on being a fragile white ( South African )

During the December holidays, I read this book. White Fragility by Robin Diangelo. It was a good read though a tough read because it hit the spot. It is supposed to. The title is one that might put many off reading it but I suspect the title is spot on. I say this because of the experience I have with white people and their fragile selves. Time and time again, when called out on something that is offensive, no matter how softly you tread , that fragile self rises up . Don't get me wrong. I am talking to myself here too and as in her book, Diangelo speaks to her own experience of this fragility too. The thing is, we all have it, no matter how far along the journey of anti racism  you might be. We all have it. I suspect it just is because, as Diangelo explains in the book , we have linked racism with a moral failing or deficit. If we can just move away from this , we then are free to really explore and express our need for growth in areas. Of course these areas are all different for  each of us. By stepping away from the moral deficit feeling which just causes guilt we can begin to do the really good- tough work of reprogramming our thinking. It is painful at times but so liberating. It is also, I suggest, a very necessary work for us as white South Africans , to do so that we can be a healthy part of building unity in all aspects of our lives. At work, school, university , church . I have many friends who stress the idea of hearing other peoples stories and this is a beautiful place to start practicing non white fragility. We can just listen and hold the pain that so many South Africans carry because of our past without thinking we are being blamed. It is not actually about us!

Listening and holding ..... is part of a step towards healing and unity.

Another part or place we can practice non white fragility or rather working with our white fragility is when we engage online. So often , when reading comments on a news feed  the ugly and unhelpful white fragility raises its head. In discussions around the historical narratives of this country including apartheid and colonization ; in posts around white privilege and on issues of  culture , it is an ever present reality. The very sad thing is it blocks  change and learning or growing. It is a great barrier to the real building of real  unity which we so desperately need.  When we can hear something about ourselves , as white people , that is tough to hear and not get all uppity but rather let the information work its way into a new perspective, then we are working with our white fragility in a healthy way. 

This is a honestly a book that ALL white people should read.  It will change your life as a white South African in a really good way!!

Revisiting home from home. The places of my heart.

 

 We have lived in Cape Town for 17 years now and we love it. Cape Town is the home city of our children; the home built for and from their experiences and memories. But it is not the place of my birth. Cape Town is not my home town; the home of my heart.

Johannesburg ; EGoli - the city of gold . That is where is was born in 1969 and where I grew up and when to school and studied. having lived away from JHB for almost half my life I think it should not just be called the City of Gold- and it is that indeed for the wealth and spending on life is evident in most of the big centers. from the huge, carefully constructed and thought through shopping malls to the houses that have been built in every nook and cranny; and because of its wealth , I think it is the city of change and so it should be called The City of Change. Nothing stays the same. It is hardly the city . and yet.......

My father lives in Diepsloot on a farm -  small holding . From his patio  stretches out a beautiful view of Johannesburg and we can see the tower in the far off distance standing tall and obvious. Behind us is a very different Diepsloot , about 5 Km away. The one that grew up from the dust and dirt as Apartheid fell. That ever growing town of shanty and brick building alike. It holds the rape capital in its belly. As we drive in from Lanseria, we pass the hustle and bustle of that Dipesloot on the corner. It is huge and busy and full. Welcome to JHB. A place of huge wealth  and of course the harsh realities of post Apartheid SA. and yet......

Sunday and we decide to visit one of our churches in JHB. Christ Church Midrand. It is quite near to Diepsloot which is saying something in JHB. We rush because are late but we really should not have. Christ Church Midrand is a church we have longed to visit for a while now.  It is a church much like our own and we have links to it in many ways. It is also the church that has been tackling issues on diversity and culture in our denom and so we were quite excited. It is a beautiful , fresh, airy and  welcoming building. People were friendly but of course this is JHB after all, everyone is friendly and it is full  of black and white people. It was a refreshing and looking back obvious experience. I say this because, the City of Change has embraced and succeeded in doing something that we in Cape Town can not get right. it has embraced diversity and culture. It is no longer the white city of my youth but it is the beautiful city of the new South Africa. We loved it. It felt like home.

 Gods word was taught and we heard from him and were encouraged and challenged. It was good!  We looked out for old and new friends and found one. 

 After church we visited The Mall of Africa.  Once again, this confirmed all I have said about the city of Change. People of all colours , shopping before Christmas ; enjoying the day; eating alongside one another. living life -- together. On the outside at east because this experience does not really say much about the deepening of relationships for people in SA however the opportunities to do so are obvious.

 This is a photo of us outside Christ Church. That Joburg light  shines bright.

 We set off from Joburg to travel through Gauteng into Mpumelanga and on to The Kruger National park. Through White River and passed the coal industry of sA. The back bone of our electricity and of our pollution problem. A complex issue when seeing it up close. We must have passed 100 coal trucks in that one journey representing employment on a very large scale. This is a photo of a coal mine and the coal cleaning and sorting plant.

The far right photo is an electricity plant doing its thing.




 On and on we traveled o the many Toll roads  and through all that controversy. We stumbled upon the new university of Mpumalanga and here are some of the photos.

The farmlands of SA are also in part in these parts. Mangoes , bananas, avos , and earlier on mielies and cabbages. Row upon row of the food that feeds this country. 

 And finally at the park. 42 degrees and counting. The last time we visited the park, Doug and I, was about 20 years ago. Our kids had never been. We had an excellent time as a family and we enjoyed the many, many animals hiding in that enormous National asset. Another part of our country where change has not remained a distant friend. The park has not really changed from the point of view of the nature but in many ways; good ways ; it has changed a great deal. All the old style , Apartheid rangers  and people working behind all the desks are gone. All the rangers and park workers are from the area around The Park,

 The shops have freshened up and sell interesting South African creations although marketed for foreigners unfortunately. People were all friendly and well informed and it was an excellent and true SA experience. The picnic spots have turned into huge , bushveld eating areas with bathrooms and coffee bars and of course some bushveld meals. This was a big change from the " bring your own food" vibe. The other big change is the the blocking of all the smaller sandy roads. These are now private entries into private lodges which was annoying and which we did not always avoid. These are the really interesting roads and now they are out of bounds.

We saw almost every kind of baby  which was really special. this elephant was a tiny one and the one a leopard sort to get. This heard was having none of that.

 Traveling with teens through the park, I think we were the only lot rocking the roads to rap and the like . What a fun time.

 This dark photo is one from a night drive we did. It was brilliant. A busload of foreigners and a smattering of local SA people.

 We exited The Park via another gate and so got to see another part of the country. These are photos from the roadside shops as we zoomed by on route to catch our plane back to CT.

 Fields that carpeted the valley with bananas. As far as the eye could see.

 Beautiful Mpumelanga we miss you already and you gave my heart a zing. You are welcoming, extraordinary in all ways and you were a delight to enjoy. What a treat and encouragement.  As we left we saw local B&B and back packers  as people have grabbed opportunities for business that living on the border of The Park offers. So encouraging.

As we journeyed on singing and enjoying the trip, we chatted about what an encouragement our trip had been in terms of seeing our beautiful country again. Being stuck in the lovely CT kind of gives a skew view of things. This is an amazing country with amazing people and with good change happening and working. The fields are full, the rain was falling, the ground was bearing much fruit and change is ... it just is and that was so encouraging. This is not a country in collapse as many want to believe. It is a country full of real hope and many blessings . Of course we have many real issues but the South Africans we met are getting on with life despite it all. We have come back to the tip of our country after visiting the far corner and we are full. Thank you Lord.

The first of the very last

friends

friends

friends through the ages

prefects together

 

 Lots of laughter was had at this years matric dance at Westerford High school.  Class of 2018.  Matric dance; mocks and then finals and ......An then it is all over. Many a parent has walked this pathway before me and these are not unique emotions but I need to write them out, so to speak. The first child is always the first of the lasts to experience all those last experiences. We are proud of and privileged to be the parents of this young man. He is not perfect but he is great and we love him. He has enjoyed his years at high school and flourished under the awesome influence and care of great staff and peers. It has been a good journey. A growing journey and a healthy learning experience for him and so also for us. He has really accomplished much and been honoured for these. Well done Chap.

We say goodbye to high school for him with full and sad hearts. It is time and yet it is also the launching off in to world of the unexpected and the uncertain. We send him out and off with our continual support and love and of course with his Great God steering and motivating. His launchin , in many ways , comes at the right time ( of course) but it also seems like it has come too soon. There are all the, " I never said that" or "Did we do that well enough?" It seems as if we could have and should have done more...... and yet, despite our failings, God is at work and he has not dropped the ball, not once. Where we have failed, He is perfect. This truth gives such peace , freedom and joy.

Our job in part, is complete and our work as his parents has changed .It will continue to change as he steps out and continues to study. We are so grateful for the experiences in music and hockey that our school offered and he took up. We are enormously thankful for the many friends and families from our school and the experiences from camps to overseas journeys that have all shaped and prodded; provoked and encouraged in a myriad of ways. We could really not have asked for a better High school journey. Thank you Lord!

we love you

Tom is going to miss you next year.
Friendship brother bond.

History for all?

I grew up as a little girl, on a small holding in white Apartheid South Africa. I was born in 1969 and enjoyed my teenage years at a lily white High School , trying to reconcile the reality of my white experience with that of which was seeping out into the white world from the hidden chaos from places like Soweto.  Thanks to that one , brave teacher who aimed to wake us from our slumber. She was actually an English teacher but we were dealing with a novel based in our History. It was Alan Patons - Cry the Beloved Country and I was in Grade 8.

That class changed my perspective. Although, if you ready any of my blog posts on my childhood, you will see it was not the only thing that let the scales fall.

https://www.moafrikatours.com/soweto/

This link shows Soweto through the ages. If I visited Soweto today I would see a very different place from its beginnings . Separated from its devastating History can not , in any way, bring to life the reality of its present.

History!

What is the fuss all about?

In South African Government schools, children choose and narrow subject choices down in their 3rd last year of school. These subjects they will take fro their final Matric exams. 

History is one of the subjects they can drop or take.

Our government is proposing the History be taken as a compulsory subject to Matric by all children.

This debate is taken place in the midst of a very broken education system. We have many big issues and really it seems as if there is no clear way forward.

I acknowledge this .

Before I share my thoughts on why I think History should be compulsory, I would like to rewind a bit.

Two key  things influence my thoughts. 

1. I did not take History to Matric and often find my own thinking limited in the present understanding of the world because of it.

2. We home school our 4th child - In this decision , we found ourselves choosing curriculum's that are bathed in History. They are designed around History. These Histories are also designed to unfold in a linear way. In other words we learn events in consecutive order. 

The second point here, has revolutionized my thinking and understanding of the modern world. The world I live in has come  a little more into focus.

So, before the government proposed this new change , I had been irritating my family with the very same mantra.

History for all!

I almost feel it is a right.  

The knee jerk reaction from white South Africa is of course to be expected. I read things like...

# ANC History

#whose Histroy

# they cant even do blah blah blah

etc

Well, the truth is, kids already do History to matric and it would not be difficult to see what the Histroy already looks like.

China : Vietnam :  African studies  - what is nationalism ? How it developed?

The Cold War... and these are a few.

Here is the actual curriculum PDF for those who really want to see what Kids are  actually learning.

https://www.sahistory.org.za/sites/default/files/file%20uploads%20/caps_fet_history_gr_10-12_web_1.pdf

I realize that this could change again but this will give those who state unashamed on social media comments  that our present government has no idea what they are doing, something else to chew on.

When our eldest son was choosing subjects , we chatted to his History teacher . His thoughts were profound. Take Histroy for what it teaches you to do.

THINK. 

AND write and argue and join dots .

I agree with History to matric because I think all children should be afforded this opportunity to learn about where they come from; where others come from and so more clearly understand where they stand. It will broaden the minds of young South Africans and equip all kids with the tools to go out into life with a clearer understanding of this world. 

I salute this government for attempting to really educate our children for a broader and better thinking SA.

A Case for Christ!

https://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/fatalframe/images/6/6c/FACEFORACCXCADOUNTS.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20170426171512

As I sit in our warm and dry home, listening to the rain that is drenching the dry and thirsty Cape earth, I am filled with a deep gratitude. I have so much to be thoroughly and utterly grateful for. Living in a country like South Africa, it is not difficult at all to find real reasons for this gratitude. Being dry and keeping dry is one example but there are honestly hundreds of other life experiences juxtapose my privileged with those of others.

However, this morning I am not talking or thinking about that kind of gratitude. No, this far more, far deeper and reaches far into eternity. 

This is the deep and satisfying, certain thankfulness for Jesus Christ.

Because of his work completed for me on the cross and his sure and certain resurrection . I have a real hope and a steadfast future..... with him.

When I first became a Christian in my early 20 s, I read books and filled in the gaps around the historical evidence for the resurrection.  Then, when that was settled, I pressed on in this journey with Jesus as my Lord and saviour. 

Last night we went to watch A Case for Christ as a family. I guess none of us was quite sure what to expect. What we did not expect was to encounter Christ again, as he walked off the screen as the young journalist investigates and pulls apart the evidence for the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The one key truth that everything hinges on. If Jesus did not rise from the dead, then, our faith is futile. . Indeed it is.

We had an excellent evening and all the while I was praying for people who see it and of course for our sons.

I would encourage anyone who would like to discover the historical evidence of the resurrection to start here. It is an excellent and capturing movie filled with excellent questions and profound answers.

What did we make of it as a family. Well, one of the best things about God is that he knows us intimately and so he deals with us in just the right way.... the way we need.

And so it is with our 4 boys. I had this profound sense of peace and a reminder that God is busy with them, each according to their need and in His perfect time.

So, for our youngest, he had some of his questions answered. Questions he had never ever voiced but had none the less.  He is 11 years old and he loved it.

Our 13 year old said, yes Now I have some great answers for my friend who keeps asking questions.

The two  older teens had touched with these ideas already and so it was a solidifying and a reminder.

We all came out with our faith built up and questions answered. It was a faith building experience.

As for me, I wept through it , I loved it and I am so grateful for Jesus who not only died and rose again but was kind enough to leave enough evidence for the inquiring mind to find him.











Indeed 

Half way from the beginning

We have come to the center. July looms. So many beautiful, interesting, real and helpful learning moments and discoveries have emerged over these 6 months. Many of these have been in me.

But that is another story.

This boy Jet. THIS experience of learning at home, has been profound in many levels.

Here are a few.

* he is thinking about his own thinking and acting on it.. Yesterday in science he was focused and responsive. Look it was not difficult as the other kids were all shattered and quiet. But, the thing is. Jet is a reluctant group participant. What I mean is, if everyone else is louder, he will be quiet. Yesterday he was very engaged and involved. I asked him about it. Thinking. Well, it goes like that. Sometimes we are into something and sometimes not. To which he replies.. " I was trying something out. If I plan something exciting in my head, at the beginning of the lesson. Well then it wakes my brain up and I can think and pay attention..

Thinking about thinking..

* planning to learn..
This term he has started that beautiful process of planning and directing where he wants a work or idea to go.
Sharing his plan on how something could go is how we do things. Tee have freedom to peruse ideas down a narrow lane and to throw something out if it is not working.

Learning is real and fun..

* joining the dots.
More and more he is taking information from one idea we have explored and connecting it either to another OR to real life. Learning as part of real life with meaning has become real to him and THIS is one of the deep joys. No longer does he leave school at school but he is using what he understands in his world.

#arementrash?

This week  has seen the escalating response to yet another child rape and murder  in the Western Cape. Courtney Pieters, only 3 years old, died at the hands of her rapist. 

Her little body was discovered in a shallow grave. 

Just prior to these events, #menaretrash hit the world of # 's. 

I have read some of the debate on social media and I have chosen to stay away from this very personal issue. I experienced #menaretrash at a very young age.

But, here I am, writing something about it.

Firstly do I think this # is valid?

Well, I have waxed and waned on this one and have landed  up with this position. Though it is harsh and seems to leave no space for those good men, I think it is not speaking to those men, but really collectively highlighting the terrible scourge of deep sexism , violence and violation of men generally towards women ,generally.

If it helps to draw people in and gets them thinking, well then it is helpful.

So, as I have said already , we have 4 sons. #we are encouraging/teaching them not to be trash.

We are having some really good conversations around this topical subject. Helping them think through what is acceptable, funny or just not on means we need to talk. 

Starting point 1

My sons have a father who lives at home with us and who is honestly and in his humanity showing our sons what a good man looks like. Not a perfect man but a good man. 

This one thing that our sons have puts them in the minority of situations for most boys in our country and indeed the world. Having an active, available father counts.

Starting point 2

Honesty means for us that we speak and act with our hands open in the honesty about what men struggle with. It is pointless telling our sons to just not think about girls in a sexual way without giving them reasons and or tools to help them when they do and how to deal with the shame of it.

Treating women as objects is wrong but Jesus helps us to see that thinking about women as objects is where it all starts.

Women are of equal value before the Lord and we should be treated as having equal value with each other.

Are men trash?

In South Africa, I experience sexism  almost every time I drive a car on the South African roads. Men drivers bully women drivers.

In South Africa we women have to endure male students holding up notices that say, "Show us your tits"

We are oggled and visually explored by strangers wherever we go. We are spoken about by men in demeaning ways. 

Young women can no longer go out and not be concerned that their drinks might be spiked.

It all starts young and it is evident in all parts of society. 

The list goes on.

In South Africa, women who live in places like Soweto, Khayelitsha, Guguletu, Lavendar hill, Capricorn Park, Hanover Park ets, etc: These women step out into the danger of rape every day as they go to and from work. Indeed, their very homes lack the security to keep people out and so they live in vulnerability all the time.

What about safety on taxi's?

When our domestic worker gave birth to a beautiful little baby girl, my heart cried out NO! 

How will she be safe as she grows up ?

Children are equally and all the more vulnerable. Many children have no safe place to play at home or near their homes.

How we address this scourge as South Africans is to voice it to start with and #menaretrash is offensive enough that it has brought light to this issue.

There after........ It is up to men and women to act. And acting they are. Today sees a march against violence for men to take part in ,in Joburg.

How we beat this and change generations of behaviour towards women?I Just do not know. Perhaps by starting one boy at a time. 

Encouraging teens to think through what their values are in relation to women is a great place to start. Putting a band aid merely on behaviour is not going to work .It is a heart issue.

Helping men to think through the role of pornography and its effects on the attitudes towards women must be encouraged.

I am pretty sure men can help think of their own healthy and helpful  responses to these very deep and pervasive issues in  our country. 

#goodmenriseup  is a call to all men who have a conscience to stand up and stand firm FOR women.

Thank you to those men who are honest and open and are really not trash. 

You know who you are!