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I can not tell you how many people have found these posts on ADHD helpful. I am thrilled that this is the case. Educating others about ADHD- what it is, how it impacts the family and the child and what help there is available , is something very much on my heart. Not only because we are a family with ADHD but because I meet countless others walking this journey, who long to share, learn and encourage.
One of the voices for ADHD is a man called Edward Hallowel. He is ADHD and writes a great deal on it.
Books like
* Driven to Distraction
* Delivered from Distraction
* Super parenting for ADD
and more
I find his blog and the ADDitude site on line very helpful indeed. One of the things I love about his perspective is that it is and aims to be
POSITIVE.
So much of what one reads and experiences seems to be about the struggles, and there are struggles. But, sometimes we ge tso caught up in the struggles that we forget all the positive things that ADHD brings. Sometimes it means a shift in perspective. Mostly it requires a shift in expectations.
Realistic expectations will vary from child to child and from family to family. We have found that trying to squeeze our kids into a mould that just does not fit is the more difficult route to navigate.
Sometimes it takes tough decisions.
In Super-parenting ADD , Hallowel has many helful ideas and shifts in the way we think about ADHD.
He begins the book with a chapter on
LOVE.
It is a compelling and powerful chapter.
It is encouraging, reassuring and challenging. I loved reading it. It gave me a big vision again.
Here is one sentence from it.
" Those are not just pretty words. They define what matters most in raising children, especially those who have the fascinating, widely misunderstood trait called ADD.These kids Particularly need someone who can perceive and draw out what is wonderful in them" - Edward Hallowel.
Can you spot the positive and the real shift in looking at the ADHD child.
He talks in another chapter about mirror traits. I loved this idea. It is the idea that every negative ADHD trait has a positive mirror trait. So we recognise the negative but work on shifting and drawing out or focussing on the positive.
Here are some of the examples....
* Distractible -------- curious
* impulsive ------- creative
*Hyperactive and restless-------energetic
*Stubborn ---- persistent and will not give up
* ca not stay on the point ------ can see connections that others do not.
There are more.....
I think that human nature tends towards the negative. I love these mirror traits because they are real, alive and bring out some very good stuff in and for our kids.
For me as a mom of ADHD boys this means I need to shift they way I think and they way I speak about ADD stuff. We joke a lot at cry a lot. We are honest and up front but hugely try and use positive words.
I often say, " remember that your brain works differently. it thinks in a different way."
Or I have to practice seeing the positive traits and not just the negative.
Hallowel and many like him are embracing ADHD and not only embracing it but shifting the predominatly negative view on it . Thank you!!
In our family we are trying this too and embracing ADHD with all its ups and downs and with all its fun and sparkle. Did you know that ADHD children and adults are often very bright. They think out of the box and have marvelous ways of seeing the world and solving problems. They are sponteneous and take risks perhaps I would not. My husband often jokes that it was because of the trait ADD that man survived wild animals . Round the camp fire pre- historic man relied on the ADD, spontaneous risk taker to jump up and stand firm as an animal came in for the kill. The rest of us just cowered in fear.
I have seen this many times with my husband in those sorts of situations.
Having said all this, in SA, a negative stigma is still lingering around ADHD and things ADHD. While I respect that it is an individual choice to reveal ADD, I do wonder if parents choosing not too is still because we view it as something bad; other and wierd.
Just plainly something wrong.
Yes, something does work differently in the brain.
Something might even be wrong but that does not make the child less.
I think we, as humankind really struggle with being broken.Having stuff 'wrong' with us means somehow we are less special; less important; have less status.
We can not shine if we are less.
Perhaps a shift is needed in the way we view people in general. We are all special and unique and valuable to some other person at least; a family at most but primarily we are all, each one of us made in God's image. That raise the bar on what value we have as people. Every person on this earth, nomatter who we are or what we are - no matter all the things we can do and all the things we can not, are a treasure because of WHO made us and because of HIS stamp on us.
Labeling and owning ADHD is a complicated issue. It is a personal issue. But because we called to live and work and thrive in relathionship, it is an issue that flows out into all aspects of life. We do not want children to be stigmitised and alienated by their ADD but we surely want the right kind of help, understanding and support which in a sence can only be given when a diagnoses is made and the ADHD 'label' is attached.
It is all about what we DO with the label.
How we view ADHD is all part and parcel of wht we do with it.
I firmly believe that embracing ADHD in a positive way will be helpful not harmful.
My deep hope is that as more is learnt about ADHD and the more people who are ADHD embrace it, the more we will all understand it and it will loose its stigma.
This world is broken and we are all broken in it too. Knowing which way the break falls means we can apply the right kind of balm.
The right sort of help and support- understanding and structure fits the right kind of "label'
Sensitivity is require and kindness.
ADHD is never an excuse for bad behaviour.
The process of coming to terms with a child who is ADHD diagnosed can take some people a long time. And that is ok.
It is a process and a journey and we are all going along at different paces and rates.
In the end I think every parent wants their child to flourish and do his or her best in life.
As I have said before, right undertanding of ADHD and right solutions, thought they may take time, will enable the child to be more available to learn and so flourish.
If you would like to chat to me about ADHD please mail me on Caren.falconer@gmail.com
God Bless and strength on your journey, whatever it might be.
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