Do I have a relathionship with my mobile phone?

This post is about my observations  and  thoughts around mobile phones and other technology.
My husband is a computer programmer and so it goes without saying , that computers rock in our home. Being married to a computer man is something of an oxymoron for me. I was one of those lentils and beans 60's type women. I totally did not 'believe' in technology and neither did I think it had much value in our lives.
I held extremely strong views on children and TV for example and computers and children.... well there was nothing that a good board game could not teach. In some ways, the TV and computer ideas are ideas I still hold quite strongly but not so firmly. They are strung in the loose reigns of reality, modern parenting ; the 21st C and experience. That is without adding that ADHD children have this 'thing' with screens. :) 

Needless to say I am no longer a technophobe and actually I love my computer and phone.

( We still do not have a TV or microwave but hey, we are connected)

Having said all this I press on to what I actually want to say about cell phone relationships.

I am not the first to write on this topic and nor will I be the last. My thoughts do not flow from massive research but just from stepping back, stopping and observing others and myself. They also come from the thinking we are doing around our 13 year and his phone. 

This weekend I had the pleasure of going away with some darling women. it was such a special blessing to me for many reasons. 

One of these was that I was alone.

For those of you with children, you will understand exactly what I mean but for those of you who have more than 2 children, you will feel what I mean. 

My raw and frayed nerves were refreshed , just by being alone. In fact, one of the women asked me if I wanted company on my journey. I was actually ok being alone.

Being alone with myself gave me time to think, sing and pray.

I digress!!

One of the other blessings was spending real time with a great bunch of women. 

The long chats and deep care we shared was truly something special and unique.
It is important for me to connect ,in the flesh with people.
I suspect it is esential to us as people to conect in the flesh with people. We are after all relathional beings.

That night, as my friend and I lay chatting I stumbled across something. As we talked and shared, she regularly began a conversation with someone else. Someone who was not in the room. We were sharing our intimate  with each other with regular interuptions from another conversation taking place on her phone.
Now , having done some good thinking back, I have done this very thing.
The interesting thing was that it began to annoy me.
I felt as if she really was only half listening to me.
It was not only annoying but it was a little hurtful.

 There really is something about giving good attention to someone while listening.

Since then I have stopped and observed others and my own behaviour. 

The truth is that our phones are an extension of our bodies ; our minds; our relationships depend upon us texting - not calling- but texting and our everyday relationships are littered with interruptions from either us or from someone else demanding our attention. Please do not get me wrong. I love that I can send a message to a friend or to my husband during the day. It is great to be able to quickly and immediately make relational contact.  A great deal of my planning and organising of life is done via technology.

It works ! It is another way of connecting. A valid way of connecting. The modern way.

But a part of me is challenged and saddened that the 'other' relationship - the sms or whatsup demands our fickle attention and so the one we are face to face with, suffers. I am ashamed of my own behaviour and lack of careful attention to my husband, children and friends who I have partially ignored because I was busy texting.
I wonder how much these interuptions are building barriers to deep relathionships. How much are we struggling to really listen to another person... really listen. Real listening and understanding requires paying attention, eye contact and the like.
I might be making too much of this but I urge you to 'watch' yourself and your attitude towards your own phone and time spent on it.

I know that I call people far less than I used to. I text them now.  Par to of this, for me, is time and cost but it is interesting how we have shifted in our relating to people.


What can be done?

So, I for one am trying to be more intentional about the present relationship. I also say things like..... Just hold on a moment with that thought while I finish this text because I really want to listen to you.
I am trying to call people a little more.
I really do not want my phone to rule my relathionships. I need to rule it!