ADHD - Our Journey

We are a family with ADHD. This is our story!!

The label of the age must be this one .ADHD. Everywhere you turn and most people you talk to have at least heard of it. In fact, most people you talk to will probably have all sorts of ideas and especially opinions on ADHD and what it is or is not and especially on the R word.... Ritalin. I have a little joke that whenever I mention that My son and or husband take Ritalin , the persons eyes go all googly and they get frothy in the mouth. Then they proceed to tell you why your child should Not take Ritalin. But I am jumping to far now.....

Lets start at the beginning because every good story has a beginning somewhere.

When our son was a little boy, before school, I was sure he had ADD. Coming from a teaching background I knew enough about it but not enough about it to know for sure. He displayed some of the inattentive behaviour and the fidgety, fiddly stuff but I actually knew so little at tat time and so was completely unaware of what to look for. I did not know that ADHD could come without the H - Hyperactive. I remember thinking that he w=must be deaf - really deaf because he seemed so not to hear but in reality he was so focused on a thing he did not hear. As he grew and developed so to did his supper fast brain. Thats what we call it. He has and he know he has a super fast brain. He was quick as lightening and fast as flint on the ideas front. When he was in grade R I recall his teacher and the teacher before being critical of my pushing him to always be right and be first but in reality this was not the case. He was always a very sensitive boy and one who really struggled with frustration. Around this time we discovered through a varied path, that my husband was ADHD. So as we grappled and struggled and read and searched for help on the Adult front, our sons boredom and inattention and insensate talking grew and grew.

God was so gracious to us and we managed to find other people who were ADHD and good doctors to help. By this time he was in a deep depression and for those who know, People with ADHD often struggle with depression. We decided to have our son assessed by and Educational Psychologist in his grade one year. We went to a well known and experienced person in Cape Town, and after extensive assessment, we came out with a bit more understanding. This is a highly intelligence child with ADHD. He is so funny because he jokes that his brain reaches the conclusion way before others but he gets distracted and so they all reach the goal at the same time. How delightful is that?

I recently attended a very helpful talk on Medication and ADHD. I learned again the ADHD is genetically passed on so if one parent is on the spectrum then there is a 50% chance of a child being ADHD. We have one for sure another , smaller one ,perhaps!! Watch this space.

ADHD are incredible people. They have an enormous amount of perseverance in difficult situations and an out of the box way of viewing life. They love risky and dangerous things and so the art of steering the child towards safe risk is needed. Just today our son said he would like to feel what it feels like to roll in a car so he could be upside down. I pointed him to The Cobra at Ratanga Junction rather than a fast school bus and an accident. "But mom we would be strapped in, in the bus", he protested. :)

We embarked on the journey of reading prolifically about ADHD and talking and reading and crying and struggling. We also tried Ritalin. Ritalin is a stimulant drug. It is a schedule 6 drug in South Africa and so needs to be carefully considered before it is used. Under the very careful care of our Neurological doctor, we decided to give it a try. I remember his teachers words on that first school day. She was a delightful and perfect teacher for him and she greeted me at the door and said " Like chalk and cheese". I knew for sure that he needed this drug to help him at school and over these two years we have discovered that he has benefited greatly from it.

But this is not a push for Ritalin, it is simply our story. He can now tell us that he feels the difference when he takes it and is able to focus at school.
My Husband too has been taking it and I notice the difference in his fidgety body and ability to keep attention when needed and he notices how he has begun to use it with great success at work.

This ADHD is indeed a journey. I would be up the creek without a paddle if we did not have Jesus who is the rock and anchor. He is there when things get rough and we need wisdom and help. He always enables me to say sorry because I frequently need to do that - both to my husband and my son. He gives us grace to accept the strengths and weaknesses in us all and grace to help and encourage where we need to. I am so grateful we know this diagnoses. The truth is it is a struggle and at times it is exhausting but we press on knowledge of what we are dealing with and also with support from good friends and groups that understand ADHD and accept our children as they are, quirks and all.

Of course there are good days and failings. Sometimes the words of those who think they know ADHD and yet dont are hurtful and draining. Some days are great and full of enormous spontaneous fun. God has blessed our son with a deep yearning for himself and an understanding of his failings and need for grace. He often talks to me about assurance and how he messes up. "Am I A Christian mom?" he will ask. I walk him through the truth of Jesus and we pray and we press on.

There are some great books to help and a great web site that I would recommend too.

www.additudemag.com


and Learning to slow down and pay attention by K.Nadeau and E.B. Dixon

as well as
Understanding ADHD by DR Christopher Green. These two books are priceless in helping parents who have children on the spectrum.

This is part of our story: a glimpse of our journey. We press on with our great God who made us and gave us our gifts and talents. He spread before us the road each of us will walk on and is here with us in the mess and joy of life. he is our strength and gives us grace as we negotiate ADHD and its effects on life.
We were the label with confidence and knowledge knowing that the grand and brighter label shines above each of us Falconers. That of - I belong to Him.

I love that God brings people into our lives who need help and support in this area. We are here with experience and with some knowledge of doctors and books and roads to consider. We are always here to encourage and help where we can. Thanks be to God!

Praise God!

You alone are worthy, you alone can save. You alone can lift us from the grave. You came down to find us, led us out of death. To you oh Lord belongs the highest praise!!

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. Our God he reigns forever.

It is good to praise God.
Thank you for all you are and do for us and in us to your glory!

The Words we Use!

I just love this picture. It speaks of so much kindness and love wrapped up in words. I am indeed a words person and my key love language is "words of encouragement". It goes without saying that words matter to most of us. The things we say can encourage or they can hurt. Words are not just words but they carry with them messages as they journey on into the life of another. This morning I was listening to a radio broadcast of Focus on the Family from the USA. The circumstances of the people telling their painful stories was in connection with infertility. I was interested as I listened that their experience of the kinds of things people said to them , though well meaning and yet deeply hurtful , could be taken and applied to most painful life circumstances. I decided to write something of the experience that thoughtful and careless words have had in my life.

The journey that God has placed me on has been exciting and varied in many ways. I may not have been the most adventurous person on the planet but I have had my fair share of life adventure. There have been the usual great moments of joy, happiness and fun as well as those that bring grief and a real scense of loss and pain. Because I am a Christian and know that Jesus is real and at work in the world and in my life, I can reason and think through the circumstances of my life, be they good or sad, with Him as my reference point. Jesus has brought very real healing and help in many areas of my life. Through the tough times and great times too, I long and strive to see his hand and work and to keep on trusting that he has a plan. I say all this because this is the framework on which I hang life. Jesus is the reason I write the things I do and in this blog, the very heart of this theme - The words we use. Jesus is interested about the words we use and the Bible has a great deal to say about our tongue.

God is so gracious and kind and his kindness and grace has flowed like a river in my life. I do not deserve his love and quite honestly at times wonder why he bothers with me. He made me and so knows what makes me tick and although it has taken me all these 42 years to come to a more fuller understanding of myself and my reactions to life and people, He knows me totally. I say that he is kind because despite all the times I have messed up with the words I have used and there are many times, he has continued to gently show me how I fail and where I need to change or think about the words I use ; the way I speak ; when to be silent and when to talk. Oh to often I have ventured where man should not and trodden on the pain and heart ache of another. For all these times I am ashamed and sorry. But God is kind and longs for us to grow in goodness and kindness . He longs for us to be His hands and feet and yes even his mouth in this broken world and so he has continued to grow me in this area. I am far from perfect and He is far from finished with me but I am excited and eager on this journey.

As I listened to this talk today and heard how some of the things we say to people who are struggling can really hurt and not heal at all, I though not only of the times I had hurt or been insensitive but also the times people have hurt me. In the very dark and deep valleys of my life I have also experienced the sharp and thoughtless words of some well meaning person. When all is said and done and the valley recedes to reveal a bright peak again , I wonder not only at what the motive was for some of the really daft things said but also at the effects. The challenge is to forgive and to grow in godliness in all these situations.

I am convinced that when someone is in pain or struggling with life, the best thing to say is often nothing. Simply being there and allowing the person feel their pain with you just being there is often the perfect use of words. I wonder if people who mean well rush in with words because they feel they need to fix the situation. Other times people want to help with Gods words and there is a time for these when they will and do bring great comfort; but being still and present with someone in pain is often ok. In fact it is more than ok, it is a comfort and real help. I really appreciated the words of those who kindly acknowledged how tough it was and how painful it must be to ...... whatever the situation.

The old saying " sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never harm me" is not true. The things we say and the way we say them carry much healing or great pain. A helpful book on the topic of words is " Words that Hurt and Words that Heal" by Carole Mayhall. In it she uses biblical ideas to explore themes. it is a great and easy read and I have found it very helpful as God is transforming my words so that they can be a fountain of life and not a sledgehammer on the pain and brokenness and deep struggles of others.

I am so aware of my words and so aware of my failings in this area. May God continue to work - heal and curb ; use and shape me for his glory even in this area of my words ; words ; words!!

I am His

Excellence......... Achievement.............winning...........The Best............on top...........Highest score.......

These words and many more, just like these, are words I have been wrestling with and thinking about. What does it mean to be excellent at something. How can I rate myself and should I even bother? Does it matter? What if I am mediocre after all and nothing I do is every really excellent or the very, best of all?

The internet is literally full of ideas on excellence and achievement. We seem to live in at a time in history, when what matters most is -How well we do , How much we achieve and the measure of our achievements seems to be stuff. In other words the amount of things we accumulate, especially expensive things like houses full of lavish furniture and fancy cars and great schools etc, seems to be the outward mark of success.

Here are some quotes I found on excellence.....

" The noblest search is the search for excellence". L.B. Johnson

or

" Strive for perfection in everything. Take the best that exists and make it better. If it does not exist, create it. Accept nothing nearly right or good enough" - Henry Royce

I think these two quotes capture the heart of the striving of modern western mankind and we, because of where and when we live , are sucked into the vortex of excellence and striving and achieving that which is excellent. We are driven to be the very best and we aim to stand up above all other human beings so that we can be seen and recognised as the best.

While I think it is good to work hard and to use the gifts we have been given and do our very personal best, I am left wondering if the "striving for perfection in everything" is at a great cost. I am left to wonder at whether this message of making that which exist even better and always doing more and achieving more is indeed a worthy goal at all.

I wonder what God thinks of all this?

From my own personal experience, my own striving for perfection have generally come up empty handed in some way or another.It is incredibly difficult to maintain some level of perfect performance. It is quite frankly exhausting. So while I think it is good to do my best and use the gifts God has given me to do the best I can in any given situation , it seems and is tough.

Striving and working well towards a goal is indeed a good thing and in itself the accomplishment of a goal is a good thing too. Yet I find my myself pondering how all this striving for achievement is somehow not linked to our deep desire to be recognised and seen somehow as significant. Perhaps we desire so much to be admired or seen as excellent at something or another because deep down we long to " leave our mark" in this world. We long for our life to have meaning and so we make meaning in a way and that meaning is all wrapped up in achievement and perfection and doing well in this life.

"The secret of joy is contained in one word- excellence" - P.S.Buck

This quote says a great deal about where the heart finds joy but the big question flowing from this kind of idea is this; What if all I do is not excellent. What if all I do is simply "good enough" or just "OK" even mediocre? What does that say about my joy or my happiness or my value in this world.

The shifting standard of the worlds ideas on excellence and perfection and beauty and all the grand ideas are very difficult for most people to reach. In some areas we may succeed and in some areas few succeed. These are the hero's of the day paraded for us in Television and in magazines and newspapers. I think " good for them" and well done for and excellent performance. But most of us will not achieve these kinds of goals in life. I also wonder what personal or family sacrifices they had to make and at what cost did all the fame come at.

God has some very radical things to say about perfection. In stark contrast to the world and its standard of what is excellent, God has some very thought provoking things to say.

"You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." Matthew 5.48

Well, that lifted the standard and shifted the bar somewhat? So I am no longer to look to the worlds stand of perfection but God my Father who is perfect in every way must be my measure.

This is a great place to start. So I am to stop comparing myself to what the world around me says is the measure of excellence and I am to be perfect like God. Wow!! This is talking about moral purity and perfection and not our ward achievements but I think the two are linked in a way. I say this because the inner character of a person; who he or she really is morally will flow out in how he or she operates in life and sets about achieving and working out his/ her life. In other words the way we live our life is linked to the understanding we have about how we work as moral beings.
This verse also tells me what is important to God. God is interested in my character and my moral status . He is interested in what I think and how I speak and how I treat others . He is interested in what I do with my time, money, gifts and all that I am. He wants me to shift the standard of life from the world and lift it way way up. All the way up to HIM.

And so I find that the things that the world we live finds important and essential to what would be a great and excellent life are not how God measures. God values the things in my life in a very different way.

" Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own." Philippians 3:1

I just love this verse. It speaks about working hard - pressing on - never giving up - keeping on. The life of the Christian is all about pressing on. We are to leave what is behind us in the past and we are to persevere in this life. We are to work hard at keeping on the right pathway, that is God's way of living life which is found in the bible. The motivation is plain to see in this quote. Why do we press on? Well because Jesus has made us his own. How amazing. The God of the universe has made us the creature his own. We belong to him and so have enormous value and significance. We are his. If we rest in this valuable position we no longer need to look for our significance from others. We can stand in this precious position of value and love and a real belonging and we can shine for God. His opinion matters not man.

"But godliness with contentment is great gain" 1 Timothy 6:6

So to end end off I would like to focus on one of the key christian truths which help us to live well for God in this world. Thinking about and working towards practicing being satisfied , not only in our heads but in our hearts too is a key. If we ask God to give us this gift we will be living a life full of greatness and peace. Peace with him and peace about the gifts and achievements we may have or may indeed not have. We will be free to live a truly full life; full of passion and love for God and others in which we live with deep satisfaction with that which we have in every area of life.

There is so much more to be said about all this but I will stop here for now. In chatting to a special friend about all these issues we both decided that we would encourage each other that to remember that our value and significance is found in God - in Jesus Christ. So when our works look mediocre in this world and fall way short of the outward achievement standards set bu the world we live in, we remind ourselves to percervere in the way of life that God has placed his stamp of approval on. He loves us and approves of us if we are his. So rest if you are weary dear brother or sister in the Lord and take heart.

Dying but Alive

I have a special friend.

Today I saw her after a brief break. Her heart is broken as she watches a good girl friend of hers die. This is a mother of four young children; a women of great courage and strength; a wife , a friend, a daughter herself. I have followed her story through this dear friend. I have felt sorrow and prayed many prayers. The young mother is my sister in Christ. I have not met her or ever talked to her. Yet we have a bond in Him that binds us together as sisters and through my dear friend I have lived and felt and cried too. But today I feel so, so heavy with sorrow and sadness for this family. My dear friend holds her sadness and shared with me that the mother ; wife and child of God , has but only a few weeks. Yes God might heal her, he certainly can but more than that .... these words struck me. My friend who shared and is so sad told me that although this mother, this wife is dying - riddled with cancer - her body is wasting and dying before all those who love her.... Yet , yet , my friend said " she is so alive".

"She is so Alive" are the words that sit with me as I ponder this deeply, sad story. The wife , mother, friend , sister and daughter; my sister in Christ is being held in the tender, loving arms of Jesus as he waits to greet her on the other side. Go well sweet Di!! Keep the faith. We are praying for you and he is holding you. I look forward to meeting you one day.

" She is so Alive"

Chrisitan Rap is not usually my thing. But this is cool and real.

The Gospel By Propaganda - YouTube