http://www.biobdx.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Common-Signs-ADHD.png
I am not a spontaneous person and really admire this characteristic in others. Spontaneity is the mirror trait of impulsivitly. Both my children on the ADHD spectrum are impulsive. One of them far more than the other and in different ways. This ' quickness' of thought means that we have loads of fun - Laugh out Loud kind of fun - with words and sayings ; with puns and jokes and wit. It means that when a fun opportunity is offered out of the blue for my one son, well he is up for it and game in instant.
But, like all things, being impulsive for an ADHD kids means ' getting in to trouble a lot' and it also means making silly mistakes in my work. It means I forget things and talk out of turn. It means I butt in and interrupt and finish other peoples sentences. It means I just can not stop myself from saying and or doing that thing that will get adults mad with me.
A very helpful book on ADHD written for kids explained that an ADHD brain is like having a Ferrari brain but with bicycle brakes. Wow! this helped me understand and it also helped our son understand what is happening in his head at these times. Learning to STOP in between impulse and response is very, very difficult and is one of our biggest challenges with our ADHD boys brains and thus their behaviour.
In our home impulsive reactions are the very thing that gets our boys in to trouble the most. The simply awful thing about parenting at this point is I realise that my son is not doing or saying the thing on purpose and his ability to exercises self-control is really very limited because his brain fails him at this point. Do I then punish him for something he has little of no control over. Well, yes sometimes I do. Honestly, this is the one area where I get it wrong a great deal. I have said many of those really stupid things that we aught not to have said. Like ' what were you thinking?" DUH!! ADHD parenting 101 Fail!!! I can hear you laughing out loud at this point if you have a child on the spectrum. I have been thinking about this quite a bit as I write these posts. I suspect that positive parenting works a great deal in this regard. In other words when we catch our child NOT saying the impulsive thing or NOT doing the impulsive thing we praise them and show that we noticed. In stead of usually going on at them for the very thing they struggle with.
I often think we would not yell at a child who was dyslexic and struggled with writing. In the same way impulsively is a bit like that. So why yell? I once asked my son if he felt like he was always in trouble and of course he said yes. The reality is , in our home, is actually is.
I know at this point I need rivers of grace and God's help and buckets of patience and love. A wise teacher once said to me when I told him my son was on the ADHD spectrum , " he just needs lots of love". In a very real way he was right. Being continuously impulsive means that I am always in trouble with adults and with friends for butting in and blurting out. This ' always in trouble feeling' means that our ADHD kids feel bad and sad about who they are a lot. Loving them and accepting them for who they are is crucial for my boys. I often acknowledge their struggles and tell them I am on their side. All children need to hear these sorts of things but somehow ADHD children need this a whole lot more.
No comments:
Post a Comment