Let the games begin

Our winter, mid -year break is finally here. We decided to celebrate with some calamari and chips for dinner and a movie from the DVD shop. We ate our fish and chatted about the day that was and the time to come. Holidays together are a time to celebrate and enjoy each others company ; they are a time to some things new. 

Our family all live up country in Johannesburg and we see them seldom. We are not really in the position to go on expensive holidays at the moment and so these home holiday times really need to be special. They need to count.

And so our holidays began with a celebration of a good friends birthday. Piles of kids dashing about and some great wholesome, home-made soup and we were set for the rest of today. As I have mentioned in a previous post on this holiday, we have a theme for ourselves. Some might find this odd but I have some very good reasons for deciding to be purposeful about this time together not least of all that I really want this time to count for something in our boys lives. We began today by making a cardboard baobab type tree. I think it is great. We have written our prayers for these holidays onto heart shaped card and these are now hanging from the funny old tree. The great thing was hearing the kinds of things the boys each longed for. Things like no fighting and being kind and praying more. I was so encouraged by their desires to grow in knowledge and love of God and others. What a joy. I often think the things I talk  to them about; those Jesus things, well they seem to vanish in somewhere and then what? At times like these I am greatly encouraged that God is at work in shaping these boys and in tweeking their hearts and minds despite my efforts.

I am so blessed to be able to take a break from wriggle and the other things I do and spend this time with our boys. May God add his blessing to our time together.

Building Forts and other fab things

I have been so inspired by others. A friend pointed me to a blog about boys and I found this wonderful idea. Fort Friday. On Fridays they build all sorts of different kids of forts using all sorts of things in different parts of the home. Now we have had a fair share of forts. The lounge cushions have been doubling as fort walls for ever but what this blog inspired me to do is to shift this a bit and make it a regular feature indoors and out. So off my mind roars. This holiday now not only has a theme but it now has a big project. I have been wanting and longing to transform our garden into a lads fab spot with long ropes and tall swings and danger and so now we begin.  We will try to collectively build a fort. Ill keep you posted :)

Check out this site for some fun ideas. 

http://fortheboys.squarespace.com/home/tag/fort-friday#

The tree of life

 

The holidays are here!!

In 2 days time it will be our June/ July winter school holidays.

 I am starting to get excited about having the boys home.  I find myself making notes about things we might get up to. we have started to have those fun conversations around - what we might like to do.

Waking up late and spending time together is one of my best things in the world. 

My mind is bustling with all sorts of ideas . 

this evening I stumbled upon a theme for the holiday. It is actually one that I am very excited about.

if you are about to throw up at this point ( as I know one or two of my friends might be doing, I appologise)

Yes I have a holiday theme:)

. Growth and growing is such a fundamental part of a child's life. In essence their physical growth and development is all about change.   One of our boys is about to enter the teenage years and so physical change is very much on the agenda as are all sorts of conversations about other changes that may take place. Growing in our understanding , love and knowledge of God is a great theme in the bible too. God is interested in us growing closer to him. He wants us to grow in goodness and change in ways that please him. Thus, the growing theme reaches its roots down really deep where God is at work and it grows its branches out wide across all of life. I have some fun ideas up my sleeve and really hope and pray that with God's help this theme can become a very real part of our collective, family thinking . My hope and prayer is that Jesus will be at work in each of these boys as we discover and learn this holiday. Here's to climbing many trees and building many fun things and here's to discovering what God has up his holiday sleeve ;)

For you.

 I heard the news. It came like a blow

so unexpected

such a shock.

a jolt.

and then the pain and sadess of what I heard made sence.

He is dead.

so, today I baked and went to you

a mother and father in deep pain

what can be said?

how can I help you hold your loss

your pain

your boy is gone.

I cried with you

we cry with you

know that we care , deeply

and are here to help you

be with you, if that is what you need

Jesus is here too.

he holds all things together

he loves and cares for you

and as you weep he collects your tears

gathers them up and holds them near

his arms hold you.

one day it might all make sense

but until that day

remember the Lord

rememeber that He is at work

in your loss and grief

he is there

at work

for you

in you.

But for now

grieve

it is a deep and searing loss

Who am I really ?

Today, again I slipped and fell
and tumbled down, down, down , deep into the abyse
where darkness hides all that is and all that might be.
I search and search and all that comes to naught.
It is hollow loneliness that engulfs and smothers me.
It winds itself so tightly around and around again
and laughs out loud as it pulls and chokes until  nothing is left.
And so I begin the slow and painful climb once more.
I claw and drag and push upwards
longing for a breath , hoping for a hand to pull me from the other side.
But none is there.
The journey is slow and treacherous
 full of doubt and clouded a mist.
The bottom of the pit seems so, so far from all that is light and life and fun.
I am tired, so very very tired. My limbs ache with heaviness
they pull me on, drag me up and up and up towards the light
It is a cold and lonely journey.
I hear myself calling.
I hear myself reply.
The day is long and the perilous pathway is littered with familiarity
anger, sadness and fear lurk and threaten
Their strength and grip are solid and firm
their desire to rule is real and safe
I picked myself up and dusted me knees
I knew again that what I am and what I was are two different people

How can we love you when your pain is in the way?

For Sammy

I remember the day I came to visit you

For the very first time

I came

Into the room, I came

Free and accepted.

You lay on the bed

So small and all curled up

So in need of care and protection

Your mom sat along side you

So pleased

So proud

Another little girl had been born

Not just any girl

Not just any

You see, it was Sammy

Our Sammy.

So beautiful and whole

So perfectly formed

I looked through my pain

Of loss and sadness of what might have been

Through it all

And I saw you

As we watched you grow and bloom

You seemed adorned with a real sense of purpose

Of  being.

How can the head express what the heart feels?

With you came that something special

To know you is to love you

To spend time with you is to laugh out loud

Yes and to cry too

I see you

I see you

Now you seem to be a shadow of yourself

Loneliness has smothered you

Snuffed out your life

Pain cries out

So loud, yet none can hear

It crushes and curls inside like a viper waiting to strike

It rules and thrashes again and again

The cuts are deep and you feel no more

I know what it is

I see the pain and hear it scream

So here we are

Playing the waiting game

What are we waiting for?

While we wait know this one thing

I am here waiting with you

My prayers cover you like a warm cloak

Jesus is waiting too

Remember those things I painted

And told you

He is not waiting for you to clean up your act

Get it right

Be healed

Oh no child, sister

He is waiting for you to

Just as you are

And then he will

Pick you up off the floor

Wash you pure as snow

And slowly and very gentle

Because that is just how he is,

Piece you back together

For he knows how you fit

He made you after all

Sammy, my precious Sammy

Know you were once so loved

And still are

All the more

Divorce Matters

My parents divorced when I was in my early 20's but of course that was the end. The beginning began many years before that and all of this had a profound impact on my life.

I was listening to Focus on the Family this morning and once again they had a very helpful discussion and around step parents. As I listened I became aware again of the deep impact that divorce has on children.  Yes the parents are torn apart and that in itself is riddled with strife and pain but sometimes in this process the very real need and loss for the children gets ignored. 

I found myself weeping and then wondering where the heck did that come from? Those who know me and love me know that I am a deeply feeling person. Yes I am one of those who feel things very deeply and I have been raked over the coals for being this way. "You just respond to everything emotionally" someone once said to me and there may be some truth in that but one thing about me is that I will always think things through , eventually. :) I am able to have very real compassion for others in need. Not all bad hey?

Children in divorce matter. They feel the ripping of their parents relathionship too. The effects of the breaking  is perhaps life long. I have a great friend who comes from a family who ended in divorce. We often talk about the effects on us today and how we see things in our own marriages through the glasses of broken parental relationships. We are able to encourage one another to think right and act right because our marriages different. We are different. :) 

Thank you Lord on all accounts.

The untold, unresolved and very deep sense of loss that children experience and carry through life is real. it exists.  I say this because I think society has begun to view divorce as just another option. It is a choice after all you deserve to be happy. The children from these families  seem to be glanced over now days in the one of many choices adults make. In the turmoil and chaos of deciding who gets what and where to live and who gets the kids and when, their feelings and their experiences can get left out.

This is a plea. Look again and please take note. The little person at your side is in pain too. I know that had my parents been able and had the tools to acknowledge my pain, It would have helped me realise that they actually saw my pain too. That they cared!!

Our church and many others run a  helpful course called Divorce care and Divorce care for kids. 

Check out the web site for more information

Do your kids a favour.

www.dc4k.org

 

 

The past is ever present - Parallel parenting

For some time now I have been in counseling.  Not because I am nuts or even depressed but simply because life sometimes takes us on journeys that leave a mark.  It is a very courageous thing step out and get professional help. Indeed a sign of strength in the moment of weakness and wisdom in the midst of inner chaos. 

 Sometimes the marks left by life can also leave  deep wounds that when left untended, they fester and though they might appear to scab over, beneath the surface they never really heal.
 I know that as I write this I am making myself vulnerable but I really hope that someone who needs to read this post might be encouraged to seek help.  The counselor I have been seeing is a christian man. Both these things have been significant for me. Because he is a believer we can really talk about God and who he is. We are able to meet and then walk on together with the same world view. This was important to me because a lot of my "stuff" has to do with wrong thinking Jesus is in the business of renewing our thinking. What better place than to start with HIM.
 The first important step in choosing a councilor is to find someone you like and who you are able to trust . You will be sharing some deep stuff with the person and so take some time to choose well. There are unfortunately some bad councilors out there so word of mouth is probably a good starting point.

I have learnt so much about myself  about others and it has been a very safe space to explore and where God has worked to heal and reveal :)

One of the things that has become glaringly obvious is that the past is alive and well in the present. By this I mean that the events and occurrences ; healthy and unhealthy that shaped our childhood are the very things that walk side by side with us as adults.  Some of those things are good and right and lovely but often some of those things are not. We may try an hide or bury these things but they somehow find their own feet and rise up and find a place in today.

One of the areas where this becomes real is as we parent. In fact the very act of parenting our own children often is a trigger for those very deep emotional woulds from the past. These childhood things in our lives may cause us to react to our own children in either a healthy or unhealthy way. I have come to realise that I do many things with my kids because of my childhood. I might value a certain strength or create a certain space for something because in my childhood this very thing was either an issue for me  not valued or the like.

Lets take food as an example. When I grew up my family had very little money. We never went without because my very generous grand parents helped us enormously. We also had food on the table but because of financial constraints we ate quite similar foods stuff and there was no room for luxuries like cakes or sweets etc. As a result one of the things I do as an adult is horde food. I hate my fridge or cupboards not having that item that I might need. A can of tomatoes of a slab of cheese. The past is present.

Similarly we ate a lot of mince. It was cheap in the late 60's and early 70's and it was a good source of protein. As a result I grew a very keen dislike to red meat and mince in particular. I became a non - meat eater in my late teens and am still one today. The past is present.

One of my key issues in life is a sense of safety. There were many reasons that my childhood did not foster a deep place of security and safety  but what that means is that in adulthood I struggle with feeling safe. I struggle to hold onto that safety that good relationships foster. So when our 3rd son began life, from the pregnancy until he walked, his life was seeped in anxiety over all sorts of issues not least that he followed a miscarriage and his very pregnancy was threatened throughout the first trimester.. He grew up with his feet firmly planted in me being anxious. It is so interesting to see now that he has an issue with feeling anxious.   We are working with him and getting help - see post on where fear rules .But what has become clear is that because my childhood was so "unsafe" It has been very important to make sure this little lad of ours is safe.  There are many consequences that have unfolded for me around this. Some are ok and others need to shift. With God's real help we press on.The past is present.

The opportunity to get some real , professional help has created a space for God to work in me. He is changing me and healing me along the way. The past is present but in a very healthy way I am able to look at it and say - hello old friend.- By acknowledging the past and seeking to recognise it in the present I am able to really move forward in freedom. Healthy God working healing.

I am not the same person I was when I stepped through those very scary council ling doors.  Indeed, I am becoming the woman God is growing me into.

God you are indeed an awesome God
You care about the smallest among us
you shape me and heal me
I are never alone
you are my safety
Oh lord
Thank you.

Claming back - being an intentional parent.

I have really enjoyed being a parent . I know we are only part way in and have some years yet to navigate, but so far, it has been a very, very good experience. As we begin to row through the teenage years , I already hear some of you saying, " just wait and see" or " these are the tough years" etc etc. To be completely honest I some hopeful expectations and so fears but by enlarge I am looking forward to traveling these years with our sons. I am not naive enough to think that there might be bumps ahead, and some of these may be little while others may be huge.One thing I am certain of, Doug and I are determined to continue to build strong relationships with each boy and we are going to try and be intentional.

The way my brain works is that I really dont like entering into something without at least having some idea of the terrain ahead. So we begin to go to the odd talk on teenagers or teens and technology and the like. I  begin to search for books and web sites with some good info. I begin to chat to others who have forged ahead of us.

One of the gems I have gleaned in this search is the idea of " being intentional". Being intentional has a very positive and thoughtful kind of active ring to it. In practice it means that we try and think through particular situations and ideas  with regards to parenting our boys , ideally before they happen, and then we try and do what we have decided. This way of parenting puts aside what we might feel in the moment or / and the way we were parented as a model for action. Being purposeful about parenting and indeed all relationships, creates a framework of goals around which to work with a child. It means thinking through what we want to achieve with our parenting and it means we need to work hard at being a parent.  It frees us up to think through what is good for our family and for each child , given our specific circumstances. Being intentional helps us not to look at others and set what they are doing with their kids as the bar but it encourages us to gather ideas - yes - but chuck out the ones that dont fit us and also come up with some good ideas on our own. We have Gods word and his spirit to help us be wise.

This is the fun part!!

There are so many examples of this but I think the most challenging for me and the most fun in many ways is in the area of expressing emotions and feelings. My experience of being listened to or really heard, really understood while gowning, up was not a good example. Having 4 boys brings with it some very particular challenges in this area. Boys seem to tune their feelings button right down to nearly off. This does not mean that they dont feel. Quite the opposite. I think like all children boys feel things very deeply. Perhaps they struggle to make sense of their feelings and they definitely seem to struggle to share them in a healthy and appropriate way. What we have found is that as they get older their ability and desire to express what they experience including their very deep feelings becomes increasingly difficult.

So with this in mind we were so blessed to attend our church's family day. The were offering many different electives on parenting and Doug and I dived at the one on teenage drift. It was inspiring and helpful and enormously encouraging on every level but one of the ideas that stood out the most relates to being intentional about helping our kids to express their feelings.  This family decided to have regular meetings. The meetings had a set purpose and some firm boundaries. The ideas here is for each member of the family to express firstly what he does not like about something - I dont like it when you take my stuff without asking. and then in part two they had an opportunity to say things they admired about each other -  I like it when you read to me ever night.

Doug and I loved this idea and are set to implement it in our home. In fact when we mentioned it to our boys 2 of them immediately without hesitation,  told us two things they did not like . The thing here is that kids have their feelings and what tends to happen especially in teenagers, is that they push those feelings way down and bottle them up. We liked this idea because it helped the children to share in a safe place and in a healthy way as well as teaching good skills like expressing oneself and of course listening so as to really hear.

I guess being intentional in relationships really speaks to my heart. It is about thinking about how to love someone else in a healthy and real way. it is what Jesus did for us when he came to die. He came purposefully into the world to save sinners like me and like you. I love being intentional with my kids  and it is definitely and area I am growing in and thinking through. Is it not great that we can continue to grow and learn with our kids. 
 

Bored! Try a board game.

This morning , not long after my eyes adjusted to the dark, I decided to get up and have some "me" time. The mornings are my favourite because I am firstly a morning person and secondly I can have some time to think and pray and get ready for the new day. But this was not to be. Shortly after I put the kettle on for tea - my second favourite morning thing, a bed haired , dressing gowned boy slipped into the kitchen. His first request was " can you play a game with me".

So the game is on. He has chosen his his personal best - UNO. we have all loved UNO. it is a great family game and each child can play at his own stage and age development , some needing help from mom or dad.It is easy to transport and so goes on long trips and school trips and on evenings out, just in case.

We have a whole cupboard of board games and card games and all sorts of games. Because I have a pre-school background, I love games. I am also a very picky game buyer. Some games are gimmicky while others hold a who host of fantastic learning opportunities while being designate for max fun. We have mostly competition kind of games but we do own a non- competitive board game by HABA. it is a wonderful game and we always have fun, working together to save the fish. :)

Board games teach children lots of good things. We have always helped the little ones and not been harsh with them , not like their siblings are because after all fair is fair. I have found that if you gentle work with a child towards being able to loose well, it generally works. If you foster in them a killer instinct to always win and have to win , then board games would be a nightmare. The interesting thing is, the boys have all grown into loosing and being able to loose without tears. it has been and is hard at times but it has not detered them from trying again. The family game time have always been my best thing because I am not really a cricket or soccer chick and it is a  great way to do something with my boys that they enjoy. I do however draw the line at Monopoly which is my personal worst game. Doug does not mind it so team work here helps us :).

What's in a square is a wonderful, educational game. I was introduced to it while teaching and then someone gave me their old one. It was as if they had given me gold. I was thrilled. Thank you Lord! What's in a square is for sale again in good educational toy shops. it is pricey but well worth it.

Some of the games we have are purposefully educational others are about using money or about shopping with lists of food to get and pay for.We own quite a few of these one player logic developing games. They are superb and very challenging.  Bananagram is a wonderful word game that children can play at their own level. We have spent ours playing Rummikub with a 5 year old and an 80 year old. Amazing fun.



The big boys best game so far is and has been RISK. A dynamic strategy game that many of the kids at school also love so play dates are not focused on the computer.  We have dragged it all the way to Natal and back which indicates how much fun it is.

We have also loved Mastermind and good old ordinary card games. I remember playing poker for matches with my gran when I was growing up but things have moved on and sweets have been the order of the day.

Games are very expensive. we always give the family one as a christmas gift. If you are a keen second hand shop frequenter , you will find some gems there. I bought an old , original Cludo for R25 once.

Perhaps games are not every ones cup of tea but they are certainly worth a try. You might just find a family favourite and have piles of fun and some tears too. But I guess that is all part of learning and can be a worthwhile experience  too.

A Letter to a teacher.

Dear Teacher

Thank you for taking the time to listen to me

And for making the effort to care for the child

Thank you for listening and trying to reach out to him,

Thank you for really paying attention

The child!

My child!

You see he is so precious to us.

From the great joy and the promise of a life that first over whelmed

To the very first time he moved within my womb.

I loved him.

The child

in your classroom might just be a child to you.

Someone to teach and help and occasionally scold, perhaps even yell at.

But, you see, that child, is my child.

He is precious to us!

He was wanted and loved from the first

And when he arrived he brought great joy

And change and hope and fun

And much, much more.

With him came the passing of time

His life became a new measure

The yards stick of my life.

His life represents all that longing

The hope we had for life

For our lives, together.

The child in your class might shift, and move

He might giggle and jump

He probably does all this and more.

His work might be untidy

Despite trying his best

He just cant seem to get it right.

Perhaps he

He talks a lot, too much; cries and is afraid;

And the measure used for children now days

Glows all so brightly

“He should be able to do this by now”

Sometimes he gets lost and

Often feels afraid

He forgets his book or bag

And wears the wrong top

All this might make him really, really anxious

Because he does not like being in trouble,

He really does not do it on purpose.

He is still a child after all

He is a little of this and a lot of that

He might sometimes meet the goal and yet sometimes not.

Being pulled and pushed and molded by life

Molded at school

By you……

The teacher,

his teacher.

You see, I know when he is sad

 I can read when he is happy

You might not know this

He likes you, you see, he really does.

He might not say so, but I know.

The boy who might look funny to you,

Perhaps he is messy, noisy, distracted, and slow

Or fast, just a little to fast.

Perhaps he is not that bright and slow to understand

He might be sharp as a sward and know more than you do

The child could grate on all your nerves

He might even smell

You could write a list of all the thoughts you have about who he is

What he does and what he might accomplish.

You praise and reward

You encourage and with one word build up

Or break down.

The child!

That child…..

That child is my child

The child I love with all my heart.

So, I want to say thank you for loving him

Because you see he is precious to us

The Spear and the Cross

We are a country in crisis. We are a people in crisis. We are lost and broken and in a sense at war again. We are at war with each other and with ourselves but we don’t realize it until something happens in the public domain that sparks and fans the flame into action. The result is an inferno that can not be quenched.

South Africa is not a stranger to war.  Many a battle as passed through these beautiful lands or ours.  Many a child has been born into the war. Many a life has been taken – robbed from reaching its potential and fullness by the war.  We are a broken people.  There are layers of mistrust and hatred towards each other.  Apartheid was a war within the boundaries of this country. The horrors and atrocities of this time in our history have caused us to be a wounded nation. We limp and crawl through life, trying to find some way of connecting with each other. We have papered over the deep cracks of the past with ideas like reconciliation, one nation, nation building, the new South Africa , the rainbow nation. All good ideas but I fear, that in reality, the wounds that lie very deep and carry so much damage and pain are waiting to erupt. They just have to. We all know that a wound that has not healed can get infected again and again. We need help. We need healing. We need kindness towards fellow man. We need so much. We need Jesus!

Umkhonto weSizwe- The Spear of the Nation or the armed wing of the ANC (African National Congress). It no longer exists for it has been joined together, like all other structures in The New South Africa, to become one. United and together in the hope called The Rainbow Nation. But I guess Umkhonto lives on in the hearts and minds of those who knew it as a real adversary to the then apartheid government. A real cause to hope and live.

Over the past 2 weeks our beloved country has once again been ripping itself apart, held at the throat by a painting. The painting, which by now if you have not heard about it , you must have been asleep J , part of an exhibition by Brett Murray called Hail to the Thief 2.

The painting depicts Jacob Zuma, our president, in a Stalin like pose but with his genitals displayed for the entire world to see.

 It is called The Spear. For those of us who know much of his life, we are left with little doubt about the message the artist was sending.  The message carried within it many layers and it was a trigger for great debate.

There are many angles to take on this issue. I could write about art and what it is and what it does – the role it plays in society. I love art and am interested in it and so could take that angle. I could write about freedom of speech which I also hold dearly and have some strong views on that. I could write about what I think about Jacob Zuma and the role of a president. I could write about racism – what it is and what it is not. All these and many other issues have been exposed again by the exhibition of The Spear.

I am going to talk about real dignity and healing in the light of this painting. The heart of the matter for each person. Who am I ? Do I have value? How do I have worth? 

The Spear cleverly lanced the wound. It rubbed the scab that is trying to heal over the raw damaged skin of this country.

The labours of the artist rubbed the wound raw yet again and anger, rage, malice, slander and all sorts of ‘stuff’ exploded onto the media airways of our land and indeed the world.  And of course, when in doubt call it racist that is sure to get things going.

I listened too much of the debate, joining in with it in the safety of my kitchen. I read some of the articles written in the news and Doug and I have talked and talked a great deal about it. The question I have is this……….

Why is it that Jacob Zuma, the president of a country, is unable to shrug the insult off. Yes he may have been insulted and the painting may be rude and degrading. It may reflect truth. There are lots of “it Mays” but the question on my mind was this. What is it about this man that causes him to take these pictures and cartoons and other expressions by people of him, to heart?. (He is in the process of taking Zapiro to court over some cartoon drawn that has insulted him.) Why is it that he can not simply shake off the mud and insult he feels and boldly, bravely and with dignity rise above it all to lead our people.

Because he can’t and clearly from the debate around THIS painting, many others can’t either, we sink to the depths of debate and discussion but insult and polarization again.

Again and again I heard people say things like ‘in my culture’, or ‘it is insulting to this man; a father, husband’. “It is racist. It is degrading. It is wrong.”   People were deeply offended on a cultural level by this artwork. People were personally hurt by this painting – not just Jacob Zuma. The painting opened old wounds for people and they came out fighting. It has been a time of raw anger. The painting unmasked more that it intended to do. Anger! The many issues around freedom of speech and what that means and looks like were lost in the rage that swallowed the debate. Emotions ran high and tears were shed publicly.  What is this all about?

Perhaps more is going on here than simply Western Liberalism meets African tradition.  Where their differences are exposed by the painting. I do think on one level this is true but I think that something very deep has been exposed by The Spear – more than just Jacob Zuma’s genitals.

South Africans are a broken and deeply wounded people. If you grew up in the 60’s and particularly the 70’s and 80’s in SA, no matter what your culture and skin colour, you are a broken South African. Your view of people is seared; it is snapped in half like a bit of old wood. This brokenness makes all too much sense. Apartheid was a wicked system that purposely destroyed people and left them without any dignity and hope. It raged and ran a mock , killing and hurting the vulnerable and the weak and those who came out fighting. It destroyed us all.

The problem is most of us can not even see that for what it is and what it means. We need collective therapy. A country that could do with some serious couch time. “People need to tell their stories,” a dear friend said again over dinner. I think she is right. We could all do with writing the story of our country. Each of us has varying depths of loss and pain and wounding. Some people would have so much to write and others of us much less, but write it we should. In a way these talk shows might have a role to play in not just simply airing the views of those who call but perhaps they are a very real way for people to share their pain by exposing their anger.

Over dinner and a glass of wine we talked about what life is like now as a person in South Africa. What kinds of carry on or follow on or patterns of exclusion and barriers do ordinary South Africans experience because of their skin colour. How does the past present itself today. As we talked I saw the Jacob Zuma painting saga morph into the lounge. The past is present for all of us whether you are the president for the country or a street sweeper for the council.

How can all this change. How can we really begin to see people for who they really are? What are we supposed to be searching for? What is the essence of man that gives him worth? Is it his status? Is it his gender? Is it his colour, language, country of origin? Is it his job title?

The bible has some great news about who we are. It is exciting news; liberating news and news that brings hope, even to this sad and broken land of ours.

In his grace God has given all people a hallmark so to speak. He has given all people something of himself. We are made in his image – his image bearers. No matter whom we are – man or woman – no matter what our station in life, president or homeless beggar – no matter what our skin colour, God has marked us ALL with his image. We are all special and unique. That is how he sees us on one level. And this is how he calls me to see others. Unique and lovely made in his image! There is dignity and wholeness in that. This is how I am to see myself too. This is how Jacob Zuma is to see himself and there is strength and dignity in this which is nothing that a favorable court hearing or his culture, however rich, can give him.

God also sees us another way. We are either lost or found – sheep or goats – we either belong to him or we don’t. This has to do with our moral standing before him. It has to do with seeing ourselves and others yes as image bearers but also seeing each other and ourselves as we really are.

We are broken people who arrogantly choose to live our lives without any reference to Jesus and who he is.  I guess that is why we are broken. We take is gifts and ignore him and so we are lost to him. We do not know God and do not live for him. We claim our lives for ourselves and press on in destruction and darkness. But God has never stopped loving us and never given up on any of us and so Jesus came willingly. He came to die in my place and in your place taking our wrong attitudes and wrong stubbornness and wrong behaviour – called sin – into himself. He became sin for me and sin for you. He died and took up his life again. He conquered death so that whoever you are – Jacob Zuma or Caren Falconer or the sad, lonely, dirty homeless person- anyone and everyone can come to him. We can be saved, reconciled to the Living God and we can be healed of all our pain and sadness and brokenness. We can begin to claim back that with Apartheid robbed us all of and we can begin to heal. We can really begin to see fellow people as image bearers and we truly become The Rainbow Nation.

I realize that this dream is the ideal and actually the true Rainbow Nation is God’s nation who he has called from every tongue and nation and we will stand before him whole and forgiven and worship Jesus together. But for now we live here in this broken, beautiful land. I weep for this country I love and pray for us to each play a part in listening and caring; in really trying to make a difference and in saying sorry -despite our pain and fears. I pray too, that Jacob Zuma would truly come to know that Jesus loves him.

There is real dignity, strength, healing and true freedom in him alone.

Nkosi Sikeleli iAfriKa