Loss, Grace and Forgiveness

http://thebreakupguide.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/moab_650.jpg

I love Tim Keller's bible teaching. He marries the truth of the bible and the practical outworking of it with care and marvelous help for the christian.

I have been listening to his talk on community.

Here are some great themes from the book of James.

Here is the rub. We are called to live our lives as though it is given for others. There is a choose here...

My life lived for me or my life lived for you. 100 x a day we are faced with this simple choice.  We are given countless opportunities to dies to ourselves and in so doing love others. It can be with our time; with our privilege , with absolutely anything that God gives us in our day. The choice is there. 

I can lay down my life again and again and again or I can live my life for myself.

Both of these reap a reward.

Keller explains that death to self builds community. It  does so because someone is blessed and is thankful. In saying those words... Thank You... we are expressing our gratitude and indebtedness to one another. Community is built on the bonds of thank you, 

Beautiful stuff.

 Challenging stuff.

There is obligation in community.

The big boulder we all have to navigate is the reality we all share and have looping within us.

Pride!!

That nasty word that makes my skin crawl. Place it in the centre of the room and take a stroll around it and here is what we find. At some level we all are proud and it is our pride that breaks community.

Keller has a simple check list for pride that I found helpful.

Proud People

* Being dogmatic about every point of belief 

* Loves to confront people to much or to little

* Proud people  are arrogant and self assured

Humble people

* Humble people confront when it is necessary

* Humble people are happy with life as it is

* Humble people are slow to speak of other peoples faults and if they do , do so with respect and always to heal

* Stick with people through tough times no matter what

* Do not like confronting people

*Do not complain about life 

Wow! these are challenging indeed. 

God have Mercy on me. Help me to lay down my life for those who you bring into my life. 

Humility is having a confidence that God is looking after me and having a deep steadfastness about this truth. Being humble means we know our worth to God and so we are able to have courage, kindness, gentleness, forgiveness and other centredness.

We are able to have a growing humility that God offers us in Jesus Christ!

We can grow in humility. How exciting.

If we understand these two things.....

1. Do I know how very much God loves me. His love is enormous. Do I know this deeply, really with utter certainty so that I can lay down my life in freedom for others.

2. Grasping the upside down principle that is at the very heart of the universe. 

This is the backward way that God has set things up. 

Truth that expresses

 -The first will be last the last first....

-Humble yourself and you will be lifted up..

-Lay down your life for others and God you will give it back.

-True power is giving it away and serving others.

Jesus supremely gave up everything for me. He layed his life down and then he was exalted.

Hanging onto life  will only mean that in the end we loose it forever and along the way that loss begins.

Grace
God gives us grace as we go about the business of living for others. This is so profoundly comforting in the midst of the reality of life BECAUSE I find people really difficult sometimes. Nice people are unkind, thoughtless, take advantage and use one another. Nice people do unkind things and say really nasty stuff to one another and seem to go on as if all is well. Gods grace in the midst of self centred and selfish behaviour is what I know I need to love others who are often quite unlovely.

The thing I choose to remember here is that nothing slips past Gods sight. He sees and knows everything. When are disregarded , God regards us. When we are rejected and left for loss; God never rejects us and leaves us for loss. We are accepted as we are by the living God and so we are given grace to love others who are unlovely.

Forgiveness is the heart of the christian message. God offers every man, woman and child on the face of the earth, the offer of his forgiveness. He holds it out to each of us though we are really not deserving of his forgiveness. We have snubbed and rejected him. We do not want him to love us; care for us or rule us in love. And yet he came....

The offer still stands.

This forgiveness that I have been given is rich and real and it is this forgiveness I can hold out to others. It seems to me that much of life is made up of loss, grace and forgiveness. Not necessarily in this order. People are cruel and life is hard. We can either wither and wilt or we can have courage to live and love with God help.

Offering forgiveness to folks who do not deserve it is freeing and serving.

It is life!

It is all in the Brick!!

http://www.financialmail.co.za/incoming/2014/11/26/lego-anguish-in-plastic/ALTERNATES/crop_680x417/Lego+anguish+in+plastic

We were invited by our family to share in the Lego Art Exhibition at the V&A Waterfront. I must admit that I had decided we  would not go to this exhibition, simply because the previous exhibition that the same group brought out to SA, was really not worth the high cost. But, off we went. I had absolutely no expectations and I had not even told the kids we were going.

James was away on Church Crossword camp and so it was just the 5 of us. 

It was a very pleasantly surprising exhibition. Firstly, it is called an art exhibition and so the works by the one artist are displayed much like an art gallery. Each has a little interesting blurb about the item made. 

The exhibition is a good length and id divided into sections. The last section reflects the feelings and thoughts of the artist, Nathan Sawaya, and so for me was my favourite part. This top photo was taken from that part and it is about loss. The artist built it after hearing a story from a mother who had lost a child. I have been thinking a great deal about loss . perhaps it is that time of year when one reflects on the year past. I silently called this piece.. For Harry ( an d all who mourn!)

The exhibition had two dvd sections to it and both of these where short and shallow enough for young children to grasp something of 'art' and being creative. I loved the overall message which was that building and being creative with Lego or anything goes on and on and on into life. 

I also found Nathans pursuit of his dream really compelling. 

The sayings that were written around the exhibition were rather cheesey and some we disagreed with BUT then they did get us talking!!

The boys enjoyed it and had their best exhibits. The dinosaur was a firm fav and the one above was Thomas best too. It had feeling and expressed emotion. 

I liked the section where the artist had made replicas , out of Lego, of a variety of famous artists paintings and sculptures. Working in the art word, I know that this was no small thing. It was fun and got us talking. 

Well done Nathan Sawaya.

http://catsandbooks.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/warhorse_puppets1.jpg

War Horse - The stage Performance  based on the book by Michael Morpurgo, has come to Cape Town , South Africa, as most things eventually do. 

We are not a family will excess money and so when we choose one of these fantastic opportunities we do so with care. 

Again, as with the da Vinci exhibition, we were not disappointed.

Yesterday afternoon we enjoyed the matinee performance of War Horse at the Artscape Theatre in Cape Town.

One of the reasons we were all keen to see War Horse on stage was because of the wonderful puppets. We had watched the TED talk about the making of these incredible creature puppets and of course the makers are two South Africans , and so we were supper excited and proud!

Check out the Ted Talk!

http://www.ted.com/talks/handpring_puppet_co_the_genius_puppetry_behind_war_horse?language=en

We all went and so it was that we had the very back seats way up in the gods. But it did not matter at all. In fact, it meant that, having no-one sitting behind us, we were able to shift and move to see, when and where necessary. 

I need not have been even a little concerned that even our youngest , ADHD child might be bored.  We all sat riveted. It was a most stunning performance by all the cast and of course the puppeteers and the " horses" were just wonderful. Their performance is realistic and one soon totally forgetts that they are puppets. I grew up with horses and there is everything horse and real about them. They are gloriously wonderful.

We loved every minute of this sad and broken story and it deserved the spontaneous standing ovation without a doubt.

Thanks be to God for cultural fun as our friend Jeremy prayed latter that evening. Yes thanks be to God!!

This year that was !

 Nothing in all of creation will ever separate us from Gods love. Romans 8:28

About 2 years ago, Doug made some of these wooden trees for me. We gave some as gifts to people and kept one for ourselves. It lives at the front door. Each year I repaint it and change the wording written on it. I always paint a declaration; a truth from Gods word. It stands at the front door for everyone to read as they enter our home. We sure do have many who enter. May these words be a blessing and a thought provoking truth for those who come past. May God grow this truth and may it bear fruit.

As I painted the wooden tree, I prayed and thought; and thought and prayed. I had been looking through some photographs from about 2 years ago. Some dear sweet chubby cheeked photographs of the boys and friends from that time. I am always amazed at the memories photographs bring with them. Deep and perhaps forgotten things that happened. They represent a time in ones life and transport one back there in a flash. 

I was reminded of good teachers and fun times from the relaxed days at preschool and how far each son has travelled though the years with James having just completed his first year at high school and Jethro going to grade 3. 

I thought of the love regained and the good found and Gods real, rich grace toward us as a family.

 I thanked him!

I thought of the old relationships , perhaps a little stale and strained and how God has applied his healing and refreshed and answered prayers.

I mourned for those losses we experience in life and cried out to him for broken people who are unable to love well and are uncaring or unkind because of it.

And so I reflected on the love and the loss from the year gone by and once again rejoiced that God is at work and his purposes are being perfected in all things and all situations.

This was a painting prayer time that then extended ....

Painting and I are good, familiar friends. And so, I began to spot some other old friends that needed a face lift of sorts. This old stone statue for example:)

I love this old ugly thing because it is a symbol of family. It is a symbol for our family. That precious circle God grows as we love and learn together through all the good times and the bad times.

We have one another.

I have had to learn this for our family because I never had that in my childhood. it is a precious reality for us as a family of 6 and God has sewn it together and held it there. 

And so I painted and prayed - thank you Lord for the work you have done in my and in this marriage and so for our children!!

Big stuff and our very, very BIG and wonderful God.

This little flower was a gift from a new friend. I met her while running Wriggle and Rhyme years back and we have remained friends. It was a good reminder of the new things God brings into our lives. People especially but also new experiences.

This year High School was new for us all. We walked this journey with James leading it ( because he had to do it),and it has been good and a blessing in many ways.

Teenage stuff has all been new too. the most exciting of all has been to watch as God takes him on his own personal fledgling journey. He is off to Crossword Camp on Monday for the week , on his own with no good guy friend with him. He is good at doing things on his own and we are trusting and praying that James will meet with Jesus this week and that he will for ever be assured of the truth of HIM.

Lastly, I painted this strange stick friend again. About 2 years ago I made this weird stick creation and it has been our garden friend ever since. It was looking a bit sad and faded and so I granted it a face lift and .......

Lastly, I have put this fun and funny photo in as a reminder that this year was full of laughter. When you have a teenager or two there is always a lot of fun and laughter in the middle of all the other stuff and it was a good reminder of how much and how deep we laughed. It was good!!

Thank you Lord for a good year of fun and laughter. Thank you for being real and faithful to us as a family and for all our answered prayers. Thank you for carrying us in the good and sad times we had. You are faithful and your love endures forever.

Thank you for Jesus!!

Thank you for this great family and for each and every dear person who you brought into our lives this year. May we be to them all you have purposed us to be.

Opperation Christmas Box

 Operation Christmas Box 2014. A highlight of the year. Hard work and fun are had by all. A big thank you!!!

For 12 years now I have been involved in our Church Operation Christmas Box. It is a great privilege and a whole lot of fun and blessing. This year has been no different!!

Our church family are asked to contribute a box of blessing for a child. We share these boxes with our church family in Khayelitscha and Strand.  The sloppes of the sand dunes are built cheek to cheek with shacks of different sizes and variety. The common bond is poverty and struggle. It is these communities inot which we send these boxes. Small, very insignificant but a little bit of love. 

The pastoral staff at these churches invite the children and parents to a Christmas party. The love of Jesus is shared in this practical way.

Thank you to ALL who put these lovley boxes together!!

This year we invited the grade 6 children to come and be a  part of our little project. The children who joined us were enthusiastic and hard working. Their moms were even more:) Thank you ALL very, very much. I know that tonight we are weary.

We collect about 320 boxes in total this year and we are thrilled to have completed the whole sorting of them all in one go.

Father, bless the work of these hands and bless the children who receive a box. Please send your word into each little life and grow your seed into a flourishing tree. Oh Lord have mercy on our poor and broken communities. Thank you for your work in these parts and we pray that each child who receives one of our little boxes of love, will be loved indeed.

Keeping the Gospel The Main "thing AND being relevant to our kids

http://webtreats.mysitemyway.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/simple_glossy_silver_social_media_icons_preview.jpg

It is startling to notice how far the world has shifted technologically. WE are on the cusp of another wave of the digital revolution. It is exciting and scary simultaneously. The group at the very forefront of the wave; experiencing it as fully as possible, are our children. We have a nearly 15 year old , a 13 year old, 10 year old and 8 year old, and just in their very short life time, technology has shifted. A simple example is cellphones are now mini computers - smartphones. The choices are not just Facebook but are a multitude of different social Media.

There is a wealth of fun and excitement at a click of a button. 

Schools are or have been doing the shift along the way to make space for the fast and seemingly unending availability of subject matter. TED Talks are one example of extending and encouraging children to think about new ideas.

Youtube offers a stream of support material that encourage and engage with subject matter. I often use both these in my art lessons. Online games such as coolmaths and many, many more help children who might dislike numbers , have a different perspective.

The way children gather information has shifted.
The modern child is in a different environment from the one we grew up and it is constantly changing .

In the midst of this change- The gospel of Jesus Christ stands firm and stable. The truth about who Jesus is and what he has done for us is relevant and real .This truth stands and is certain. Sure and steadfast it holds out its hand and with it God saves the lost.

Churchs have shifted too.
Media has become part of church including bible apps on smart phones etc.

Churches face huge questions around keeping church relevant and up to date BUT never compromising on Gods Word.

One of the basic arms of the gospel that has not changed and still has a massive impact is
being RELATIONAL.

There is nothing worse than impersonal, boring , crowd control Sunday school classes. Thankfully many churches in our local neighbourhood have really stepped up to the modern plate and there are such fun things happening with kids of all ages. Firstly this draws kids who do not go to church regularly and secondly it keeps kids who do.

Gone are the old worksheet blues and in the place are relevant gospel centred fun. Children do not school at church. They have enough real , long , hard slogg. Boys especially do not want to colour in ( in fact who actually does). The wonder of fun and building things and discovering Gods word and finding him to be real is robbed when we make childrens work boring. Our eldest son is part of a great youth where the leaders are engaging and the issues of life real. The youth find each other and are building some good relathionships.  He loves youth and would not miss it. Sadly, there are not many other grade 8 boys who regularly attend. :( Opportunities to invite !!
 Our second son is part of a Friday night , local church evening. It is the absolute highlight of his week. The young people play cricket and football and a whole host of fun, crazy games. In the midst of this children are loved, engaged with and the gospel becomes real. The leaders come out to the car park and  greet the parents and introduce themselves. They know the kids by name and engage with them on a very meaningful level.

The bible teaching slot is short and punchy and never repeated. Interesting questions are encouraged and the young kids engage with the answers. Children want a safe place to ask the questions they have about God and the universe. They have marvelous questions!!
We are so thankful for this Friday night fun.

I am blessed to be part of a school community with lots of Christians from many different churches in Cape Town. I love this. My bible studies are also made up of women who worship at different churches. We share life together. I love seeing what the different churches get up . Keeping kids engaged is very tricky in the modern, fast, technological world. God is at work. People are being very creative. It is hard work!

I think the key feature that stands out with all is being relational with the children and parents on a very real level. Getting to know the child and having fun with them . Hikes and squash - sharing real life with them. Showing love and sharing life with them helps them to know that Jesus loves them.

Church is a place where people love and care deeply and so it should be with children's church too. 

Writitng tests?

http://schools.nyc.gov/NR/rdonlyres/C73A0EB5-E461-4EDE-BC63-0A9EEC51A944/54729/Writing_on_Test3.jpg

People like to moan. They seem to enjoy a good grumble. 

Sometimes , of course having an issue with something is legitimate.

This week I have heard my fair share of grumbling.

Even from people whose children are not in this schooling system. Yikes!

It is  exam time after all.

I guess grumbling is part of the exam thing!

People experience exams as negative and stressful because they can be. It is a time of focused or lack there of- concentration on school work.

Our children attend a school where children write exams from grade 4 onwards. The exams are based on the work done during the term and for Maths, English and Afrikaans, the work covered over the year.

While writing tests or exams can be full on, I choose to see them in a different light.

I tutor children and so totally understand the struggles children have and the anxiety parents have when children struggle to concentrate ; focus; remember what they have learnt ; put it all together. 

Here are some positive reasons to write tests and exams.

* information is consolidated 

* studying skills are practiced and refined as the child matures

* children practice different types of questions ( gone are the old regurgitation only kind of questions) children have to think and apply the work

* parents get involved in the learning process ( positively - this can be successful. I have seen parents really help struggling children)

* it is ONE of the ways to assess children

* children who struggle in class assessments , sometimes thrive in test times

* the child can take ownership of his or her learning - understanding where he stands in relation to his peers. I think this is one of the healthiest parts of school. All boasting and thinking my child is the best is shown in a realistic light amongst peers

* if you are in the schooling system, your grade 6 results count for high school- these are important

* practicing writing exams provides opportunities for learning the How To of writing.

* children really step up to the plate and manage an enormous amount of work - a job well done- so the I can gets built. Even in children who struggle

* a good school will support children who struggle with a scribe, reader, extra time etc.

* a good school has good exam preperation for all children

Of course these tests do not assess the whole child. They are not supposed to. The schooling system in SA provides many other opportunities to learn . 

Assessments are throughout the year and children are involved in all sorts of projects, orals, etc.

One of the reasons I think we, the adults  tend to be so negative about exams is we have bought into this idea that children should have no discomfort. More than that, life should be smooth and happy for them. I think this idea is stripping our children and ill equipping them for real life. Exam pressure and writing is a small way for children to experience real pressure .

Having said that I think we, the adults, play an EXCEPTIONALLY huge role in managing the pressure and the stress. Of course their is stress but if children are prepared and ready, then their is not much reason to be hugely stressed.

I had an interesting conversation with a darling girl . I asked her how her tests were. She said to me... "Aunty Caren you make exams seem so normal calling them tests."

Aaaah- bingo. I realised in that small moment that I, the adult, have an enormous role to play in "test" week. My positive / negative attitude is experienced as such by my children.

My peace rule in our household this test time. :)

The Wiliam in Wallace

http://i2.dailyrecord.co.uk/incoming/article1782041.ece/alternates/s2197/Mel%20Gibson%20as%20William%20Wallace%20in%20the%20film%20Braveheart.jpg

Each week I spend time with William Wallace. A little 9 year old boy who lives in CT, South Africa. I spend time working with him on a literacy programme. William Wallace is, like his names sake, one of the most courageous boys I know. You see, he really does not read well at all. He struggles to recognise simple sight words and although he can sound the individual letters, he struggles to blend them into words. He lives in a very deprived part of Cape Town. Statistics shared on this are put the drop out rate of children after grade 7 at 80%. William is clinging on by his finger nails. I have a son who is exactly Williams age and in the same grade. I spend afternoons doing the oa sound or the ue sound. I know what William should know.But he does not and he can not. 

Each week I drive to his school and pray. I pray all the way there , which is actually not that far. I pray for this and that. I pray for William. My prayer is something like this...

Dear Lord

I bring William to you. I bring him to your throne of grace. I pray that you will intervene in his life. I pray that you will enable him to get the help he needs so that he can learn to read . Lord please have mercy on this boy. 

Today I began to teach him.... show him.... speak to him about who he was made to be. When he disobeyed I said" William my darling you were made for more than disobedience"

I pray that his life will be impacted by Jesus and that one day he will be counted as one who took part in society in a healthy way rather than the unhealthy way offered to him.

Lord we need you!!

Gods design for my life?

http://holyspiritrevolution.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/The-Will-Of-God.jpg

There is so much written about God and his will for my life. 

The bible is clear that God has a plan and a purpose for the universe; the world. He is working our his plan through individual people's lives called into his church. All will be brought under the headship of Jesus Christ because all things are made for him and by him. I love this. ALL things.... the tiniest bug ; the most delicate flower; the small little leaf; the tiny, insignificant life... ALL are made by him and for him. He loves his creation. he spends time investing in it and he has died for it. The amazing thing about Gods design for our lives, if we know him and love him , is that he has a plan for us and he will purpose his plan until it comes to fruition.
 This blows my mind!!

Beth Moore has a great study on the Fruit of the Spirit and in the week on gentleness she pens this idea.... Gentleness describes a complete surrender to Gods purpose for my life. His will.  So we are to stop fighting God and submit. The idea of gentleness in the bible is the opposite of weakness. It is power and strength that comes from submitting to Gods will.

I find this incredibly encouraging. God is working out his plan in my life and If I submit to it, he will develop in me a strength and power that comes from laying down my plans for his. This is gentleness.

This got me thinking about the forward submitting to Gods unseen plans. Are these something I can and will submit too?

What about the backward plans. The pathway I have already walked upon. The weary, broken adventure called life that lies behind. Is Jesus Lord over that too?

These are questions that I feel need an answer from myself. Ones I wrestle with, if I am honest. It would seem that some of the past things need not to have been and yet God has perfectly set them and I choose to trust him.

Our 2nd Birthday celebration with a difference.

       

Yesterday we celebrated Thomas Adam Falconer's 13 blessing. He is not yet 13 but with the busyness of this time of year we thought we would get going a little early. We began this tradition for our family with James when he turned 13. That was a meaningful experience for us all.

Yesterday afternoon, we gathered to thank God for Thomas . The families who came are all people who love Thomas deeply and who have had a profound impact on his life. These are our friends, his friends. Some have known Thomas all his life and are our dearly loved friends and  Thomas' God parents. 

Thomas is a really unique young man. He is indeed a gracious and marvelous creation and we love him more than words can possibly express here. We are grateful to God for his for ALL he is and we rejoice in the work of Gods spirit at work in and through him.

 The ideas, love, thoughts, blessings extended towards and over Thomas' life, were examples of his unique and creative person that God has specifically and purposefully made.

With God there are no mistakes.

I am not going to write here about our Thomas but rather about the real and tangible wonder being part of a community of Jesus Christ is for us all.

As we gathered , adults and children alike , drew near to listen. And while a lot of what the adults shared was ' adult speak' for the younger ones, there was in this moment a profound feeling ; experience of God. He who calls us by name and he who gathers us together . We all just sat and soaked up the words of blessing, kindness, godly wisdom, advice, pointers and prayers for Thomas life. 

Profound and unique are the words of God and profound is his work in our lives.

We are truly blessed to have Christ who dwells in us richly and a community that is true, real and honest. One that is really available and engaged . One that speaks into others lives with words of life.

And so we look forward to what God is doing in Thomas' life. Our prayer is for him to hind himself in the wing of the almighty and find his rest in God alone.

Thank you Jesus.

One of my observations of yesterday was this....

Other people notice things about our children that we think only we see. They notice, they care, they pray and they love our children. This was a real heart moment for me with Thomas.

Secondly, the weight of words spoken into a life struck me again. Words are so easy to say. They flow and find root in the hearer. I am reminded of the strong council in Gods word to gaurd our tongue. But the converse of this is when thought is put into our words, well, these carry weight and find a good place to rest and grow in us.
Friends have something to say too- I was really struck by the beautiful words Thomas friends spoke . These are insights and thoughts into him as a friend and they really warmed my heart.

The last observation is that our children being so different and individual ; just as God has made them; means that these celebrations , though they have a central idea, they have worked out quite differently. They have each reflectd something of the boy-man and his unique personality, gifts and wonderfulness:)

I love this about God, His creativity in making man is astounding in that we are each so different from one another. A truth to be celebrated.

Courage in the midst of reality

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdR-AmY6pf2Gs5Rx3qo0gddLLtOgjr-Utz1k1Ji0z8k3JkeSPlV2AzMqRErOtmrSqMzU0a9Pbfy9MYbbeM6CmZpaRa6QyIzZjKQSnrq3OGTwWbqm8VhpjQ9bey2AU0VTMutBz3fhB7jjE/s320/faith+courage+hope.jpg

Living in South Africa is like an adventure. This is not a post about our history and the journey to democracy but  it is a small window into the present day experience of a very white ; middle aged woman; mother of four sons .

I think the reality of most South Africans is we could live with a level of fear and anxiety for our safety and we do , I guess if we are honest.

I am though certain that God is our protector and sovereignly working a plan and purpose and so even the bad things that happen are in his loving hands. 

Turning on the news today and hearing that our Bafana Bafana captain has been shot dead in a robbery, just breaks my heart. Another act of violence and another precious life lost because of it. 

This weekend, we had some intruders in our home. We were entertaining and had not locked up. Some stuff was stolen. We have had this happen before while on holiday one year. people broke in and stole a whole lot of belongings while we are slept.

I find my response to these everyday occurances strange. I am a little freaked and we are being a great deal more vigilant but we all sort of just get on with it. If I told someone this story they would nod and tell me another such story.

And yet this is not really ok. 

I volunteer an hour a week with a great NGO called Life Matters. We work in a school in the Western Cape in the Steenberg area. This is a government school and LMF begins its programme with grade 2 children. I have a son in grade 2 and so I know where these children should be and what they should be learning/reading. The community is really poor. The average income for the month is R1100. between 70% and 80% of children drop out of school after grade 7. It is pretty dire.

This is a context for some of the people who live in the Western Cape. I understand this context and from these kinds of situations crime flourishes. 

When I stop and look at the county that is ours. This beautiful South Africa, my heart feels full and empty at the very same time.  We are a country divided by cultural differences historically and desperate for real transformation now. I know that people need heart transformation so that we can truly change; truly love; truly live. 

It takes courage to live a life that counts in this current South African context.

So I end with this thought and prayer- may the gospel of Jesus, the real hope and real courage to live authentic and full lives despite our circumstances... may this gospel go out!

in the togetherness of games( and other fun activites)

Our boys love to play screen games. I have made peace with this wonder . However, keeping the balance in life is always the tricky bit. This post is about a wonderful observation.

Sometimes I might suggest that the boys find a board game to play. We have a whole cupboard full of different games. Some are play alone kinds and others are group games. I might even suggest some. 9x out of 10 the simple answer is no.

There are two appraoches I have found that work in getting the boys involved in WHATEVER idea comes up. 

1. If I choose some games and simply put them on the breakfast table, the boys will play them:)

2. If I get the puzzle out and sit with them to get it going, they play!! In other words, if I or Doug get  involved and play or make or do then we ALL get invovled and have some fun.

I find that my own attitides and experience shifts when I get involved. We have some great family - together time and we have some great conversations. Those who are more introvert can have their alone time with their own game or puzzle while still being next to us. 

Gavin Keller, a great South African Principal from one of our loval Cape Town schools, gives some very encouraging talks. One of them is on the teens brain. I remember how he explains that the teens has a bull dozer digging up all the nerons in the brain and one of the good things to "make them do" is to do things together. Good healthy hormones are released when this happens that make the teen feel loved . 

These fun together times are one of these.

During the holidays I began to make a paper mache bowl along side our youngest son. He was making an elephant!!

While we tore paper and stuck shapes, the others slowly began to join in. The older two began to create something that has since died a death, BUT it was not the end result that I had in mind, but rather the time spent together, just tearing and sticking and chatting of course.

So, we have togetherness in the chaos of life piecing puzzles together that were previously " boring" and now are quite fun actually :)

The Modern Monderns.

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02171/camera2_2171374b.jpg

 Today I enjoyed a visit to a few art galleries , in Cape Town, with some dear friends who happen to do art with me.

We began in my kitchen, a comfortable and safe place of much art and the normal chaos of a suburban life with four growing boys.

We journeyed out into Cape Town from suburbia. 

I experienced again that feeling of leaving the known and exploring the unknown that I often feel whenever we do anything new or different.

Sometimes I can feel this way when I meet a fellow human being so other than myself. Today it was the otherness of art.

We began at The Goodman Gallery in Cape Town and worked our way down into Salt River.

The Gallery itself finds its home in an older building and swishes us in with glass and good grace. I liked the feel of the gallery. It is open and has space for one to walk around and think. And think one  must with this exhibition.

[Working Title] is on until the 25th October and is an exhibition of a collection of artists. This is an annual exhibition held at The Goodman Gallery, who in so doing is supporting young and independent artists.

I can not make sense of the art here , for you, except to share some of the thoughts and feelings these art pieces evoke. I decided that instead of trying to decide if I like or dislike something I would simply listen to my feeling and ideas that flowed from the art works as I enjoyed it. 

So, for the first one where the artists projects his art onto a collection of familiar city objects all painted in white, I found impatience was my friend. This made me chuckle.... A real sighn of the times. I too can not wait for anything to begin or come along. This one realy reflected myself back to me. :)

Another that I began to read and was so full of words and pain was beautiful and yet I left its friend that played a DVD along side it. I was once again too impatient until my friend told me the sad story of that artisit . 

Art sure is sad sometimes.

And so we wnet on... what could this one mean? what is this person trying to say? what does this remind me of. 

Like a giant puzzle the morning unfolded.

http://mapmyway.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/ZanderBlom-Stevenson-248x300.jpg

These interesting works by Zander Blom  at another gallery, were what we ended up with. His strange juxtoposion of shapes and colour with thick oil on linen creating oil smuges or greesey pools, were talking points at most. The interesting thing for me was the lack of contol he had over the oil running and so it is as if the art work "paints" itself. Makes me think of Pollock and the universe speeking idea. 

I personally did not like these works at all. Not because they were odd but because they held a disunity for me. The shapes he used di not flow together. Being a lover of shape and form I just did not like the jarring result of colour and shape that he used on his artwork. they made me feel as if he had not yet quite finished what he started. 

We left and headed for coffee at The Kitchen on Sir Lowery Road.  A must for delicious salads and sandwiches and good coffee. 

Heading home to suburbia, we reflected . Us 40 somethings had a blast but were quitely content to enter the real world of  organised chaos  and family disorder once again.

Having spread our art wings for the day, we had fun together and built good friendhships wile trying to understand the strange world that art sometimes is.

What the world needs now is Peace.

https://www.delta.edu/images/gps/World.JPG

Peace!

A wonderful word. If I asked you to sit and think about what that word means to you.... what it evokes in your mind.... what it would feel like inside of you and look like around you....

Peace!

I love KungFu Panda. In one of the movies Po goes in search of inner peace. I often think about his desire for inner peace.( It is a great way to talk to kids about peace actually but for another day:))

I am studying with my darling ladies bible study, Beth Moores Fruit of the Spirit study. It is really very helpful in looking at the fruit and each aspect is. 

The Fruit ( one fruit) is...

love

joy

PEACE

there it is ... peace. 

What is this peace and how do we receive it.... keep it....have it...offer it to others?

To begin at the beginning is to understand that we do not have inner or outer peace. We are in chaos both in our inner lives and we are at war with God. Until we come to Jesus and receive his peace making offer that his death provided, we can not enter into the peace we so yearn for and need. Peace with God is the beginning of all peace and it is our greatest need.

For those of us who have this. We can now live in peace.

If we know the Prince of Peace- Jesus - then we have Gods spirit living in us. We have access to the real inner peace.

Why then do we not experience this peace?

Beth does a very interesting thing in this study and she takes a look at Jesus and how he reflects peace in all situations.

Jesus totally trusted his heavenly Father as provider of all his needs. He had peace in circumstances because he had grasped this. God is our perfect provider. he knows our needs and he will provide.

Oh that we might grasp this truth and live in the light of it.

The peace that Gods gives us is real. it is that which we can not understand, manufacture on our own and which despite our circumstances it is real. 

The world can not give this kind of peace.The kind that guards our hearts and minds in the midst of chaos and pain.This is because it is Gods peace and he gives it to us.

Jesus offers it to a world that is desperate for peace. 

We live in a time in history when people rule with youtube be headings; mass child abductions; war on civilians; people seem not to care that human trafficking is at an all time high; slavery still exists but has changed its face ;poverty and access to basic life necessities like water and toilets are denied by greedy politicians who justify their rule. 

The list is endless.

People just can not seem to get along.

Jesus has come to bring real peace. Peace with God and peace with one another. 

I urge you to enter his rest.

For more help on how to do this watch this  on youtube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgpaOq93rJ4

ADHD - the Yucky of food

We are an ADHD family. If you have ready anything on my blog before, you will have come across a great deal of writting on ADHD. These posts are written to inform and encourage those who walk this journey. Hopefully they will also educate those who do not. 

This is a post about eating.

It is our experience of food and ADHD and I know many people who have a similar journey and some who are fortunate not to.

Food!

Food is an issue for me. I have a love hate relationship with it. I love it but it is not so loving to me.

I have struggled my whole life with my weight and so food is an issue for me.

Because of this, I have tried very much not to make it an issue for my kids. Thankfully I have 4 boys but I am fully aware that boys are also susceptible to the negative food issues and weight issues that are pervasive in our modern society.

Our youngest son is a thing boy. He is growing normally but he is thin. 

A friend of mine who is a nutritionist helped me shed some light on his food issues.

She was helping me think through how to fatten him up as he has lost some weight . 

As she spoke, I realised that part of the problem is he is not really interested in food. His sensory issues cause him to yuck at the sight of it and his ADHD means he is just not interested in it. It is not interesting. He has to eat but honestly if he did not have to, he would not. It is not important to him.

As I realised this, I felt relieved. At least I can see what the enemy is here and so we can work with it. She had some wonderful ideas.....

* get the child to help you cut up the veggies etc. In this way he will feel and smell the food and get used to it on a  sensory level. Even if he does eats it. It is entering his ADHD world. It might interest him

* take him shopping and let him see the food on the shelves and choose things that he might like to try

* ask him to think about the food he likes and why.... is it better to eat crunchy things than mushy etc

* get him involved in growing and picking food

Foods high in good fats like olive oil and peanut butter etc

Crumbed and crunchy fish and chicken

full fat milks etc

Parenting a child who has a tiny menu of things he eats; who is oppositional off ritalin and not hungry on ritalin, is challenging to say the least.

I am so grateful for this friend and thank her from my heart. She really helped me see things a little more clearly and offered some good solutions. 

Thanks Aila!

The Tok of Tok Tokkie

http://kids.media.timeout.com/images/resizeBestFit/100498942/660/370/image.jpg

This weekend our hockey team had a farewell get together. It was a bring and braai at a parent's home in our local area. The weather was perfect. After a Saturday downpour, Sunday turned out to be calm and warm. The perfect day for a group gathering. A bunch of boys pied into the home and , as boys do, busied themselves doing this and that. 

At some point they all disappeared up the road to play some football.

Upon the second return , I noticed , from the comments and the general feel that perhaps these boys had been playing Tok Tokkie.You know, the game where someone rings a doorbell and then everyone runs like crazy to escape . 

We played these sorts of games when we were children. 

Great fun and dare.

And so, as the evening progressed I gleaned from a son who wanted to share but not snitch that our beloved was indeed a door bell ringer. 

When I flatly asked him, he answered with great gusto, " Yes mom, I was playing tok Tokkie"

The details unveiled as the days unfolded.

Honestly, I really respond to this kind of " naughty" behaviour with a gentle rebuke. This dare to be brave kind of behaviour is somewhat part of childhood in a strange way and perhaps enriching of the childhood too. These middle class kids, seldom get up to any mischief. In the current SA climate, they don't walk the neighbourhood or share in community fun. So perhaps a little community Tok Tokkie is not that bad after all. 

Our impulsive, ADHD son, thought nothing of the consequences but in the moment of fun, had some fun.

Lets just not make it a habit:)

Technology. Where is it all going? (technology evolution)

http://blog.atrinternational.com/Portals/128828/images/Technology%20news.jpg

This past week Doug was fortunate to attend a conference on Technology and business. It was one of those weeks of information overload and excitement for him. His brain was a buzz with new thoughts and ideas.

I love it when he is challenged mentally. God has given him a great thinking brain and boredom is indeed his enemy, so this was a week of brain and thinking blessing.

He would of course come home and share his thrilling lectures with me!

Being married to someone whose line of work is totally, totally different and not only that but really separated by the way it actually functions, means you have two choices.

1. to pretend you understand

2. try and really understand 

The choice I made was indeed 2. I have a very limited knowledge and understanding but have grown to grasp a little over they years.

This one choice has been a real help and friend in my own personal technology evolution or revolution.

I was, I guess, a little old school. I really studied child development and education at a time when technology was just becoming airborne, and so I found my thinking shaped very much in a negative way towards its value and effectiveness for children and I suppose for adults too. 

Up until recently I held these kinds of ideas but far more loosely. 

Something has shifted!!

Some of the catalysts to this shift.

* the obvious and real benefit and use of technology in my life

* the trends and shifts   that are really happening for our kids

* The fast and helpful changes in the way technology actually works

* it is fun and creative 

* it links us with ideas that are bigger than ourselves ( TED as an example)

Thinking through how to make the environment we live in suite our needs with technology as a helpful tool , has been an evolutionary  and indeed revolutionary process.

Personal experience for us has been a big shifter and while we can not rely only on what is personal, I do think the reality of experience and functioning count.

I think having a teenager son has been an interesting journey with technology.

James is , like many k14 year olds, technologically savy. He can find things, fix things, learn things, show me things . He uses the computer and his cell phone for schoolwork, assignments, communication, information gathering, designing and sharing. It is amazing to really sit back and not judge morally what these kids can actually do on and with their technology.

Thomas who is 12 has an ipod. That too has been a fun learning / observing curve. 

 He uses it to help him organise his ADHD. it is an alarm to get up and to tell him when to stop reading and try sleep. It is his dressing companion. We have had many good laughs at the apps he has downloaded, all in typical 12 year old style.
ADHD people struggle with organising and executive functioning. Some clever person has built apps that specifically help ADHD people . Love this!!

Samuel is 10 and Jethro is 8. Being the younger of the 4 , they have been exposed and introduced to technology way before their brothers were. This used to really concern me and I have always felt that this was in fact a disadvantage for them. But know I am not so sure.

Games,

Boys , generally love computer games.

Moms.

Generally don't.

We feel that they spend too much time on them. We feel anxious over too little outside time and what about socialising and addiction.

The list goes on.......

We have ADHD in our family and so the real addiction to technology exists. 

So it goes without saying that timers and time limits rule.

But, this is not a post about the negatives around technology, it is about a shift in thinking about how technology works for us and with us. If I can be persuaded to rethink my views on technology and my children, well I think anyone can.

There are legitimate concerns from us as parents around technology but, I really want to be a voice of reason. The "what if voice."

The conference Doug attended was one that set out to try and future gaze. What could the world look like , technologically speaking, in the future, for business. 

Linked to this, what could it look like for our kids?

One think that we already know is that a child born today, has a very different childhood technologically speaking, than a child born 20 years ago. 

It is a faster and more digital world  and is growing more in that direction daily.

A toddler today is likely to have experience with a tablet of some sort. 

A teen will use technology for school and socialising, for learning , creating and entertaining.

The questions of how much and how little we allow our kids time to play games and use technology , has shifted from the not at all to a more reasoned, some. I recently had an interesting experience at a party.

Our two younger boys were playing a game on OUR phones. :) They were playing and chatting and laughing.  A boy of much the same age joined them. He too played this game and loved it. Then his mother joined them.

 She played it too.

These 4 people had amazing , deeply social and connected time, while playing and sharing and talking.

What does this all mean. 

The mom and I chatted and she shared some research she had read. Children who play for 1 hour a day ( my skin crawls at this :) ) are far more socialised than children who do not play at all or who play for up to 3 hours a day.

I have not read the research and I am sure that there is enough of the no games group to dispute this but I do find this kind of shift in our thinking and experience of games and computers really interesting and exciting.

There has been a shift. We are noticing it a great deal.

 Kids using on line games with their friends and chatting on Skye as an example.  This example is one that makes my skin crawl a little but it is happening. 

As a mother and an educator I hold to this one thing. 

Technology is a tool. Much like a pen. It might , in some ways replace the pen or the pages of a book, although I hope not and actually I suspect not.

It is a wonderful tool that can , has and continues changing the way the world functions.

The second observation is this... Man is deeply relational. Our greatest need is to connect with other human beings.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o)

Check out this TEd on being vulnerable

I wonder if we are not experiencing this truth.

Because we are in essence relational beings, children, teens and adults are using technology in exciting and new ways so that they are still relational. 

Of course I acknowledge the flip side of every good thing. There are pitfalls and real dangers.  There are difficult waters to navigate. I am excited though that that we can and I think, have to change the way we think about and they way we feel about it. 

Joining it is a healthy way to enter the world of our children. It is another bridge- relationally.

Teach me/ show me/ help me to learn and understand all that you experience  are perhaps ways to approach and enter into their world and it will touch and broaden ours.

The Black Dog

http://faithsmessenger.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/depression.jpg

Depression.

A Buzz word that the very sad death of the actor Robin Williams has perhaps highlighted.

Depression.

I am no expert. I have however, like many, many who walk this road of life, loved someone who has and is depressed. 

It is a path that is broken and painful. As it is a struggle for the person who is depressed, so it is painful and testing for those who watch. It is scary. It is lonely, It is real, it is sometimes for all of this life.

To begin at the beginning...... there are a variety of reasons why someone may become depressed and of course there are many different varieties of depression. 

I would like this blog post to express and hold out some things about depression that are real and in so doing, as I always hope to do, help someone out there.

Depression is mostly as a result of some kind of chemical imbalance and because of this there is help to be found in medication. The right doctor and the right medication is the tricky bit,

But, having said that there is real help available.

Perhaps a person might also need some council along with they meds. These two would go hand in hand. 

The question of what role a persons spiritual reality plays in walking and living with the reality of depression is a valid one. 

http://sermons2.redeemer.com/sermons/wounded-spirit

and

http://www.desiringgod.org/books/when-the-darkness-will-not-lift

These are two helpful resources for the christian who is struggling with depression. 

God is in the mess with us. He is at work in us and though our real struggles he brings glory to himself. He is our very help in time of need and to a Christian struggling depression , a very real hope. Having said that, I was invited to a talk by a psychiatrist , a Christian, on depression and one of the key points he made stuck with me. He shared that a depressed person often feels and experiences God as remote and far off and therefore struggles in his / her faith walk. 

I was challenged that we who are well, need to be there for those who are ill.

I would also like to share here, that I think some Christan talk on how to live with depression is unhelpful. The kind that seems to suggest that the person just needs to "try" harder and have more trusting faith. The kind of talk that suggests that the person just needs to sort themselves out. 

If a person had a broken leg would we dare to say such hollow things?

and yet, when it comes to things of the mind...... we approach these  with a really weird and warped theology.

It is not wrong to want healing and to ask for it. But it is God's will and perfect purpose in our lives if he would grant it. It is his gift to give and he does so freely and willingly , not depending on how much faith I may or may not have. 

Depression. It is sadly a real part of this fallen world. What I do know is that one day, all those who struggle with it that are born again, will rise to a new reality - one that is depression free and full of life with him who has called you.

Let us who are well in mind help those who struggle by carrying their real burden with them.

Let us keep loving and talking about depression.

------for all those who walk this road and struggle with The Black Dog, I salute you. And for all those who patiently walk alongside them - Gods hands and feet.