http://www.hercampus.com/sites/default/files/2015/04/12/soft_love_1.jpg
Relathionships
Relationships hold
the potential to be both exceptionally beautiful and building and vicious and
destroying. Sometimes they simply hover in the in-between. that space which is
neither building or breaking but just irritating.
Relationships are
complex and complicated.
They are grown and expressed
through the web of life, love, disappointments and circumstances , not
forgetting the "stuff" that childhood brings with it nor the
realities of difficulties brought through ADHD; depression; bi-polar and other
personal struggles.
and so I say this...
Relationships are complex.
Healthy relationships
take a great deal of commitment, honesty and jolly hard work.
I have experienced
both the joy and beauty of good, healthy relationships and the deep sadness of
those that just do not make it.
Like many people
reading this post, I have witnessed relationships dear and near to me simply
break down and break up and people walk away from each other with deep wounds
and scars.
I carry each of you
in my heart and prayers, regularly!
As a Christian, there
are some key truths that hold with any and every relationship. These I have found , not just as words found in an old , dusty , irrelevant book. But just as I found the truths written in that old , perhaps long forgotten book - the bible- living and breathing and alive. True!
Grasping the first is
in essence the key that unlocks all the others. In any relationship, there are
two sinful people. Sin is such a deceiver. It whispers the lie that it is the
other to blame and or that I deserve better. Sin is no friend of good , healthy
, growing relationships. It is bossy, power seeking, self- seeking and deeply,
deeply selfish. It is the " always having to be right" and" I have to have my needs met" stuff. Sin holds onto hurts and refuses forgiveness. In recognising
myself as a sinner I recognise that I hold a very important part of any good
and bad relationship.
The second truth of
all relationships flows from the first. If I recognise my sin ( and as a
Christian I have found forgiveness in Jesus ) well, then it is regular and real
that I will hold out the hand of forgiveness to others, especially those near
and dear.
Forgiveness is a key
to good, healthy growing relationships. It is the very thing that affords any
troubled relationship that opportunity to change. It is the space created for
something else. It is not cheap and it came at a cost but if I truly understand
my forgiveness before a holy God then I can and must offer forgiveness towards
others.
Tim Keller describes forgiveness
in a helpful way. It is recognising a debt is owed and absorbing the debt into
yourself. That is exactly what Jesus did for me and for you on the cross.
The path and choice
of forgiveness is a journey. One I have had to walk and no doubt will have to
walk in the future. It is painful and can be lengthy. How do you know if you
have forgiven someone.
Well, do you pick up
the "thing" and hold it against them or have you laid it down?
The third truth in relationships
is also linked to the first. Good relationships will not flourish if I am self- serving and self- seeking. If I choose to serve others in love then there is a
space created for kindness and joy to flourish.
I have a very good
friend who is an excellent example of this truth. Her husband has been really
unwell for about 2 years now. One of the things that has helped him, is a
radical and drastic change in all things diet. This has fallen very heavily
onto her shoulders. I have only 2x seen her get really frustrated about her
husbands situation( not hers mind you) and I have watched her and continue to
watch her serve him, cook his weird food, love him with kindness that is self
denying and through this she shines out Jesus love to him and to others. thank
you my friend for this example!!
These 3 truths are by
no means the ONLY things that help in relationships but for now these are them.
recognising your
position - a sinner
offering and living
in constant forgiveness
serving others
Finally I would like
to write a word about God and his work in our relationships.
Romans 8:28 tells us that God is at work in ALL
situations - for his glory and our good - if we belong to him.
In the messiness of relationships
, and boy they can get messy:(, God is
at work. I have held on to this truth and experienced it in my life. God has
worked a miracle in my life and he can
in yours BUT you have to work with him and trust him and obey!
Chatting to people
who are in the thick of things, I often will remind them of this truth , and
there is a real wall of non-belief. I guess this is because the pain and
hardship weighs to heavy. I get this. I truly do! I have sat in that chair. What I did was, I chose to trust God DESPITE what the circumstances looked like. But having come out the other
side and seen God at work , I can testify that he will help you and he can
save that relationship, if you just let him.
It is worth it.
