Carrying you in my heart - the loss of a child to suicide

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Today , a family at our high school bury their daughter. A bright , beautiful 15 year old, with her life stretching before her.

Almost a year ago, another beautiful family buried their son of 13. 

Suicide is a hard and harsh reality in our South African context. The statistics are high and , if we listen closely, we know that these teens are hurting, struggling, longing and crying out to us.

Will we hear?

Reading the countless tributes to this young, beautiful woman, my heart wept.

In, truth it has been weeping all week for his parents and siblings; for her friends; for our school

and her previous school. 

Lord can you comfort today and in the weeks that lie ahead. Go to those places, those secret places, where no-one can go. Place your hand of loving kindness upon this family , today and comfort their deep and forever pain in the loss of this child..... their child.

People have asked me.... do we know why?

why?

That answer may never be but what is true is that she is no longer here..... 

and a whole lot of people are hurting.

My heart is burdened for our teens.

The tremendous pressure to conform; be liked; fit in is real and reigns over these precious young people like a cloak waiting to smother them.

There is pain in finding identity.

There are some great books and web sites for parents and teens.

James Dobsons book for teens called , " Preparing for Adolescence" is an excellent book and interestingly his very first chapter is all about the dangers of finding identity down the wrong road.

http://www.edudemic.com/classroom-strategies-for-helping-depressed-teen-students/

http://understandingteenagers.com.au/blog/2010/08/10-signs-of-low-self-esteem-in-teenagers/

Lets love them

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What in the world are we doing?

This is a photograph of our 4 sons. It was taken some years back now and ,James, our eldest son is 15 and in High School. All our boys play sport and each of them plays at a different level and at different degrees. We are a hockey family. We are also an ADHD family but above all we are a Christ following family.

The title of this post is "what in the world are we doing?" Because it ks a question that has plagued my mind over the years and which I revisited yesterday, as I stood alongside the hockey astro. Mind you it is present in the classroom, in the home, in my art room, in the homeschooling environment, and even in church.

The thing I am talking about here is competition. That driving to be the best or better than the person along side us. I am not against a bit of healthy competion and nor am I blind to the reality that some have within them a competitive nature. I have written about it in relation to ADHD and our son. I get it, and yet I don't.

You see , yesterday I witnessed something so pitiful, so deeply sad and shocking, It made me angry. I experienced darling parents, who collect their children along side me at the school gate, turn ugly. Primarily their focus was on their own child and so so e might say there is nothing in that. However, the most haunting statement I took way was this one, " you are better than they are" and I tjouht to myself doesn't this encapsulate the heart of what competition is for us, as parents.

You are better.

This was a school, in house, 8 and 9 year old , fun hockey match.

So, I thought I would write and just maybe, maybe someone will hear.

Character counts more than being better than someone. That is simply an outward measure. How a child wins or looses, how he or she treats his team mates and the opposing side is what counts. It is what will remain , at the very end.

Character, who you are when the chips are down. Fateful, kind, other centred, encouraging, thoughtful, a good winner and great looser.

I plead with parents, be aware, be careful, be sure and be prepared to reap what you sow with your mouth. Our children....all of them are listening.
Sport is a brilliant place to learn all sorts of good and healthy things , for life itself. I fear that all our children are learning is that they are better than the next child.