Reduce - reuse- recycle?

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Global warming.

Climate Change.

Recycling.

Saving the planet.

Saving the environment.

extinction.

endangered.

These are some of the words that our children are exposed to on a regular basis. In South Africa we often have news stories which revolve around the demise of the Rhino. 

Any nature programme worth its salt will have a slot on how the environment is in danger.

I often wonder at the impact that these messages of doom and gloom have on our children. Do they feel empowered to "do something" or do they feel it is all just pointless. Perhaps is seems too far into the future for it to feel real. 

We often chat in our home about the probable rise in the sea level and what that would mean for people living right next to the sea side. 

From the Christian world-view stand point, we understand that we, man, woman and children, are placed in a custodian position over the earth. We represent God on earth and are to keep order over nature,  We understand from scripture that we have indeed messed up. 

This is not the popular world-view which has a more yin and yang idea with man and nature in balance.

The truth still stands. Man is responsible and capable of changing the way things are in relation to the environment.

I see it as a must. We must try and do what we can to contribute in a good way.

We must do something.

This weekend we had a frank discussion around recycling. 

We recycle as a family but I was saddened that my boys did not really see the value in recycling. 

What is the purpose? 

We separate the plastic, paper and tin things and take them off to our local dump. The stuff is stinky and messy. 

I have written about our local dump and how great the recycling section is. 

There are people to help unload and sort out the recycling that is brought there. 

As if in answer to this I stumbled across an excellent article in a local magazine. This article juxtaposed the act of recycling and exactly what it achieves in the South African context.

As I read it I recognised Gods Grace again.

We learned together that by collecting bread tags  we can help make a wheelchair. Many recycled plastic bottles are used to make useful things. 

By recycling  water bottles we reduce the land fill space.

We read about the jobs created for people in the recycling industry. Last year alone R422 million was injected into the local economy through the sale of recycled goods.

The recycling industry is a growing industry. It is proving to be working well and solving some of the problems of the environment.

We are avid readers of the magazine Popular Mechanics. We love to read about the fantastic ideas people have in tackling the issues around the planet.

It is encouraging and a great reminder that man has the ability and will to do the right thing. Man is able to change the way we live now and create a brand new, sustainable way of living.

For us, at home, we press on with our tiny recycling commitment knowing now that it does make a difference.

We know that in all things God is at work and so trust him and do what is right.

Reduce - reuse - recycle! 

In praise of every mom behind an ADHD son ( or daughter)

A friend of mine lent me a book called, "Raising Boys with ADHD." by James Forgan and Mary Richey

It begins with these words....

We know that behind every successful boy with ADHD , is a tired mom. I had to laugh out loud because this is indeed true.

Emotionally tired, physically tired, tired of worrying and thinking of new ways to help, support and guide their busy, talkative, distracted, emotional son. and yet ever hopeful and never, ever giving up!!

Yesterday I met up with a bunch of women for coffee. We shared something of our present struggles around parenting sons who are ADHD. As I reflected upon their individual stories I again came to realise that I simply admire these women. Women who in the midst of real struggles , press on and never give up with and for their son. 

This short blog post is written to salute these women and many more like them. I want to encourage you to keep on going. Thanks for you encouragement and example. Thanks for ideas and for listening.

I used to have a support group for ADHD mothers and these fine ladies have encouraged me to start it up again. A safe space to challenge, listen and encourage one another as we parent our ADHD sons.

to eat and what to eat.... that is the question!

I love good , yummy, wholesome food. 

Whole wheat and veggies are an easy choice for this pallet. Friends and I were talking yesterday about kids and food and I decided to write some thoughts around food issues and being a parent. 

All through my teens the fat war waged in my life and on my body. I tried this diet and that fad. Weight struggles are sadly not a thing in my past. I would love to say that I have bee set free from the bondage of eating issues and the obvious body image stuff. The truth is it is all a continual struggle for me and I am sure that , in this regard, I speak the language of many a western woman.

One of my pledges to my children was that I would not put onto them the issues that I myself face. have 4 boys definitely helps and I am sure that mothers of girls have trickier terrain to cover. I was chatting to a mom of a daughter and she was talking to me about the healthy weight role models at school and , honestly, I have never every thought about this.  But, having said that, I think that one can very easily place a focus on food for our children , that really need not be there at all. I have purposely not tried to make food an issue. 

But it is..... 

Growing up in the 70's and 80's in South Africa , for me , was a time in our family where we did not have money for luxuries. The idea of finishing ALL your food on the plate meant that one never really learnt to listen to that voice that told us when we were actually full. 

I have been a none red meat eater since I was 18 years old. I went through times when I ate no fish or chicken either.My aim and ideal when beginning this part of my life, as a mother, responsible for the health of  our children, has been interesting and as always pushed me right to the point where I have had to let go of most of my ideals around food. 

I still hold firmly the aim to try and not put my issues onto my kids and so I am very careful of what I say about food. I talk about that is not healthy for you rather than that is fattening, as an example. 

I really have always encouraged my boys to enjoy the food they like best.

Each of our sons is a unique eater with unique likes and dislikes. Each has a totally different body shape and type. There is not one mould but 4 unique individuals in ever way including food.

Our first son has been a good eater. He loved food as a baby and has continued to enjoy a hearty meal. As a lean teen his head is often in the fridge. He is always hungry. :)

All this is totally normal and good. 

He eats lots of one kind of  fruit and has a generally good balanced diet.  He could probably tweek it here or there. He is growing, has energy and is learning well.

Our third son is a hearty eater. He looooves his food and enjoys interesting food stuffs like avos and gerkins. He will try new things once. I like this!! He is the one who will have a second helping and has a colourful plate of food out of choice.

Son 2 and son 3 however were the children who shifted my ideal ideals around food. These two precious boys of ours have challenged me on the food front.

As a baby, our second son, although breast feed, repeatedly lost weight, Even once on solids, his weight continued to be a concern. A nutritionist helped with good things to put on weight and so we pressed on. 

Honestly our 4th sons early feeding years are a bit of a blurr. He is by far the most tricky eater of all the four. 

These two children of ours are both ADHD. Food has been and issue for them in that they both have a very limited pallet. Sensory issues and textures of food was an issue in the early days when food fun began but honestly food has remained a very tricky part of parenting with them. Both boys are tall and thin. Both take medication for ADHD treatment with enormous success.

The thing is I know what children SHOULD eat to be healthy and grow and I have that as an ideal for my children too, but the reality is, it just does not work this way. 

What that means is that , for these two boys, I make food that they like; that is fairly healthy; filling and that they will eat. 

Trying this and trying that costs money and is expensive and often wasteful. I work with what works for them and us as a family.

I often find the advice given by experts unhelpful and really lacking in true understanding of the real issues people face with kids who have eating issues. 

I have stopped  listening and reading about children and food. Latest diets and fads just irritate me because they offer really no solution or help for a child who really eats hardly anything. 

I think there is a lot of guilt attached to parenting in general and food issues fall prey to this too. I think parents who have children who are not picky eaters have no clue what it like to worry about a child who doesn't eat well. Many children have real food issues and these parents struggle and worry. The issues are not because the parent began the diet off badly and so created a food issue. No, these food issues are often part and parcel of who the child is. 

And so the artful parent has to dig deep to be creative so that this little person can also grow and thrive. learn and have energy.

Being a parent is an adventure indeed.

Life indeed does matter

Life Matters is one of the many organisations who work with children in our South African Schools. I have recently been privileged to join them with one of their schools in our local area. The setting is a primary school in a part of Cape Town. People who live here are just like you and just like me. But their lives are quite different. Turning off the main road I take the most direct route. Remnants of the days of Apartheid are evident in the response of the residence to this white woman driving up this street. Everyone notices.

Life continues as normal it is just a very different normal from the one I am used to. 

For one, the church and school windows are all covered with thick, heavy grates. The entrance to the school via the foyer, is locked with a security gate. Access is limited although it is very busy. 

The school has few plants and little or now green, lush grass. 

The homes that surround the school are neat and tidy . A little shop operating from one and a crèche from another.  

residence take care of the little they have.

The school itself is nice enough. It is need but it gets by.

The classrooms are small and the children and many. The classes are full of busy, chattering children. 

And so it begins. The journey of stepping out one comfort zone and becoming comfortable in another. The reminder that I live amongst the privileged and to be thankful. We have so much. More than we need. We all know this but stepping out and stepping up to the call to love has reminded me practically of this reality. 

Lets take books for example. The children in the programme can borrow a book to take home. Many homes have no books. In our home we have more books than I care to count. 

I gathered some from the many and shared them with LM the next week. What happened then just blew my mind. 

These two little boys I am getting to share time with, threw themselves upon these books and in sheer delight began to glean. 

"What does this say?" and "this" and "Here"

More and more... like a sponge just soaking up the water. 

They drank and drank and drank.

I leave that little school each week, thankful for the time I spent with these children. I leave heavy hearted and yet full. I leave with prayers spilling out. 

The need is great.

The harvest is plenty.

The workers are few.

Lord have mercy!!

Boys to men - part 1

I have decided to write some posts on being a mother of sons. Doug and I , together have 4 sons. The oldest has just begun his High School part of his education at a very good school in Cape Town, South Africa. It is a co-ed school which in itself is unusual in these parts. Being a mother of sons is a very interesting journey in parenting. I simply love it. My brain is wired for science and boy stuff. I am really not a pink kind of a person. I fit quite comfortably into the mom of males role. I realise I am not the first to tread these waters and nor will I be the last. It is a gloriously fun, noisy , smell and sporty time.  Being a woman and a girl at heart, there are some things about boys that are strange, different, other and unique to maleness. This journey is also one of enormous learning. One of the big key areas of learning for me, is in the area of male sexuality and in particular teenage sexuality.

I am finding the teen years both exciting and scary. The leap from being an integral part in our sons life to gradually and rightly so and in the right way, letting go so that he can taste good independence is in itself an adventure and journey.

A pathway I think we all least expect to travel down with our teen is down the sordid pathway of pornography.

The modern reality is given a cell phone and Internet connected world our sons live in, the reality of pornography is a button away.

In his book "Captured by a Better Vision", Tim Chester begins his book with this statement...

"Today there is an epidemic of pornography."

Words that chill and stop the heart of this mom of boys.

The reality and truth of this statement is of course true. No matter what your stance on the rights or wrongs of porn, you would have to concede that there has been a dramatic rise and use of it by both men and women in this modern world.

As a parent of sons I have had to make the sad peace with the reality that my darling sons WILL be exposed to pornography. This is totally heart breaking. 

Doug and I being who we are, have and do already talk about all this and more with the boys (in an age appropriate and timely manner). The topic and reality of pornography is not foreign to them. Can I urge you, if you have a teen son and you are not talking talking talking sex and the reality of all that the Internet and cell phone world offers or should I say bombards us with, then please start. it is never to late to burst the bubble.

Our sons need a safe person and a safe place to share their struggles. It can be anyone who will listen and not condemn. I pray that God will raise up men who would come alongside our teens and help them. I am grateful for those who already do. 

As this glorious high school year began and is in top gear  I know of young grade 8 boy / men who are having to bat off this stuff. It is on offer.

 Pornography is strongly addictive.

It influences and warps sexual desire.

It breaks the brain. 

It sells a wrong idea of what God intended sex to be.

It is visual and so meets men in just the right way - the way their brains are wired. 

It is in our homes.

It is secret.

Our children are at the for front of a war. A war that they are ill equipped to fight, A war that they are loosing. A war that will break them and scar them for life.  A war that purposefully targets them, A war that is for free.

It is also our war.

I call on you as a mom of a son- as a woman - have a heart of compassion for your son and this ticking time bomb and do something. 

Talk  to him and find someone he can talk to.

Read - there are some good and helpful books like the one I mentioned by Tim Chester and there is more and more research . Focus on the Family has run 2 great talks on this topic. 

This space is actually Dad Space but as Doug and I talk about it he encourages me to also talk and share and ask.

I often ask this question, " How is it going with the screen and all that junk?"

I take heart in Jesus because he is the only real and true hope any of us actually have in this broken and warring world. I entrust each of my darling sons to him and ask that we do our best for him. I pray for protection and honesty and thank God for excellent youth leaders who talk the talk and walk the walk.

Lord have mercy!!!