"being me"

I have been doing some thinking this weekend about what it means to be a person. A living , breathing, human being. Furthermore, what does it mean to be a woman. After all, that is what I am. A humans being, woman. What is that all about? What is it to be fully human and fully woman. I guess my thinking has been sparked by the horrendous news of woman and children being trafficked from countries like Nigeria to The Ivory Coast. These kinds of news stories always, always leave me feeling cold and lifeless. I find them so sad. What is the value of life? What is the value of human life? what on earth does that look like? Well, I know for sure it is not bound up in the buying and selling of human beings. But what is it. Do I.... Do you .... have value and what does that look like
????

In the past, I would have struggles to find good and lasting reasons that had much depth. But now that I am a Christian I find I have enormous and lasting value as a person. This is the value that God has given me because I was his design; his idea from the start and included in this is a good and lasting plan for my life. In Christ I find my value.

John 15:16
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last.

I have been chosen; chosen by the living God to be his. I belong to him and in him I have immense and great value. So when I stumble and the voice of the world we live draws me in; seducing me with false ideas of what it means to have value as a person. When the outer facade of the body is called upon to be the most valuable possession I have; when the fear of having failed yet again to measure up in this increasingly women dominated, women achieving world - when this fear presents itself to me and I deem myself a failure who has nothing to give; I am reminded by God's living word that I have value in him and through him and because of him. All praise be to God.

Where has all the fun gone?

I have been pondering for a while now the course of modern , privileged childhood. As I think about the plethora of decisions facing me as a parent and as I try and plot the course of our childrens' lives, I am left with this question. Where has all the fun gone??? You see, while the boys were in preschool they had piles and piles of fun. But I have discovered that very early on in the more formal school lives the fun gets serious pretty quickly. This has happened not only in the classroom ( where one would expect it) but also on the sports field. Oh yes of course some sports still aim at having fun while the child learns the basics. I think of tennis and cricket and the like but there are some sports that get very serious very early on. So I find myself arguing with ... well myself. On the one hand this serious and focused attention on being the best and winning is good and part of life. The best kids get picked for the teams and have a great deal of fun exercising both body and talent. But another part of me wonders if we are pushing kids too early and too fast? One of my boys has buckled under the pressure of having to perform and I think it is extremely sad for him to give up when he has talent. Increasingly I find parents going outside of school to find a suitable sport where kids have fun as they learn and where the pressure to be the best and win at all costs is taken off. Increasingly I have conversations with parents who feel as I do; a little disappointed.

If I am honest I long for sport at primary school level to be a bit of both. Yes sure have the teams who compete and win but then also have space for the rest , who just want to have some fun.

The craziness and loveliness of my children and our Great God!!!

Yesterday was a busy day. Wednesday's just are like that for us. Rush here and fetch there ; encourage as a swimming lesson is in progress as the nights bible study group swirls around in my thinking.

Finally we rush in and arrive at the dinner table, in drips and drabs I might add, both literally and figuratively.

That is when the most awesome conversation about God and his great salvation work occurs. Just like that and quite out of the blue.

My precious Tom shared is anxiety about being saved. "Yes but will I get to heaven mom?" I reassure him as best I can and we talk about asking God to forgive him because of what Jesus has done at the cross. " Have you done this Tom?" I ask, fully knowing that he has. He replies, " about 7 times mom". Then it is done my sweet boy. It is done. We chat some more and then I casually ask around the table. First comes Samuel. "Have you asked God to forgive you Sam?" ..............
In true Samuel style he ponders this question a while and then says, " I think...mmm but maybe not." " Well then why don't you now." So Sam asks God to forgive him and then so does Jethro as the munch down their pasta.

I love they way God works and is so very kind and practical and surprising. I love that he helps the smallest child and the oldest person understand his great truth. I love that he is so mighty and powerful and yet so at work in our lives.

Yesterday a book I had been searching for arrived. For a very long time, prompted by my 10 year old theological questions, I have felt we needed a tool to help answer some of these. A book aimed at children about theology would be good. I asked around and looked but came up with ... well not much. Then a friend recommended a book. I am reading it with James and Thomas together. Last night we read chapter one called God's word and God's own life as God. It was fantastic. The ideas we explore were that we can only know God because he has revealed himself to us. Theology for kids. Thank you Lord!!

The book is called 'Big Triths for Young Hearts' by Bruce A. Ware. Highly recommended.

The Ramblings of an Aging Hippie!

Why is it that as we get older , we start to do those things we vowed we would never do when we were younger? I am thinking about the things that escape my mouth. I say the most obviously stupid things. These really lame quotes seem to escape my aging brain via my mouth ,on those occasions I had promised myself never say such silly and annoying things.One of the times I seem to land in this situation is when faced with greeting and chatting to a young 20 something person. You know the kind of young person I am talking about. Bright eyed and bushy tailed. Eager and slightly edgy. On the move. Faced with the aging Hippie they appear friendly and sort of focused. And it is in this moment that I say things like ....wow you look just like Aunt Vera or my how you have grown or what are you studying . This last question is my best because the said young person eagerly dives into a long and careful explanation of something I usually know absolutely nothing about. I nod and say something like ," lovely". After the fact I usually find a wall nearby and just like Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral, bang my head . I try very hard not to say these stupid things but alas I am beginning to think that stupid words are part and parcel of grey hair and wrinkles.

The Zoo

These are some photographs of Luke the spaniel puppy; Titus the Rotty and Jack the dog of mixed breed. jack belonged to friends who went back to the Uk and his name used to be "Puppy" but now he is called Jack which has more ' houding'.The lovely man with the long hair is Doug. The dogs see Doug as the boss and me as one of the dogs. mmm need to change that!

Fake Fur and other things.

My good friend Renette introduced me to a wonderful second hand shop. She has great fashion sense so when she recommended this funky, vintage seconds shop, well I had to visit it. Of all my experiences of buying second hand clothing, this one is by far the best. i think it is because the owners carefully select the clothing they put onto the wracks AND they keep the prices down. The least I have spent was a great R10 and the most R60 which was for a funky, stretch denim Jacket.
Today's find was a lovely earth coloured jersey with, and get this, a fluffy, fake fur collar. oooh absolutely fabulous. Baie Dankie my vriend!!!

A walk down memory Lane

On Friday night Dougie bought me a small gift. he knows how much I love music and he knows some of the old favourites I would like to choose to listen too. Bands like Simple Minds ; U2 ; The Pretenders and my very best Van the Man. But he did not arrive with any of these in hand. Rather he bought me "The Best of Niel Diamond" or something like that. I am not to sure of the title but the point is made.

Sadly, I was thrilled. Now I am really showing my age and my odd taste in music. Why do I like to listen to this strange mans music. Well, I happen to think he is a good singer and he has a very good voice. It is one of those smooth voices that has its very own recognizable sound to it. But none of these good reasons are why Doug bought me Niel Diamond to listen to. It has to do with memories. You see, when I was growing up, my dad used to play Niel Diamond a lot. he So the sound of the smooth operator and his Hot August Nights transports me right back into that place where every adult is taken back to at some point. Childhood. The thing is I absolutely adore my dad and so his love for Niel and ; Barbabra Streisand and Dianna Ross all fall onto me and I too love them. The memories of him laughing and singing and his smell all come back when I hear The sound of Barbara hitting that high note or Dianna asking " Do you know where you are going to?". Memories flooded with fun and smiles and deep sadness too. I often listen to these songs I love . I listen to them on high volume. I dance some; smile some; sing a lot and cry too. Then I pack them up and put them back on the CD wrack until the time comes again for nostalgia. Thanks my Dougie!! You know me so well.