ADHD - a heart response

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Like most if not all parents we want the best for our kids. As a Christian mom, I know that God wants the absolute best for our sons. He made them and knows them. He totally understands what makes each of them tick and he especially understands their ADHD.
The way God works out the best he has plained for our sons, often does not look like we think it should.( I have written a great deal about suffering and pain and God at work so will not go into this here. )

We trust him.
We know that in ALL things he is at work for our good and his glory.
Romans8:28

ADHD is the new normal for us as a family. We are learning and growing in understanding of what it all means and in how to help our boys manage themselves. This is for ALL our sons. However, the old way of operating just does not always work. I have written a great deal about this in other posts. 

One of the most heartbreaking of the ADHD struggle for our sons and for us is ODD.

Oppositional defiance. I wrote about what this is a little. 

I realised I left my heart out of it. The reason being ODD is such a heart breaking and difficult part of ADHD to parent. As a Christan I understand and experience MY own sinfulness and rebellion AND my children and their own sinful hearts and rebellion. However, ODD is something other. When we experience it we can see that it is a brain sticking thing. The brain is literally stuck in the NO answer to life. The challenge and refusal to try something, wear something, go somewhere, sit somewhere is CONSTANT and UNPREDICTABLE.

It is so frustrating and sad when the 'yes' solution for the child is so obvious and just a switch of 'something' away. I know that he just needs to ..... see the positive response which will be the better and easier one for him and quite frankly , us all. Yet,  his brain is simply stuck. AARG.

You can see ODD arrive and you can see it leave.Iit is like a switch in the brain. Afterwards it is sometimes as if the whole thing did not happen. The child is remorseful and sad sometimes. WE can reason with him and he "sees" . But in the moment he is simply just STUCK!

As I said yesterday research has shown that medication helps this trait associated with ADHD and for us it has totally done that. But the reality ODD still exists. 

I have cautiously, almost with one eye begun to read some of the help and suggestions and research around ODD. Some the routes people with ODD take in life are honestly quite frightening. The message is ...

ODD needs to be parented well and thoughtfully so that the child learns to manage himself and make good life choices. The idea that comes to mind is the cutting off of the wrong and dead on a plant and the training of the good and right. I know this is true for ALL our sons but  with our ADHD boys the way we do this looks different. It is different.

There is professional help with ODD.

Meds help and finding a workable way to parent is a necessity. 

We found going head to head with our son was futile and simply escalated into what looked like world war 3. All literature concludes that this approach is just not workable. 

Dr Green in Understanding ADHD has some hot tips for parenting ODD. 

His key advice to parenting ADHD and disciple are 

1. do not go head to head - taking a step back from confrontation

2. living by routine

3. rewarding the good. 

I love the idea of positive discipline and have experienced how and that it works well. The difficult thing is we seem to be wired as parents to notice the wrong all the time and we need to re -wire ourselves to notice and 'reward' the positive. 

ODD is a tricky aspect of ADHD. It is manageable with meds and with good parenting. These are awesome kids who have a brain that backfires on them. We are called to help  ( including train and discipline) and support them SO THAT they can learn and flourish.

One of the problems FOR modern parent is exhaustion. Having an ADHD family is doubly exhausting. Not just physically but emotionally and mentally.

Taking care of myself is essential. Something I am learning to do with God's grace.

Then I be a good mom to my kids.

ADHD - the most common associated trait is......

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Oppositional Defiance Disorder or ODD is the most common co morbid associated with ADHD. 

ODD is not caused by ADHD but is just more likely to be present when ADHD exists. 

According to  Dr Green from his book Understanding ADHD, between 40%-60% of ADHD children are oppositional. The typical ADHD lacks the necessary impulse control. The impulsive behaviour means that they are unthinking. The typical ODD behaviour is characterised by a great deal of 'NO" and stubborn, challenging, refusing kind of behaviour. In our experience, our boys exhibit ODD especially when ' stuck in the moment'. At these times we try not to use reason and debate. Time for discussion WILL come afterwards, when the child is unstuck and remorseful. 

ODD is very difficult to parent. It is tricky beyond tricky. We have really had to learn new ways of parenting and have turned to professionals for help, advice and support. Studies show that the use of medication definitely helps ODD and in our sons this has totally been the case. Meds have brought a calming to him. With the control of impulses the ODD behaviour does not spiral so much. 

People can be really judgemental when it comes to ODD and tend to blame bad parenting and bad children. There is definitely more at play than this simplistic approach. I always remind MYSELF that we are dealing with a neurological condition. 

Upskillng through reading GOOD literature on this topic has been really informative and helpful. 

Read, read and read again. Get help. It IS available. 

ADHD - Families under preasure

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ADHD is a family affair. If a child is diagnosed ADHD then there is a parent who is also ADHD, diagnosed or not. ADHD is a genetic neurological brain functioning that is atypical. 

Our family is an ADHD family. We have 4 boys and two of them are ADHD. My husband is ADHD. We are learning as much as we can about being ADHD so that we can function well as a family. 

This means we have a tricky job to do as parents. Not only do we need to figure out a new normal as husband and wife but we also have to walk the road of helping ALL our children learn, develop and grow into healthy adults who can MANAGE themselves and flourish.

I am so grateful we are Christians.

We have Jesus at work in and through us.

We have his real and active word, The Bible that guides and helps us.

It hems us in. 

He hems us in.

We have real wisdom.

We are able to understand this broken and sinful world in context and therefore live with freedom.

We have forgiveness for and from one another.

In this context we live.The new normal , for us , as a family defiantly DOES NOT look like any other.

We are and have had to figure out a new way of operating. 

An example of this is dinner around a table. 

This is the ideal for me but I have come to realise that 2 bouncy, wriggly children are not able to sit at a table FOR A LONG TIME. 

The may squirm and wriggle and hang off the chair. That is ok for us. We accept a new normal. We are often together chatting and eating but not often very still. 

So, we spend time together sharing and eating which is important for us as a family but it looks totally chaotic and shambolic to others. It is us!!

I have changed my expectations. 

The new normal.

The other example I have spoken about before is going out to restaurants or friends. Any outing where there is likely to be stress, over stimulation and lots of people or noise. We have come around to making sure our ADHD family members are medicated. We then talk a good deal about what we expect. We watch for warning signs of possible melt downs and react quickly to manage them. We do not just leave our kids to sort it out because experience has taught us that someone will get hurt. We hang out with people who love us and get our kids. They are part of the solution.

We leave, if we can, if things get hairy.

There are some things that have really helped our children to calm. A bath for the one and some quite , alone space for the other. 

Being an ADHD family is tiring. I think I especially hold that exhaustion. In chatting to other parents who have similar families, I think that the one spouse does seem to carry the weight of the thinking and planning and organising in the family - more than the other. This is ok. It is , for us, the new normal. It is helpful to acknowledge the exhausting moments ; to find a safe friend to share with ( no moan to) and to have some time carved out for replenishment of energy and strength. 

Alone time is good for me.

Painting is my happy space.

Spending time with God  is for me , a soul replenishment. He sets my mind on greater things and restores my sense of purpose. 

Always!

ADHD families are under a great deal of pressure. 

A diagnoses of any kind is always a surprise and the implications of ADHD are life changing. 

There are enormous decisions to be made . There is the constant 'work' involved in helping the child to manage himself well. There is so much to read and listen too which is both exciting and overwhelming. The is the stress and worry of all that COULD go wrong. There are the attitudes of the general public, teachers and other family members to negotiate. Remaining positive and upbeat all the time is nearly impossible.

Finding a support group was a life saver for me. Chatting to other moms is a great support and outlet. We share ideas and encourage one another. 

Information and reading of good literature can be enormously helpful.

Being patient and gentle on oneself is a must.

Keep on trying and never give up on your child. 

I know that our sons really need out support and help. All of them do. This will count for nearly all they need to fly. 

The key thing I remember. Jesus made us all. He knitted us together and knows everything there is to know about how we work. He is a real help in walking this walk and we depend totally on him. 

There are no mistakes. Our children are unique individuals. The new normal is no surprise to him, though it might be to us. 

Life with Jesus is a challenging adventure. 

ADHD - Is your ADHD teen using Dagga ?

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I am writing about Marijuana and ADHD . 

This link keeps coming up as a thread for ADHD teens and young adults. We have met a few adults who are ADHD and use this drug every day. 

 I have read a report written to Psychiatrists in South Africa. The findings in THAT report linked ADHD use of alchol and Marijuana or Dope or Dagga ( many more names).

I have listened to a talk at a support group where the same ideas from studies was expressed by an expert on child neurons and medication. 

 I heard it again on the talk by Dr. William Dobson . 

A question was asked about ADHD and addiction. Are ADHD people more prone to addiction.

The answer we do not like or want to hear as parents, is

Yes!

This make sense though. If  life is so tricky and a constant struggle to focus and maintain behaviour that is socially acceptable - things that run quite opposite the the way the ADHD brain functions, well then life can be really difficult.

Self- medication relieves the pain of the broken self-image that many ADHD children experience because the adults around them do not understand ADHD and therefore are little or no support. 

Drugs and alcohol help to deaden the pain of boredom.

Marijuana seems to be the drug of choice that helps ADHD impulse behaviour.

These are the findings. Teenagers and young adults and in fact adults who are ADHD who ARE NOT using ADHD Medication like Ritalin and Conserta etc, are found to use dope instead. The reason is that dope does what Ritalin and other meds do for the ADHD brain. It slows down hyper restlessness that most if not all ADHD people experience. In a real way, the use of Dope is a way to self- medicate. Of teens who do not use medication to help manage ADHD impulses , 60% will use Dagga to do this. When meds are involved the stas come down to the same as all other people who are not ADHD. My husband used Dope prolifically in his young adult life and he was an undiagnosed ADHD person. Dobson tells his parents of ADHD teens that either he medicates them of someone at a party will.

I hear his warning.
I write this post in particular with a hope that someone who is doubting medication as a real help for ADHD might reconsider.
I have experienced 2 loved ones using Dope as a life choice and experienced its destruction.
It is not a choice!

ADHD - on the rebound

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On the Rebound

The topic of medication is a hot one with regards to ADHD. One of the things I have again realise is that the debate rages in the public domain while the science of it is settled.

Dr.William Dobson’s talk on ADHD which anyone can download for free off ADDITUDE pod casts, shed so much light on this for us as a family. Somehow, when you hear the experts talk and they base their understanding on the facts of recent studies and experience, well it cuts through all the clutter around ADHD.

This has been a great and exciting weekend for us all as we have really learnt a great deal more about ADHD.

The result…

We are better equipped to help and support our sons so that they can manage themselves.

This is the end goal of all this for us.

All or children need to be able to manage themselves.

ADHD people struggle to regulate impulse behaviour and so they struggle to be available for learning. This means that they can not successfully learn to manage themselves.

As I have said before and have learnt again this weekend, medication plays a crucial role for the ADHD person. It help him to regulate the impulse behaviour so that he is then able to LEARN.

It is important to find the right dose of medication. What I learnt was that the manufacturers, all those years ago, made medication in more or less amounts. Some people need more that the amounts available and some need less. ADHD people need to experiment with meds so that they can find the perfect dose ‘FOR THEM’

When our boys come off the meds, when the meds wear off, sometimes their behaviour is difficult. Dobson explained that the behaviour is often all the worst of the difficult ADHD stuff. Crying, anger, stubbornness and more can be experienced at this point.  Stuck in the moment.  This is called THE REBOUND.

Dobson’s advice is, if it is really a difficult time for children that a equal amount of the last  dose of meds is needed. His view on medication was totally revolutionary. He is progressive in his advice. 

He wonders why we have to struggle with children around the dinner table and or doing homework BECAUSE meds have worn off?

An excellent question really.

There are other tips on helping kids and adults helping themselves at this time. Check out ADDITUDE website.

Doug and I  keep on saying that we are going to see so much change in understanding of Medication and HOW to ADMINISTER it.

ADHD - Put the breaks on.

When we first had our son diagnosed ADHD we began with a good educational psychologist.

He taught us something that I was reminded off by Dr William Dobson in his pod cast.

Slow down…. STOP……be in the 'now'!!

We learnt to understand the ADHD brain as having a Ferrari brain with bicycle brakes. I think this is so helpful for explaining the brain to a child.

Ritalin and other meds help the brakes function more effectively.

Meds help with impulse control….

Hyperactivity

Inattentive

Impulsive

But then what….

Well, the exciting thing is that the child is then what I call available to learn….

It is at this point that real other learning can happen. ADHD children and adults are often not aware of the effect they have on other people. There ability to read social cues does not work effectively BUT they can learn to read them better.

Dobson calls this Mindfulness. This is a psychological term and really is used in counselling. It is the idea that we can stop and think about ourselves and our behaviour in the moment. We can train ourselves to become self AWARE… this is different to self –INVOLVED but rather is a way of noticing what effect my behaviour is having on myself… the why of behaviour but more importantly for the ADHD child… the how my behaviour is effecting others.

I love this bit because a group of friend with kids on the spectrum were actually talking about this very thing.  That is, the idea that children are not really self aware. They simply just act. 

Part of growing up is becoming self aware and thinking about why and how we behave. 

Concious living.

This idea is really rich for me because it means we can help our ADHD children and in fact all our children to stop and really think about the effect of their beaviour.

A good example is an impulsive ADHD child's interrupting of conversations. This is something one of our children struggles with . He never seems to learn not to interrupt.

I am so excited to try and get him to start thinking about the effect that his interrupting has on others… ?? well see.

I guess that what he is saying is that the ADHD child can learn how do behave socially. A little like teaching an Autistic child to greet by shaking hands and making eye contact…. ( Temple Grande is a great story and movie illustrating this)

I really think we have to do some hard wok as a family on this front….

I often feel ‘sorry’ for my ADHD kids because of their struggles and so cut them slack. I think this is OK but not in the area of appropriate behaviour socially. 

We all need to function well so that we can live well.

ADHD , Exercise and Michael Phelps.

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What about exercise and ADHD?

The Michael Phelps Phenomenon

·       Exercise is important for us all. 

It is part of being healthy and human. Exercise for the ADHD brain is essential. In fact research  shows that an hour of exercise has a lasting effect on the brain for up to 3 hours.  This effect is the same as taking RITALIN. How profound!!

Michael Phelps the swimmer is ADHD and quite outspoken . He exercises at least 6 hours a day… everyday. He stopped taking Ritalin when he was 6. The extreme exercise has the same effect on the brain. 

So what does that leave us with…

I guess we ought to encourage our ADHD children to get moving!!

Our one son is naturally active and almost craves this movement. He has to do something physical every day and this need is insatiable. We have a gym membership and Squash is the order of the day. He plays hockey and loves to be MOVING.

Sport like cricket is excruciatingly boring for him.

I think it is wise to not only encourage sport but also to find out what sport suits.

Our other son is struggling to find a sporting activity that fits him. We are rolling through them. His little issues are related to the engaging in the activity struggle that ADHD brings AND sensory overload issues.

A good OT friend with an excellent knowledge of ADHD and neurons was helping me think through activities.

Squash brings a confined space with little distraction for the ADHD child and swimming is excellent because it allows the brain to ‘ switch off’ and just go. The repetitive motion through the water is extremely healthy for brain activity and soothing for the senses.

Healthy perseverance is something we are trying to help him with. So, yes he is not enjoying the activity A but we need to just go to then of the term or season so that the brain also learns about perseverance – good neurological connections and good God given habits.

Phew!! So much to ponder, think through and work out. And while your doing this - get moving!!

ADHD - Hot tips for parenting that we have learnt along the way -and are still learning.

I love the ADDITUDE sub title for ADHD…

It is Living Well with ADHD. 

This is the deep desire of my heart for my husband and my children.

The question around discipline always comes up on ADHD issues.

So, 

What about discipline?

       I am writing a bit about disciple here BUT really pleading with you to hear me . I can not tell you how and what to do. You will have to figure out what works for you and your family. As a Christian we know that it is our job as parents to disciple our children but not to exasperate them.

However I have learnt some hot tips with ADHD…. Dr.W. Dobson add to these ideas and re-enforced what we have experienced in practice.

Children off medication have little or no impulse control . Children off meds can be very difficult and their behaviour can be tricky to manage. This needs to be taken into account when disciplining ADHD children. They can be angry, argumentative and unco-operative. We have experienced that the old fashioned TIME OUT really does work. Dobsons encourages ALL involved to take some TIME OUT until emotions calm and then we can deal with the issues at hand. This is totally our experience. 

Some things we have learnt along the way...

love  boldly and often

*

Do not expect your family to look like anyone else's

Pick your battles.

Remember who is in charge.

One size approach does NOT fit all children

Take time to cool off.

Plan for outings

Talk about expected behaviour

never stop talking and sharing

adjust and change when things do not work

apologise

forgive 

*

love madly and completely

 

 Planning for outings

 

Here he was so very helpful …. He went on to encourage parents to plan times that might be difficult for ADHD children. A large gathering of people like at a party can be sensory overloading for ADHD children and behaviorally tricky. These are opportunities for friction and bad behaviour which will mean that the experience is overall negative.

The aim of these occasions is for the family to have a good time. These points of stress have often been times of extreme stress for our ADHD children.

Dr Dobson’s suggestion of…

1.    planning

2.    talking about possible problems

3.    setting goals or I would say expectations – realistic

4.    make sure that the child is rested and has eaten

5.    plan ahead of time an exit strategy

These are probably things we have been doing one way or another but it was so good to hear it and note that these are indeed good things to practice..

 Do not expect your family to look like others

One of the things that was very painful and indeed futile was trying to get our discipline and indeed parenting to fit someone e style and way of doing it. This was frustrating and damaging. I decided not to read self help parenting books where people do not have to deal with ADHD. It is far more helpful to get hot tips and try things written by those who understand and know how tricky it is to deal with an oppositional child. 

That we must deal with him is a fact but HOW we do it is really up to us. People who have walked this road before us have lots of helpful suggestions. Those who have not often write about a one size fit all approach and quite frankly this does not work when dealing with ADHD children.

Remember who is in charge

The social struggles of children with ADHD can sometimes rule. What I mean by this is if our ADHD child has 'had enough' and wants to go home he can become very annoying in his desperation to go home. While we understand sensory overload and boredom , we also can not be ruled by his need to leave. So we plan and we meet him half way. 

The other night we were going out. Our youngest son hates transition and change. He really can not cope with it. So he did not want to go out with us. It was a family outing to dinner and he really needed to come with us. To be with us was important. He could not rule the decision to go and he could not stay. I understand he does not like all the noise and there are too many people so we took some games with us that we could play together. we spent the whole time playing UNO and the like with him. Despite the noisy restaurant he coped well. We made it a short visit .We can not be ruled by the struggles ADHD children have but we CAN work with them to help them have a good time within a safe space. 

ADHD - Hot tips to help children engage.

Hot tips to help ADHD children engage in the mundane and other stuff!!

From the talk by Dr. William Dobson

I have had the great fortune of listening to a free pod cast by Dr William Dobson on the ADDITUDE web site. I encourage you to listen to it for yourself.

However…. Here are some tips I gleaned and would love to share with you. Some of these are not just from the pod cast.

1.        How do I get my ADHD child to engage in things he is not interested in but actually have to get done? ( like cleaning teeth)

*The answer lies in understanding that motivating the child by reward or punishment will not bring the desired lasting effect on behaviour. 

This is so helpful to me. 

The mundane is not interesting and so not really relevant to the ADHD brain. The problem is these things are relevant and important in life. Paying bills is important as is regularly brushing teeth.

One of the helpful things I learned was that we need to try and make the mundane interesting. I have to say that my heart literally sighed with the heaviness of this until Dr Dobson explained what he meant.

Somehow we need to appeal to the emotional connection that the ADHD child has with the activity. In other words…. Make it real!! Give it an emotional purpose. The living reason behind why we are brushing teeth. The child and adult on the ADHD spectrum has a very real and rich emotional life and this is where we are to invest our focus, especially as parents. Because healthy life patterns ARE established in the young life.

We want our children to make healthy life choices that are good for them including the mundane. So we need to tap into the emotions and draw the important link between caring and doing. In other words…… The child will do the mundane if they care about doing it.

I know this sounds other and indeed it is but it makes sense to me. If I ask my son to do something that is not …

·       challenging

·       urgent

·       interesting

·       novel

well I have already lost ..

but if I invests in the reason behind healthy life style choices – like brushing teeth

well then these become part of the required behaviour  FOR the child and not simply because I am asking , reminding , cajoling , moaning  , so that he does it.

We want children to own their healthy, mundane behaviour for themselves. 

We want them to just do it!!

The mist is clearing - Understanding all things ADHD....

On becoming more clear on things ADHD

Today I clicked on something that has both encouraged and helped me understand ADHD a lot more!! We listened to it in true ADHD fashion… I listened to it… Doug listen to bits of it and then I filled in the gaps for himJ

It was a pod cast by a man called  DR. William Dobson.

It was long and I ended somewhere through the question time. It was one of the most informative and helpful talks yet.

The research around ADHD is really mind blowing.  Excuse the pun!

Some of the ideas and understandings of the way the brain works and ADHD plays out have refined and shifted.

I find this all very exciting and extremely helpful.

What I hope to do now is to take some of the ideas Dr. W. Dobson explored and share them including some personal aspects as illustrations.

One of the fabulous things is that, although the debate still rages around medication and ADHD in the PUBLIC domain, the science of it seems pretty settled.

Therefore, it is not a belief system but a fact.

ADHD is a function of the neurological system.

We can know that most people in the world have a typical way of neurological functioning but that about 10% have an atypical brain neurological function. This is called ADHD.

The impulsivity

Hyperactivity

Inattentive

Aspects of the ADHD brain are the impulse control that medication serves to help.

Some of the things around these key 3 aspects of ADHD have shifted and are shifting as we all understand what they are exactly. I love this.

So… inattentive does not mean that a person can NOT focus but rather that he or she finds it difficult or nearly impossible to focus on something that is not interesting TO them and does not grab them. So it is more about interest and therefore engagement.

ADHD people can engage on things perfectly well.

JUST as long as it is

1.   challenging even competetative

2.   interesting therefore engaging

3.   urgent

4.   novel – unique

This was so helpful to me. In our home we struggle with …

So the difference is about engaging with a task rather than not being able to focus at all. If you have an ADHD child you will know exactly what I mean when I say that they absolutely CAN engage and do. This is called HYPERFOCUS and is confusing because it makes them look as if they are just not ‘trying hard enough’

So we find our ADHD children struggling endlessly with being able to engage on all tasks or finding a task to engage with and of course the old ADHD friend

BOREDOM.

These two things are linked and play out on a daily and even hourly bases in our home. If something is mundane it will fall into the non-engaging category and therefore is not something worth doing.

Dr Dobson explained how the typical brain will do a task because it is important to do – no matter who needs it done. Perhaps a parent, boss or teacher requires something done. Therefore it is important. Our eldest son illustrates this well. He will get on with his school projects and learning regardless – EVEN if he is not particularly drawn to the task. It simply must get done. It is important to do it.

The ADHD person is not motivated to do a task because of  its importance.

Important things are not going to engage the ADHD brain

The second way a TYPICAL brain works is by reward. The reward of a job well done or some kind of external reward like good marks etc is a motivation to do the job and do it well. My brain definitely works like this.

Any task is worth doing because of the internal of external reward from doing it.

The ADHD person’s brain is NOT at all called to engage in a task because of reward. In fact research shows that any reward based system used with ADHD children and adults has no lasting effects on behaviour.

This made so much sense to me.

This is why star charts do not work with our ADHD kids. The novelty wears off and it all fades to nothing. It has worked on occasion if it is short and sharp but the effects on behaviour are not lasting. I was trying this approach this week. I am trying to get our little one to read a book a day . He is struggling with learning to read – another ADHD thing- and so I thought up an extra motivation through reward. I decide to pay him R10 for every 10 books… then I upped it to R50.  Still nothing….

The reason I upped the amount was because I thought that the reward was too small and so was no hook at all. In actual fact, as I learnt this morning, reward is not going to bring an engaged interest in learning to read. It just is notL

So, back to the drawing board.

Being a parent with ADHD children requires a great deal of trial and error approaches. In other words try lots of things and see which on works.

It sure is an adventurous life!!

The ADHD Adventure!

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The Adventure called ADHD

Having an ADHD family is both an adventure and a journey.

Understanding the how and why of ADHD is both liberating and empowering.

I have written quite a collection of posts on ADHD from our perspective as a family who has one spouse on the spectrum and 2 of 4 children on the ADHD spectrum.

I began writing these posts as a real heart response to both our own experience of ADHD but also to those who God has brought along the way , who are on a very similar journey.

I have a profound and deep love my family.  I think coming from a family that split and broke in divorce I really KNOW the special thing that is Family. I really want us to treasure and hold it – lightly so that it does not become and idol but deeply so that it remains precious.

We have been on this extraordinary ADHD journey now for the last 6 years.  The more I read and learn about the way the ADHD brain functions, the more excited I become. It all makes sense.  It might not be easy but it at least makes sense.

 My hope and prayer is that the things I write will both educate and encourage. Perhaps even help those who are faced with the ADHD journey personally and need some advice.

Reversal of Destiny

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God is at work! He is at work in and through those of us who belong to him. We are his hands and feet , on earth.I have recently been part of a bible study where we are studying Esther with Beth Moore. The key main theme is - Reversal of Destiny. A complete turning around of the path of life that seems to be. Jesus is in the business of doing just this. In Esther , his plans of change are fit for a Queen, because that is what she is. Esther, the Queen is part of God's much bigger and more glorious story. His story of the redemption of mankind. Esther is but one part of this beautiful and strange story. A piece in his puzzle. In a way, we are also part of this big story. Jesus died on the cross to buy us FOR himself. He saved us from our sin and from having to experience his wrath and rightful judgement. He sets us apart FOR himself. At the right time he will call us home to be with him forever.

What of the life in between. What of this life, here on earth, while we live in the time between the cross and his return. What is this all about?

God is at work in us and through us.

We are his hands and his feet. He has given us good works to do. The good works are the ordinary things that cross our path as we live for him. Being a wife and mother for God is one good work; helping a friend might be another; taking a meal; listening; giving; sharing;opening a home; feeding the poor etc etc. Our good deeds all look different from one another. What fun!

this is the outer work.

The work through us. Being Jesus to others.

What about the inner work that God is doing.

He is also at work in us. This is called sanctification. It is the real and wonderfully good change that takes place inside of us. We are transformed first in our thinking. Jesus changes the way we think about him and ourselves. He is in the business of rewiring our brains so to speak. 

In fact, the brain is the one organ that can grow new neuron connections throughout a human life. What a joy!!

Change is real and able to happen on a nerve bases in our brains. Habits can change. Attitudes can change. thinking can change. Jesus and his word changes our thinking. 

We are changed first in our thinking and secondly in our very being. We are transformed from one degree of glory to another. There is a process of behavioural, attitude and thinking changes that happen. 

This is part of the reversal of fortune.

With our brain we decide to trust God and in our being we exercises trust. We step into that trust. As we exercises the 'thrust' muscle so the muscle develops. 

In stepping out into trusting Jesus he fashions trust within us. It is a ' us' and 'Jesus' at work picture.

Today someone at school said something to me that just spoke ' Reversal of Destiny' words to me. You see, 

given my history, my family life and my lack of any connection or understanding of who Jesus is and what he did - kind of childhood, well, my life was on a path. It had a destiny etched out for it. 

BUT

In my early 20's I met Jesus. He began his work in and through me. Some of that work has been very painful and difficult. Some still is. The key thing is he took me, picked me up, and placed me on the opposite path going in the opposite direction.

Reversal of Destiny.

Not only that , but he is building and growing our marriage and our family on a completely new and different path to the seeming destiny it all had. 

He has picked us up, dusted us off and put us on a totally different path going in a totally opposite direction.

Reversal of destiny.

Jesus continues to do this. 

I am praying that he will hold us there and continue to turn what seems to be the path into the unexpected. 

He is the God of ultimate Surprise!!

 

Loss of One Kind or Another

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This is for all who have and will experience LOSS of many kinds. 

We tend to talk and think about loss in relation to death only. While this is one of the types of brutal loss in this life, there are actually many other areas where people experience the pain of loss.  The loss of a dream or a hope. The loss of relathionship. The loss of work. The loss of being able to work. The loss of sound and rational mind; physical strength and health; loss of a childhood; loss of wholeness and broken emotions. All these , and more are different types of pain and loss. Grief rules this life. Jesus is the healer.  He is the one and only saviour!!

Loss of One Kind or Another

Today I felt your presence again

that sad, grey cloak that

comes 

and presses  in on my body,

the arms of which carress my soul.

You bring along a friend called hoplessness,

another called loneliness and sorrow.

these cling like a glove to a wet hand

When will you leave?

Today you paid me a visit, again.

you called out and reminded me

of hoplessness

of sadness

of lonliness

again

you called out and reminded me 

of all the loss

of lost dreams and broken hopes.

You laughed while you sank you teeth deep into my heart.

Again.

Can sorrow and pain not be quenched.

Can sadness and loneliness  not stay away?

Are the patterns of broken relathionships,

of  hollow promises,

of lack of commitment,

to be the order of the day.

whatever happened to trustworthy

faithful

hopeful

kind and really caring people?

where have they gone?

Have I died along with all of you too?

Is true friendship real?

Do people count for anything anymore?

or is it just all about My felt needs

and My comfort now?

How sad a world we have created.

I am reminded of  loss again...

I miss you so much.

I really do.

My hear aches to breaking with the loss of you.

that which could have been

that which should have been

but for brokeness that came in and cut us off from one another

so I can long for you
but

you do not come 

you can not come

you are no more.

Who can hold my breaking heart?

who can touch me in that deep place where that little ,dancing light 

has been snuffed out.

Can this loss be found?

Can it take on a new shape

a bold and beautiful shape

called LOVE.

I do not know the answer to this.

And yet there is HOPE

for all those who come to HIM

Does anyone care anymore?

Is anyone faithful anymore?

Is there one who is trustworthy?

Is there one who will fight for us?

My hear cries out - there just has to be?

Yes!

He is the suffering servant. 

He came to die that I might have life in him.

He totally understands 

He was broken and bruised and left alone.
Even his friends deserted him.

He was beaten and mocked and killed

He knows our pain 

He feels our loss

He is the one!!

He is powerful and bold.

He holds all things together by his word.

He is tender

faithful

and kind.

and he loves us more than we can ever imagine

or understand.

He is the one in whom all loss has meaning

in one way or another

perhaps even at one time or another.

He is the answer.

He is the one who holds me 

when it is too hard to get up

to hard to live and love again.

He is the one.

I have seen him fashion his love to hold those who have loss

of one kind or another.

He is so gentle and kind.

he cuts off options .. for some

and opens doors for others. 

He is at work and in control

with kindness and courage he moulds and shapes

faith

trust

steadfastness

truth

hope and peace

back into the heart of the broken one.