ADHD - Families under preasure

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ADHD is a family affair. If a child is diagnosed ADHD then there is a parent who is also ADHD, diagnosed or not. ADHD is a genetic neurological brain functioning that is atypical. 

Our family is an ADHD family. We have 4 boys and two of them are ADHD. My husband is ADHD. We are learning as much as we can about being ADHD so that we can function well as a family. 

This means we have a tricky job to do as parents. Not only do we need to figure out a new normal as husband and wife but we also have to walk the road of helping ALL our children learn, develop and grow into healthy adults who can MANAGE themselves and flourish.

I am so grateful we are Christians.

We have Jesus at work in and through us.

We have his real and active word, The Bible that guides and helps us.

It hems us in. 

He hems us in.

We have real wisdom.

We are able to understand this broken and sinful world in context and therefore live with freedom.

We have forgiveness for and from one another.

In this context we live.The new normal , for us , as a family defiantly DOES NOT look like any other.

We are and have had to figure out a new way of operating. 

An example of this is dinner around a table. 

This is the ideal for me but I have come to realise that 2 bouncy, wriggly children are not able to sit at a table FOR A LONG TIME. 

The may squirm and wriggle and hang off the chair. That is ok for us. We accept a new normal. We are often together chatting and eating but not often very still. 

So, we spend time together sharing and eating which is important for us as a family but it looks totally chaotic and shambolic to others. It is us!!

I have changed my expectations. 

The new normal.

The other example I have spoken about before is going out to restaurants or friends. Any outing where there is likely to be stress, over stimulation and lots of people or noise. We have come around to making sure our ADHD family members are medicated. We then talk a good deal about what we expect. We watch for warning signs of possible melt downs and react quickly to manage them. We do not just leave our kids to sort it out because experience has taught us that someone will get hurt. We hang out with people who love us and get our kids. They are part of the solution.

We leave, if we can, if things get hairy.

There are some things that have really helped our children to calm. A bath for the one and some quite , alone space for the other. 

Being an ADHD family is tiring. I think I especially hold that exhaustion. In chatting to other parents who have similar families, I think that the one spouse does seem to carry the weight of the thinking and planning and organising in the family - more than the other. This is ok. It is , for us, the new normal. It is helpful to acknowledge the exhausting moments ; to find a safe friend to share with ( no moan to) and to have some time carved out for replenishment of energy and strength. 

Alone time is good for me.

Painting is my happy space.

Spending time with God  is for me , a soul replenishment. He sets my mind on greater things and restores my sense of purpose. 

Always!

ADHD families are under a great deal of pressure. 

A diagnoses of any kind is always a surprise and the implications of ADHD are life changing. 

There are enormous decisions to be made . There is the constant 'work' involved in helping the child to manage himself well. There is so much to read and listen too which is both exciting and overwhelming. The is the stress and worry of all that COULD go wrong. There are the attitudes of the general public, teachers and other family members to negotiate. Remaining positive and upbeat all the time is nearly impossible.

Finding a support group was a life saver for me. Chatting to other moms is a great support and outlet. We share ideas and encourage one another. 

Information and reading of good literature can be enormously helpful.

Being patient and gentle on oneself is a must.

Keep on trying and never give up on your child. 

I know that our sons really need out support and help. All of them do. This will count for nearly all they need to fly. 

The key thing I remember. Jesus made us all. He knitted us together and knows everything there is to know about how we work. He is a real help in walking this walk and we depend totally on him. 

There are no mistakes. Our children are unique individuals. The new normal is no surprise to him, though it might be to us. 

Life with Jesus is a challenging adventure.