thomas has played many sports. He has played tennis and squash and hockey and basketball. He is good at them all. He loves some more than others. 

It was the squash , we think, that began the pain under his kneecap. And so a visit to a specialist revealed information and he had to rest and stop some sport. This seemed to help and so we press on, with his beloved hockey on track.

This year, half way through the season he experiences enormous pain under both knees. This time we find a local doc who has an interest in sports injuries and bam . we have it in a nut shell.

This doc was really great at explaining the situation TO Thomas and so we left knowing that he has to cut 50% of his jumping, running sport. This message to an active ADHD boy of 14 feels like a death sentence.

And so we begin the journey of helping him hold is disappointment.

It is with pain that a parent looks on as a child reconciles news and then sits down in it.

My awesome , wise doctor told we that we grieve the losses with our children, and she is right.

Disapointment #two

James is in grade 10 and is a great young man. He is responsible and kind and has owned his faith very firmly and publicly. He is one of the least demanding people I know and is very easily satisfied. He does not ask much but gives a great deal. 

He plays sport and though he loves hockey more he also enjoys water polo. Water polo in SA schools is much like rugby in its cool value and acceptance factor. It gives kids that something that sport does for them. Hero status and The Cool Factor. One can not be touched by this if you play THE sport. For both Doug and I the Cool Factor is BLAH to say the least and we would not hang their with or for our sons.

However it is real and it is.

James has played in the first team this year and he is a solid play. 

There are 11 of them. The second tour is on the horizon and James gets the cut. All 10 are going and " sorry James you are not". No coach explanation, in fact   not    a    word, actually FROM the coach and the teacher involved who has the Cool Factor Naturally. These two young men have come up  really uncool for us.

One would really expect teachers and coaches to practise and grow in EQ especially when working with teens. Thimpact of these experiences can be huge and have devastating consequences. 101 teen work!  I have to say my own personal disappointment at HOW these two have dealt with this is huge and both Doug and I are equally very, unimpressed.

So in one week we get to HOLD another deep disappointment. A really sad one. One that will pass but none the less, that is.

And so we do...

head on and straight up.

I talk and ask and talk some more. Doug talks and ask and we PRAY!! I share our story with a mother who just HAPPENED to be at our house and she tells me that this is not the first time and that the young man last year had the same experience . I hear his name -- Hugo..... and resolve to share with James.

James says these profound words. 

"Mom, of all the people who said something , Hugo came to me and said the most meaningful......."

 " James I know how you feel. It took a while but I am so over Water Polo."
The realness and deep sharing from this young man was admirable. I know that Jamse was touched and pray he will be brave enough to do the same next year.

When we hold our child's disappointments, in Christ , we never hold them alone. God holds them and is working them out for his glory and for our childs  good.

That a grade 11 teen found James and shared pain and experience with him was huge and it was God holding James in that teenage place where adults dare not tread.
Sharing vulnerabilirty is enormous for teens and especially for boys.
I do not know you Hugo but I think you rock young man!

We will get through these and many more disappointments together, with Jesus in the mess.

Thank you Lord!!

The Road has Called

Many, many times in life we are called to journey down a road we never imagined.. The road of sickness..... A certain kind of sickness of the body or of the mind. The kind you read about or hear about and never really think that you might be called to endure.

Or what about the road of broken relationship.. We all experience this one but perhaps we never quite anticipated THAT friendship or that spouse or father or mother walking so easily away.

Then there is the deepest and longest journey of grief. Perhaps that road of loss has called.. The one where a precious spouse or darling child has left this world.

The road we never quite imagined ourselves on has called us and we have to walk down ut.. There is no escape.

How do we do manage to do this journey.. The one that is the most difficult. Un imagined journey?

Today my sweet friend and her family bury their baby Samuel.. He has been with them for just over a year. His broken body could no longer stay.. He was deeply loved, earnestly prayed for, preciously tended and held by Jesus..

Today..... This road they did not see comming they MUST walk down.

In His strength we face the most painful road.
In his grace we step..... One foot in front of the other.
We entrust ourselves to his beautiful care.
We ask for his perfect comfort in those deep places.
We rest in his forgiveness.
We worship at his feet.
We give glory to his work.

Helping our Teens live with Jesus as saviour and LORD

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I write this blog post while still in the thick of things. We have not gone through these teen years and are not yet on the other side. Our boys are 10 , 12 , 14 and 16 and so, we are very much in it.

I guess I write this blog with a very heavy heart. That young men and women profess Christ as Saviour stands and in our community precious young people are baptized as a public declaration that Jesus is their saviour.

and then......

They struggle on in a world that is increasingly hostile to Jesus and a world that offers them thrill and pleasure .  Being cool and being accepted are still the same age old pulls but the offers of what that looks like hold a heavy price for Teens who call themselves Christ Followers.

Teenagers have  real choices to make. 

* to swear or not to swear as a way of talking ( not the odd  mistake)

* to honour the opposite sex and not hook up at parties or hook up

* to date or not to date

* to drink 

* to drug

* to love others as Christ has loved them or to live a self serving life

* to work hard or to opt out

* to honour their parents or to disregard them

All these choices and many more stand before them continuously.

The answers seem clear to me and the choices certain and yet around us we see the sad reality of young people professing Christ as saviour but failing to live with him as LORD.

Families loosing their children to the choice of living life in the world.

Choosing Jesus over the world is a very, very difficult choice to make , especially when you are 16 but to know Jesus is to choose him. But it is a real choice and one that Jesus himself will honour. Those who honour him in this life, he will honour.

And so , how do we , as parents and friends to these precious young people, offer Jesus as the choice.

Our approach is to offer him in and through his word which is certain and tue and where I know he will speak to their hearts. We offer Jesus by talking , talking, talking Christ into ALL of life and we offer Jesus as he is and as he finds us- messy and human.

We pray!!!

We trust God.

We forgive when they muck up and point them to Jesus.

The gospel is for our teens.

What we do not do is say this, " They are going to do it anyway and so here is the safe way to help them." 

If this blog post does anything at all, I pray it will stir those parents on who have given up. Do not give up!!

Stand up and speak life into your teens world. Help them by loving them and showing them who Jesus is in all his glory so that they too can know him and need not take the wide road that leads to destruction but the narrow road that leads to life.

They may still choose not to profess Jesus but not because you were quiet.

Why would you want anything other for your teen?

All the hooking up and feeling up not only dishonours and breaks the other person but it brings Christs name into disrepute. 

Not only that but the freedom sought and thought of in all this hooking up is not freedom at all. 

It is bondage and breakage for the future.

Saying no is a godly choice and God will strengthen and honour you. Your teen may not be cool at school but he is cool to the king.

Cry that Day, our Beloved Country

What did the young teenagers of Soweto most desire on that day ?

What were their collective heart longing  on THAT  day..

June 16th, 1976!

 I live with a home full of teenagers and pre- teens. I love spending time with them just chatting.  It is interesting sharing this part of our South African experience with them - its joys, frustrations and heartaches. The broken reality in which our children are growing up in modern, post-Apartheid South Africa is a far cry from the devastating experience of young people 40 years ago.

We have enormous obstacles to navigate as a country still divided by wealth, culture and language and indeed colour.  

And yet, if we dare to take an honest look back to those "40 years ago days", we will find a nation at war with itself in a very different way.

There is something particularly evil with a government that rules its people with tyranny.

 It was a very, very different South Africa in 1976. 

http://www.sahistory.org.za/topic/june-16-soweto-youth-uprising

On this day, 40 years ago, black teenagers decided to do something that would change their course and indeed the whole course of our country. They decided to stand up and say NO!

Full of courage and unity and hope, they set off on their protest.

They were met with the full force o and brutality of the governments evil who did not hold back in killing again, even killing  children.

Many people joined the protests that spanned the days that followed. Soweto was locked down. No one knows how many people died but 176 is the number given. ( it is thought to be closer to 800)

Today we look back and remember their bravery- for it is a very, very brave thing to stand up in the face of violence and death. 

We look back and say salute that youth of 1976.  I was a little girl of 6 on that day. White South Africans carried on with life as if nothing was happening. We were "shielded" from the hell that was.

But I would hope that we would also look forward 

with a greater vision. 

I pray we would somehow find a common purpose to build a new and better South Africa.

Lets pull up our sleeves and each of us do what we can to build into the youth of today so that we can have a just South Africa  for tomorrow.