Sunday, September 30, 2012

The Big 6

Someone asked me how we manage with such a large family. This is a question I often get in a variety of different ways. It is one that is interesting to answer. I say this because we are a big family and a growing one and we get on with the business of doing just that. When someone asks me though, I pause and reflect.....

The thing is , it is what it is. We have four , growing , boys who are gifted and talented and have needs and desires in this life. We, their parents have wishes and desires; cares and concerns for them too. All this just is.

We make it work! This means that sometimes only one can have new school shoes or only one can have piano lessons. It means that we cant do all the things on offer that would be fun.  It means that they dont have their own rooms and we all share a bathroom. it means a lot of things. We dont take regular holidays and when the school hols roll around , we generally stay home. This does not seem a pretty picture in a world obsessed with leisure, pleasure and treasure. It is a struggle I constantly fight against. and yet.... this morning when the boys woke up and crawled into each others beds to read and chat ; as they sat at and on the kitchen table playing UNO and planning their latest MineCraft moves and as they sit continuing with last nights Monoploly game ; I am reminded of the rich childhood these boys have. They have each other to jostle with and bounce off of - literally. They have a richness that many children do not have. I have four beautiful boys with whom I share my life with. we chat and laugh and cry and shout together. It is busy and noisy and exhausting but it is much more that that. We are very, very blessed indeed to be a part of growing these four , beautiful boys up and showing them who The Lord Jesus really is in all his glory and richness. What fun, what an adventure and what a privilege.

Friday, September 28, 2012

How are you ... really?


How are you doing?

How are you doing
I ask with care
and concern for the one who is 
sick
bereaved
without work
alone
exhausted
scared
burdened
afraid
injured
hungry
frighteded
ill in mind
the separated
divorced
abandonded
over worked
over exteneded
 the lost
the poor
the single
the emotionally damaged
the childless
parent-less
hopeless
strugglers
sinners
the weak


How are you doing?

It seems easy to ask these words
 far harder to hear
to really listen
to the countless lives
broken and bruised
as the living meander through trials
so deep
so painful

How are you doing?

It is easy to recognise and easier to hear
about the broken leg
than the broken heart.
 there are things to do 
after all...
take a meal
some flowers
a card
a visit
send a prayer letter
give the details

there is obvious healing 
in time
this is the aim
in this life
after all

to be healed and whole is an admirable persuit
nobody likes a 

drifter
struggler
limper
loner
sinner

the one who is often
sad
alone
angry
worried
anxious
afraid
hopeless
lost

nobody cares.....

really cares........


But 
those wounds that pierce deep within
so deep that to those on the outside
they remain hidden and invisible
to those who weep
inside
who long for someone to say

How are you?

it is far easier and admirable to love those who obviously hurt
than to walk a lifetime with those who really need it.

I heard of a home church yesterday.
at first my self-ritgheous ness scoffed
there are so many home this and home that you see
and yet

and yet....
when the man explainedthe what and why of this home church

aahh!
I see.

the church exists for the lost
the hopeless
the emotionally
wounded
the spiritually lame
the sad 
the tatooed
the smokers and drinkers
the strugglers
those passing through 
those who dont 'belong' in church

(I understand now.
and 
felt ashamed
for being so judge mental.)

these stragglers
need Jesus too

so...

How are you... really?







 





Wednesday, September 26, 2012

The Unspeakable

The unspeakable things that people do
the things we do to each other. 
that shock and steal
ruin and destroy.
There is a long list of such things.

For some of us who walk through life
The Unspeakable 
are  the burdens that shape and cage us

 callous and thoughtless words spoken 
although they harm and bruise the soul 
are not quite like those things we never really speak about. 

the acts a child might endure as he is used  and abused
again and again.
They are called survivors and that is what they are.
But merely surviving is not really living you see.

Today as I listened to the radio
I heard The Unspeakable things spoken of.
I listened, scarcely believing.
my ears must be deceiving me.
And yet, the unspeakable was being revealed.

The woman who shared her story 
of childhood sexual abuse 
was to my mind one of the bravest souls I have yet to hear.
She dared to speak 
of that which we all know of but are to Afraid to say out loud

Yes I was abused as a child
I was raped
I was the girl who endured 
I was that boy who had his inocence snatched away by another more powerful than I
I was.......

I salute you!
The brave who speak about such things
the voice of the voiceless
that reach out so that others might find peace and healing.
The brave that survived.

To those I know personally I salute you more than most.
You who endured the experiences that most would not.
I salute you!

the deeply courageous  who  continue to live
 with The Unspeakable 
as their constant companion




TThe Season, the heavy load and the forgetful

I love this picture. Can't you just smell all that wonderful bread. Well, you might be able to but I certainly can not. I think I have a damaged sense of smell. It all began when my genes knitted me together and the allergic ones were chosen.

 It is that time of year again when so many people suffer and struggle with allergies. If you are one of those who do, you will now exactly what I mean when I use words like struggle and suffer.  People will often ask me questions like, "do you have a cold?" and I usually answer, "oh, no it is JUST allergies."  But in truth, having allergies is really, really hard and makes each day a struggle.  They seem never to give up the attack and come out in full force when you least expect it. Over the years I have learnt, in part, to manage the effects of being allergic to everything beautiful , green or blooming but if I am realistic , it is a basic managing of something that really seems not to want to be controlled. 

I find that life is a lot like being allergic. I find being a Christian even more so. I suspect, if people were truly honest about themselves and their lives, they might come to similar conclusions. You see, I find life to be one,  long, continual struggle splattered here and there with times of fun and happiness but for the main part , much of it is like being a hamster on its wheel.  Spinning around and around. I imagine that my personality has much to do with my outlook on life as does yours. I know that my personal experiences throughout life have coloured my view as have yours.  I suspect we see life very much through these lenses whoever we are and whatever our world view. I suspect that we manage to squash and squeeze or beliefs into the shape they are according to these things too. 

Gods word works differently. If you have experienced Him and his word you will understand that we are to submit our thinking, believing, ideas, experiences and personalities to him and his word. In a very real sense we exchange the false glasses that we wear with his very beautiful and real ones.....  and yet I suspect that we struggle to do even this well. Perhaps if you do and you have it all sorted then you can count yourself 'blessed".
 
Life's struggles for most are eased by the success of their circumstances and if the circumstances of life are favorable, then all seems well. In Christian circles I find a strangeness here.  I say strange because we should not look like the world in our approach to struggles but sometimes we do...

Those who have little struggle in an area , lets say  marriage, finding work, health  or with finances and even issues like forgiveness seem to have a certain faith in that area.They seem to know exactly the way to overcome the struggle themselves  despite it not being something they are struggling with.Often the advice is to trust more or to just think in the right way about your problem. The message is " Just sort it out" - after all who wants to hang out with a struggler.   The quick fix approach to life's problems. Just do it and please dont get down about that again. God has sorted it once for all times.

I have observed though, that in the scary places God takes us; in those very places he knows we need to rest in him and where we can not in and of ourselves muster up even a tiny bit of trust ; I have observed that at that point all lips fall silent. I suspect we all have that place where God might stretch his hand and act so that we who are called by name and who can not trust , will depend whole heartedly on him and when that time comes it is good to have someone along side you who walk with you and hold you up when your knees fail you. 

I have two friends who are enduring Chemotherapy this very day in fact. Both are women , both have husbands and children. When the door to the world of cancer is opened, then many, many stories of others who are struggling this call, come out. " oh yes, my friend and ...I know someone." The struggle that these two brave, lovely Christian women face is for now, foreign to me. Their fear of the unknown is not. It would be heartless and wrong of me to tell them to trust more. Have more faith. The reality is when their knees are feeble and they stumble that God will give them trust in him according to their need. They can not gather up that which they do not have. So I pray for each of them that he will be very real to them and give to each as they need. I pray that I will be a friend who remembers that I am not worthy and yet I am accepted and so can walk along next to them and offer a hand to steady their way.

One often hears this said.... The church is full of hypocrites! While this may be true I find the church rather to be full of those who have forgotten. I often forget!!  I forget that God called me while I was still against him. I wanted nothing to do with him and yet he loved me. He died for me while I was happily getting on with life my way. and so I forget and many, many people have forgotten. Perhaps they have never really understood. He has called me to a new life full of his love and blessing but in honesty it is a life I dont find very easy. and yet this truth still stands....

I can do nothing to save myself and in fact all I do adds nothing nor does it subtract from that which God has done for me in Jesus Christ.  

and so I have forgotten.........because I forget to remember so easily I very quickly slot back into working , working, working my way to please him who in fact is already pleased.  The thing is I see people all around doing the same thing. We begin to expect from others to work harder or longer or more.  Even in the area of trust. Just trust more... as if I am able to do even this on my own and as if my trust will change my circumstances. The danger is that the forgetful become the judgmental and self righteous. Jesus met these kinds of  people when he walked on earth. He had a lot to say about them and to them. 


A friend bought me a book for my birthday. It is called The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. I began to read it this weekend. He writes in the foreword who he is writing for.  Here are some...
(Christians who....)

" It is for the sorely burdened who are still shifting the heavy suitcase from one hand to the other.
It is for the poor, weak, sinful men and women  with hereditary faults and limited talents.
It is for the bent and bruised who feel that their lives are a grave dissapointment to God.
It is for smart people who know they are stupid and honest people who know they are scallywags. "

Immediately I loved this book. My friend knew I would . Honesty and humility of our real situation before God and our real acceptance by him because of Jesus,  is something of worth to be reminded of so that we can truly love  others from the heart because we are truly loved and accepted. Love them because they too are sinners , broken and bent just like us. None is worthy. Many are made worthy.