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This post is about the emotional rollercoaster that ADHD children seem to experience. It can be , literally, like four seasons in a day. He might wake up and be in the best mood ever - with a song and a joke and a spring in his step. I can hear him singing, loudly ( of course everything is on volume - LOUD) in the shower. However 5 minutes later he might be shouting at his brother and slamming the door. this might be followed by lauging and singing and or crying. The emotional rollercoaster of the ADHD child.
It is unpredictable.
It is the norm and it can be very tough to parent.
I have come across a great book called ' Leraning to Slow Down and Pay Attention' by Kathleen Nadeau and Ellen Dixon. It is written FOR children who are on the ADHD Spectrum and is trully a great book. there are 4 different chapters that deel with feelings from different angles.
1. Talking out problems at home
2.things to do when someone hurts my feelings
3.ways to make and keep friends
4.learning to control my anger
What a great reasourse this book has been for us.
Dr Christopher Green in his book " understanding ADHD" has many hot tips on parenting children who struggle with their emotions.
It takes great courage and wisdom to help a child who is frustrated and can not control his frustration or to know when and HOW to parent a child that finds it tough to self regulate. Oppotional defiance is a comorbid assosiated with ADHD . When a child is oppositional all the time and ADHD is in the cards, then a different kind of parenting is required. Wise councel is fundemental in these cases and help from professionals who care and understand must be found. Help is at hand. We have found reading and learning new ways of parenting fundemental to raising our boys who struggle.
We are learning how to avoid head on head confrontaion and recognise impulive outbursts for what they are. Lengthy debates over the issue at hand and the behaviour at hand are to be avoided at all costs. Green suggests fast action and little talking. I have found this to be absolutely true when dealing with an ADHD outburst or moment. it is absolutley futile trying to reason with him , in the moment. Time for talking through the issue comes later.
Wisdom, wisdom and more wisdom is needed.
Honesty too! We get it wrong a whole lot.
Ignoring other paretns and the 'tut tut' looks too has been invaluable. I have a great group of friends who love and get my kids and so I have a safe space to be a good mom and he has other safe places to go where people get him and really care.
Experiement too. Try different things and see what works.
And much grace for both parent and child.
I can not tell you how tough it is to parent a child who is struggling to self-regulate his emotions.
Something a good friend tought us was to simply just hold and hug. - Say nothing but just let them feel safe and contained. It must be horrid feeling so emotionally out of control.
Disciplining a child is tough at the best of time but with ADHD kids it seems all the more tough because of the tricky waters one treads.
The child needs to take responsibility for their actions and others are not to blame. Neither is their ADHD but at the same time it is difficult for them to always control and self- regulate. It is tough!!
I have found that simple and regular routine helps all children but it especially helps the ADHD child. it confines them and gives them a time frame work in which they can opperate . It makes them feel safe and in control when quite frankly their heads seem out of control.We have found medication has helped the chaos of emotions and emotional outbursts enormously!
Strength to those who parent boldly and under these emotional waters. :)
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