The Tok of Tok Tokkie

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This weekend our hockey team had a farewell get together. It was a bring and braai at a parent's home in our local area. The weather was perfect. After a Saturday downpour, Sunday turned out to be calm and warm. The perfect day for a group gathering. A bunch of boys pied into the home and , as boys do, busied themselves doing this and that. 

At some point they all disappeared up the road to play some football.

Upon the second return , I noticed , from the comments and the general feel that perhaps these boys had been playing Tok Tokkie.You know, the game where someone rings a doorbell and then everyone runs like crazy to escape . 

We played these sorts of games when we were children. 

Great fun and dare.

And so, as the evening progressed I gleaned from a son who wanted to share but not snitch that our beloved was indeed a door bell ringer. 

When I flatly asked him, he answered with great gusto, " Yes mom, I was playing tok Tokkie"

The details unveiled as the days unfolded.

Honestly, I really respond to this kind of " naughty" behaviour with a gentle rebuke. This dare to be brave kind of behaviour is somewhat part of childhood in a strange way and perhaps enriching of the childhood too. These middle class kids, seldom get up to any mischief. In the current SA climate, they don't walk the neighbourhood or share in community fun. So perhaps a little community Tok Tokkie is not that bad after all. 

Our impulsive, ADHD son, thought nothing of the consequences but in the moment of fun, had some fun.

Lets just not make it a habit:)

Technology. Where is it all going? (technology evolution)

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This past week Doug was fortunate to attend a conference on Technology and business. It was one of those weeks of information overload and excitement for him. His brain was a buzz with new thoughts and ideas.

I love it when he is challenged mentally. God has given him a great thinking brain and boredom is indeed his enemy, so this was a week of brain and thinking blessing.

He would of course come home and share his thrilling lectures with me!

Being married to someone whose line of work is totally, totally different and not only that but really separated by the way it actually functions, means you have two choices.

1. to pretend you understand

2. try and really understand 

The choice I made was indeed 2. I have a very limited knowledge and understanding but have grown to grasp a little over they years.

This one choice has been a real help and friend in my own personal technology evolution or revolution.

I was, I guess, a little old school. I really studied child development and education at a time when technology was just becoming airborne, and so I found my thinking shaped very much in a negative way towards its value and effectiveness for children and I suppose for adults too. 

Up until recently I held these kinds of ideas but far more loosely. 

Something has shifted!!

Some of the catalysts to this shift.

* the obvious and real benefit and use of technology in my life

* the trends and shifts   that are really happening for our kids

* The fast and helpful changes in the way technology actually works

* it is fun and creative 

* it links us with ideas that are bigger than ourselves ( TED as an example)

Thinking through how to make the environment we live in suite our needs with technology as a helpful tool , has been an evolutionary  and indeed revolutionary process.

Personal experience for us has been a big shifter and while we can not rely only on what is personal, I do think the reality of experience and functioning count.

I think having a teenager son has been an interesting journey with technology.

James is , like many k14 year olds, technologically savy. He can find things, fix things, learn things, show me things . He uses the computer and his cell phone for schoolwork, assignments, communication, information gathering, designing and sharing. It is amazing to really sit back and not judge morally what these kids can actually do on and with their technology.

Thomas who is 12 has an ipod. That too has been a fun learning / observing curve. 

 He uses it to help him organise his ADHD. it is an alarm to get up and to tell him when to stop reading and try sleep. It is his dressing companion. We have had many good laughs at the apps he has downloaded, all in typical 12 year old style.
ADHD people struggle with organising and executive functioning. Some clever person has built apps that specifically help ADHD people . Love this!!

Samuel is 10 and Jethro is 8. Being the younger of the 4 , they have been exposed and introduced to technology way before their brothers were. This used to really concern me and I have always felt that this was in fact a disadvantage for them. But know I am not so sure.

Games,

Boys , generally love computer games.

Moms.

Generally don't.

We feel that they spend too much time on them. We feel anxious over too little outside time and what about socialising and addiction.

The list goes on.......

We have ADHD in our family and so the real addiction to technology exists. 

So it goes without saying that timers and time limits rule.

But, this is not a post about the negatives around technology, it is about a shift in thinking about how technology works for us and with us. If I can be persuaded to rethink my views on technology and my children, well I think anyone can.

There are legitimate concerns from us as parents around technology but, I really want to be a voice of reason. The "what if voice."

The conference Doug attended was one that set out to try and future gaze. What could the world look like , technologically speaking, in the future, for business. 

Linked to this, what could it look like for our kids?

One think that we already know is that a child born today, has a very different childhood technologically speaking, than a child born 20 years ago. 

It is a faster and more digital world  and is growing more in that direction daily.

A toddler today is likely to have experience with a tablet of some sort. 

A teen will use technology for school and socialising, for learning , creating and entertaining.

The questions of how much and how little we allow our kids time to play games and use technology , has shifted from the not at all to a more reasoned, some. I recently had an interesting experience at a party.

Our two younger boys were playing a game on OUR phones. :) They were playing and chatting and laughing.  A boy of much the same age joined them. He too played this game and loved it. Then his mother joined them.

 She played it too.

These 4 people had amazing , deeply social and connected time, while playing and sharing and talking.

What does this all mean. 

The mom and I chatted and she shared some research she had read. Children who play for 1 hour a day ( my skin crawls at this :) ) are far more socialised than children who do not play at all or who play for up to 3 hours a day.

I have not read the research and I am sure that there is enough of the no games group to dispute this but I do find this kind of shift in our thinking and experience of games and computers really interesting and exciting.

There has been a shift. We are noticing it a great deal.

 Kids using on line games with their friends and chatting on Skye as an example.  This example is one that makes my skin crawl a little but it is happening. 

As a mother and an educator I hold to this one thing. 

Technology is a tool. Much like a pen. It might , in some ways replace the pen or the pages of a book, although I hope not and actually I suspect not.

It is a wonderful tool that can , has and continues changing the way the world functions.

The second observation is this... Man is deeply relational. Our greatest need is to connect with other human beings.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o)

Check out this TEd on being vulnerable

I wonder if we are not experiencing this truth.

Because we are in essence relational beings, children, teens and adults are using technology in exciting and new ways so that they are still relational. 

Of course I acknowledge the flip side of every good thing. There are pitfalls and real dangers.  There are difficult waters to navigate. I am excited though that that we can and I think, have to change the way we think about and they way we feel about it. 

Joining it is a healthy way to enter the world of our children. It is another bridge- relationally.

Teach me/ show me/ help me to learn and understand all that you experience  are perhaps ways to approach and enter into their world and it will touch and broaden ours.

The Black Dog

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Depression.

A Buzz word that the very sad death of the actor Robin Williams has perhaps highlighted.

Depression.

I am no expert. I have however, like many, many who walk this road of life, loved someone who has and is depressed. 

It is a path that is broken and painful. As it is a struggle for the person who is depressed, so it is painful and testing for those who watch. It is scary. It is lonely, It is real, it is sometimes for all of this life.

To begin at the beginning...... there are a variety of reasons why someone may become depressed and of course there are many different varieties of depression. 

I would like this blog post to express and hold out some things about depression that are real and in so doing, as I always hope to do, help someone out there.

Depression is mostly as a result of some kind of chemical imbalance and because of this there is help to be found in medication. The right doctor and the right medication is the tricky bit,

But, having said that there is real help available.

Perhaps a person might also need some council along with they meds. These two would go hand in hand. 

The question of what role a persons spiritual reality plays in walking and living with the reality of depression is a valid one. 

http://sermons2.redeemer.com/sermons/wounded-spirit

and

http://www.desiringgod.org/books/when-the-darkness-will-not-lift

These are two helpful resources for the christian who is struggling with depression. 

God is in the mess with us. He is at work in us and though our real struggles he brings glory to himself. He is our very help in time of need and to a Christian struggling depression , a very real hope. Having said that, I was invited to a talk by a psychiatrist , a Christian, on depression and one of the key points he made stuck with me. He shared that a depressed person often feels and experiences God as remote and far off and therefore struggles in his / her faith walk. 

I was challenged that we who are well, need to be there for those who are ill.

I would also like to share here, that I think some Christan talk on how to live with depression is unhelpful. The kind that seems to suggest that the person just needs to "try" harder and have more trusting faith. The kind of talk that suggests that the person just needs to sort themselves out. 

If a person had a broken leg would we dare to say such hollow things?

and yet, when it comes to things of the mind...... we approach these  with a really weird and warped theology.

It is not wrong to want healing and to ask for it. But it is God's will and perfect purpose in our lives if he would grant it. It is his gift to give and he does so freely and willingly , not depending on how much faith I may or may not have. 

Depression. It is sadly a real part of this fallen world. What I do know is that one day, all those who struggle with it that are born again, will rise to a new reality - one that is depression free and full of life with him who has called you.

Let us who are well in mind help those who struggle by carrying their real burden with them.

Let us keep loving and talking about depression.

------for all those who walk this road and struggle with The Black Dog, I salute you. And for all those who patiently walk alongside them - Gods hands and feet.

When Christians dissapoint

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I did not grow up in a church culture. We never attended church as children, unless with a friend. We had no reference to biblical life lived out. So I live each step through the phases of my life with a fresh perspective of what it looks like to be christian. 

I have read countless books on marriage and parenting and the like. 

Some have been helpful and others not.

And yet there is nothing quite like living life - really living it through the thick and the thin - that builds and grows us.

God and his word; his purposes and plan and his power at work in and through us.

The adventure we are on called life.

and yet......

This post, is essentially about being disappointed by life in general and in particular being disappointed by our fellow christian pilgrims. 

I think it is safe to say, that  if you are a fellow believer in Jesus, you will have been disappointed by a fellow Christan. Disappointment walks alongside us as we journey through life and it is no stranger in the church.

People are sinners after all and we all say things and do things that rub.

We hurt one another often unintentionally and sometimes with intent.

The question is, " What on earth do we do with the hurt and disappointment?"

We can not simply just leave it because it is likely to grow a deep and bitter root.

We can not always talk about it because it is tricky to share with Christians about other Christians without tainting their view.

We must forgive , yes, but often the person really does not seem to care at all that they have hurt. They are oblivious to the havoc they have caused in a persons life and even to a point of ship wreaking faith. 

I have seen this in action. It is really sad to see. And yet, it happens all the time.

Sometimes I wonder if God's word really penetrates or if we choose to take the bits that help us most and suit us best. 

We are called to a new life in Christ and a new community living in unity. It is so deeply disappointing when this is not reality.

A wise friend told me that all our deep disappointments we must take to the foot of the cross. 

Here is where our troubles and chaos meet perfect love.

It is here, that we find hope and power to forgive and press on.

It is here we are empowered to love, even our enemy, because we are so loved by God.

I once read a story about a man who lived a life of mental illness. He was a depressed man at a time when there was no medication available. He often felt suicidal. He often tried to kill himself. He had a friend who walk through life with him. The friend loved him and cared for him. He helped him through his mental difficulties and often saved his life. 

This story is striking because the friend never ever gave up. Though it must have been difficult and costly. The friend sacrificed a great deal for his ill friend. This kind of walking alongside our fellow strugglers is not often seen. There is so much help now days, that people grow impatient and callous with those who struggle. 

While it is true that help is at hand, Christian community can go a very long way in supporting and encouraging ; in building up and helping as a very real part of the help.

I am therefore rebuked and encouraged to press on in Jesus and with his help. To forgive much; to love boldly; to take the messiness of life to the cross and to walk with his purposes and his plan as my goal.

When christians disappoint.... and they will.... to cry out to Jesus and not become "bitterly disapointed."
And honestly , on this topic, I have begun to look less to people and more to God. While people hurt and dissapoint us, God never, ever does.

Love is a bridge

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Love

Just four letters long  and yet a word that is packed with a punch.

To be loved and to give love are very much part of the true christian message.

God is after all the source; the essence ; the very beginning of what real and honest love is. 

Love is action.

I have been reminded by the ideas of love in our Beth Moore Bible study on The Fruit of the Spirit and from a very challenging and compelling sermon on love from  1Corinthians 13: 4-13

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

This is the love that is fully found and lived in the person of the Lord Jesus. His life and death are perfect expressions of Gods love for us.

We are called to love in this same way. Sacrificially, costly and fully for this is our reward and we are as if nothing without love.

Love counts. It costs. It blesses others.

This past week was full of so much of life. Tradgedy, death, grief, excitiment, joy , thrill, - living and learning, sharing.

In all of this, I have been reflecting on the part that really loving people plays. 

People are built up by love, People are cared for by our love. People are comforted and feel as if they matter, by our very love we show them. 

I have been reminded of how broken, lonely, scared, hard, unloved people actually are and that we, those who trully can have supernatural, sacrificial love for even our enemey, we can love in a way that counts for eternity. We can love in a way that really does love others.

Love can be the very bridge that Jesus walks across into anothers life.

So, take the risk and love!