on being ..Authentic and Real

Last night I had the extraordinary and rare opportunity to share my life story with a small group of women. 3 to be exact. 

We all have a story to tell. The story is our story to tell. it is real and living in the memory of our lives. It lives on through our daily experience as we journey on to the end. 

My story, which I have shared on my blog, is complicated and full. Full of all sorts of things that any good story would have to offer. It is not dull to listen to and it is frightening to contemplate. 

It is at its heart, the story of God redeeming his daughter and of his precious and perfect kind work in her life.

And so I shared!!

This morning I woke up and thought out loud.... Heck what have I done?

I had shared with three relative strangers, my hectic life story and now what. I felt as if I in that deeply uncomfortable  place called vulnerability. 

I still feel like that. 

It is far safer to be fake !

Or is it?

I think it is where people prefer to live. Life is great and all is well is far easier to cope with than anything real and authentic. 

And so today I wrestle with these feelings. I pray in all this that Jesus walked off my life story into the lives of two really special women and that they saw him and not me and all my broken , messy past.

Jesus is my redeemer and saviour and for that I am eternally grateful. 

The what if of a life without him is to horrendous to contemplate,

Jesus works with us and in us when we are real with him . My prayer for myself is that my past with count in the present and that as HE makes something good out of the broken, he proves himself real and authentic. 

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Cape Town shares Leonardo da Vinci

Today we visited the da Vinci exhibition at the Cape Town Waterfront. I had been looking forward to it all week and felt like a child in a sweet shop. It was everything I had hoped for and more. Well set out with lots of space to read each exhibit. The information was clear and really interesting but that is not difficult with an exhibition of this nature. Leonardo da Vinci was an extraordinary man with an exceptional brain. His inventions and designs showed his engineering brain and his delight in solving problems. it is a beautiful exhibition and you will learn a great deal from visiting it.

We went as a family and hired an audio explanation. The little ones loved listening to this. If you are still wanting to visit it, it closes next weekend - Feb the 9th. it is well worth the visit.

Enjoy!!

"Endings and Beginnings" - offering insight into the South African gang and sex issues

http://www.sowetanlive.co.za/incoming/2012/12/21/653260_332416.jpg/RESIZED/Small/653260_332416.jpg

For my whole life I have lived the questions that this book seeks to answer, in some form or another. I think that almost every woman who lives and breaths South Africa, perhaps not consciously,  carries a real fear with her. That fear is looms larger for some than for others but it is there none the less.

It is the fear that calls out... what if???

What if one day I am the one who is raped?

I think the seed of this fear is essentially born from a lack of physical strength to protect oneself in such a situation but more than that , in the South African context, this fear is a reality for many girls and women as they travel in unsafe situations , to and from work. 

Attitudes towards women also feed this fear and these are explored and shared in this book. Of course not all men act or feel like the men in this book, but I wonder if the very real objectification of women in our society on many different levels, could be mirrored here.

I have shared something of my childhood trauma in previous posts and because of this I have had the privilege of sharing with many, many, countless women who have had similar , sad and destroying stories to share. Stories where something precious was robbed from them and has left a wound.... a scar.

The face of sexual harassment, abuse and rape wrapped up in deep fear and shame is one of the themes this book sheds some light on. The other is the the face of a gangster. 

It is an excellent book. Well written and deeply personal and sad, simply because I am a South African and this story touches a part of our country and its women and girls. 

It answers some of the questions we might be asking and the why? of the stories we hear on the news.

It is an excellent book.

In a way it speaks up for the many who can not and do not speak up for fear.

I recommend it to anyone who would like to catch a gimps of life from another perspective.

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I dedicate this post to all those who have walked the path of brokenness because of another sin towards you in the area of sex

To the woman who has never shared with another living  her sadness and shame.

Jesus knows and can hold your pain. His love is real, solid, true and healing.

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The joy and the loss

This year our first born son began his high school life. it has been a great time of brand new experiences for us all but especially for him. His school is one of the best schools in South Africa, of which there are many and we feel the privilege deeply and profoundly. His has so many good and fun learning experiences ahead of him and indeed they have already begun.

Week one held within it, the music camp which was truly a special experience. We the parents enjoyed the fruit of their labour on the Sunday, as they 3 bands performed for us.

James , has been really settling in well and this particular school really has been a gentle and sure transition so far.

People keep asking me how it is going and I can honestly say that it is going very, very well. But, the truth for ME, as a mother is that high school has held within its bosom , so to speak, the reality of the next step towards adulthood for our son. I guess, because he is the first, I feel it more profoundly. The what of my feeling is quite frankly, loss. I am grieving in a way, the loss of the time that primary school affords one with a child, He leaves very early for sport and the like and is often home after 5. High school is awake long past sun down and so we press on , into the night.

This is all normal and good but for me feels happy / sad. I miss him. I miss seeing him at school when I fetch the little ones. I miss his casual hi. I miss knowing he is there. I am left thinking and determined to enjoy the time left at primary school with the other boys. It is special and fleeting. All good but still difficult.

So while I rejoice and am so thrilled to share this teenagers walk, I am mindful of the release that is required for a healthy journey for us both.:)